WHEREIN IS RELATED THE STRANGE AND UNDREAMED-OF ADVENTURE
OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA, ALIAS THE COUNTESS TRIFALDI,
TOGETHER WITH A LETTER WHICH SANCHO PANZA WROTE TO HIS
WIFE, TERESA PANZA
The Duke's majordomo had played the part of Merlin, and he it was who
induced a page to appear as Dulcinea. This majordomo was a fellow full
of pranks and good humor, and it was he who had written the verses he
recited, too. To him the Duke now turned, and they contrived together
another amusing scheme.
The next day Sancho was asked by the Duchess how many lashes he had
given himself; and he replied meekly that he had commenced with five.
After a moment's inquisition, however, the squire admitted that it had
not been with lashes but slaps that he had done penance. The Duchess
said she was certain that the sage Merlin would not tolerate any such
false pretense. She suggested that he make a scourge with claws or
knotted cords so that he would be sure to feel what he was doing to
himself, and when the Duchess offered to bring him such a scourge in
the morning, he had to promise to accept it. Then he told her that he
had written a letter to his wife, Teresa Panza, in the governor style;
and begged her to read it, which she did. The Duchess derived so much
amusement from it that she hastened to show it to the Duke. And when
Sancho was asked whether he had written the letter himself, he said
that he only dictated it, since he could neither read nor write.
After dinner the Duke and the Duchess were sitting in the garden
talking with Don Quixote and Sancho, when suddenly there was heard the
sound of a deep doleful voice. They all turned quickly to see who was
speaking, and there they saw approaching them a man with a snow-white
beard that reached almost to the ground. He said he was Trifaldin, of
the White Beard, squire to the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called the
Distressed Duenna, and that he had come in search of the valiant
knight Don Quixote who he had heard was visiting at the castle. His
mistress, he said, in order to find this knight had traveled all the
way from the kingdom of Kandy without breaking her fast, and now he
begged that Don Quixote would receive the lady, that she herself might
tell him her misfortunes.
Don Quixote at once bade the squire go and fetch the Countess; at the
same time he uttered a desire to the Duke that the confessor who did
not believe in knights errant might have been present to see how
appreciated and famed his achievements had become throughout the
world.
CHAPTERS XXXVII-XXXIX
WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED
DUENNA, INCLUDING HER MARVELOUS AND MEMORABLE TALE OF
MISFORTUNE
The Countess soon arrived, escorted by twelve duennas, who formed a
lane through which she passed into the Duke's presence. On seeing so
distinguished a guest, he went to receive her with all the honors due
to her rank. When she had curtsied, she asked the Duke if it were true
that the famous Don Quixote of La Mancha was present in the company.
The import of her question was heightened by the way she expressed it,
for these were her words spoken in a deep and coarse voice: "Are there
present here that knight immaculatissimus, Don Quixote de la
Manchissima, and his squirissimus Panza?"
Before Don Quixote or any one else had had an opportunity to reply,
Sancho opened his mouth and burst out: "The Panza is here, and Don
Quixottissimus too; and so, most distressedest Duennissima, you may
say what you willissimus, for we are all readissimus to do you any
servissimus."
Then Don Quixote stepped forward and begged the duenna to give him an
account of her distress that he might know how to relieve it. The
duenna became emotional almost beyond bounds. She thrust herself
before Don Quixote and embraced his legs, imploring his and his
squire's help, and then began to tell her story of misery.
All the while the Duke and the Duchess were in paroxysms of laughter,
so well did the duenna act her part. And their enjoyment was further
heightened by the remarks and questions that Sancho interspersed here
and there, always at the wrong moment and much to his master's
chagrin.
The weeping duenna went on to tell how she had been the ranking duenna
at the court of the dowager-queen of Kandy; how she had been entrusted
with the care and the bringing up of the Princess Antonomasia, the
young heiress of the kingdom, and how she had permitted a young
gentleman at the court, who was enamored of the Princess, to gain her
favor in such a degree that marriage followed. The young Don had
captivated both the Princess and the duenna with his accomplishments,
for not only did he play the guitar and write poetry, and dance, but
he could as well make bird-cages. But when the Queen learned of her
daughter's marriage to one so much beneath her in rank, her heart
broke in twain and she collapsed and was buried in three days, the
duenna declared, tears streaming down her face all the while.
Sancho was curious at once, and wanted to have a doubt settled. "She
died, no doubt?" he asked; and the duenna assured him that they did
not bury the living in Kandy, only the dead. But Sancho thought it was
a very stupid thing for the Old Queen to go and die thus; he said he
could see no reason why she should have taken the whole thing so to
heart, for the Princess might have married a page. That, in Sancho's
opinion, might have been an excuse for dying; but the Don was such an
accomplished man, and a gentleman at that, who could even make
bird-cages. Dying was too absurd!
Then the duenna resumed, and now came the worst of her story. She told
how the two lovers, upon the Queen's death, had become enchanted by
the giant Malambruno, the Queen's first cousin, who had sworn that
they would not regain their right shapes until the famous and valiant
knight of La Mancha had met him in single combat. Having sentenced
them thus, he summoned all the duennas in the castle, charging them
with the responsibility of the evil match, and saying that since he
did not wish them to suffer death, he would punish them in some other
way. Scarcely had the giant uttered these words before their faces
began to sting, their pores opened, and when the duennas put their
hands to their faces, they felt themselves punished in a most
horrifying manner.
Here the thirteen duennas raised their veils, and the Duke and his
company were amazed to see that all the women were bearded. The
Distressed Duenna raised a wail, and assured those present that had it
not been that she had cried so much that she had no tears left, she
would now shed them copiously, and she exclaimed: "Where, I ask, can a
duenna with a beard go? What father or mother will pity her? Who will
help her? For, if even when she has a smooth skin and a face tortured
by a thousand kinds of cosmetics, she can hardly get anybody to love
her, what will she do when she shows a countenance turned into a
thicket? O duennas! It was an unlucky moment when we were born and
when our fathers begot us!"
As the unhappy duenna spoke these words, it seemed as if she were
about to faint. With a deep and distressing moan, she covered her face
with her hands.