rooms. The Empress seeing her passing along the Yaousa bridge, sent her
word that she would dispense with her attendance on me, and that she
might return to her own house. Her Imperial Majesty took it ill that, as
a widow, she should have gone out so soon. The same day she named M.
Alexander Ivanovitch Schouvaloff to discharge the duties of the late M.
Tchoglokoff in the Grand Duke's court. Now this M. Schouvaloff, not so
much on his own account as from the place he held, was the terror of the
court, the city, and the whole empire. He was the chief of the tribunal
of the state inquisition, which was then called the Secret Chancery. His
functions, it was said, had given him a sort of convulsive movement,
which seized the whole of the right side of his face from the eye to the
jaw, whenever he was affected either with joy, anger, fear, or anxiety.
It was astonishing that such a man, with so hideous a grimace, should
ever have been chosen for a post which placed him continually in the
presence of a pregnant young woman. Had I been delivered of an infant
having that same wretched twitch, I think the Empress would have been
greatly vexed, and this might have happened, seeing him as I did
constantly, never with my own wish, and, for the greater part of the
time, with a shudder of involuntary repugnance, on account of his
personal appearance, his connections, and his office, by which, as may
easily be imagined, the pleasure of his society was not likely to be
augmented. But this was only a beginning of the "good times" they were
preparing for us, and especially for me. The next morning I was informed
that the Empress was going to place with me again the Countess
Roumianzoff. I knew that she was the sworn enemy of Serge Soltikoff,
that she bore no love to the Princess Gagarine, and that she had greatly
injured my mother in the estimation of the Empress. The moment I became
aware of this arrangement, I lost all patience. I wept bitterly, and
told Count Schouvaloff that if the Countess Roumianzoff was placed with
me I should look upon it as a great misfortune; that this lady had
already injured my mother, had blackened her in the eyes of the Empress,
and that now she would do the same with me; that she was feared as a
pest when she was formerly in our suite, and that there would be many
rendered miserable by the arrangement if he could not find means to
prevent it. He promised to do what he could, and tried to tranquillize
me. As, in my situation, he dreaded the effect of such excitement, he
went at once to the Empress, and on his return told me that he hoped the
Countess Roumianzoff would not be placed about my person. And, in fact,
I heard no more of the matter, and nothing was now thought of but our
departure for St. Petersburg. It was settled that we should be
twenty-nine days on the road; that is to say, that we should only travel
one post-station each day. I was frightened to death lest Serge
Soltikoff and Leon Narichkine should be left behind at Moscow; but I
know not how it was, they had the condescension to inscribe their names
in the list of our suite.
At last, on the 10th, or the 11th, we set out from the palace of Moscow.
I was in a carriage with the wife of Count Alexander Schouvaloff, the
most tiresome woman that it is possible to imagine. Madame Vladislava,
and the midwife, whom, as I was pregnant, they said I could not do
without, were with us. I was tired to death in that carriage, and did
nothing but cry. At last, the Princess Gagarine, who personally disliked
the Countess Schouvaloff, because her daughter, who was married to
Golofkine, a cousin of the Princess, made herself disagreeable to the
relatives of her husband, seized a moment when she could get near me to
say that she was working hard to make Madame Vladislava favourable to
me, as she feared, as did every one else, that the hypochondria which my
condition produced might do me harm, as well as injure my child.
Soltikoff, she said, dared not come near me, because of the restraint
and constant presence of the Schouvaloffs, both husband and wife. She
did, in fact, succeed in getting Madame Vladislava to listen to reason,
and condescend so far as to mitigate a little the state of perpetual
annoyance and restraint which gave rise to this hypochondria which I
found it impossible to control. All I wanted was the merest trifle--only
a few moments of conversation. At last she succeeded. After this tedious
journey of twenty-nine days, we reached St. Petersburg and the Summer
Palace. The Grand Duke at once re-established his concerts. This gave me
sometimes the opportunity of a little conversation; but my hypochondria
had become such that at every moment, and at every word, my eyes filled
with tears, and my mind was disturbed with apprehensions; in a word, I
could not get it out of my head that everything tended to the removal of
Serge Soltikoff.
We went to Peterhoff. I walked a great deal, but in spite of this my
melancholy followed me. In the month of August we returned to the city,
to occupy again the Summer Palace. It was a death-blow to me when I
learned that, for my accouchement, they were preparing apartments close
to, and forming part of those belonging to the Empress. Alexander
Schouvaloff took me to see them; I found two rooms, gloomy, and with
only one issue, like all those of the Summer Palace; the hangings were
of ugly crimson damask, there was scarcely any furniture, and no kind of
convenience. I saw that I should be isolated there, without any sort of
company, and thoroughly wretched. I said so to Soltikoff and to the
Princess Gagarine, who, though they bore no love to each other, had
nevertheless a point of union in their friendship for me. They saw the
matter as I did, but it was impossible to remedy it. I was to go on the
Wednesday to these apartments, which were far removed from those of the
Grand Duke. I went to bed on Tuesday evening, and in the night awoke
with labour-pains. I called Madame Vladislava, who went to fetch the
midwife. She pronounced that I was in labour. The Grand Duke, who was
sleeping in his own room, was awakened, as also Count Alexander
Schouvaloff. The latter sent word to the Empress, who was not long in
coming. It was about two o'clock in the morning. I was very ill. At
last, towards noon the next day, the 20th September, I gave birth to a
son. As soon as it was dressed the Empress called in her confessor, who
gave the child the name of Paul, after which the Empress immediately
bade the midwife take the child up and follow her. I remained on the bed
on which I had been confined. Now this bed was placed opposite a door
through which I could see the light; behind me were two large windows
which did not close properly, and on the right and left of this bed were
two doors, one of which opened into my dressing-room, and the other into
the room in which Madame Vladislava slept. As soon as the Empress left,
the Grand Duke also went away, as likewise did M. and Madame
Schouvaloff, and I saw no one again until three o'clock in the
afternoon. I had perspired a great deal, and begged Madame Vladislava to
change my linen, and put me into my own bed, but she told me that she
dared not. She sent several times to call the midwife, who, however, did
not come. I asked for something to drink, but still received the same
answer. At last, after three hours, the Countess Schouvaloff arrived,
very elaborately dressed. When she saw me lying just where she had left
me, she was very angry, and said it was enough to kill me. This was very
consolatory, certainly. I had been in tears from the time of my
delivery, pained by the neglect in which I was left, after a severe
labour; uncomfortably accommodated, lying between doors and windows,
which did not shut close, no one daring to lift me into my bed, which
was not two paces off, and to which I had not the strength to crawl.
Madame Schouvaloff departed immediately, and went, I think, to fetch the
midwife; for the latter came in about half an hour afterwards, and told
us that the Empress was so taken up with the child that she would not
let her go away for a moment. As for me no one gave me a thought. This
forgetfulness or neglect was not at all flattering. I was dying of
thirst. At last they placed me on my bed, and I did not see a living
soul for the rest of the day, nor did any one send even to ask after me.
The Grand Duke, for his part, did nothing but drink with all he could
find, and the Empress was taken up with the child. In the city and
throughout the empire the joy at this event was great. The next day I
began to feel an excruciating rheumatic pain, from the hip down the
thigh and left leg. This pain prevented me from sleeping, and this
brought on a violent fever. In spite of all this, the attentions I
received next day were just of the same character. I saw no one, and no
one inquired after me. The Grand Duke, indeed, did come into my room for
a moment, and then went away, saying, that he had not time to stop. I
did nothing but weep and moan in my bed. Nobody was in my room but
Madame Vladislava; in her heart she was sorry for me, but she had not
the power to remedy this state of things. Besides, I never liked to be
pitied nor to complain. I had too proud a spirit for that, and the very
idea of being unhappy, was insupportable to me. Hitherto I had done
whatever I could not to appear so. I might have seen Count Alexander
Schouvaloff and his wife, but they were such insipid and tiresome people
that I was always delighted when they were not present. On the third day
a messenger came from the Empress to Madame Vladislava to ask if a blue
satin mantelet which her Imperial Majesty had worn on the day of my
accouchement, had been left in my room. Madame Vladislava searched for
it everywhere in my rooms, and it was at last found in a corner of my
dressing-room, where it had not been noticed, as, since my confinement,
that room had seldom been entered. Having found it, she sent it off
immediately. This mantelet, as we afterwards learned, gave rise to a
somewhat singular occurrence. The Empress had no fixed hours either for
going to bed or getting up, for dinner, supper nor dressing. On one of
those three days she was lying, after dinner on a sofa on which she had
placed a mattress and pillows. While there, feeling cold, she asked for
this mantelet. It was sought for everywhere, but could not be found, as
it had been left in my room. The Empress then ordered that it should be
looked for under the pillows of her bed, believing that it would be
found there. The sister of Madame Krause, the Empress' favourite lady's
maid, passed her hand under the bolster of her Majesty's bed and drew it
back, saying, that there was no mantle there, but there was a packet of
hair there, or something like it, she did not know what. The Empress
immediately rose from her place, and had the mattress and the pillows
taken up, and under them was found, to their no small astonishment, a
paper in which was some hair twisted round the roots of some herbs. Upon
this her Majesty's maids, and the Empress herself, said that assuredly
it was some charm or witchcraft, and every one began guessing who it
could be that had the hardihood to place the packet under the Empress'
pillow. Suspicion lighted on one of those most in the favour of her
Imperial Majesty. She was known by the name of Anna Dmitrevna
Doumacheva. Not long since she had become a widow, and had married a
second time a valet de chambre in the service of the Empress. The
Schouvaloffs did not like this woman, who was in their way, as well by
the esteem in which she was held as by the confidence reposed in her by
the Empress ever since her youth. She was quite capable of playing them
some trick which might diminish their influence. As they were not
without their partisans, these began to view the matter in a criminal
light; to this view the Empress was of herself sufficiently disposed,
since she believed in charms and sorcery. Consequently, she gave orders
to Count Alexander Schouvaloff to have the woman arrested, together with
her husband and her two sons, one of whom was an officer of the guards,
and the other a page of the chamber to her Majesty. Her husband, two
days after his arrest, asked for a razor to shave with, and cut his
throat with it. As for the wife and her two children, they were a long
time under arrest, and she confessed that, with a view to prolong the
Empress' favour, she had made use of charms, and had on Holy Thursday
put some grains of burnt salt into a glass of Hungarian wine, which she
had presented to the Empress. The affair was concluded by banishing the
woman and her two sons to Moscow. A rumour was afterwards set afloat
that a fainting fit, which the Empress had a little time before my
accouchement, was caused by the drink which this woman had given to her.
It is certain, however, that she never gave her more than two or three
grains of burnt salt, which most assuredly could never have hurt her.
In all this there was nothing reprehensible, but the woman's rashness
and superstition.
At last the Grand Duke, growing weary of his evenings passed without my
ladies of honour, came and proposed to spend an evening in my room. At
this time he was courting the very ugliest of these ladies, Elizabeth
Voronzoff. On the sixth day my son's baptism took place. He had already
come near dying of the thrush. It was only by stealth that I could get
any account of him; for to have inquired about him would have passed for
a doubt of the Empress' care, and would have been very ill received.
Besides, she had taken him into her own room, and whenever he cried she
herself would run to him, and, through excess of care, they were
literally stifling him. He was kept in a room extremely warm, wrapped up
in flannel, and laid in a cradle, lined with black fox furs; over him
was a coverlet of quilted satin, lined with wadding, and above this one
of rose-coloured velvet, lined with black fox skins. I saw him myself,
many times afterwards, lying in this style, the perspiration running
from his face and whole body, and hence it was that, when older, the
least breath of air that reached him chilled him and made him ill.
Besides, he had in attendance on him a great number of aged matrons who,
by their ill-judged cares, and their want of common sense, did him
infinitely more harm than good, both physically and morally.
On the day of his baptism, after the ceremony, the Empress came into my
room, and brought me, on a golden salver, an order on her cabinet for
100,000 roubles. She had added to it a small casket, which I did not
open until she was gone. This money came very seasonably, for I had not
a sous, and was heavily in debt. As for the casket, when I opened it, I
was not greatly dazzled; it contained only a very poor necklace, with
ear-rings and two wretched rings, such as I should have been ashamed to
give to my maids. In the whole case there was not a jewel worth 100
roubles; neither was the taste nor workmanship any better. I said
nothing, but locked up the imperial casket. It would seem that the
meanness of the present was felt, for Count Alexander Schouvaloff was
ordered to inquire how I liked the jewel-case. I replied, that whatever
came from the hands of the Empress was always of inestimable value in my
eyes. With that compliment he went away apparently well pleased. He
returned to the charge when he saw that I never wore this beautiful
necklace, and especially those miserable ear-rings, telling me to put
them on. I said that on the Empress' fêtes I was accustomed to wear the
most beautiful things I possessed, and that this necklace and ear-rings
did not come within that category.
Four or five days after the money ordered by the Empress was brought to
me, Baron Tcherkassoff, her secretary of the cabinet, sent to beg of me,
for Heaven's sake, to lend it again to the cabinet, because the Empress
had asked for money, and there was not a sou left. I sent it back to
him, and he repaid me in the month of January. The Grand Duke having
heard of the present made me by the Empress, got into a terrible passion
because nothing had been given to him. He complained vehemently to Count
Alexander Schouvaloff. The latter told the Empress, who immediately sent
the Duke an order for a similar sum, and it was to meet this demand that
my money was borrowed. The truth is, the Schouvaloffs were very timid,
and it was by this weakness that they were to be led; but this trait had
not then been discovered.
After my son's baptism, there were fêtes, balls, illuminations, and
fireworks at court. As for me, I was all the while in bed, ill, and
suffering dreadfully from _ennui_. At last they chose the seventeenth
day after my confinement to announce to me two pieces of agreeable news
at once. First of all, that Serge Soltikoff had been selected to carry
the news of the birth of my son to Sweden; secondly, that the marriage
of the Princess Gagarine was fixed for the following week; that is to
say, in plain language, that I was about to be deprived, almost
immediately, of the two persons I most liked of all who were about me. I
buried myself more than ever in my bed, where I did nothing but grieve.
In order to be able to keep to it, I pretended an increase of the pains
in my thigh, which prevented my getting up; but the truth was, I neither
could nor would see anybody, I felt so miserable.
During my confinement, the Grand Duke had also a great affliction, for
he learned from Count Alexander Schouvaloff, that one of his old
huntsmen, named Bastien, whom the Empress a few years before had ordered
to marry Mademoiselle Schenck, my old lady's-maid, had come to give
information of his having heard, from some one or other, that Bressan
wished to give something or other to the Duke to drink. Now this Bastien
was a great scoundrel and drunkard, who from time to time used to drink
with his Imperial Highness, and having quarrelled with Bressan, whom he
supposed to stand higher in the Duke's favour than himself, thought to
do him an ill turn. The Duke was fond of them both. Bastien was sent to
the fortress; Bressan expected to be sent there also, but escaped with
nothing worse than the fright. The huntsman was banished the country,
and sent to Holstein with his wife, while Bressan retained his place
because he served as a general spy. Serge Soltikoff, after some delays,
occasioned by the usual dilatoriness of the Empress in signing papers,
at last took his departure. The Princess Gagarine, in the meanwhile, was
married at the time fixed.
When the forty days of my confinement were over, the Empress, on
occasion of the churching, came a second time into my chamber. I had
risen from my bed to receive her, but she saw that I was so weak and
exhausted, that she made me sit down during the prayers which were read
by her confessor. My child was brought into the room; it was the first
time I had seen him since his birth. I thought him very pretty, and the
sight of him raised my spirits a little; but the moment the prayers were
finished, the Empress had him carried away, and then left me. The 1st of
November was fixed by her Majesty for my receiving the customary
felicitations after the six weeks of my confinement. For this purpose,
the room next to mine was magnificently fitted up, and there, seated on
a couch of rose-colored velvet, embroidered with silver, everyone came
to kiss my hand. The Empress came also, and from my apartments she went
to the Winter Palace, and we received orders to follow her two or three
days after. We were lodged in the apartments formerly occupied by my
mother, and which properly formed a part of Yagoujisky House, and half
of Ragousinsky House; the other half being occupied by the Department of
Foreign Affairs. The Winter Palace was at this time in course of
erection near the great Square.
I passed from the Summer to the Winter Palace, with the firm resolution
of not quitting my room as long as I did not feel myself strong enough
to conquer my hypochondria. I read at this period the history of
Germany, and the Universal History of Voltaire. After these I read,
during this winter, as many Russian works as I could procure; among
others two immense volumes of Baronius, translated into Russian; next I
lit upon the Esprit des Lois of Montesquieu, after which I read the
annals of Tacitus, which caused a singular revolution in my brain, to
which, perhaps, the melancholy cast of my thoughts at this period
contributed not a little. I began to take gloomier views of things, and
to look for more hidden and interested motives in the occurrences around
me. I gathered all my strength in order to be able to go out at
Christmas, and, in fact, I was present at divine service; but while at
church I was seized with a shivering and with pains all over my body, so
that upon my return home I undressed and went to bed, my bed being
merely a pallet, which I had placed before a blocked-up door, through
which it seemed to me that no draughts could come, as in addition to a
curtain lined with woollen cloth, there was also before it a large
screen; but yet I believe it was the cause of all the colds which
afflicted me this winter. The day after Christmas, the violence of the
fever was so great that I became delirious. When I shut my eyes I saw
nothing but the ill-drawn figures of the tiles of the stove, which was
at the foot of my pallet, the room being small and narrow. As to my
bed-room, I never went into it at all, for it was very cold, as the
windows, on two sides, looked out upon the Neva, towards the east and
north. A second reason which banished me from it, was the proximity of
the Grand Duke's apartments, where all day long, and for a part of the
night, there was a noise and racket just like that of a guard-house.
Besides this, as he and all his associates smoked a great deal, the
disagreeable smoke and smell of tobacco was perceptible there. I
remained, therefore, all the winter in this poor little narrow chamber,
which had two windows and a pier between them, so that, in all, the area
may have been seven or eight archines in length, by four in breadth,
with three doors.
1755.
Thus commenced the year 1755. From Christmas-day to Lent there was
nothing but fêtes in the city and the court. It was still, in every
case, in honour of the birth of my son that they were given. Every one
in turn vied with his neighbour--all eager to give the most splendid
dinners, balls, masquerades, illuminations, and fireworks. Under the
plea of illness, I did not assist at any of them.
Towards the end of Lent, Serge Soltikoff returned from Sweden. During
his absence, the High Chancellor, Count Bestoujeff, sent me all the news
he received of him, as well as the despatches of Count Panine, at that
time Envoy of Russia to the Swedish Court. They reached me through
Madame Vladislava, who received them from her step-son, chief clerk to
the High Chancellor, and I sent them back by the same way. I further
learned by the same channel, that it was decided that on his return
Soltikoff should be sent to Hamburg as resident minister of Russia, in
place of Prince Alexander Galitzine, who was appointed to the army. This
new arrangement did not diminish my sadness.