_THE_ FABLE _OF THE_ BASE BALL FAN _WHO_ TOOK _THE_ ONLY KNOWN CURE
Once upon a Time a Base Ball Fan lay on his Death-Bed.
He had been a Rooter from the days of Underhand Pitching.
It was simply Pie for him to tell in what year Anse began to play with
the Rockfords and what Kelly's Batting Average was the Year he sold for
Ten Thousand.
If you asked him who played Center for Boston in 1886 he could tell you
quick--right off the Reel. And he was a walking Directory of all the
Glass Arms in the Universe.
More than once he had let drive with a Pop Bottle at the Umpire and then
yelled "Robber" until his Pipes gave out. For many Summers he would come
Home, one Evening after Another, with his Collar melted, and tell his
Wife that the Giants made the Colts look like a lot of Colonial Dames
playing Bean Bag in a Weedy Lot back of an Orphan Asylum, and they ought
to put a Trained Nurse on Third, and the Dummy at Right needed an
Automobile, and the New Man couldn't jump out of a Boat and hit the
Water, and the Short-Stop wouldn't be able to pick up a Ball if it was
handed to him on a Platter with Water Cress around it, and the Easy One
to Third that ought to have been Sponge Cake was fielded like a
One-Legged Man with St. Vitus dance trying to do the Nashville Salute.
[Illustration: THE FAN]
Of course she never knew what he was Talking about, but she put up with
it, Year after Year, mixing Throat Gargle for him and reading the Games
to him when he was having his Eyes tested and had to wear a Green Shade.
At last he came to his Ninth Inning and there were Two Strikes called
and no Balls, and his Friends knew it was All Day with him. They stood
around and tried to forget that he was a Fan. His Wife wept softly and
consoled herself with the Thought that possibly he would have amounted
to Something if there had been no National Game. She forgave Everything
and pleaded for one Final Message. His Lips moved. She leaned over and
Listened. He wanted to know if there was Anything in the Morning Papers
about the Condition of Bill Lange's Knee.