I lately received a visit from the little beau, who I found had
assumed a new flow of spirits with a new suit of clothes. Our
discourse happened to turn upon the different treatment of the fair
sex here and in Asia, with the influence of beauty in refining our
manners and improving our conversation.
I soon perceived he was strongly prejudiced in favour of the Asiatic
method of treating the sex, and that it was impossible to persuade
him, but that a man was happier who had four wives at his command,
than he who had only one. "It is true," cries he, "your men of fashion
in the East are slaves, and under some terrors of having their throats
squeezed by a bow-string; but what then? they can find ample
consolation in a seraglio; they make indeed an indifferent figure in
conversation abroad, but then they have a seraglio to console them at
home. I am told they have no balls, drums, nor operas, but then they
have got a seraglio; they may be deprived of wine and French cookery,
but they have a seraglio; a seraglio, a seraglio, my dear creature,
wipes off every inconvenience in the world.
"Besides, I am told, your Asiatic beauties are the most convenient
women alive, for they have no souls; positively there is nothing in
Nature I should like so much as ladies without souls; soul here is the
utter ruin of half the sex. A girl of eighteen shall have soul enough
to spend an hundred pounds in the turning of a trump. Her mother shall
have soul enough to ride a sweepstake match at a horse-race; her
maiden aunt shall have soul enough to purchase the furniture of a
whole toyshop, and others shall have soul enough to behave as if they
had no souls at all."
"With respect to the soul," interrupted I, "the Asiatics are much
kinder to the fair sex than you imagine; instead of one soul, Fohi the
idol of China gives every woman three, the Bramins give them fifteen;
and even Mahomet himself no where excludes the sex from Paradise.
Abul-feda reports, that an old woman one day importuning him to know
what she ought to do in order to gain Paradise? 'My good lady,'
answered the prophet, 'old women never get there.'--'What, never get
to Paradise!' returned the matron, in a fury. 'Never,' says he, 'for
they always grow young by the way.'
"No, sir," continued I, "the men of Asia behave with more deference to
the sex than you seem to imagine. As you of Europe say grace, upon
sitting down to dinner, so it is the custom in China to say grace,
when a man goes to bed to his wife." "And may I die," returned my
companion, "but a very pretty ceremony; for seriously, sir, I see no
reason why a man should not be as grateful in one situation as in the
other. Upon honour, I always find myself much more disposed to
gratitude, on the couch of a fine woman, than upon sitting down to a
surloin of beef."
"Another ceremony," said I, resuming the conversation, "in favour of
the sex amongst us, is the bride's being allowed, after marriage, her
three days of freedom. During this interval a thousand extravagancies
are practised by either sex. The lady is placed upon the nuptial bed,
and numberless monkey tricks are played round to divert her. One
gentleman smells her perfumed handkerchief, another attempts to untie
her garters, a third pulls off her shoe to play hunt the slipper,
another pretends to be an idiot, and endeavours to raise a laugh by
grimacing; in the mean time, the glass goes briskly about, till
ladies, gentlemen, wife, husband, and all are mixed together in one
inundation of arrack punch."
"Strike me dumb, deaf, and blind," cried my companion, "but very
pretty; there is some sense in your Chinese ladies' condescension; but
among us, you shall scarcely find one of the whole sex that shall hold
her good humour for three days together. No later than yesterday I
happened to say some civil things to a citizen's wife of my
acquaintance, not because I loved, but because I had charity; and what
do you think was the tender creature's reply? Only that she detested
my pigtail wig, high-heeled shoes, and sallow complexion. That is all.
Nothing more! Yes, by the heavens, though she was more ugly than an
unpainted actress, I found her more insolent than a thorough-bred
woman of quality."
He was proceeding in this wild manner, when his invective was
interrupted, by the man in black, who entered the apartment,
introducing his niece, a young lady of exquisite beauty. Her very
appearance was sufficient to silence the severest satyrist of the sex;
easy without pride, and free without impudence, she seemed capable of
supplying every sense with pleasure; her looks, her conversation were
natural and unconstrained; she had neither been taught to languish nor
ogle, to laugh without a jest, or sigh without sorrow. I found that
she had just returned from abroad, and had been conversant in the
manners of the world. Curiosity prompted me to ask several questions,
but she declined them all. I own I never found myself so strongly
prejudiced in favour of apparent merit before; and could willingly
have prolonged our conversation, but the company after some time
withdrew. Just, however, before the little beau took his leave, he
called me aside, and requested I would change him a twenty pound bill,
which as I was incapable of doing, he was contented with borrowing
half a crown.
_Goldsmith._