["I never took anybody's umbrella."--_Plaintiff (a Cook) in a
recent Breach of Promise Case._]
Common are Cooks, professed, plain alike
And common, youths their sustenance who feed on,
Common (I'm told) a breach of promise suit,
And common, damages, in courts agreed on;
Common are briefs as blackberries; and fees
Are common quite as "leather and prunella";
Common are "unprotected" witnesses
("_Credat_"--as HORACE somewhere sings--"_Apella_!")
But most uncommon seems a lowly Cook
Who with sincerity can kiss the book
And swear (to shame her betters!) ne'er she took
By sad "mistake or otherwise," by hook;
Or, as will eventuate, by crook,
Be it silk or gingham--any one's umbrella!
* * * * *
MRS. RAM ON CURRENT POLITICS.--"Politics," says Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM, "is
one of the few things I know nothing about. But it does seem to me
that Lord GRANDOLPH CHURCHILL is a white elephant tied round the neck
of Lord SALISBURY."
* * * * *
"HEAVENS!"--Recently in the _Athenæum_, and copied elsewhere, appeared
the most interesting intelligence that has been received on earth for
some time. "The small planet No. 315"--no further address is given, an
omission which will, no doubt, be rectified in the next issue--"which
was discovered at Nice by M. CHARLOIS on the 4th September,
1891,"--the small planet, of course, not being out of the nurse's
arms, was not responsible for being at Nice at an unfashionable time,
but this, of course, is the fault of her parents and guardians--"has
been named Constantia." Rather late to delay the christening for
nearly five months. Of course, the brilliant infant will not stay at
Nice, except by medical advice, but will probably return to No. 315,
Milky Way (or elsewhere), on the first opportunity. _Sic itur ad
astra_!
* * * * *
"A STUDENT OF HISTORY" writes to us:--"Sir--I have been reading a
great deal lately on ecclesiastical subjects, and shall be very much
obliged if you will explain to me briefly what 'Inclosed Orders'
are." [If "A STUDENT" will send us, under cover to our office, two
P.O. Orders for two pounds ten shillings each respectively, further
explanation than that conveyed by our receipt for the same will be
unnecessary.--ED.]
* * * * *