_Swell_ (_to ingenuous Maiden_). "ARE YOU ENGAGED?"
_Ingenuous Maiden._ "NO--BUT--I SHOULD SO LIKE TO BE!"
[_And, as the old game has it, the consequences were ----!_]
* * * * *
"COME HITHER, HUBERT!"
We are able to present our readers with a few notes of a lecture to
be given by Professor HUBERT HERKOMER, R.A. (by the kind permission
of AUTHOR PINERO, Esq.), to all managers, actors, actresses,
scene-painters, authors, composers, musicians, costumiers, and
wig-makers who will honour him with their attention. On this occasion
the Professor will (among other things) explain, by the aid of a Magic
Lantern (an entirely new invention recently discovered by Professor
H.H.) how to enlighten the stage darkness generally. The Professor
will also combat the erroneous impression derived from the dark ages
of SHAKSPEARE's time, that the Moon, or the Man in it,--probably a
lime-lighterman,--ought servilely to follow the movements, in order to
throw light upon them, of the Principal Performer. The Professor will
observe--"Such a course, on the part of the Direction of the Moon,
can only be considered beneficial to Art, when it is directed against
'The Star System.' As each theatrical Star has its own particular
brilliancy, why lug in the Moon? SHAKSPEARE, no doubt, had the Stage
Moon in full view when he makes _Juliet_ roundly exclaim, 'Oh, swear
not by the Moon, the inconstant Moon!' as, of course, a Moon bound
to illuminate the business of any one actor must follow him about,
and so, though 'constant' to _him_ individually, would be open to a
general charge of inconstancy from the spectators in front. Such a
course for the Moon to take is, as some of the better instructed among
you may possibly be aware, quite unwarranted by the lunar laws of
Nature, &c., &c."
This interesting entertainment will wind up with a dialogue between
_Arthur_ (JONES) and _Hubert_ (HERKOMER), of which we give an extract.
It represents _Arthur_ as wishing to produce a piece, which _Hubert_
forewarns him will be a failure unless he (HUBERT) paints the scenery
and manages it generally.
_Arthur._ Is there no remedy?
_Hubert._ None, but to use _my_ eyes.
_Arthur._ O HUBERT! If you will, cut down my 'lengths.'
And I'll be merry as the day is long,
So you don't interfere. You've other irons
Hot in the fire.
_Hubert_ (_aside_). With his innocent prate
He will awake my mercy which lies dead.
(_Aloud._) Read this, young ARTHUR!
[_Gives him a Manuscript._
_Arthur_ (_opens it. Starts_). What! a play by YOU!
To be produced by _me_! O HUBERT!! [_Faints._
We regret that want of space prevents our giving any more of this
charming work at present, but no doubt it will not be long ere the
Public has the gratification of hearing and seeing it all.
* * * * *