conference, as above, on Wednesday morning, and how good he has been
ever since, that I thought I would go no further; for I was a little
ashamed to be so very open on that tender and most grateful subject;
though his great goodness to me deserves all the acknowledgments I can
possibly make.
And when I had looked these out, I carried them down myself into the
parlour to him; and said, putting them into his hands, Your allowances,
good sir, as heretofore; and if I have been too open and free in my
reflections or declarations, let my fears on one side, and my sincerity
on the other, be my excuse. You are very obliging, my good girl, said
he. You have nothing to apprehend from my thoughts, any more than from
my actions.
So I went up, and wrote the letter to you, briefly acquainting you with
my present happiness, and my master’s goodness, and expressing the
gratitude of heart, which I owe to the kindest gentleman in the world,
and assuring you, that I should soon have the pleasure of sending back
to you, not only those papers, but all that succeeded them to this
time, as I know you delight to amuse yourself in your leisure hours
with my scribble: And I said, carrying it down to my master, before I
sealed it, Will you please, sir, to take the trouble of reading what I
write to my dear parents? Thank you, Pamela, said he, and set me on his
knee, while he read it; and seemed much pleased with it; and giving it
me again, You are very happy, said he, my beloved girl, in your style
and expressions: and the affectionate things you say of me are
inexpressibly obliging; and again, with this kiss, said he, do I
confirm for truth all that you have promised for my intentions in this
letter.—O what halcyon days are these! God continue them!—A change
would kill me quite.
He went out in his chariot in the afternoon; and in the evening
returned, and sent me word, he would be glad of my company for a little
walk in the garden; and down I went that very moment.
He came to meet me. So, says he, how does my dear girl do now?—Whom do
you think I have seen since I have been out?—I don’t know, sir, said I.
Why, said he, there is a turning in the road, about five miles off,
that goes round a meadow, that has a pleasant foot-way, by the side of
a little brook, and a double row of limes on each side, where now and
then the gentry in the neighbourhood walk, and angle, and divert
themselves.—I’ll shew it you next opportunity.—And I stept out of my
chariot, to walk across this meadow, and bid Robin meet me with it on
the further part of it: And whom should I ‘spy there, walking, with a
book in his hand, reading, but your humble servant Mr. Williams! Don’t
blush, Pamela, said he. As his back was towards me, I thought I would
speak to the man: and, before he saw me, I said, How do you, old
acquaintance? (for, said he, you know we were of one college for a
twelvemonth.) I thought the man would have jumped into the brook, he
gave such a start at hearing my voice, and seeing me.
Poor man! said I. Ay, said he, but not too much of your poor man, in
that soft accent, neither, Pamela.—Said I, I am sorry my voice is so
startling to you, Mr. Williams. What are you reading? Sir, said he, and
stammered with the surprise, it is the French Telemachus; for I am
about perfecting myself, if I can, in the French tongue.—Thought I, I
had rather so, than perfecting my Pamela in it.—You do well, replied
I.—Don’t you think that yonder cloud may give us a small shower? and it
did a little begin to wet.—He said, he believed not much.
If, said I, you are for the village, I’ll give you a cast; for I shall
call at Sir Simon’s in my return from the little round I am taking. He
asked me if it was not too great a favour?—No, said I, don’t talk of
that; let us walk to the further opening there, and we shall meet my
chariot.
So, Pamela, continued my master, we fell into conversation as we
walked. He said he was very sorry he had incurred my displeasure; and
the more, as he had been told, by Lady Jones, who had it from Sir
Simon’s family, that I had a more honourable view than at first was
apprehended. I said, We fellows of fortune, Mr. Williams, take
sometimes a little more liberty with the world than we ought to do;
wantoning, very probably, as you contemplative folks would say, in the
sunbeams of a dangerous affluence; and cannot think of confining
ourselves to the common paths, though the safest and most eligible,
after all. And you may believe I could not very well like to be
supplanted in a view that lay next my heart; and that by an old
acquaintance, whose good, before this affair, I was studious to
promote.
I would only say, sir, said he, that my first motive was entirely such
as became my function: And, very politely, said my master, he added,
And I am very sure, that however inexcusable I might seem in the
progress of the matter, yourself, sir, would have been sorry to have it
said, you had cast your thoughts on a person, that nobody could have
wished for but yourself.
Well, Mr. Williams, said I, I see you are a man of gallantry, as well
as religion: But what I took most amiss was, that, if you thought me
doing a wrong thing, you did not expostulate with me upon it, as your
function might have allowed you to do; but immediately determined to
counterplot me, and attempt to secure to yourself a prize you would
have robbed me of, and that from my own house. But the matter is at an
end, and I retain not any malice upon it; though you did not know but I
might, at last, do honourably by her, as I actually intend.
I am sorry for myself, sir, said he, that I should so unhappily incur
your displeasure; but I rejoice for her sake in your honourable
intentions: give me leave only to say, that if you make Miss Andrews
your lady, she will do credit to your choice with every body that sees
her, or comes to know her; and, for person and mind both, you may
challenge the county.
In this manner, said my master, did the parson and I confabulate; and I
set him down at his lodgings in the village. But he kept your secret,
Pamela; and would not own, that you gave any encouragement to his
addresses.
Indeed, sir, said I, he could not say that I did; and I hope you
believe me. I do, I do, said he: but ’tis still my opinion, that if,
when I saw plots set up against my plots, I had not discovered the
parson as I did, the correspondence between you might have gone to a
length that would have put our present situation out of both our
powers.
Sir, said I, when you consider, that my utmost presumption could not
make me hope for the honour you now seem to design me; that I was so
hardly used, and had no prospect before me but dishonour, you will
allow that I should have seemed very little in earnest in my
professions of honesty, if I had not endeavoured to get away: but yet I
resolved not to think of marriage; for I never saw the man I could
love, till your goodness emboldened me to look up to you.
I should, my dear Pamela, said he, make a very ill compliment to my
vanity, if I did not believe you; though, at the same time, justice
calls upon me to say, that it is, some things considered, beyond my
merit.
There was a sweet, noble expression for your poor daughter, my dear
father and mother!—And from my master too!
I was glad to hear this account of the interview between Mr. Williams
and himself; but I dared not to say so. I hope in time he will be
reinstated in his good graces.
He was so good as to tell me, he had given orders for the chapel to be
cleared. O how I look forward with inward joy, yet with fear and
trembling!
Friday.
About twelve o’clock came Sir Simon, and his lady and two daughters;
and Lady Jones, and a sister-in-law of hers; and Mr. Peters, and his
spouse and niece. Mrs. Jewkes, who is more and more obliging, was much
concerned I was not dressed in some of my best clothes, and made me
many compliments.
They all went into the garden for a walk, before dinner; and, I
understood, were so impatient to see me, that my master took them into
the largest alcove, after they had walked two or three turns, and stept
himself to me. Come, my Pamela, said he, the ladies can’t be satisfied
without seeing you, and I desire you’ll come. I said, I was ashamed;
but I would obey him. Said he, The two young ladies are dressed out in
their best attire; but they make not such an appearance as my charming
girl in this ordinary garb.—Sir, said I, shan’t I follow you thither?
For I can’t bear you should do me so much honour. Well, said he, I’ll
go before you. And he bid Mrs. Jewkes bring a bottle of sack, and some
cake. So he went down to them.
This alcove fronts the longest gravel-walk in the garden, so that they
saw me all the way I came, for a good way: and my master told me
afterwards, with pleasure, all they said of me.
Will you forgive the little vain slut, your daughter, if I tell you
all, as he was pleased to tell me? He said, ‘spying me first, Look,
there, ladies, comes my pretty rustic!—They all, I saw, which dashed
me, stood at the windows, and in the door-way, looking full at me.
My master told me, that Lady Jones said, She is a charming creature, I
see that, at this distance. And Sir Simon, it seems, who has been a sad
rake in his younger days, swore he never saw so easy an air, so fine a
shape, and so graceful a presence.—The Lady Darnford said, I was a
sweet girl. And Mrs. Peters said very handsome things. Even the parson
said, I should be the pride of the county. O, dear sirs! all this was
owing to the light my good master’s favour placed me in, which made me
shine out in their eyes beyond my deserts. He said the young ladies
blushed, and envied me.
When I came near, he saw me in a little confusion, and was so kind as
to meet me: Give me your hand, said he, my poor girl; you walk too
fast, (for, indeed, I wanted to be out of their gazing). I did so, with
a courtesy, and he led me up the steps of the alcove, and, in a most
gentleman-like manner, presented me to the ladies, and they all saluted
me, and said, They hoped to be better acquainted with me: and Lady
Darnford was pleased to say, I should be the flower of their
neighbourhood. Sir Simon said, Good neighbour, by your leave; and
saluting me, added, Now will I say, that I have kissed the loveliest
maiden in England. But, for all this, methought I owed him a grudge for
a tell-tale, though all had turned out so happily. Mr. Peters very
gravely followed his example, and said, like a bishop, God bless you,
fair excellence! said Lady Jones, Pray, dear madam, sit down by me: and
they all sat down: But I said, I would stand, if they pleased. No,
Pamela, said my master: pray sit down with these good ladies, my
neighbours:—They will indulge it to you, for my sake, till they know
you better; and for your own, when they are acquainted with you. Sir,
said I, I shall be proud to deserve their indulgence.
They all so gazed at me, that I could not look up; for I think it is
one of the distinctions of persons of condition, and well-bred people,
to put bashful bodies out of countenance. Well, Sir Simon, said my
master, what say you now to my pretty rustic?—He swore a great oath,
that he should better know what to say to me if he was as young as
himself. Lady Darnford said, You will never leave, Sir Simon.
Said my master, You are a little confused, my good girl, and out of
breath; but I have told all my kind neighbours here a good deal of your
story, and your excellence. Yes, said Lady Darnford, my dear neighbour,
as I will call you; we that are here present have all heard of your
uncommon story. Madam, said I, you have then heard what must make your
kind allowance for me very necessary. No, said Mrs. Peters, we have
heard what will always make you valued as an honour to our sex, and as
a worthy pattern for all the young ladies in the county. You are very
good, madam, said I, to make me able to look up, and to be thankful for
the honour you are pleased to do me.
Mrs. Jewkes came in with the canary, brought by Nan, to the alcove, and
some cakes on a silver salver; and I said, Mrs. Jewkes, let me be your
assistant; I will serve the ladies with the cake. And so I took the
salver, and went round to the good company with it, ending with my
master. The Lady Jones said, She never was served with such a grace,
and it was giving me too much trouble. O, madam, said I, I hope my good
master’s favour will never make me forget, that it is my duty to wait
upon his friends. Master, sweet one! said Sir Simon, I hope you won’t
always call Mr. B—— by that name, for fear it should become a fashion
for all our ladies to do the like through the county. I, sir, said I,
shall have many reasons to continue this style, which cannot affect
your good ladies.
Sir Simon, said Lady Jones, you are very arch upon us but I see very
well, that it will be the interest of all the gentlemen, to bring their
ladies into an intimacy with one that can give them such a good
example. I am sure then, madam, said I, it must be after I have been
polished and improved by the honour of such an example as yours.
They all were very good and affable; and the young Lady Darnford, who
had wished to see me in this dress, said, I beg your pardon, dear miss,
as she called me; but I had heard how sweetly this garb became you, and
was told the history of it; and I begged it, as a favour, that you
might oblige us with your appearance in it. I am much obliged to your
ladyship, said I, that your kind prescription was so agreeable to my
choice. Why, said she, was it your choice then?—I am glad of that:
though I am sure your person must give, and not take, ornament from any
dress.
You are very kind, madam, said I: but there will be the less reason to
fear I should forget the high obligations I should have to the kindest
of gentlemen, when I can delight to shew the humble degree from which
his goodness had raised me.—My dear Pamela, said my master, if you
proceed at this rate, I must insist upon your first seven days. You
know what I mean. Sir, said I, you are all goodness!
They drank a glass of sack each, and Sir Simon would make me do so too,
saying, It will be a reflection, madam, upon all the ladies, if you
don’t do as they. No, Sir Simon, said I, that can’t be, because the
ladies’ journey hither makes a glass of canary a proper cordial for
them: but I won’t refuse; because I will do myself the honour of
drinking good health to you, and to all this worthy company.
Said good Lady Darnford, to my master, I hope, sir, we shall have Mrs.
Andrews’s company at table. He said, very obligingly, Madam, it is her
time now; and I will leave it to her choice. If the good ladies, then,
will forgive me, sir, said I, I had rather be excused. They all said, I
must not be excused. I begged I might. Your reason for it, my dear
Pamela? said my master: since the ladies request it, I wish you would
oblige them. Sir, replied I, your goodness will make me, every day,
worthier of the honour the ladies do me; and when I can persuade myself
that I am more worthy of it than at present, I shall with great joy
embrace all the opportunities they will be pleased to give me.
Mrs. Peters whispered Lady Jones, as my master told me afterwards; Did
you ever see such excellence, such prudence, and discretion? Never in
my life, said the other good lady. She will adorn, she was pleased to
say, her distinction. Ay, says Mrs. Peters, she would adorn any station
in life.
My good master was highly delighted, generous gentleman as he is! with
the favourable opinion of the ladies; and I took the more pleasure in
it, because their favour seemed to lessen the disgrace of his stooping
so much beneath himself.
Lady Darnford said, We will not oppress you; though we could almost
blame your too punctilious exactness: but if we excuse Miss Andrews
from dinner, we must insist upon her company at the card-table, and at
a dish of tea; for we intend to pass the whole day with you, sir, as we
told you. What say you to that, Pamela, said my master. Sir, replied I,
whatever you and the ladies please, I will cheerfully do. They said, I
was very obliging. But Sir Simon rapt out an oath, and said, That they
might dine together, if they would; but he would dine with me, and
nobody else: for, said he, I say, sir, as Parson Williams said, (by
which I found my master had told them the story,) You must not think
you have chosen one that nobody can like but yourself.
The young ladies said, If I pleased they would take a turn about the
garden with me. I answered, I would very gladly attend them; and so we
three, and Lady Jones’s sister-in-law, and Mr. Peters’s niece, walked
together. They were very affable, kind, and obliging; and we soon
entered into a good deal of familiarity; and I found Miss Darnford a
very agreeable person. Her sister was a little more on the reserve; and
I afterwards heard, that, about a year before, she would fain have had
my master make his addresses to her: but though Sir Simon is reckoned
rich, she was not thought sufficient fortune for him. And now, to have
him look down so low as me, must be a sort of mortification to a poor
young lady!—And I pitied her.—Indeed I did!—I wish all young persons of
my sex could be as happy as I am like to be.
My master told me afterwards, that I left the other ladies, and Sir
Simon and Mr. Peters, full of my praises: so that they could hardly
talk of any thing else; one launching out upon my complexion, another
upon my eyes, my hand, and, in short, for you’ll think me sadly proud,
upon my whole person and behaviour; and they all magnified my readiness
and obligingness in my answers, and the like: And I was glad of it, as
I said, for my good master’s sake, who seemed quite pleased and
rejoiced. God bless him for his goodness to me!
Dinner not being ready, the young ladies proposed a tune upon the
spinnet. I said, I believed it was not in tune. They said, they knew it
was but a few months ago. If it is, said I, I wish I had known it;
though indeed, ladies, added I, since you know my story, I must own,
that my mind has not been long in tune, to make use of it. So they
would make me play upon it, and sing to it; which I did, a song my dear
good lady made me learn, and used to be pleased with, and which she
brought with her from Bath: and the ladies were much taken with the
song, and were so kind as to approve my performance: And Miss Darnford
was pleased to compliment me, that I had all the accomplishments of my
sex. I said, I had had a good lady, in my master’s mother, who had
spared no pains nor cost to improve me. She said, she wished Mr. B——
could be prevailed upon to give a ball on an approaching happy
occasion, that we might have a dancing-match, etc.—But I can’t say I
do; though I did not say so: for these occasions, I think, are too
solemn for the principals, at least of our sex, to take part in,
especially if they have the same thoughts of that solemnity that I
have: For, indeed, though I have before me a prospect of happiness,
that may be envied by ladies of high rank, yet I must own to you, my
dear parents, that I have something very awful upon my mind, when I
think of the matter; and shall, more and more, as it draws nearer and
nearer. This is the song:
I.
Go, happy paper, gently steal,
And underneath her pillow lie;
There, in soft dreams, my love reveal,
That love which I must still conceal,
And, wrapt in awful silence, die.
II.
Should flames be doom’d thy hapless fate,
To atoms thou wouldst quickly turn:
My pains may bear a longer date;
For should I live, and should she hate,
In endless torments I should burn.
III.
Tell fair AURELIA, she has charms,
Might in a hermit stir desire.
T’ attain the heav’n that’s in her arms,
I’d quit the world’s alluring harms,
And to a cell content, retire.
IV.
Of all that pleas’d my ravish’d eye,
Her beauty should supply the place;
Bold Raphael’s strokes, and Titian’s dye,
Should but in vain presume to vie
With her inimitable face.
V.
No more I’d wish for Phoebus’ rays,
To gild the object of my sight;
Much less the taper’s fainter blaze:
Her eyes should measure out my days;
And when she slept, it should be night.
About four o’clock.
My master just came up to me, and said, If you should see Mr. Williams
below, do you think, Pamela, you should not be surprised?—No, sir, said
I, I hope not. Why should I? Expect, said he, a stranger then, when you
come down to us in the parlour; for the ladies are preparing themselves
for the card-table, and they insist upon your company.—You have a mind,
sir, said I, I believe, to try all my courage. Why, said he, does it
want courage to see him? No, sir, said I, not at all. But I was
grievously dashed to see all those strange ladies and gentlemen; and
now to see Mr. Williams before them, as some of them refused his
application for me, when I wanted to get away, it will a little shock
me, to see them smile, in recollecting what has passed of that kind.
Well, said he, guard your heart against surprises, though you shall
see, when you come down, a man that I can allow you to love dearly;
though hardly preferably to me.
This surprises me much. I am afraid he begins to be jealous of me. What
will become of me, (for he looked very seriously,) if any turn should
happen now!—My heart aches! I know not what’s the matter. But I will go
down as brisk as I can, that nothing may be imputed to me. Yet I wish
this Mr. Williams had not been there now, when they are all there;
because of their fleers at him and me. Otherwise I should be glad to
see the poor gentleman; for, indeed, I think him a good man, and he has
suffered for my sake.
So, I am sent for down to cards. I’ll go; but wish I may continue their
good opinions of me: for I shall be very awkward. My master, by his
serious question, and bidding me guard my heart against surprises,
though I should see, when I came down, a man he can allow me to love
dearly, though hardly better than himself, has quite alarmed me, and
made me sad!—I hope he loves me!—But whether he does or not, I am in
for it now, over head and ears, I doubt, and can’t help loving him;
’tis a folly to deny it. But to be sure I can’t love any man preferably
to him. I shall soon know what he means.
Now, my dear mother, must I write to you. Well might my good master say
so mysteriously as he did, about guarding my heart against surprises. I
never was so surprised in my life; and never could see a man I loved so
dearly!—O my dear mother, it was my dear, dear father, and not Mr.
Williams, that was below ready to receive and to bless your daughter!
and both my master and he enjoined me to write how the whole matter
was, and what my thoughts were on this joyful occasion.
I will take the matter from the beginning, that Providence directed his
feet to this house, to this time, as I have had it from Mrs. Jewkes,
from my master, my father, the ladies, and my own heart and conduct, as
far as I know of both; because they command it, and you will be pleased
with my relation and so, as you know how I came by the connexion, will
make one uniform relation of it.
It seems, then, my dear father and you were so uneasy to know the truth
of the story which Thomas had told you, that fearing I was betrayed,
and quite undone, he got leave of absence, and set out the day after
Thomas was there; and so, on Friday morning, he got to the neighbouring
town; and there he heard, that the gentry in the neighbourhood were at
my master’s, at a great entertainment. He put on a clean shirt and
neckcloth (which he brought in his pocket) at an alehouse there, and
got shaved; and so, after he had eaten some bread and cheese, and drank
a can of ale, he set out for my master’s house, with a heavy heart,
dreading for me, and in much fear of being brow-beaten. He had, it
seems, asked, at the alehouse, what family the ’squire had down here,
in hopes to hear something of me: And they said, A housekeeper, two
maids, and, at present, two coachmen, and two grooms, a footman, and a
helper. Was that all? he said. They told him, there was a young
creature there, belike who was, or was to be, his mistress, or somewhat
of that nature; but had been his mother’s waiting-maid. This, he said,
grieved his heart, and confirmed his fears.
So he went on, and about three o’clock in the afternoon came to the
gate; and, ringing there, Sir Simon’s coachman went to the iron gate;
and he asked for the housekeeper; though, from what I had written, in
his heart he could not abide her. She sent for him in, little thinking
who he was, and asked him, in the little hall, what his business with
her was?—Only, madam, said he, whether I cannot speak one word with the
’squire? No, friend, said she; he is engaged with several gentlemen and
ladies. Said he, I have business with his honour of greater consequence
to me than either life or death; and tears stood in his eyes.