"Whoe'er would search the starry sky,
Its secrets to divine, sir,
Should take his glass--I mean, should try
A glass or two of wine, sir!
True virtue lies in golden mean,
And man must wet his clay, sir;
Join these two maxims, and 'tis seen
He should drink his bottle a day, sir!
"Old Archimedes, reverend sage!
By trump of fame renowned, sir,
Deep problems solved in every page,
And the sphere's curved surface found,[774] sir:
Himself he would have far outshone,
And borne a wider sway, sir,
Had he our modern secret known,
And drank a bottle a day, sir!
"When Ptolemy,[775] now long ago,
Believed the earth stood still, sir,
He never would have blundered so,
Had he but drunk his fill, sir:
He'd then have felt[776] it circulate,
And would have learnt to say, sir,
The true way to investigate
Is to drink your bottle a day, sir!
"Copernicus,[777] that learned wight,
The glory of his nation,
With draughts of wine refreshed his sight,
And saw the earth's rotation;
{381}
Each planet then its orb described,
The moon got under way, sir;
These truths from nature he imbibed
For he drank his bottle a day, sir!
"The noble[778] Tycho placed the stars,
Each in its due location;
He lost his nose[779] by spite of Mars,
But that was no privation:
Had he but lost his mouth, I grant
He would have felt dismay, sir,
Bless you! _he_ knew what he should want
To drink his bottle a day, sir!
"Cold water makes no lucky hits;
On mysteries the head runs:
Small drink let Kepler[780] time his wits
On the regular polyhedrons:
He took to wine, and it changed the chime,
His genius swept away, sir,
Through area varying[781] as the time
At the rate of a bottle a day, sir!
"Poor Galileo,[782] forced to rat
Before the Inquisition,
_E pur si muove_[783] was the pat
He gave them in addition:
{382}
He meant, whate'er you think you prove,
The earth must go its way, sirs;
Spite of your teeth I'll make it move,
For I'll drink my bottle a day, sirs!
"Great Newton, who was never beat
Whatever fools may think, sir;
Though sometimes he forgot to eat,
He never forgot to drink, sir:
Descartes[784] took nought but lemonade,
To conquer him was play, sir;
The first advance that Newton made
Was to drink his bottle a day, sir!
"D'Alembert,[785] Euler,[786] and Clairaut,[787]
Though they increased our store, sir,
Much further had been seen to go
Had they tippled a little more, sir!
Lagrange[788] gets mellow with Laplace,[789]
And both are wont to say, sir,
The _philosophe_ who's not an ass
Will drink his bottle a day, sir!
"Astronomers! what can avail
Those who calumniate us;
Experiment can never fail
With such an apparatus:
Let him who'd have his merits known
Remember what I say, sir;
Fair science shines on him alone
Who drinks his bottle a day, sir!
{383}
"How light we reck of those who mock
By this we'll make to appear, sir,
We'll dine by the sidereal[790] clock
For one more bottle a year, sir:
But choose which pendulum you will,
You'll never make your way, sir,
Unless you drink--and drink your fill,--
At least a bottle a day, sir!"
Old times are changed, old manners gone!
There is a new Mathematical Society,[791] and I am, at this present writing
(1866), its first President. We are very high in the newest developments,
and bid fair to take a place among the scientific establishments. Benjamin
Gompertz, who was President of the old Society when it expired, was the
link between the old and new body: he was a member of _ours_ at his death.
But not a drop of liquor is seen at our meetings, except a decanter of
water: all our heavy is a fermentation of symbols; and we do not draw it
mild. There is no penny fine for reticence or occult science; and as to a
song! not the ghost of a chance.
1826. The time may have come when the original documents connected with the
discovery of Neptune may be worth revising. The following are extracts from
the _Athenaeum_ of October 3 and October 17: