STRONG SYMPTOMS OF MUTINY, WHICH IS FORTUNATELY QUELLED BY GRANTING A
SUPPLY.
It was a beautiful sunshiny warm morning when I arose, and, as Bramble
intended that we should leave Greenwich the next day, I thought I might
as well call at the house of Dr Tadpole, and try if I could see him
before I went. When I arrived there he was not at home, but my namesake
Tom was, as usual, in the shop. Tom was two or three years older than
me, being between seventeen and eighteen, and he had now grown a great
tall fellow. We always were very good friends, when we occasionally
met, and he generally appeared to be as good tempered and grinning as
ever; but when I now entered the shop I found him very grave and
dejected, so much so that I could not help asking him what was the
matter.
"Matter enough, I think," said Tom, who was pounding something in the
mortar. "I'll not stay here, that's flat. I'll break my indentures, as
sure as my name's Tom Cob, and I'll set up an opposition, and I'll join
the Friends of the People Society, and the Anti-Bible Society, and every
other opposition Anti in the country."
"Why, what has happened, Tom?"
"I'll make speeches against Church and against State, and against the
Aristocracy, and Habeas Corpus, and against Physic, and against Standing
Armies, and Magna Charta, and every other rascally tyranny and
oppression to which we are subjected, that I will!" Here Tom gave such
a thump with the pestle, that I thought he would have split the mortar.
"But what is it, Tom?" inquired I, as I sat down. "What has the doctor
done?"
"Why, I'll tell you, the liquorice is all gone, and he won't order any
more."
"Well, that is because you have eaten it all."
"No, I haven't; I haven't eaten a bit for these five weeks: it's all
been used in pharmacopey, honestly used, and he can't deny it."
"Who used it?"
"Why, I did: he said he wouldn't stand my eating liquorice; and I told
him that I shouldn't eat any more. No more I have, but I ain't well,
and I prescribes for myself. Haven't I a right to do that? Mayn't I
physic myself? I am a doctor as well as he is. Who makes up all the
medicine, I should like to know? who ties up the bottles and writes
directions? Well, my insides are out of order, and I prescribes for
myself--black draughts `omnes duas horas sumendum;' and now he says
that, as the ingredients are all gone, I shan't take any more."
"And pray what were the ingredients, Tom?"
"Why, laxative and alterative, as suits my complaint--Extract. liquor.--
aqua pura--haustus."
"And what is that?"
"_Liquorice and water_, to be sure; there's nothing else I can take:
I've tasted everything in the shop, from plate powder to aqua fortis,
and everything goes against my stomach."
"Well, Tom, it's a hard case; but perhaps the doctor will think better
of it."
"He'd better, or I'll set up for myself, for I won't stand it any
longer; it ain't only for myself but for others that I care. Why, I've
a hankering for Anny Whistle (you know her, don't you?) a pretty little
girl with red lips--lives in Church Street. Well, as long as I could
bring her a bit of liquorice when I went to see her all was smooth
enough, and I got many a kiss when no one was nigh; but now that I can't
fork out a bit as big as a marble, she's getting quite shy of me, and is
always walking with Bill, the butcher's boy. I know he gives her
bulls'-eyes--I seed him one day buying a ha'porth. Now, ain't that
hard?"
"Why, certainly, the affair becomes serious; but still, how you are to
set up for yourself I don't know. You are not qualified."
"Oh! ain't I? Just as much as most doctors are. There must be a
beginning, and if I gives wrong medicine at first, then I'll try
another, and so on, until I come to what will cure them. Soon learn,
Tom."
"Well, but how will you do about surgery?"
"Surgery? Oh, I'll do very well; don't know much about it just now--
soon learn."
"Why, would you venture to take off a man's leg, Tom? Do you know how
to take up the arteries?"
"Would I take off a man's leg? To be sure I would, as quick as the
doctor could. As for, the arteries, why, I might puzzle a little about
them; but by the time I had taken off three or four legs I should know
something about them. Practice makes perfect--soon learn, Tom."
"But all your first patients would die."
"I don't know that. At all events I should do my best, and no man can
do more, and if they did die, why, it would be by the visitation of God,
wouldn't it?"
"Not altogether, I'm afraid. It won't do, Tom."
"It has done from the beginning of the world, and will do. I say
there's no learning without practice. People spoil at first in every
trade, and make afterwards, and a man ain't born a doctor any more than
he is a carpenter."
"No, but if I recollect right, to be a surgeon you ought to walk the
hospital, as they term it."
"Well, and haven't I for these last four years? When I carries out my
basket of physic I walks the _hospital_ right through, twice at least
every day in the week."
"That's Greenwich Hospital."
"Well, so it is, and plenty of surgical cases in it. However, the
doctor and I must come to a proper understanding. I didn't clean his
boots this morning. I wish, if you see him, Tom, you'd reason with him
a little."
"I'll see what I can do, but don't be rash. Good bye, Tom; mind you
tell the doctor that I called."
"Well, I will; but that's not in my indentures."
I called in at the widow's after I left the doctor's shop, and
communicated the intended rebellion on the part of Tom.
"Well," said Mrs St. Felix, "I shall not forget to make the Spanish
claim, and prevent Tom from walking Spanish. The doctor is very
inconsiderate; he forgets that Tom's regard for liquorice is quite as
strong as his own liking for a cigar. Now, if the doctor don't promise
me to have a fresh supply for Tom, I won't let him have a cigar for
himself."
The doctor was compelled to surrender at discretion. The next wagon
brought down one hundredweight of liquorice, and Tom recovered his
health and the smiles of Anny Whistle.
When I left the widow's I proceeded to the hospital to find Anderson and
my father. As I walked along I perceived Dick Harness on a bench, who
hailed me.
"Well, Tom, I haven't seen anything of you for I don't know how long,
since you've taken to a seafaring life. This is a beautiful day, is it
not? It makes one feel so happy and cheerful such a day as this.
Everybody and everything looks gay; the birds seem so merry, and the
little clouds seem to scud away as if their hearts were as light as
themselves. Come, sit down a minute; here's a song for you you've never
heard, one I don't often sing, because they say it's all about myself."
"Well, then, I should like to hear that."
"Here goes, then.
"Sam Swipes, he was a seaman true
As brave and bold a tar
As e'er was dressed in navy blue
On board a man-of-war.
"One fault he had--on sea or land
He was a thirsty dog;
For Sammy never could withstand
A glass or so of grog.
"He always liked to be at sea,
For e'en on shore, the rover,
If not as drunk as he could be,
Was always `half seas over.'
"The gunner, who was apt to scoff,
With jokes most aptly timed,
Said Sam might any day go off,
'Cause he was always `primed.'
"Sam didn't want a feeling heart,
Though never seen to cry;
Yet tears were always on the start,
`The drop was in his eye.'
"At fighting Sam was never shy,
A most undoubted merit;
His courage never failed, and why?
He was so full of `spirit.'
"In action he had lost an eye,
But that gave him no trouble;
Quoth Sam, I have no cause to sigh,
I'm always `seeing double.'
"A shot from an unlucky gun
Put Sam on timber pegs;
It didn't signify to one
Who ne'er could `keep his legs.'
"One night he filled a pail with grog,
Determined he would suck it:
He drained it dry, the thirsty dog!
Hiccupped, and `kicked the bucket.'"
"There's Bill's fiddle, Dick," said I, getting up; "I thought you would
bring him out."
"Yes, I was sure of that. I'll sing another verse or two, and then be
off to the park, and leave him in the lurch."
"I can't wait any more, Dick; I must go to my father," said I. "Well,
off with you, then, and I'm off too. Sing tura ha, tura ha, tura lura
ha. Bill's coming down. How savage the nigger will be!"