The next day, as soon as I had finished a letter to Bessy, in which I
gave her a detail of what had passed, I went to old Nanny's to persuade
her, if possible, to tell me her history. She was not at home, the door
of her house was locked, and the shutters of the shop fastened. I was
about to return to Fisher's Alley, when I perceived her hobbling down
the street. I thought it better to make it appear as if I met her by
accident; so I crossed over the way and walked towards her. "Well,
mother," said I, "are you out so early?"
"Ah, Jack, is it you? Yes, it is through you that I have had to take so
long a walk."
"Through me?"
"Yes, those presents you brought me. I'm almost dead. Why do you bring
such things? But I did not do badly, that's the truth."
I knew from this admission that old Nanny had sold them for more than
she expected; indeed, she proved it by saying, as she arrived at her
house, "Well, Jack, it's very troublesome to have to walk so far; but as
you cannot get me bottles or those kind of things, you must bring me
what you can, and I must make the best of them. I don't mind trouble
for your sake, Jack. Now take the key, unlock the door, and then take
down the shutters; and mind how you walk about, Jack, or you'll break
half the things in my shop." I did as she requested, and then we sat
down together at the door as usual.
"I think I shall go away to-morrow, or early the next morning, mother,"
said I, "for Bramble is here, and he never stays long from his work."
"That's all right, he sets a good example; and, Jack, if you do go, see
if you can't beg a few more shells for me: I like shells."
"Yes, mother, I will not forget; but, as this is the last day I shall
see you for some time, will you not keep your promise to me, and tell me
your history?"
"Jack, Jack, you are the most persevering creature I ever did see. I'm
sure I shall be worried out of my life until I tell you, and so I may as
well tell you at once, and there'll be an end of it; but I wish you had
not asked me, Jack, I do indeed. I thought of it last night when I was
in bed, and at one time I made up my mind that I would not tell you, and
then I thought again that I would; for, Jack, as I said yesterday,
there's a lesson in every life, and a warning in too many, and maybe
mine will prove a warning to you, so far as to make you prevent a mother
from being so foolish as I have been.
"Now, Jack, listen to me: mine is an old story, but in most cases the
consequences have not been so fatal. I shall not tell you my name; it
was once a fair one, but now tarnished. I was the only daughter of a
merchant and shipowner, a rich man, and the first person in consequence
in the seaport town where I was born and brought up. I never knew my
mother, who died a year after I was born. I was brought up as most
girls are who have no mother or brothers; in short, I was much indulged
by my father and flattered by other people. I was well educated, as you
may suppose; and, moreover, what you may not credit quite so easily, I
was very handsome. In short, I was a beauty and a fortune, at the head
of the society of the place, caressed, indulged, and flattered by all.
This, if it did not spoil me, at least made me wilful. I had many
offers, and many intended offers, which I nipped in the bud, and I was
twenty-three before I saw any one who pleased me. At last a vessel came
in consigned to the house and the captain was invited to dinner. He was
a handsome careless young man, constantly talking about the qualities of
his ship, and, to my surprise, paying me little or none of that
attention which I now considered as my due. This piqued me, and in the
end I set my affections on him; either he did not or would not perceive
it, and he sailed without showing me any preference. In six months he
returned, and whether it was that he was told of by others, or at last
perceived, my feelings towards him, he joined the crowd of suitors, made
a proposal in his offhand manner, as if he was indifferent as to my
reply, and was accepted. My father, to whom he communicated the
intelligence as carelessly as if he were talking about freight, did not
approve of the match. `Very well,' replied he, `I shall say no more; as
long as a man has a ship he does not want a wife.' He returned and
stated what had passed, and my father also spoke to me. I was
self-willed and determined, and my father yielded. We were married, and
I certainly had no reason to complain of my husband, who was very kind
to me. But I was jealous of--what do you think? Of his ship! For he
cared more for it than he did for me; and three months after our
marriage, notwithstanding all my tears and entreaties, and the
expostulations of my father, he would sail again. He offered to take me
with him, and I would gladly have gone, but my father would not listen
to it. He sailed, and I never saw him again; his vessel, with all
hands, foundered, with many others, in a heavy gale. The news did not
arrive until many months afterwards, and I had not been a mother more
than six weeks when I found that I was a widow. I have passed all this
over quickly, Jack, because it is of less moment--my trials had not
commenced.
"The loss of my husband, as may be supposed, only endeared my child the
more to me, and I wept over him as he smiled upon me in his cradle. My
father had reverses in his business, but those I cared little for. He
did, however: he had been the richest man in the town, he was now
comparatively poor; his pride was crushed, it broke his heart, and he
died; the whole of his assets at the winding up of his affairs not
exceeding ten thousand pounds. This was, however, quite enough, and
more than enough, for me. I thought but of one object--it was my
darling boy; he represented to me all I had lost; in him I saw my
husband, father, and everything. I lived but for him. He was my
idolatry, Jack. I worshipped the creature instead of the Creator.
"As he grew up I indulged him in everything; he never was checked; I
worried myself day and night to please him, and yet he never was
pleased. He was so spoilt that he did not know what he wanted. He was
a misery to himself and all about him, except to me, who was so blinded
by my love. As he advanced to manhood his temper showed itself to be
violent and uncontrollable; he was the terror of others, and prudent
people would shake their heads and prophesy. He would not submit to any
profession; the only wish that he had was to go to sea, and that was my
terror. I implored him on my knees not to think of it, but in vain; at
first he used to threaten when he wanted money for his extravagancies,
and it was a sure way to obtain it; but one day I discovered that he had
quitted the port without saying farewell, and that he had sailed in a
vessel bound to the coast of Africa. A short letter and a heavy bill
was received from Portsmouth, and I did not hear of him for two years.
I was heartbroken, but not weaned from him; I counted the days for his
return. At last he came--browned by the climate, full of oaths, savage
in his bearing, and occasionally referring to scenes which made me
shudder; but he was my son, my only son, and I loved him as much as
ever. He was now but seldom at home, for he lived almost at the
gaming-tables; if he came to me, it was to extort money, and he never
failed. I sold out my property to support his extravagance, and by
degrees it was rapidly diminishing. I begged him, I entreated him, to
be more prudent, but he laughed, and promised to return me all the first
lucky hit he should make;--but that lucky hit never came, and at last I
had but two thousand pounds left. This I positively refused to part
with: the interest of it was barely sufficient for my wants; I asked no
more, but I expostulated and I reasoned with him in vain. He only
begged me for five hundred pounds; if I sold the money out, he would
tell me where I might have as good interest for the fifteen hundred
pounds as I now received for the two thousand pounds. He begged and
entreated me, he kissed, and he even wept. I could not withstand his
importunities: I sold out the money, and gave him the sum he wanted; the
fifteen hundred pounds I put by in my desk, to invest as he had pointed
out. That very night he forced the lock, took out the money, and left
me without a sixpence in the world."
"What a villain!" exclaimed I.
"Yes, you may say so, Jack; but who made him such a villain but his
foolish doting mother? Had I done him justice, had I checked him when
young, had I brought him up as I ought to have done, he might now have
been a happiness and a blessing to his mother. I was the person to
blame, not he; and many years of anguish have I lamented my folly and my
wretchedness."
"You loved him too much, mother, but it was a fault on the right side."
"No, Jack, that is an error of yours; it was a fault on the wrong side.
There is no credit to a mother in loving her children, for she cannot
help it. It is a natural instinct implanted in the mother's heart by
the Almighty, and in following this instinct we do no more than the
beasts of the field. The duty of a mother is to check that feeling as
far as it interferes with the happiness and well-doing of her children,
and it is her duty to do so, and to punish herself in correcting her
children. Jack, it is a selfish feeling which induces mothers to spoil
their children."
"At all events my mother has never spoilt me," replied I.
"No, Jack, she has not; but observe the consequence. You said just now
that excessive tenderness was a fault on the right side; now, how
completely have you proved the contrary! I do not intend to defend your
mother's conduct towards you; she has been unkind to you in your
childhood, and has never shown the affection that a mother ought; but is
not her fault a fault on the right side? Jack, you recollect my saying
`what a difference,' when you told me what you had done for your mother;
I then referred to my son and to you. I indulged him in everything,
sacrificed everything, and he robbed me and left me a beggar. Your
mother has been severe upon you, and yet the first time you have the
means of showing your duty you give her all the money you have in the
world. Your mother may not be right, Jack, but I was dreadfully wrong,
and the result has proved it."
"Well, mother, go on, pray."
"My story is now soon told. I struggled on how I could for more than
two years by selling my furniture and a few ornaments, then the blow
came. When I heard it I would not remain in the town; I left for
London, picked up my living how I could and where I could, till at last
I came down here. Time was as a dream; reflection was too painful. I
felt that it was all my fault, all my own doing. My heart became
hardened, and continued so till I loved you, Jack; and now I have better
feelings, at least I think so."
"But, mother, what was the blow? Is he dead?"
"Yes, Jack, dead--dead on the gibbet. He was hanged for piracy at Port
Royal, Jamaica. Jack," said Nanny, seizing my hand, and pressing it in
her long fingers, "this is a secret; recollect, a secret deep as the
grave; promise me, as you hope for heaven!"
"I do, mother, as I hope for heaven."
"Now, Jack, leave me. Good bye. You will come and see me when you
return, and never bring this subject up again. Bless you, my child!
bless you!"
I left poor old Nanny with her face buried in her apron; and it was in a
very melancholy mood that I returned home: I could not help thinking of
the picture in the spelling-book, where the young man at the gallows is
biting off the ear of his mother, who, by her indulgence, had brought
him to that disgrace.