The pauses and intermissions of pain become positive pleasures; and
have thus a power of shedding a satisfaction over the intervals of
ease, which few enjoyments exceed.--PALEY.
"Riding towards the cortege at a slow pace, and with a sorrowful
countenance, the guards could hardly see anything very terrific in my
approach. They seemed, however, to expect an attack. 'Be persuaded,
gentlemen,' said I to them, 'that I come not to wage war, but rather to
ask favours.' I then begged of them to continue their progress without
any distrust, and as we went along I made my solicitations. They
consulted together to ascertain in what way they should entertain my
request. The chief of them spoke for the rest. He said that the
orders they had received to watch the prisoners vigilantly were of the
strictest kind; that, however, I seemed so interesting a young man,
that they might be induced to relax a little in their duty; but that I
must know, of course, that this would cost me something. I had about
sixteen pistoles left, and candidly told them what my purse contained.
'Well,' said the gendarme, 'we will act generously. It shall only cost
you a crown an hour for conversing with any of our girls that you may
prefer-- that is the ordinary price in Paris.'
"I said not a word of Manon, because I did not wish to let them know of
my passion. They at first supposed it was merely a boyish whim, that
made me think of amusing myself with these creatures: but when they
discovered that I was in love, they increased their demands in such a
way, that my purse was completely empty on leaving Mantes, where we had
slept the night before our arrival at Passy.
"Shall I describe to you my heart-rending interviews with Manon during
this journey, and what my sensations were when I obtained from the
guards permission to approach her caravan? Oh! language never can
adequately express the sentiments of the heart; but picture to yourself
my poor mistress, with a chain round her waist, seated upon a handful
of straw, her head resting languidly against the panel of the carriage,
her face pale and bathed with tears, which forced a passage between her
eyelids, although she kept them continually closed. She had not even
the curiosity to open her eyes on hearing the bustle of the guards when
they expected our attack. Her clothes were soiled, and in disorder;
her delicate hands exposed to the rough air; in fine, her whole angelic
form, that face, lovely enough to carry back the world to idolatry,
presented a spectacle of distress and anguish utterly indescribable.
"I spent some moments gazing at her as I rode alongside the carriage.
I had so lost my self-possession, that I was several times on the point
of falling from my horse. My sighs and frequent exclamations at length
attracted her attention. She looked at and recognised me, and I
remarked that on the first impulse, she unconsciously tried to leap
from the carriage towards me, but being checked by her chain, she fell
into her former attitude.
"I begged of the guards to stop one moment for the sake of mercy; they
consented for the sake of avarice. I dismounted to go and sit near
her. She was so languid and feeble, that she was for some time without
the power of speech, and could not raise her hands: I bathed them with
my tears; and being myself unable to utter a word, we formed together
as deplorable a picture of distress as could well be seen. When at
length we were able to speak, our conversation was not less sorrowful.
Manon said little: shame and grief appeared to have altered the
character of her voice; its tone was feeble and tremulous.
"She thanked me for not having forgotten her, and for the comfort I
gave her in allowing her to see me once more, and she then bade me a
long and last farewell. But when I assured her that no power on earth
could ever separate me from her, and that I was resolved to follow her
to the extremity of the world--to watch over her--to guard her--to love
her--and inseparably to unite my wretched destiny with hers, the poor
girl gave way to such feelings of tenderness and grief, that I almost
dreaded danger to her life from the violence of her emotion: the
agitation of her whole soul seemed intensely concentrated in her eyes;
she fixed them steadfastly upon me. She more than once opened her lips
without the power of giving utterance to her thoughts. I could,
however, catch some expressions that dropped from her, of admiration
and wonder at my excessive love--of doubt that she could have been
fortunate enough to inspire me with a passion so perfect--of earnest
entreaty that I would abandon my intention of following her, and seek
elsewhere a lot more worthy of me, and which, she said, I could never
hope to find with her.
"In spite of the cruellest inflictions of Fate, I derived comfort from
her looks, and from the conviction that I now possessed her undivided
affection. I had in truth lost all that other men value; but I was the
master of Manon's heart, the only possession that I prized. Whether in
Europe or in America, of what moment to me was the place of my abode,
provided I might live happy in the society of my mistress? Is not the
universe the residence of two fond and faithful lovers? Does not each
find in the other, father, mother, friends, relations, riches, felicity?
"If anything caused me uneasiness, it was the fear of seeing Manon
exposed to want. I fancied myself already with her in a barbarous
country, inhabited by savages. 'I am quite certain,' said I, 'there
will be none there more cruel than G---- M---- and my father. They
will, at least, allow us to live in peace. If the accounts we read of
savages be true, they obey the laws of nature: they neither know the
mean rapacity of avarice, nor the false and fantastic notions of
dignity, which have raised me up an enemy in my own father. They will
not harass and persecute two lovers, when they see us adopt their own
simple habits.' I was therefore at ease upon that point.
"But my romantic ideas were not formed with a proper view to the
ordinary wants of life. I had too often found that there were
necessaries which could not be dispensed with, particularly by a young
and delicate woman, accustomed to comfort and abundance. I was in
despair at having so fruitlessly emptied my purse, and the little money
that now remained was about being forced from me by the rascally
imposition of the gendarmes. I imagined that a very trifling sum would
suffice for our support for some time in America, where money was
scarce, and might also enable me to form some undertaking there for our
permanent establishment.
"This idea made me resolve on writing to Tiberge, whom I had ever found
ready to hold out the generous hand of friendship. I wrote from the
first town we passed through. I only alluded to the destitute
condition in which I foresaw that I should find myself on arriving at
Havre-de-Grace, to which place I acknowledged that I was accompanying
Manon. I asked him for only fifty pistoles. 'You can remit it to me,'
said I to him, 'through the hands of the postmaster. You must perceive
that it is the last time I can by possibility trespass on your friendly
kindness; and my poor unhappy mistress being about to be exiled from
her country for ever, I cannot let her depart without supplying her
with some few comforts, to soften the sufferings of her lot, as well as
to assuage my own sorrows.'
"The gendarmes became so rapacious when they saw the violence of my
passion, continually increasing their demands for the slightest
favours, that they soon left me penniless. Love did not permit me to
put any bounds to my liberality. At Manon's side I was not master of
myself; and it was no longer by the hour that time was measured; rather
by the duration of whole days. At length, my funds being completely
exhausted, I found myself exposed to the brutal caprice of these six
wretches who treated me with intolerable rudeness--you yourself
witnessed it at Passy. My meeting with you was a momentary relaxation
accorded me by fate. Your compassion at the sight of my sufferings was
my only recommendation to your generous nature. The assistance which
you so liberally extended, enabled me to reach Havre, and the guards
kept their promise more faithfully than I had ventured to hope.
"We arrived at Havre. I went to the post-office: Tiberge had not yet
had time to answer my letter. I ascertained the earliest day I might
reckon upon his answer: it could not possibly arrive for two days
longer; and by an extraordinary fatality, our vessel was to sail on the
very morning of the day when the letter might be expected. I cannot
give you an idea of my despair. 'Alas!' cried I, 'even amongst the
unfortunate, I am to be ever the most wretched!'
"Manon replied: 'Alas! does a life so thoroughly miserable deserve the
care we bestow on ours? Let us die at Havre, dearest chevalier! Let
death at once put an end to our afflictions! Shall we persevere, and go
to drag on this hopeless existence in an unknown land, where we shall,
no doubt, have to encounter the most horrible pains, since it has been
their object to punish me by exile? Let us die,' she repeated, 'or do
at least in mercy rid me of life, and then you can seek another lot in
the arms of some happier lover.'
"'No, no, Manon,' said I; 'it is but too enviable a lot, in my
estimation, to be allowed to share your misfortunes.'
"Her observations made me tremble. I saw that she was overpowered by
her afflictions. I tried to assume a more tranquil air, in order to
dissipate such melancholy thoughts of death and despair.
"I resolved to adopt the same course in future; and I learned by the
results, that nothing is more calculated to inspire a woman with
courage than the demonstration of intrepidity in the man she loves.
"When I lost all hope of receiving the expected assistance from
Tiberge, I sold my horse; the money it brought, joined to what remained
of your generous gift, amounted to the small sum of forty pistoles; I
expended eight in the purchase of some necessary articles for Manon;
and I put the remainder by, as the capital upon which we were to rest
our hopes and raise our fortunes in America. I had no difficulty in
getting admitted on board the vessel. They were at the time looking
for young men as voluntary emigrants to the colony. The passage and
provisions were supplied gratis. I left a letter for Tiberge, which
was to go by the post next morning to Paris. It was no doubt written
in a tone calculated to affect him deeply, since it induced him to form
a resolution, which could only be carried into execution by the
tenderest and most generous sympathy for his unhappy friend.