_House of Commons, Thursday, May 21._--House resumed to-day, after
so-called Whitsun holidays. Weren't to have come back till Monday. OLD
MORALITY settled that before he went off to Southern climes. But next
day WINDBAG SEXTON and JOKIM got to loggerheads. WINDBAG insisted
that Committee should specially sit to hear him move new Clause. JOKIM
demurred; pointed out that luxury might be enjoyed by House only upon
condition of shortening holidays. WINDBAG didn't see any objection to
that; sure House only too glad to give up half its holiday in order to
hear few more speeches from him. JOKIM, meaning to frighten WINDBAG,
said, "Very well; then we'll adjourn till Thursday." WINDBAG, not
believing JOKIM was serious, said he didn't care; game of bluff
commenced; played so awkwardly that, in end, House jockeyed out of
half its holiday.
[Illustration: Toby's Remedy for Influenza.]
But OLD MORALITY got all his; off before this blundering business took
place; too far gone to be called back. CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN suggests
that we shall change his name; call him "The JUDICIOUS HOOKER."
Certainly he "hooked it" a day before holidays commenced, and won't
return till several days after they have prematurely closed. Still
remnant of House here to-night, though growling and discontented, does
not grudge him his holiday.
More than half Members on both sides away ill. The Whips severely hit;
MARJORIBANKS here as usual, making a bright space in the lobby with
his genial presence and his smiling countenance. But AKERS-DOUGLAS
still away with most of his men, including the Mountainous HILL.
"Yes," his man is reported to have said, in reply to inquiries, "Lord
ARTHUR is still HILL, but gettin' better."
[Illustration: Lord Arthur 'Ill--but getting better.]
Only cheerful man on the premises is PLUNKET. Beaming with health;
glowing with vitality.
"The secret of it?" he said, when I asked him how he managed to look
so well. "Why, it's exercise and fumigation. Whilst you fellows have
been making holiday, I've stuck to the House night and day. I've
fumigated every chamber with sulphur; I've sprinkled every wall with
eucalyptozone. The tiled floors I have washed with carbolic-soap, and
the libraries I have purified with Thiocamp. It was a little stiff
at first; but, as Mr. G. says, there's no rest like variety of
occupation. When I got tired of Eucalyptozone, I turned to with
Thiocamp, and then went through a course of taking up carpets and
thumping hair-cushions. Quite sorry it's over."
_Business done._--In Committee on Land Purchase Bill.
_Friday_.--"Do you like IBSEN?" ATTORNEY-GENERAL for IRELAND asked
Prince ARTHUR just now, _à propos_ of new Clause moved by SEXTON.
Curious man is MADDEN. Lives a sort of dual life. In House regarded
as serious person, steeped in knowledge of Irish Question in its
multiform aspects. Really a _fin-de-siècle_ Attorney-General; knows
everything; is in everything; acquainted with IBSEN, misses few
bazaars or drawing-room concerts, and was on speaking terms with the
late Madame BLAVATSKY.
"Do you like _Hedda Gabler_?" he continued, nudging Prince ARTHUR, who
on this, the hundred-and-third night in Committee on the Irish Land
Bill, showed signs of drowsiness.
"Haven't time to go to the theatre," said Prince ARTHUR. "Never
perform out of Westminster, where we keep our own HEADACHE GABBLER
on the premises"; and he looked wearily across at SEXTON monotonously
piping, not without dread suspicion of the WINDBAG having been newly
leathered.
But the end comes to the man who lives to wait, and to-night, at
twenty minutes past ten, LEWIS PELLY sitting bolt upright, awakened
out of peaceful slumber by a sudden cheer; knew that the Land Bill was
at last through Committee.
_Business done._--Land Bill through Committee.
[Illustration: Pelly-Melly.]
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