Etiquette of Visiting.
Some of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from one's
own home, and accepting the hospitalities of friends, are here given,
and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike.
GENERAL INVITATIONS.
No one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit. "Do
come and spend some time with me" may be said with all earnestness and
cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning the date should be
definitely fixed and the length of time stated.
A person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be
surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected. His
friends may be absent from home, or their house may be already full, or
they may not have made arrangements for visitors. From these and other
causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival.
It would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom of
giving general invitations, which really mean nothing, and be scrupulous
to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a given period.
LIMIT OF A PROLONGED VISIT.
If no exact length of time is specified, it is well for visitors to
limit a visit to three days or a week, according to the degree of
intimacy they may have with the family, or the distance they have come
to pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after arrival, so that
the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation of the stay if they
desire it, or so that they can make their arrangements in accordance.
One never likes to ask of a guest, "How long do you intend to remain?"
yet it is often most desirable to know.
TRUE HOSPITALITY.
Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms,
and express no regrets, and make no excuses that you have nothing better
to give them.
Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging them in
empty words to do so, but by making their stay as pleasant as possible,
at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble
or inconvenience they may cause you.
Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the
amusement and entertainment of your guests.
DUTIES OF THE VISITOR.
On the other hand, the visitor should try to conform as much as possible
to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him. He should
never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor should he ever
allow the family to be kept waiting on his account.
It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the
morning, or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of his own,
without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess;
for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be
attended to at this portion of the day, in order to leave the balance of
the time free for the entertainment of their guests.
If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the
knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and
deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of
them first.
The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests
as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should act is to
interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house.
It is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the
entertainment of her guests. The latter may prefer to be left to their
own devices for a portion of the day. On the other hand, it shows the
worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself from the family and
seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to
join in them or entertain him.
You should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you are
visiting. If they propose to you to ride, to drive or walk, you should
acquiesce as far as your strength will permit, and do your best to seem
pleased at the efforts made to entertain you.
You should not accept invitations without consulting your host. You
should not call upon the servants to do errands for you, or to wait upon
you too much, nor keep the family up after hours of retiring.
If you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends, while
partaking of their hospitality, it should never be mentioned, either
while you are under their roof or afterwards. Speak only of what
redounds to their praise and credit. This feeling ought to be mutual
between host and guest. Whatever good is observed in either may be
commented upon, but the curtain of silence must be drawn over their
faults.
Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same time
never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your
visit may occasion. It would imply that you thought your friends
incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to themselves.
Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress or
toilet around to give trouble to servants.
A lady guest will not hesitate to make her own bed, if few or no
servants are kept; and in the latter case she will do whatever else she
can to lighten the labors of her hostess as a return for the additional
exertion her visit occasions.
INVITATIONS TO GUESTS.
Any invitation given to a lady guest should also include the hostess,
and the guest is justified in declining to accept any invitation unless
the hostess is also invited. Invitations received by the hostess should
include the guest. Thus, at all places of amusement and entertainment,
guest and host may be together.
FORBEARANCE WITH CHILDREN.
A guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of the
children in the household where visiting, and should put up with any of
their faults, and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable actions on their
part.
GUESTS MAKING PRESENTS.
If a guest wishes to make a present to any member of the family she is
visiting, it should be to the hostess, or if to any of the children, to
the youngest in preference, though it is usually better to give it to
the mother. Upon returning home, when the guest writes to the hostess,
she expresses her thanks for the hospitality, and requests to be
remembered to the family.
TREATMENT OF A HOST'S FRIENDS.
If you are a guest, you must be very cautious as to the treatment of the
friends of your host or hostess. If you do not care to be intimate with
them, you must be careful not to show a dislike for them, or that you
wish to avoid them. You must be exceedingly polite and agreeable to
them, avoiding any special familiarity, and keep them at a distance
without hurting their feelings. Do not say to your host or hostess that
you do not like any of their friends.
LEAVE-TAKING.
Upon taking leave, express the pleasure you have experienced in your
visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform
your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your
thanks.
A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend
agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as it is consistent with
his own plans, and at the same time convenient to themselves. But when
the time for departure has been fully fixed upon, no obstacle should be
placed in the way of leave-taking. Help him in every possible way to
depart, at the same time giving him a cordial invitation to renew the
visit at some future period.
"Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest,"
expresses the true spirit of hospitality.
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