Thus this noble man went forth from his palace rejoicing, as when after
long exile a man returneth with joy to his own country. Outwardly he
wore the robes that he was wont to wear, but beneath was the hair-shirt
which Barlaam had given him. That night he halted at a poor man's
cabin, and stripped himself of his outer raiment, which, as his last
alms, he bestowed upon his poor host, and thus by the prayers of that
poor man, as well as of so many others, he made God his ally, and put
on his grace and help as a garment of salvation; and, clad in a coat of
gladness, thus went he off to his hermit-life, carrying with him
neither bread, nor water, nor any necessary food, with no garment upon
him save the aforesaid rough shirt. For his heart was wounded with a
marvellous longing and divine love for Christ the immortal King; he was
beside himself with longing, mad for God, possessed by love of him;
"For love," he saith, "is strong as fire." So drunken was he with this
heavenly love, so parched with thirst, according to him that saith,
"Like as the hart desireth the water-brooks, so longeth my soul after
time, O God. My soul is athirst for the mighty and living God"; or, as
the soul that is sick of love crieth in the Song of Songs, "Thou hast
ravished us, ravished us with the desire of thee"; and, "Let me see thy
countenance, and let me hear thy voice, for thy voice is a sweet voice,
and thy countenance is comely."
It was the desire for this unspeakable comeliness of Christ that fired
the hearts of the Apostolic Quire and of the Martyr folk to despise the
things that are seen, and all this temporal life, and the rather to
choose ten thousand forms of death and torture, being enamoured of his
heavenly beauty, and bearing in mind the charm that the divine Word
used for to win our love. Such was the fire that was kindled in the
soul of this fair youth also, noble in body, but most noble and kingly
in soul, that led him to despise all earthly things alike, to trample
on all bodily pleasures, and to contemn riches and glory and the praise
of men, to lay aside diadem and purple, as of less worth than cobwebs,
and to surrender himself to all the hard and irksome toils of the
ascetic life, crying, "O my Christ, my soul is fixed upon thee, and thy
right hand hath upholden me."
Thus, without looking back, he passed into the depth of the desert;
and, laying aside, like a heavy burden and clog, the stress of
transitory things, he rejoiced in the Spirit, and looked steadfastly on
Christ, whom he longed for, and cried aloud to him, as though he were
there present to hear his voice, saying, "Lord, let mine eyes never
again see the good things of this present world. Never, from this
moment, let my soul be excited by these present vanities, but fill mine
eyes with spiritual tears; direct my goings in thy way, and show me thy
servant Barlaam. Show me him that was the means of my salvation, that
I may learn of him the exact rule of this lonely and austere life, and
may not be tripped up through ignorance of the wiles of the enemy.
Grant me, O Lord, to discover the way whereby to attain unto thee, for
my soul is sick of love for thee, and I am athirst for thee, the well
of salvation."
These were the thoughts of his heart continually, and he communed with
God, being made one with him by prayer and sublime meditation. And
thus eagerly he pursued the road, hoping to arrive at the place where
Barlaam dwelt. His meat was the herbs that grow in the desert; for he
carried nothing with him, as I have already said, save his own bones,
and the ragged garment that was around him.
But whilst he found some food, though scanty and insufficient, from the
herbs, of water he was quite destitute in that waterless and dry
desert. And so at noon-tide, as he held on his way under the fierce
blaze of the sun, he was parched with thirst in the hot drought of that
desert place, and he suffered the extreme of anguish. But desire of
Christ conquered nature, and the thirst wherewith he thirsted for God
bedewed the heat of thirst for water.
Now the devil, being envious and full of hate for that which is
beautiful, unable to endure the sight of such steadfastness of purpose,
and glowing love towards God, raised up against Ioasaph many
temptations in the wilderness. He called to his remembrance his kingly
glory, and his magnificent body-guard, his friends, kinsfolk and
companions, and how the lives of all had depended on his life, and he
minded him of the other solaces of life. Then he would confront him
with the hardness of virtue, and the many sweats that she requireth,
with the weakness of his flesh, with his lack of practice in such
rigours, the long years to come, this present distress from thirst, his
want of any comfort, and the unendingness of his toils. In a word, he
raised a great dust-cloud of reasonings in his mind, exactly, I ween,
as it hath been recorded of the mighty Antony.
But, when the enemy saw himself too weak to shake that purpose (for
Ioasaph set Christ before his mind, and glowed with love of him, and
was well strengthened by hope, and steadfast in faith, and recked
nothing of the devil and his suggestions), then was the adversary
ashamed of having fallen in the first assault. So he came by another
road (for many are his paths of wickedness), and endeavoured to
overthrow and terrify Ioasaph by means of divers apparitions.
Sometimes he appeared to him in black, and such indeed he is: sometimes
with a drawn sword he leapt upon him, and threatened to strike, unless
he speedily turned back. At other times he assumed the shapes of all
manner of beasts, roaring and making a terrible din and bellowing; or
again he became a dragon, adder, or basilisk. But that fair and right
noble athlete kept his soul in quietness, for he had made the Most High
his refuge: and, being sober in mind, he laughed the evil one to scorn,
and said, "I know thee, deceiver, who thou art, which stiffest up this
trouble for me; which from the beginning didst devise mischief against
mankind, and art ever wicked, and never stintest to do hurt. How
becoming and right proper is thy habit, that thou shouldest take the
shape of beasts and of creeping things, and thus display thy bestial
and crooked nature, and thy venomous and hurtful purpose! Wherefore,
wretch, attempt the impossible? For ever since I discovered that these
be the contrivances and bug-bears of thy malice, I have now no more
anxiety concerning thee. The Lord is on my side, and I shall see my
desire upon mine enemies. I shall go upon the adder and basilisk, the
which thou dost resemble; thee, the lion and dragon I shall tread under
my feet; for I am strengthened with the might of Christ. Let mine
enemies be ashamed and turned backward: let them be driven and put to
shame suddenly."
Thus speaking, and girding on that invincible weapon, the sign of the
Cross, he made vain the devil's shows. For straightway all the beasts
and creeping things disappeared, like as the smoke vanisheth, and like
as wax melteth at the fire. And he, strong in the might of Christ,
went on his way rejoicing and giving thanks unto the Lord. But there
dwelt in that desert many divers beasts, and all kinds of serpents, and
dragon-shaped monsters, and these met him, not now as apparitions but
in sober sooth, so that his path was beset by fear and toil. But he
overcame both, for love, as saith the scripture, cast out fear, and
longing made toil light. Thus he wrestled with many sundry misfortunes
and hardships until, after many days, he arrived at that desert of the
land of Senaar, wherein Barlaam dwelt. There also he found water and
quenched the burning of his thirst.