The first kind also will I shortly pass over, too. For the
tribulation that a man willingly taketh himself, which no man
putteth upon him against his own will, is, you know as well as I
(for it was somewhat touched the last day), such affliction of the
flesh or expense of his goods as a man taketh himself or willingly
bestoweth in punishment of his own sin and for devotion to God.
Now, in this tribulation needeth he no man to comfort him. For no
man troubleth him but himself, who feeleth how far forth he may
conveniently bear, and of reason and good discretion shall not
pass that--and if any doubt arise therein, it is counsel that he
needeth and not comfort. And so the courage that kindleth his
heart and enflameth it for God's sake and his soul's health shall,
by the same grace that put it in his mind, give him such comfort
and joy therein that the pleasure of his soul shall surpass the
pain of his body.
Yea, and while he hath in heart also some great heaviness for his
sin, yet when he considereth the joy that shall come of it, his
soul shall not fail to feel then that strange state which my body
felt once in a great fever.
VINCENT: What strange state was that, uncle?
ANTHONY: Forsooth, cousin, even in this same bed, it is now more
than fifteen years ago, I lay in a tertian fever. And I had
passed, I believe, three or four fits, when afterward there fell
on me one fit out of course, so strange and so marvellous that I
would in good faith have thought it impossible. For I suddenly
felt myself verily both hot and cold throughout all my body; not
in one part the one and in another part the other--for it would
have been, you know, no very strange thing to feel the head hot
while the hands were cold--but the selfsame parts, I say, so God
save my soul, I sensibly felt (and right painfully, too) all in
one instant both hot and cold at once.
VINCENT: By my faith, uncle, this was a wonderful thing, and such
as I never heard happen to any other man in my days. And few men
are there out of whose mouths I could have believed it.
ANTHONY: Courtesy, cousin, peradventure hindereth you from saying
that you believe it not yet of my mouth, neither! And surely, for
fear of that, you should not have heard it of me neither, had
there not another thing happed me soon thereafter.
VINCENT: I pray you, what was that, good uncle?
ANTHONY: Forsooth, cousin, this: I asked a physician or twain,
who then considered how this should be possible, and they both
twain told me that it could not be so, but that I was fallen into
some slumber and dreamed that I felt it so.
VINCENT: This hap, hold I, little caused you to tell that tale
more boldly!
ANTHONY: No, cousin, that is true, lo. But then happed there
another: A young girl here in this town, whom a kinsman of hers
had begun to teach physic, told me that there was such a kind of
fever indeed.
VINCENT: By our Lady, uncle, save for the credence of you, the
tale would I not yet tell again upon that hap of the maid! For
though I know her now for such that I durst well believe her, it
might hap her very well at that time to lie, because she would
that you should take her for learned.
ANTHONY: Yea, but then happed there yet another hap thereon,
cousin, that a work of Galen, _"De differentiis febrium,"_ is
ready to be sold in the booksellers' shops, in which work she
showed me then the chapter where Galen saith the same.
VINCENT: Marry, uncle, as you say, that hap happed well. And that
maid had, as hap was, in that one point more learning than had both
your physicians besides--and hath, I believe, at this day in many
points more.
ANTHONY: In faith, so believe I too. She is very wise and well
learned, and very virtuous too.
But see now what age is: lo, I have been so long in my tale that I
have almost forgotten for what purpose I told it. Oh, now I
remember me: As I say, just as I myself felt my body then both hot
and cold at once, so he who is contrite and heavy for his sin
shall have cause to be both glad and sad, and shall indeed be both
twain at once. And he shall do as I remember holy St. Jerome
biddeth--"Both be thou sorry," saith he, "and be thou also of thy
sorrow joyful."
And thus, as I began to say, to him that is in this
tribulation--that is, in fruitful heaviness and penance for his
sin--shall we need to give none other comfort than only to
remember and consider well the goodness of God's excellent mercy,
that infinitely surpasseth the malice of all men's sins. By that
mercy he is ready to receive every man, and did spread his arms
abroad upon the cross, lovingly to embrace all those who will
come. And by that mercy he even there accepted the thief at his
last end, who turned not to God till he might steal no longer, and
yet maketh more feast in heaven for one who turneth from sin than
for ninety-nine good men who sinned not at all.
And therefore of that first kind of tribulation will I make no
longer tale.
V
VINCENT: Forsooth, uncle, this is very great comfort unto that
kind of tribulation. And so great, also, that it may make many a
man bold to abide in his sin even unto his end, trusting to be
then saved as that thief was.
ANTHONY: Very sooth you say, cousin, that some wretches are there
who so abuse the great goodness of God that the better he is the
worse in return are they. But, cousin, though there be more joy
made of his turning who from the point of perdition cometh to
salvation, for pity that God had and all his saints of the peril
of perishing that the man stood in, yet is he not set in like
state in heaven as he should have been if he had lived better
before. Unless it so befall that he live so well afterward and do
so much good that he outrun, in the shorter time, those good folk
that yet did so much in much longer. This is proved in the blessed
apostle St. Paul, who of a persecutor became an apostle, and last
of all came in unto that office, and yet in the labour of sowing
the seed of Christ's faith outran all the rest so far that he
forbore not to say of himself, "I have laboured more than all the
rest have."
But yet, my cousin, though I doubt not that God be so merciful
unto those who, at any time of their life, turn and ask his mercy
and trust in it, though it be at the last end of a man's life; and
that he hireth him as well for heaven who cometh to work in his
vineyard toward night at such time as workmen leave work, and
goeth home, being then willing to work if time should serve, as he
hireth him who cometh in the morning; yet may no man upon the
trust of this parable be bold all his life to lie still in sin.
For let him remember that no man goeth into God's vineyard but he
who is called thither. Now he who, in hope to be called toward the
night, will sleep out the morning and drink out the day, is full
likely to pass at night unspoken to. And then shall he with ill
rest go supperless to bed!
They tell of one who was wont always to say that all the while he
lived he would do what he pleased, for three words when he died
should make all safe enough. But then it so happed that long ere
he was old his horse once stumbled upon a broken bridge. And as he
laboured to recover him, when he saw that it would not be, but
that down into the flood headlong he must go, in sudden dismay he
cried out in the falling, "Have all to the devil!" And there was
he drowned with his three words ere he died, whereon his hope hung
all his wretched life.
And therefore let no man sin in hope of grace, for grace cometh
but at God's will, and that state of mind may be the hindrance
that grace of fruitful repenting shall never after be offered him,
but that he shall either graceless go linger on careless, or with
a care that is fruitless shall fall into despair.