THE EVILS OF DELAYED DECEASE
"I ain't been doin' my duty by Mrs. Macy lately," said Susan Clegg to
Mrs. Lathrop; "I declare to goodness I've been so did up with the garden
an' Elijah an' house cleanin' this last two weeks that I don't believe
I've even thought of the other side of the crick since I begun. I ain't
seen Mrs. Macy either an' maybe that's one reason why I ain't done
nothin' about her, but it ain't surprisin' as I ain't seen her for she
ain't been here--she's been over in Meadville stayin' with the Lupeys,
an' I must say I'm right put out with Elijah for not puttin' it in the
paper so I'd of knowed it afore. The idea of Mrs. Macy bein' in
Meadville for over a week an' me not hearin' of it is a thing as makes
me feel as maybe when Gabriel blows his horn I'll just merely sit up an'
say, 'Did you call?' But anyway she's been away an' she's got back, an'
when I heard it in the square to-day I did n't mince up no matters none
but I just set my legs in her direction an' walked out there as fast as
I could. It does beat all how many changes can come about in two
weeks!--four more pickets has been knocked off the minister's fence an'
most every one has hatched out their chickens since I was that way last,
but I was n't out picketin' or chickenin'; I was out after Mrs. Macy an'
I just kept a-goin' till I got to her."
"Was she--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, she was," replied Susan, "an' thank the most kind an' merciful
Heavens, there was n't no one else there, so she an' I could just sit
down together, an' it was n't nothin' but joy for her to tell me hide
an' hair an' inside out of her whole visit. She got back day before
yesterday an' she had n't even unpacked her trunk yet she was that wore
out; you can judge from that how wore out she really is, for you know
yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, as when Mrs. Macy is too wore out to dive head
over heels into things, whether her own or other folks', she's been
pretty well beat down to the ground. She was mighty glad to see me,
though, even if she did n't come to the door, but only hollered from a
chair, an' I don't know as I ever had a nicer call on her, for she went
over everythin' inside out an' hind side before, an' it was nothin' but
a joy for me to listen, for it seems she had a pretty sad visit first
an' last what with being specially invited to sit up an' watch nights
with Mrs. Kitts an' then stay to the funeral--"
"Funeral!" cried Mrs. Lathrop,--"I nev--"
"For after bein' specially invited to help lay her out an' go to the
funeral," Susan repeated calmly, "Mrs. Kitts did n't die a _tall_."
"Oh!" said Mrs. Lathrop, terminating the whole of a remark, for once.
"No," said Susan, "an' every one else feels the same as you do about it,
too, but it seems as it was n't to be this time. Mrs. Macy says as she
never went through nothin' to equal these ten days dead or alive, an'
she hopes so help her heaven to never sit up with anybody as has got
anythin' but heart disease or the third fit of apoplexy hereafter. Why,
she says Mr. Dill's eleven months with Mrs. Dill flat on her back was a
child playin' with a cat an' a string in comparison to what the Lupeys
an' her have been goin' through with Mrs. Kitts these ten days. She says
all Meadville is witness to the way she's skinned 'em down to the bone.
Mrs. Dill was give up by a doctor like a Christian, an' after the eleven
months she _did_ die, but Mrs. Kitts has been give up over an' over by
doctor after doctor till there ain't one in the whole place as ain't mad
at her about it; an' there she is livin' yet! Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey
is so wore out she can't talk of nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey feels very
bitter over it; she says it's all of six years now since they turned the
X-rays through her (an' Mrs. Macy says as Mrs. Lupey says she could sit
right down an' cry to think how much them X-rays cost an' how little
good they done), an' she says it's three years come April Fool's since
old Dr. Carter tried her lungs with his new kinetoscope an' found 'em
full of air an' nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey says she's always had so much
faith in old Dr. Carter an' she had faith in him then, an' was so sweet
an' trustin' when he come with the machine, an' after he was done she
fully believed his word of honor as to everythin', an' that was why they
went an' bought her that bell an' oh heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I only
wish you _could_ hear Mrs. Macy on Mrs. Kitts' bell! It seems that kind
of bell is a new invention an' as soon as any one is give up for good
the doctor as gives 'em up sends a postal to the man as keeps 'em, an'
then the man sends it for three days on trial an' then the family buy
it, because it lets 'em all sleep easy. Well, Mrs. Macy says it's the
quietest lookin' small thing you ever see, but she says Great Scott,
Holy Moses, an' ginger tea, the way it works! You only need to put your
hand on it an' just stir it an' it unhooks inside like one of them new
patent mouse traps as catch you ten times to every once they catch a
mouse, an' then it begins to ring like a fire alarm an' bang like the
Fourth of July, an' it don't never stop itself again until some one as
is perfectly healthy comes tearin' barefoot from somewhere to turn it
over an' hook it up an' get Mrs. Kitts whatever she wants."
"I should--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.
"I guess they would, too," said Susan; "I guess they'd be only too glad
to. Why, Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey says as it was all they could do to
live in the house with her mother when she did n't have nothin' but a
stick to pound on the floor with, but she says since she's got that
bell--! Well! Mrs. Macy says as they're all four worn into just
frazzles with it, an' Judy is got so nervous with it going off sudden
when Busby an' she is thinkin' about other things that she begins
twitchin' the minute the bell begins ringin' an' they've had to hire a
electric battery to soothe her with while Faith an' Maria is racin' for
the bell. Mrs. Macy says it's somethin' just awful first, last, an'
forever, an' Mrs. Lupey told her in confidence as it was Heaven's own
truth as they had n't none of them woke of their own accords once since
it was bought."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, Mrs. Macy says she's a pretty good judge of sick folks an' she
judged Mrs. Kitts for all she was worth, an' she could n't feel as she
ought in politeness to say anythin' 'cause the Lupeys sent her the
round-trip ticket to go an' come back with. But she says just between
her an' me an' not to let it go any further, that to _her_ order of
thinkin' (an' she'll take her Bible oath to it anywhere) Mrs. Kitts
looks like one of those oldest survivor kinds as they print in the city
Sunday papers every week. She says she ain't got the quiet, give-up
manner of a person as is really quiet an' really givin' up--she's got
the spry air of a person as likes to keep the whole family jumpin' quick
whenever they speak. She says Mrs. Lupey says as she really does get
awful low just often enough to keep their courage up, but Mrs. Macy says
Mrs. Lupey is easy fooled because them's the sort as outlives all their
families in the end always. But seems as her gettin' low an' then
raisin' up again ain't the only tough part for it seems as she was so
low last fall that they really felt safe to send Maria up to the city to
buy their mournin' at a bargain sale for there's four of 'em an' they
want the veils thick so they'll look sorry from the outside anyhow. And
Maria did go, an'-- Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I will say as to hear about it
all does go through one even if it ain't my personal crape! Seems as the
clerk asked Maria if it was for a deep family mournin' or just a light
friendly mournin', an' Maria told him it was _goin'_ to be for her
grandmother. Seems he was n't very polite about it, coughed a good deal
behind his hand an' such doin's, until Maria got real vexed an' so mad
over thinkin' as maybe it was n't all coughin' as he was keepin' his
hand over that she lost her wits an' went to work an' bought most twice
the crape she needed just to show him as she was n't tryin' to save
nothin' on her grandmother, whatever _he_ might think. So now Mrs. Macy
says, added to Mrs. Kitts an' the bell they've got the care of all that
crape on their hands, an' the damp gathers in it just awful on rainy
days, an' of course no Christian can sun twenty yards of crape on their
clothesline when the dead person ain't died yet, so they're wild over
that, too. They've made their skirts themselves, an' they wanted to do
their waists, only what with the way sleeves is puffin' out an' slimmin'
up an' fronts is first hangin' over an' then hookin' down, the back it
just does seem out of the question. They've worried a lot over the veils
since they was bought 'cause they wanted to get into 'em last winter so
as to get out of 'em by last spring, an' then even when Mrs. Kitts
rallied from her Christmas dinner, they thought maybe they could still
be out of 'em by the Fourth of July; but now--Heavens! Mrs. Macy says
they don't ask to get out of 'em any more; all they ask is to get _into_
'em, an' goodness knows when that is _ever_ goin' to happen. She says
Mrs. Lupey says what with Judy's divorce an' Mrs. Kitts livin' right
along she's going to get moths into her things for the first time in her
life, she just knows she is. It's a pretty hard case any one can see,
an' of course seein' Mrs. Kitts live like that may get Busby Bell all
out of the notion of marryin' Judy, for of course no man ain't goin' to
like to look forward to Mrs. Lupey's livin' like that too, maybe--or
maybe Judy 'll live herself--you never can tell. Mrs. Macy says Mrs.
Lupey says she never guessed as sorrow could come so near to breakin'
your back as losin' a grandmother is breakin' theirs. She says when
she's really lost it won't be so bad 'cause they can all put on their
crape veils an' go straight to bed an' to sleep, but she says this long
drawn out losin' of her with that bell throwed into the bargain is
somethin' calculated to make a saint out of a Chinaman, an' nothin' more
nor less."
"Why--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"I tell you, they _can't_," said Susan; "they want to bad enough, but
they can't do it. Mrs. Kitts is too smart for that. She keeps her eagle
eye on it awake, an' her whole hand on the little string when she's
asleep, an' drums 'em up to know if the clock is really right, or if she
feels anyways disposed to smell of cologne. Some nights she rolls on the
string in her sleep, an' then the bell wakes her along with the rest of
'em, which Mrs. Macy says is a-doin' more aggravatin' to the Lupeys
than any words can do justice to. Mrs. Macy says as she really does
believe that if Mrs. Kitts took a fancy to oysters in August she'd be
fully equal to ringin' that bell for 'em till September came an' they
could get 'em for her. She says it would be just like her, she does
declare. Mrs. Macy says she sit with Mrs. Kitts considerable an' Mrs.
Kitts was very pleasant to her, an' give her two pair of black lace
mitts an' a pin, but she found out afterwards as the mitts was Mrs.
Lupey's an' the pin was Maria's, so after that she see just how the
family felt about her an' her ways. Mrs. Macy says the whole thing is a
tragedy right out of Shakespeare an' the only pleasant thing about her
whole visit was as it did n't cost her nothin'."
"Did she--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about that. She see him four times. I
don't know as she wants it generally known, but I wanted to know about
it so I got it out of her. It does beat all, Mrs. Lathrop, how a woman
of Mrs. Macy's sense, with a income that's only a little too small to
get along on, can want to marry any man again. But she seems kind of
crazy on the idea, an' if it ain't Mr. Dill, it's goin' to be Dr.
Carter, or bu'st, with her. She says she went to his office just to let
him know she was in Meadville, an' then she see him on the street, an'
then she went to his office again to ask him his real opinion of Mrs.
Kitts, an' then just before she left she went to his office again to let
him know as she was goin' to come back here. So she see him four times
in all."
"What did--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, he told her as he would n't be surprised if any of 'em died any
day. That is, any of 'em except Mrs. Kitts. He did n't seem to think as
Mrs. Kitts would ever die."
"What do--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, I saw there was nothin' else as Mrs. Macy could talk about just now
so I come home an' then I come over here. I declare though, Mrs.
Lathrop, I can't help bein' a little blue to-night. Of course I ain't
any real relation to you, but we've been neighbors so long that I can't
help feelin' a little bit uneasy over thinkin' of Mrs. Kitts an'
wonderin' how long you may be goin' to live in the end."