THE FAR EASTERN TROPICS
"You look--" said Mrs. Lathrop, solicitously, one afternoon, when Susan
Clegg had come around by the gate to enjoy a spell of mutual sitting and
knitting.
"Well, I am," confessed Susan, unrolling her ball and drawing a long
breath; "I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, as I really never
was more so. What with havin' to look after Elijah's washin' an' his
mendin' an' his cookin' an' his room, an' what with holdin' down his new
ideas an' explainin' to people as he did n't mean what it sounds like
when I ain't been able to hold 'em down, I do get pretty well wore out.
I can see as Mr. Kimball sees how Elijah is wearin' on me for he gives
me a chair whenever I go in there now an' that just shows how anxious
he is for me to rest when I can, but it really ain't altogether Elijah's
fault for the way my back aches to-day, for I got this ache in a way as
you could n't possibly understand, Mrs. Lathrop, for I got it from
sittin' up readin' a book last night as you or any ordinary person would
of gone to sleep on the second page of an' slept clear through to the
index; but I was built different from you an' ordinary persons, Mrs.
Lathrop, an' if I'd thanked the Lord as much as I'd ought to for that
I'd never have had time to do nothin' else in _this_ world."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop, with interest.
"It was a book," said her friend, beginning to knit assiduously--"a book
as a boy he went to school with sent Mr. Fisher with a postal card,
sayin' as every American man 'd ought to read it thoughtfully. Mrs.
Fisher took it out of the post office an' read the postal card, an' she
said right off as she did n't approve of Mr. Fisher's reading books as
every man ought to know, so she let me have it to bring home an' read
till she gets through makin' over her carpets. I brought the book home
done up to look like it was a pie, an' I will frankly state, Mrs.
Lathrop, as you could have dropped me dead out of any balloon when I
found out what it was about. It was n't the kind of book the postal card
would have led you to suppose a _tall_--it was about Asia, Mrs. Lathrop,
the far side or the near side, just accordin' to the way you face to get
the light while you read, an' so far from its bein' only intended for
men it's all right for any one at all to read as has got the time. Now
that I'm done it an' know I have n't never got to do it again, I don't
mind telling you in confidence that for a book as could n't possibly
have been meant to be interestin' it was about as agreeable readin' as I
ever struck in my life. There was lots in it as was new to me, for it's
a thick book, an' all I knowed about that part of the world before was
as Java coffee comes from Java an' the Philippines from Spain. But I
know it all now, an' Judge Fitch himself can't tell me nothin' from this
day on that the man who wrote that book ain't told me first. I'll bet I
know more about what that book 's about than any one in this community
does, an' now that I know it I see why the man said what he did on the
postal card for it _is_ a book as every man ought to read, an' I read in
the paper the other day as the main trouble with the men in America was
as they knowed all about what they did n't know nothin' about, an' did
n't know nothin' a _tall_ about the rest."
"What--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"But I don't see how the man that wrote it is ever goin' to make any
money out of it," pursued her friend, "for it's pretty plain as it's
every bit written about things that Americans don't want to really learn
an' what the rest of the world learned long ago. If I was very patriotic
I don't believe I'd have read it clear through to the end myself, but I
ain't never felt any call to be patriotic since the boys throwed that
firecracker into my henhouse last Fourth of July. I will say this for
the hen, Mrs. Lathrop, an' that is that she took the firecracker a good
deal calmer'n I could, for I was awful mad, an' any one as seed me ought
to of felt what a good American was spoiled then an' there, for all I
asked was to hit somethin', whether it was him as throwed the cracker or
not an' that's what Judge Fitch always calls the real American spirit
when he makes them band-stand speeches of his in the square. Oh my,
though, but I wish you had n't reminded me of that hen, Mrs. Lathrop,
her tail never will come in straight again I don't believe, an' she's
forever hoppin' off her eggs to look out of the window since she had
that scare."
Mrs. Lathrop frowned and looked very sympathetic.
"But about this book," Susan went on after a second of slightly
saddened reflection. "I'm goin' to tell you all about it. Elijah 's
goin' to write a editorial about it, too. Elijah says this business of
downtreadin' our only colony has got to be stopped short right now as
soon as he can call the government's attention to how to do it.
"Well, the book begins very mild an' pleasant with Hongkong an' it ends
with the Philippine accounts. Seems Hongkong ain't Chinese for all it's
named that an' growed there--it's English--an' as for the Philippines
there's eight millions of 'em, not countin' the wild ones as they can't
catch to count an' ask questions. In between Hongkong an' the
Philippines the man who wrote the book runs around that part of the
world pretty lively an' tells who owns it an' what kind of roads they've
got an' who'd better govern 'em an' all like that. You might think from
hearin' me as he sort of put on airs over knowin' so much himself, but
it don't sound that way a _tall_ in the book. It's when he finally got
to the Philippines as any one can see as he really did begin to enjoy
himself. He enjoyed himself so much that he really made me enjoy myself,
too, although I can't in reason deny as I felt as I might not of been
quite so happy only for that firecracker. The kind of things he says
about our doin's in those countries is all what you don't get in the
papers nor no other way, an' if the United States really feels they're
in the right as to how they're actin' all they need to do is to read how
wrong they are in that book where a man as really knows what he's
talkin' about has got it all set down in black an' white. I don't
believe it's generally knowed here in America as Dewey took Aguinaldo
an' his guns over to Manila an' give him his first start at fightin' an'
called him 'general' for a long time after they'd decided in Washington
as how he was n't nothin' but a rebel after all. I never knowed anythin'
about that, an' I will remark as I think there's many others as don't
know it, neither, an' I may in confidence remark to you, Mrs. Lathrop,
as that book leads me to think as the main trouble with the Philippines
is as they are bein' run by folks as don't know anythin' about the place
they're runnin' an' don't know nothin' about runnin' for anythin' but
places. The man in the book says the Philippines ain't very well off
being pacified, an' that the Americans ain't no great success pacifyin'
'em, for it seems as they made five thousand expeditions after 'em in
one year, an' only got hold of five thousand natives in all. That's a
expedition to a man, an' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as it's small wonder
we're taxed an' they're taxed, with some of our new fellow citizens as
hard to grab as that. To my order of thinkin' it'd be wisest to let 'em
chase each other for ten or twenty years first an' then when they was
pretty well thinned out we could step in an' settle with the survivors;
but accordin' to the man who wrote the book you can't never tell a
American nothin', an' I must say that my own experience in this
community has proved as he knows what he's sayin' all straight enough.
He says the Philippines is in a very bad way, an' so is their roads, but
he says that all the folks in this country is so dead satisfied with
their way an' poor roads that they ain't goin' to do nothin' to help
either along any."
"Did--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"He says," continued Susan, "that the United States is just so happy
sittin' back an' observin' the Philippines, an' the Philippines is so
far off that if they die of starvation while being observed no one'll
ever be the wiser. He says the United States is payin' for the army, an'
the Philippines is tryin' to live with it, an' seein' as they don't work
much an' the Chinese is forbidden to work for 'em, he don't see no help
nowhere. What he said about the Chinese was very interestin', for I
never see one close to, an' it seems they're a clean race only for
likin' to raise pigs in their garrets. It seems, too, as if you let 'em
into any country they'll work very hard an' live very cheap an' pay most
of the taxes with the duty on opium as they've got to eat, an' games as
they've got to play."
"I sh'd think--" said Mrs. Lathrop, looking startled.
"Well, I should, too," said Susan, "but accordin' to the book the
Philippines ain't to be allowed any such luxury as havin' the Chinese to
develop their country an' pay their taxes. No sir, they've all got to go
to school an' learn English first, an' although he says right out plain
that the Philippines needs Chinese an' good roads a deal worse 'n they
need the army an' the schools, still it's the army an' the schools as
America is going to give them, an' they can get along without the roads
an' the Chinese as best they can. They certainly must be gettin' a good
deal of schoolin', but the man says all the teachers teach is English,
an' as none of the children can speak English they don't get much
learned. I thought I could sort of see that he thought we 'd ought to
of straightened out the South of our own country afore we begun on any
other part of the world, an' it _is_ the other half of the world, too,
Mrs. Lathrop, for I looked it up on a map an' it begins right under
Japan an' then twists off in a direction as makes you wonder how under
the sun we come to own it anyway, an' if we did accidentally get it
hooked on to us by Dewey's having too much steam up to be able to stop
himself afore he'd run over the other fleet, we'd ought anyway to be
willin' to give it away like you do the kittens you ain't got time to
drown. The whole back of the book is full of figures to prove as it's
the truth as has been told in front, but the man who wrote it didn't
think much of even the figures in the Philippines for he says they put
down some of what they spend in Mexican money an' some in American an'
don't tell what they spend the most of it for in either case. He says he
met some very nice men there an' they was workin' the best they knew
how but they did n't think things were goin' well themselves an' it's
plain to be seen that he spoke of 'em just like you give a child a cooky
after a spankin'. What interested me most was there's a Malay country
over there as the English began on twenty-five years ago an' have got
railroaded an' telegraphed an' altogether civilized now, an' we've had
the Philippines ten years an' ain't even got the live ones quieted down
yet."
"What do you--" asked Mrs. Lathrop, earnestly.
"Oh," said her friend, "I ain't never had no ideas on the Philippine
question since Judge Fitch got his brother made a captain in the war
just because he was tired supportin' him. Mr. Kimball said then as all
wars was just got up to use up the folks as respectable people did n't
want to have around no longer an' I must say as I believe him. Mr.
Weskin told me as it's been quietly knowed around for hundreds of years
as the crusades was a great success as far as gettin' 'em off was
concerned just for that very reason, an' I guess we're hangin' on to the
Philippines because it's a place a good long ways off to send poor
relations after good salaries. The man who wrote the book said a man did
n't need to know hardly anythin' to go there an' I must say from what I
see of the few who have come back they don't look like they spent much
spare time studyin' up while they was in the country."
Susan stopped knitting suddenly and stuck her needles into the ball.
"I've got to go home," she said. "I've just remembered as I forgot to
fill the tea-kettle. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, we've had a nice talk about our
foreign possessions an' all I can say in the end is as that whole book
made me feel just like we'd all ought to get to feel as quick as we can.
Lots of things in this world might be better only the people that could
change 'em don't often feel inclined that way, an' the people who'd
like to have a change ain't the ones as have got any say. If I was a
Philippine I'd want a Chinaman to do my work an' I'd feel pretty mad
that folks as had so many niggers an' Italians that they did n't need
Chinamen should say I could n't have 'em neither. I'd feel as if I
knowed what was best for me an' I would n't thank a lot of men in
another part of the world for sittin' down on my ideas. However, there's
one thing that comforted me very much in the book. All the countries
around _is_ run, an' pretty well run too, by other countries an' if the
Philippines get too awful tired of being badly run by us all those of
'em as know anythin' can easy paddle across to some of them well run
countries in the front half of the book to live, an' as for the rest--"
Susan stopped short. Mrs. Lathrop was sound asleep!