THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE NEWSPAPER
"I'll tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg the next Monday
afternoon, "I ain't goin' to stay here so late but what I go home in
time to make Elijah something hot an' comfortin' for supper to-night. I
ain't any one to take sides, but I will say that my heart has gone out
to that poor young man ever since I was down in the square this mornin'.
I felt to be real glad as he'd took to-day to go up to the city, for I
must say I'd of felt more'n a little sorry for him if he'd heard folks
expressin' their opinion about his first paper."
"Did he--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, he went to-day," said Miss Clegg. "He went on the early train an'
one of the joys of havin' a man in the house was as I had to be up
bright an' early to get him his breakfast. I must say I never thought
about his wantin' early breakfast when I agreed to take him, but I'm not
one to refuse to feed even a editor, so I cooked him cakes just the same
as I would any one else."
"Why--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, I guess maybe he heard things yesterday as made him feel as it'd
be just as well to let folks have time to sizzle down some afore they
looked on his bright an' shinin' face again. I tell you what, Mrs.
Lathrop, I can see as runnin' a newspaper ain't an easy thing an' the
town is really so up in arms to-day, that I really would of made waffles
for Elijah to eat instead of just plain cakes, if I'd knowed when he got
up how mad every one was at him. I can see since I've been down town
to-day as the square was n't likely to have been no bed of roses for him
yesterday. The whole community is mad as hornets over the paper. Why, I
never see folks so mad over nothin' before. Nobody likes his puttin' his
own name right under the paper's, an' Dr. Brown says the editor belongs
on the inside, anyhow. Dr. Brown's most _awful_ mad 'cause Elijah's put
his item right in with the advertisement of Lydia Finkham, an' he says
he ain't nothin' as pretends to cure anythin' or everybody. He says he's
a regular doctor as you have to take regular chances with an' he feels
like suin' Elijah for slander. Gran'ma Mullins is mad, too, 'cause she
was put in the personals an' Elijah went an' called her the 'Nestor of
the crick,' without never so much as askin' by her leave. She says she
ain't never done nothin' with the crick, an' if she ever nested anywhere
it was in her own owned an' mortgaged house. Hiram says he'll punch
Elijah if he ever refers to his mother's nestin' again, an' I guess
Hiram feels kind of sore over Elijah's talkin' of his mother's nestin'
when all the town knows how much he wishes as Lucy'd settle down and
nest awhile instead of keepin' 'em all so everlastin'ly churned up. Mrs.
Macy told me this mornin' as Lucy's whitewashin' the garret this week;
she see the brush goin' 'round an' 'round the window on her side--she
says it makes her bones ache just to live next door to Lucy's ways. She
says they're so different from Gran'ma Mullins' ways. Gran'ma Mullins
had n't had no whitewashin' done in twenty years--not since she rented
the cottage of father. That's true an' I know it's true too because
she's been askin' an' askin' me to have it done an' I said not by no
means--so she's left off."
"Did--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"The Jilkinses is real mad over the paper, too," Susan continued. "Seems
as Elijah went an' called 'em the 'Chirpy Cherry Ponders,' an' Mrs.
Jilkins says where he got the idea as either of 'em ever chirped in
their lives she cannot conceive, for Mr. Jilkins ain't so much as peeped
a good part of the time since they were married an' she says as for
being chirpy, _she_ looks upon the word as city slang. But Judge Fitch
is about the maddest of all! I did n't read what Elijah said about him
but every one else did, an' he says he was willin' to run for congress
for the good of his country, but to put him up in a editorial as says
he'll be proud to come back from Washington as poor as he goes there, is
a very poor way to put heart into any man's contest. He says if he's got
to come back from Washington as poor as he goes he can't see no good an'
sufficient reason for goin' a _tall_, for he won't gain nothin' an' will
be out his car fare there an' back. He says he never heard of no one
comin' back from Washington as poor as they went before, an' it was a
thing as he supposed could n't be done till he found Elijah had booked
him to do it. He says if that's what he's to up an' teach his country,
he don't thank Elijah for advertisin' him as any such novelty an' he
says he won't go to congress on any such terms--not while he knows
himself. Mr. Kimball told me as he spoke to Elijah about it yesterday,
an' Elijah said to him as it would be a strong plank for Judge Fitch to
stand on in the middle of his platform, but Judge Fitch told Mr. Kimball
as he could just tell his nephew frank an' open as that one plank in his
platform had better be weak an' he'd take care to remember to step over
it every time. He said he was just waitin' for a good chance to tell
Elijah his opinion of him right to his face, an' he said as he should
give him to understand as after this he must submit all other planks to
_him_ afore he printed 'em. Mr. Kimball says that Judge Fitch said good
gracious him, there would n't be no knowin' what he'd have to live up to
next, if Elijah was n't reined in tighter. Judge Fitch says the old way
is good enough for him when he goes to Washington.
"But that ain't all the trouble there is. Mr. Fisher feels very much
hurt at Elijah's writin' any editorial without consultin' him first. He
says he told him as he could have give him a motto out of Shakespeare
about layin' on an' dammin' as would have put life in the campaign right
off at the beginnin'; an' then there's Mrs. Macy as thinks he was awful
mean to call her one as carries weight anywhere; I'm sure I wish Elijah
had let Mrs. Macy alone for she's worse than hornets over that remark of
his. She says maybe Elijah'll go over two hundred an' fifty hisself some
day, an' if he does he'll know as it's no joke. She bu'st her rocker
last night when she read what he said about her, an' she says bu'stin' a
rocker ought to show better than any words how mad it made her. My, she
says, but she was mad! I told Elijah when he was gettin' up the paper as
he'd better never say nothin' about nobody in it, but Elijah can't help
being a man an' very like all men in consequence, an' he said as a paper
was n't nothin' without personal items, an' he thought folks would
enjoy being dished up tart an' spicy. I told him my views was altogether
different. 'Elijah Doxey,' I says, 'you dish Meadville up tart an' spicy
an' we'll all feel to enjoy, but you leave folks here alone.' But he
didn't mind me an' now he's got a lesson as will maybe teach him to
leave the armchairs of folks as is payin' for his paper unbu'sted
henceforth."
"Now--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, we get along pretty well," said Susan; "a man's a man, an' of
course any house always is pleasanter without one in it, but I guess if
you have to have one around Elijah's about as little bother as you could
ask. I'm teachin' him to be real orderly in a hurry just by puttin' his
things where he couldn't possibly find 'em if he leaves 'em layin'
around. You always can manage pleasantly if you're smart, an' I'm smart.
If he don't empty his basin, I don't fill his pitcher; if he's late to
meals, I eat up all as is hot;--oh! there's lots of ways of gettin'
along, an' I try 'em all turn an' turn about. If one don't work another
is sure to, an' if he ever does have a wife it won't be my fault--I know
that.
"Mr. Kimball asked me this mornin' what I thought of him anyhow. Mr.
Kimball says as Elijah says as he personally thinks this year is sent to
fit him for suthin' demandin' backbone, an' so he'd ought to be resigned
to anythin'. That didn't sound just polite to me to my order of thinkin'
an' Gran'ma Mullins come back just then an' broke in an' said if Elijah
was resigned she wasn't, an' she hoped he'd never come her way any more
when he was out pickin' up items."
"Is any one--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"I don't know," said Miss Clegg, "I don't believe so. Even the minister
is mad; I met him comin' home an' I couldn't see what he had to complain
of, for I didn't remember there bein' a single word about him in the
whole paper. Come to find out he was all used up 'cause there _wasn't_
nothin' about him in it. He told me in confidence as he never got such
a shock in all his life. He says he read the paper over nine times afore
he was able to sense it, an' he says his last sermon was on hidin' your
light under a bushel basket an' he had a copy all ready if Elijah had
only come for it. He says he shall preach next Sunday on cryin' out unto
you to get up, an' he shall take a copy to Elijah himself. I cheered him
up all I could. I told him as a sermon preached on Sunday was n't likely
to be no great novelty to no one on the Saturday after, but I'd see that
he got it back all safe if Elijah throwed it into his scrap-basket. That
seems to be the big part of bein' a editor--the throwin' things in his
scrap-basket. Elijah's scrap-basket is far from bein' the joy of my life
for he tears everythin' just the same way an' it makes it a long, hard
job to piece 'em together again. Some days I don't get time an' then I
_do_ get so aggravated."
"Have you ever--" asked Mrs. Lathrop with real interest.
"Not yet, but he ain't got really started yet. It's when the paper gets
to Meadville an' Meadville begins to write him back what they think
about what he thinks of them, that that scrap-basket will be
interestin'! I guess I'll go home now an' make biscuits for supper. He
was comin' back on the five-o'clock train. Poor Elijah, he'll have a
hard day to-morrow but it'll do him good. Men never have to clean house,
so the Lord has to discipline their souls any way he can, I suppose, an'
to my order o' thinkin' this runnin' a newspaper is goin' to send Elijah
a long ways upwards on his heavenly journey."
"Does--" asked Mrs. Lathrop, rising heavily to bid her friend good-bye.
"Most likely," said Susan; "at any rate if he does n't have any
appetite. I like 'em myself."