MY SHANGHAE DINNER.
I saw by the papers, one day, late in the year 1854, an account of the
return from England of my fat friend Giles, who brought with him the
poultry purchased abroad for Mr. Barnum, and which proved to be a lot of
_pure_ stock, of a remarkable character, as I supposed it would be.
But, while John was absent in Great Britain, the knowing ones there
shook him down, beautifully! His theory, when he left America, four
months previously, was that "hall 'at was wanted 'ere was to get hover
from Hingland pure-bred fowls, and such would _sell_." John brought over
"such," and they _did_ sell; but Barnum was sold by far the worst!
An auction was immediately got up at the American Museum, in New York;
and after a vast deal of drumming, puffing and advertising this
magnificent, just-imported, pure-bred poultry, the sale came off, to a
sorry company, indeed! And the gross amount of the sales of the fowls
thus disposed of, really, was insufficient to pay the _freight_ bills
for bringing them across the Atlantic, to say nothing of their original
high cost abroad. The show-man has since left the hen-business, I learn,
"a wiser if not a better man;" while John retired with the simple
exclamation, "Most extr'ornerry result I hever 'eer'd of in hall my
life!"
Soon after this little episode occurred, the second show of the
"National Poultry Society" (in January, 1855) came off at Barnum's
Museum, in New York; which, notwithstanding the best endeavors of the
"President," was a failure. The "Committee" shut out of their premium
list the Grey Shanghaes, altogether; and the result of this last
exhibition was just what I had anticipated. But Mr. Barnum can well
afford to foot the bills; and, as he is perfectly willing to do this, no
objection will be raised to his choice, I presume. This final exhibition
at New York, I have no doubt, closed up the business, for the present.
As soon as this last fair had closed, and when the lucky and unlucky
contributors returned to Boston, I invited a party of my former
_confrères_ to my residence, to dinner. I had been preparing for this
little event for several days; and the following was the actual "bill of
fare" to which we all sat down, at RUSSET HOUSE, _Melrose_, on the fifth
day of February, 1855:
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| Dinner. |
| |
| SOUP--_A la_ SHANGHAE. |
| |
| FRESH FISH--WITH CHINA SAUCE. |
| |
| BOILED FOWL--_To wit, the identical Grey Shanghae cock (two years |
| old) which took the premium at the_ FIRST _National Poultry Show, |
| in New York, in 1854; then valued at $100_. |
| |
| ROAST--Shanghae Cock, nine months old, weighing, dressed, 10-3/4 |
| pounds. Do. Shanghae Pullets, same age, drawing, dressed, 7-1/2 |
| pounds each. Do. Spring Shanghae Chickens in variety. |
| |
| BAKED--Pure "Suffolk" Pig, with genu-wine "Mandarin" Sauce. |
| |
| |
| ENTREMENTS. |
| |
| BROILED Shanghae Chicks. | FRIED Shanghae Pullets. |
| STEWED Shanghae Chickens. | CODDLED Shanghae Stags. |
| CURRIED Shanghae Fowls. | FRICASSEED Shanghaes. |
| SHANGHAES TRUFFLED, |
| and |
| MORE SHANGHAES, IF WANTED! |
| |
| |
| DESSERT. |
| |
| Shanghae Chicken Pie. | Pudding _a la_ Shanghae. |
| Shanghae Omelets. | Candied Cocks' Spurs. |
| Shanghae Custards. | Crystallized Pullets' Combs. |
| Chinese Pudding. | Shanghae Wattles, in Syrup. |
| |
| |
| SHANGHAE-QUILL TOOTH-PICKS, |
| and |
| MORE SHANGHAES IN THE YARD! |
| |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
To this repast, with thankful hearts, a company of five-and-twenty sat
down, and, as nearly as my recollection now serves me, the friends did
ample justice to my Shanghae dinner. After two hours over the _varied_
dishes (varied in size and style of cooking only), the cloth was
removed, and the intellectual treat commenced with a song, written
"expressly for this occasion," by the Young 'Un, which was delivered
with admirable effect by "one who had been there," and in the chorus of
which the guests unitedly joined, with surprising harmony and unison.
The following toasts were then submitted:
_By the Man in the Black Coat._--The Memory of the defunct Rooster we
have this day devoured: Peace to his manes! (Drank standing, in
silence.)
_By a Successful Breeder._--The health, long life, and prosperity, of
our absent cash customers,--at home and abroad.
_By an Amateur._--Honor to the discoverer of the exact difference
between a "Shanghae" and a "Cochin-China" fowl, if he shall ever turn
up!
_By the "Confidence" Man._--The Continuity of the beautifully-elongated
Chinese fowls: May their shadows never be less!
_By a Victim._--The Bother'em Wot-yer-call-'ems: Dammum! (Nine cheers
for Doctors Bennett and Miner.)
_By a Disappointed "Fancier."_--Barn-yard fowls and white-shelled eggs,
for _my_ money. (Three cheers for the old-style biddies.)
_By the Youth in a White Vest._--"Fanny Fern": The hen that lays the
golden eggs. (Six cheers for Fanny, and the fair sex generally.)
_By a Repentant._--The whole Shanghae Tribe: Curse 'em; the more _fowls_
you see of this race, the less _eggs_ there are about! (This was deemed
slightly _personal_, but it was permitted to pass; the gentleman spoke
with unusual feeling; he had been only three years in the trade, and had
expended some sixteen hundred dollars in experimenting with a view to
establish a _breed_ that would lay _two_ eggs daily.)
_By One of my "Friends."_--The Young 'Un: The only hen-man who has put
the knife in up to the handle with a decent grace! (Nine cheers
followed, for the importer of the only pure-bred poultry in America.)
This last sentiment called me to my feet, naturally enough; and, as
nearly as I remember, I thus addressed my guests, amidst the most marked
and respectful attention:
"GENTLEMEN: I think I have seen it written somewhere, or I have
heard it said, 'It is a long lane that has no turn in it.' I
believe, however, that, although the lane we have most of us been
travelling for the last six years has proved somewhat tortuous as
well as lengthy, we have now passed the _turn_ in it, and have
arrived very nearly at the end of the road.
"Few of you, gentlemen, have met with so many thorns, _en route_,
as I have; none of you, perhaps, have gathered so many roses. I am
content, and I trust that everybody is as well satisfied with the
results of this journey as _I_ am. _The Shanghae trade is done_,
gentlemen! We have this day eaten up what, four years ago, would
have been the nucleus, at least, of a small fortune to any one of
us who at that time might have chanced to have possessed it. But
the fever is over; the demand for giraffe cocks and chaise-top hens
is passed; the 'poor remains of beauty once admired, in my premium
fowls,' now lie scattered about the dishes that have just left this
table; and 'Brahma-pootra-ism' is now no longer rampant.
"Perhaps, gentlemen, as you entertain opinions of your own upon
this delightfully pleasing subject of poultry-raising generally,
and of the propagation of Shanghae fowls in particular, you would
care to hear nothing of my views regarding this point. Yet, I pray
you, indulge me for a single moment--in all seriousness--and permit
me to say (without the slightest intention of being personal), that
we have proved ourselves a clan of short-sighted mortals, at the
best, during the last half-dozen years, in our crazy devotion to
what we have deemed an honorable and laudable 'profession,' but
which has been, in reality, the most shallow, heartless,
unreasonable, silly and bottomless humbug that grown-up men have
ever been cajoled with, since the hour when Adam was fooled by the
accomplished and coquetting Eve!" (Cries of "You're more'n half
right!" "That's a fact!" "Exactly--just so!")
"There is now living in Melrose, Mass., gentlemen, a breeder who
begun at the beginning of this excitement, who has since followed
up the details of this hum with a zeal worthy of a better cause;
and who has accumulated a handsome competency in this traffic, by
attending strictly to his own affairs, while he has uniformly acted
upon the principle that this world is sufficiently capacious to
accommodate all God's creatures, without jostling. If you should
chance to meet this now retired fowl-fancier, he will tell you that
he has had, and believes he still has, many personal friends; but
the very _best_ 'friend' he has ever known is the enjoyment of his
present income of eight per cent. interest, per annum, upon thirty
thousand dollars. But this is a digression, and I beg pardon for
the allusion.
"I look back with no regrets at the past, gentlemen. We have seen a
great many merry days, and, in the midst of the competition and
humbuggery in which we enlisted, we have often differed in
sentiment. But _here_,--at the close of the route on which we have
so long been journeying,--let us remember only the good traits that
we any of us possess, while from this point we forget the errors
that ourselves and our companions may have committed, forever."
(Three times three, "and one more," were here given for the
speaker, his friends, and all the rest of mankind.)
"I will say no more, gentlemen. My stomach is too full for further
convenient utterance; and I will conclude with a sentiment to
which, I am sure, you will all respond. I will give you--
"'The Hen Fever!'"--
"Don't, _don't_!" shrieked the crowd. "We've had that disease once,
and that is quite sufficient."
"Indulge me, gentlemen, one moment, and I will propose, then--
"'THE HEN TRADE: Though a _fowl_ calling, it puts _fair_ money in
the purse, when "judiciously" managed. May none of you ever do
worse, pecuniarily, in this humble "profession," than has your
friend--the subscriber.'"
Another round of hearty cheers succeeded this sentiment, a parting
bumper was enjoyed, and the circle separated, to meet again at
Philippi,--or elsewhere,--where the author hopes to encounter only
friendly faces, whatever may have been his business relations with his
acquaintances in the days that are now passed away.
The mania is over. I have frankly repeated to you the humble history of
this curious fever, and we have reached
THE END.
[Illustration]
LIST OF BOOKS
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THE HISTORY OF THE HEN FEVER; A HUMOROUS RECORD. By Geo. P. Burnham.
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Transcriber's Note
Punctuation and formatting markup have been normalized.
Apparent printer's errors have been retained, unless stated below.
Page numbers cited in illustration captions refer to their discussion in
the text. Illustrations have been moved near their mention in the text.
The symbols, ==> and <==, replace the character of a pointing hand that
appeared in the text.
Page 21, "gray" changed to "grey" for consistency. (...rich and poor,
white, black and grey,--_everybody_ was more or less seriously affected
by this curious epidemic.)
Page 60, "anexed" changed to "annexed". (In the _addenda_ to my Report
(above named) there appeared the annexed statement, by somebody:)
Page 88, "H.B.M." changed to "H.R.M." (Her Royal Majesty) for
consistency. (From Hon. Col. Phipps, H.R.M. Secretary.)
Page 116, "oustrip" changed to "outstrip". (At this time there was found
an ambitious individual, occasionally, who got "ahead of his time," and
whose laudable efforts to outstrip his neighbors were only checked by
the natural results of his own superior "progressive" notions)
Page 153, "millenium" changed to "millennium". ("Fanny" went into New
York State, crowing when she left, crowing as she went, and continuing
to crow until she crowed the community there clear through the next
fourth o' July, out into the fabled millennium.)
Page 162, "@" changed to "or". (The prices for chickens ranged from $12
_or_ $15 a pair, to $25 or $30, and often $40 to $50, a pair.)
On Page 235, *** represents the symbol used in the text which resembles
an inverted asterism.
End of Project Gutenberg's The History of The Hen Fever, by George P. Burnham