BARNUM IN THE FIELD.
The prince of showmen was suddenly developed as a "hen-man"! Mr. Barnum
was seized, one morning, with violent spasms, and, upon finding himself
safely within the friendly shelter of "Iranistan," his physicians were
duly consulted, who examined his case critically, and reported that the
disease lay chiefly in the head of their patient--who, it was
subsequently ascertained, was suffering from a severe attack of hen
fever.
Such was the violence of the demonstrations in this gentleman's case,
however, and so fearful were the indications with him, even during the
incipient stages of the affection, that his friends feared that Phineas
T. had really contracted his "never-get-over." But, upon being informed
(as I was, soon afterwards) of this case, and questioned as to his
probable eventual recovery, I unhesitatingly gave it as my opinion that
his friends might rest assured the humbug that could kill _him_ was yet
to be discovered; and that, so far as he was personally concerned, I
entertained no sort of doubt that "he would feel much better when it
was done aching." (A prediction which, I have no question, has been
accurately fulfilled, ere this.)
The man who could succeed, as he had, with no-haired horses,
gutta-percha mermaids, fat babies, etc., and who had gone into and out
of fire-annihilators, prepared mastodons, illustrated newspapers, copper
mines, defunct crystal palaces, and the like, unscathed, would scarcely
be jeopardized by an attack of the prevailing malady of the day, however
violently it might exhibit itself in his case. And so there was hope for
Phineas, though his symptoms were really alarming.
My friend took the very best possible means for alleviating the
virulence of his attack; and, looking about him for the
largest-_sized_ humbug known in the trade, he alighted upon a
two-hundred-and-forty-pound Connecticut joker, who quickly offered to
inform him how he could find relief.
"How shall I do it, John?" exclaimed Phineas, as his fat friend made his
appearance.
"Heesiest thing in life," responded John; "hall you 'ave to do is to put
yer 'and in yer pocket."
"_So?_" said Phineas, putting his fist gently out of sight.
"No--you aren't deep enough down yet," replied John. "Go down deeper.
That's better,--that'll do."
"How much'll it cost?" queried Phineas.
"Carn't say," responded John. "You're pooty bad. There's nuth'n' in
_this_ country that'll cure you. Hi'll go hout to Hingland, if you say
so, and hi can git somethin' there that'll 'elp you. It ar'n't to be 'ad
in Ameriky, though."
"Sho!" exclaimed Barnum; "you don't say so! Do you think, John, that we
could find something in England that would knock 'em, here?"
"Nothing else," replied John. "_Hi_ know where they keep 'em." (John was
raised in Great Britain.)
"But, John," persisted Phineas, "there's _Burnham_, you know, of Boston.
They say _he_ has the best poultry in the world; and I've no doubt of
it, between you and I."
"Fudge!" exclaimed John; "Burn'am's a very clever fellow, hi've no
manner o' doubt, and hi won't say nuth'n' ag'inst 'im; but 'ee's the
wust 'umbug you _ever_ see, since you 'ad breath. 'Ee don't know the
dif'rence 'tween a Shanghi and a Cochin-Chiny--an' never did. 'Ee's a
_hum_, 'is Burn'am. Don't go near _'im_, unless you want the skin shaved
hoff o' yer knuckles, clean."
"Well, John," said the show-man, "something must be done. I've got the
fever, bad, I'm afraid, as you suggest; and it must be fed. What can you
do for me?"
John thought the matter over, and it was finally agreed, as there were
no good fowls in America (according to John's notions), that _he_ should
be deputized by Phineas to proceed to "Hingland," and procure some
genuine (that is, _pure_) stock, for the coops at Iranistan, at the
liberal show-man's expense! A capital recipe, this, for Barnum's
disease, as well as for John's own benefit.
But Phineas isn't taken down easy, though they do occasionally "fetch
him." And so he hesitated. He thought the matter over a while, and
finally said to his friend, one day,
"John, I've got it!"
"'Ave you?" says John.
"Yes, I've got it. You know I've something in my head besides grey
hairs, John."
"Hi've no manner o' doubt o' _that_," replied John.
"Well, I have thought this thing over, and I have determined to see,
first, what there is in America, before I send you out to Europe."
"It'll take you a long time to do that," said John, "and you'd 'ave to
travel a great w'ile to see all the poultry we've 'ere."
"I won't travel at all," said Phineas.
"No? As 'ow, then?" inquired John.
"I'll get up a show--a poultry exhibition--on a grand scale, and it
shall come off at my Museum, at New York. Everybody'll come, of course;
and we can see what there is, buy what I want from the best of 'em, and
make our selections as we may fancy; you shall go out afterwards to
England, and obtain for me what I can't get here, you see."
"Capital!--hexellent!" responded John.
"And I'll call it the--the--_what_?" said Barnum, stopping for an
appropriate title to this anticipated exhibition.
"I donno," said John, puzzled.
"Well--then--the _National Show_," continued Phineas. "How'll that do?
The first exhibition of the 'National Poultry Society.' I think that's
good. You see that includes all quarters of the country; and we shall
know no north, no south, no east, no west! A quarter admission--Museum
included--capital!"
"Yes--just _the_ thing!" chimed in his friend. And shortly afterwards
advertisements and circulars found their way into the hands of all the
hen-men in the country, who were thus invited to visit New York, in
February, 1854, to contribute to the grand show of the "National Poultry
Society," of which P.T. Barnum, Esq., was _President_.
A long string of names was attached to this call, and the list of
"Managers" embraced one or more representatives from every State in the
Union--my own humble name appearing among the Vice-presidents for
Massachusetts.
The whole thing was clearly one of Barnum's _dodges_ to fill his Museum
for a few days; and probably not a single individual except himself had
any knowledge of the formation or existence of any such _society_ as
this, of which he thus nominally appeared to be the presiding officer.
At any rate, after diligent inquiry, I could never ascertain that
anybody knew anything about any such an association, except himself.
However, this was a matter of no sort of consequence, of course. The
Fitchburg Dépôt Show, in Boston, was a similar affair; and I now joined
in this exhibition without asking unnecessary questions,--because I saw
that there was fun ahead, and that _I_ could make an honest penny out of
it, whether Barnum did or not.
Every one now put his best foot foremost; and, as this fair approached,
Shanghaes were converted into Cochin-Chinas (by the knowing ones), by
the removal of the feathers from the legs; the mongrels were made
feathered-legged Bother'ems, by the free use of gum-tragacanth and down;
the long-tailed fowls were deprived of all superfluous plumes, through
the aid of the pincers; and what this last process did not
satisfactorily effect, the application of the _shears_ completed (see
engraving!); until, at last, the unlucky bipeds, whom nature had
originally supplied with decent caudal appendages, were reduced to that
requisite state of brevity, astern, which the _mode_ or the taste of the
day demanded. And, at length, all was ready for the great "National
Show" in New York city.
[Illustration: PREPARING FOR THE FOWL SHOW.--(See page 195.)]
As it turned out, the whole thing (though an utter _sham_ as regarded
its being a _society_ matter) proved to have been well conceived, and,
from beginning to end, was admirably well carried out. Mr. Barnum did
his part most creditably at this first show in New York, and the
experiment was eminently successful.
The birds were afforded excellent care, and an immense quantity of good
specimens found their way to the Museum at the appointed time. For a
week, notwithstanding the very dull weather, the great rooms of the
American Museum on Broadway were thronged with visitors; and Barnum was
in high glee at the entire success of his undertaking.
Not content with one week's show of the fowls, Barnum proposed that it
should be continued for six days longer; and the crowd continued to
visit this exhibition for another week, and to pour in with their
friends, their wives, their children, and their quarters, to the great
edification and satisfaction of the proprietor of the show, and the
"President" of the "National Poultry Society."
I was there, with a goodly quantity of my "rare" and "unexceptionable"
and "pure-bred" fowls, which were greatly admired by the thousands of
lookers-on, who flocked to this extraordinary exhibition. It was really
astonishing (to _me_, at least) what very fine birds I had at this show.
And, "may be," fowls didn't _sell_ there! If I remember rightly, "the
people" were round, on that occasion. And so was _I_!