_The Right to Live With the People of My Choice_
The six months of language school were almost over. Exams had been the
order of the day. In spite of the fact that the results of their
labors were not yet known, half a dozen young women gathered in the
dormitory to celebrate with a cocoa party. Some were sprawled on the
beds, one was seated on the floor, and another two were presiding over
the concoction simmering on a tiny, smoky kerosene stove.
"You know, I couldn't sleep a wink last night!" declared one. "I was
thinking about Mr. Gibb[6] coming to appoint us to stations, and
wondering what my senior worker will be like, and I got so worried I
stayed awake all night!"
"You know the Lord is working it all out! We've been praying about it
for so long! You shouldn't worry about it!" reproved another gently.
"Well, I tried, but the more I tried, the wider awake I got."
"You _are_ foolish!" put in another. "Mr. Gibb isn't even coming until
tomorrow, and then who knows how soon _you_ will have your interview
with him. It will take him several days they say, and your name begins
with _T_."
"It's all right for you to talk!" retorted the first girl. "You have a
sister out here, and you're taking it for granted that you'll be sent
to her. Of course you're all right! But what about the rest of us who
have to be separated, and sent off to live with entire strangers? How
do I know whether my senior worker will _like_ me or not?"
"_You_ don't need to worry," put in the quiet voice of a girl who had
not spoken before. "You are gay and lively, and everybody likes you.
I'm quiet and awkward, and never know what to say. I'm sure my senior
worker will be disappointed when she gets me!"
"Just listen to me a minute!" another voice spoke up. "I'll tell you
the one way out of this difficulty. Everybody wants a congenial fellow
worker. Well, there's only one way to be sure, and that is--pick your
own! That's what I'm going to do!"
"Don't be stupid!" clamored three or four voices at once. "Pick your
own! Just as if we'd be allowed to pick our own senior workers! What
are you talking about?"
"Just what I said. I'm picking my own senior worker! Of course I may
not be able to do it right away--I may have to live with one that Mr.
Gibb picks for me for a year or two--but I'm getting the one I've
picked for myself in the end!"
At that juncture two girls jumped upon the speaker, and rolled her
from the bed to the floor. "Just because you are engaged you don't
need to think you are better than we are!" and the serious discussion
broke up with a laugh.
* * * * *
With whom am I going to live and work for the next six months? For the
next six years? For the rest of my life? Who will be the one I will
see the first thing in the morning, and the last thing at night, and
all the time in between? With whom will I sit down at the table three
times a day? Who will be my fellow worker, my companion in recreation,
the one who spends time with me at the Throne of Grace, pleading for
souls, and for the upbuilding of God's Church? Yes, it's quite a
question. For somehow, mission boards usually seem to recognize only
one legitimate reason for allowing a missionary to choose his or her
own fellow worker, and that one reason is marriage. Even married
couples will probably be asked to take one or more younger workers
into their homes; and if you are one who remains single, why, you will
just have to let the superintendent, or committee, pick your
companion and fellow worker for you.
When I was in high school it was one of my ambitions to learn to be at
home in any environment. Whether a wealthy home or a poverty-stricken
one, whether an American culture or the culture of some other group, I
wanted to be able to live in that environment as though I had grown up
in it. This ambition was no doubt laudable and its attainment is very
useful to the missionary. I found later, however, that it does not
quite go to the heart of the problem. My ambition at present is not so
much to be able to live happily in any _environment_ as to be able to
live happily with any other _missionary_.
This statement may horrify some of my readers. If I had said I make it
my ambition to be able to live happily with anyone, you would have had
no bone to pick with me. But no, I _must_ say, _with any other
missionary_! Am I trying to imply that some missionaries are hard to
live with? That class of God's devoted servants who have given up all
to go for Him to the far corners of the earth? Let anyone else be hard
to get along with, but surely not missionaries!
Well, missionaries (excepting some feeble folk like me) are the salt
of the earth. At the same time, my experience on the foreign field
leads me to the conclusion that it takes a good deal more grace to
live happily with one's fellow workers on the foreign field than it
does at home. Why? The reasons are varied. I think I can safely say
that most missionaries are rather strong-minded. If they were not,
perhaps they would never have gotten to the foreign field! They know
what they want to do, and they know how they want to do it. Most
missionaries will agree on the task to be accomplished; but what are
the best means to accomplish it--that is not always so easy to agree
upon! The older worker may think the younger worker's plans wild and
impracticable. The younger worker may think the older worker stodgy
and in a rut. Perhaps both may be right. Happy the fellow workers who
can learn to discuss their pet ideas without heat! Happy the fellow
workers who can develop just the right combination of initiative and
co-operation!
It is hard to realize how closely one is shut up to a fellow worker on
the mission field. Probably there are no others of your own race in
the place where you live. At home one can live with one group, work
with another, and have special friends that are entirely apart from
either group. On the field there is no one else--no one who speaks
your native tongue, understands your background, or has the same
pattern of thought as yourself. Perhaps you are stationed with one
other worker. Every human heart longs for some special friend; but
this fellow worker may not be one you would have chosen for a special
friend. Perhaps she has some mannerisms that are irritating to you.
Perhaps you like dogs and she hates them. Perhaps she believes in
being extremely economical and you like to spend money more freely. In
some ways, as two single missionaries live and work together, the
relation is as close as that between husband and wife; but in this
case the two _have not chosen one another_. Of course the relationship
is not established for life; and the missionary who finds herself
paired off with an uncongenial fellow worker may console herself by
hoping that a change will come soon. That frame of mind, however, is
not exactly conducive to the sort of adjustment that would make for
the most effective carrying on of the work.
Even married couples will feel this to a certain extent. A young
married couple will probably have to live with an older couple for the
first two or three years on the field. Owing perhaps to the shortage
of men, and perhaps to other reasons, it even happens that sometimes a
young married couple is sent to live for their "breaking-in" period
with one or two older single lady missionaries! The initial period
passes, and they are given a home and a work of their own. But they
are not likely to be left alone long. Younger workers will be coming
along, and most married couples are rarely without other workers
living in their homes. Besides this, it is likely that the husband
will need to be away from home for weeks and even months at a time,
leaving the wife at home with the little ones and the junior workers.
The single worker feels the force of this even more strongly. Two good
friends _may_ be placed in a station together; or what is more likely,
two who have been placed together may become especially good friends.
The fact that they are good friends, however, cannot be a reason for
placing them together, nor for leaving them together. Any of us would
realize that. The placing of workers is determined by the best
interests of the work. If, when the best interests of the work are
considered, it seems right to place two special friends together, or
to leave them together, well and good. If not, why, that's the end of
it!
Not being able to choose my own fellow worker will present two
possible difficulties for me. One is that I may be placed with someone
who does not appeal to me. The other is that I may be separated from
someone with whom I strongly desire to remain. The first difficulty is
one that comes along now and then. Probably most missionaries, at one
time or another, have had a period of living with someone with whom
they did not seem to "hit it off." The second difficulty is, for the
unmarried worker at least, of much more common occurrence. Over and
over again it happens. Just when you and someone else have lived
together long enough to rub off the rough corners, and come to a place
where you really "fit," along comes an upheaval, and you are
separated. We like to put down roots. We like to make friends and stay
with them, but on the mission field frequent change of location and of
fellow workers is the normal thing. New personnel is constantly being
added, and older workers are constantly retiring. New stations are
constantly being opened. And the single worker, time and time again,
finds herself being separated from a fellow worker with whom she would
prefer to remain permanently!
Some will notice that I have been using pronouns in the feminine
gender. This is not without reason, since by far the majority of
single workers on the field are women. And, as has been said, one of
the hardest things the single woman worker must face is that she can
never say to anyone, "I'm going to stay with you."
* * * * *
"What a negative sort of outlook!" exclaims someone; and we must thank
that one for reminding us that there is a _positive_ side. There is
One whom we _may_ choose for our Companion. (How amazing that I should
be allowed to _choose Him_!) And it is just because we have already
chosen the one Companion who will not leave us that we may not choose
anyone else--not even a husband or wife--without reference to Him. As
soon as we choose Him, then He does all our choosing for us.
According to old Oriental custom, marriages were arranged by parents
with the aid of a middleman. Sometimes when things went wrong after
marriage one of the couple, or both, would blame the middleman. When
marriages are made after the Western pattern, there is no one to blame
but oneself. Before I left America I used to think that marriages
arranged by parents, through middlemen, must necessarily be unhappy.
But after I had been on the field for a time I decided that in China
the proportion of happy marriages among those outside of Christ was
greater than marriages of those of the same group in America, even
though almost all the marriages in China were made after the old
traditional style! People who choose partners for themselves do not
always choose wisely. Older people, with more experience, may make a
wiser choice than the young people themselves would have done. It
_may_ be better to have a trustworthy middleman than to try to do the
choosing oneself!
If this is true of an earthly middleman, how much more it is true of
the One who chooses for _us_! The earthly middleman may do very well
in many cases, but certainly he makes some mistakes. The One who
chooses for us makes no mistakes. So whether it be a matter of
accepting a fellow worker you would rather not have, or of letting go
one whom you would like to keep--remember the One who does the
choosing for us makes no mistakes.