_The Right to My Own Time_
"_Come now, ye that say, Today or tomorrow we will go into
this city, and spend a year there, and trade, and get gain:
whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow.... For that
ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall both live, and
do this or that._"--James 4:13-15
"Mrs. Ning and I are going out to see Grandma Woo, who has been sick.
Wouldn't you like to come too?"
I was sitting at my desk, with all the paraphernalia of Chinese study
spread out before me. I looked at my desk, looked at the clock, looked
at my sister, and then asked, "How soon will you be back?"
"Oh, we shouldn't be too long! Of course Mrs. Ning walks slowly, with
her small[3] feet; but it's only a mile, and we don't need to stay
very long. You never know, but we ought to be home in plenty of time
for dinner."
Well, I thought to myself, I suppose I ought to go; but I wanted to
finish translating this chapter, and I'll be doing well to get it
done in three hours. And I had thought that I'd get it finished this
morning, and be able to write letters this afternoon. Still--
Unfortunately for my peace of mind, I knew two things. One was that my
sister thought that I ought to go, and the other was that she was
right.
"Well," I said finally, "I'll go; but let's not stay long."
We got our sun hats, joined Mrs. Ning, and started off. Her feet were
not more than six inches long, and she _did_ take such tiny steps! Try
as I would to walk slowly, I continually found myself going ahead of
the other two. My sister by nature is in more of a hurry to get things
done than I. Still, here she was, wandering along beside Mrs. Ning as
if she had all the time in the world, listening intently to a tale
about Mrs. Ning's third aunt's cousin, and putting in sympathetic
interjections and questions now and then.
I could not seem to get interested in the story, even though Mrs. Ning
was telling how she had tried to get this third aunt's cousin to bring
his troubles to the Saviour. I could not understand all of what she
said, and was unable to keep up with all the ins and outs of the poor
cousin's troubles, so finally I gave up trying. It was a beautiful
day. The sky was blue, and the wheat, high and greenish-gold, rippled
in the wind. We turned off the road and followed a little path
running through the wheat fields. My sister almost unconsciously began
slipping the full heads of grain through her fingers, one after the
other, as she passed. She always loved the wheat, and so did I, but
somehow today I did not want to touch it. I only wished that we would
hurry.
At last we arrived at the village, and made our way to the home of old
Mrs. Woo. As usual, a crowd of dirty, staring youngsters followed us
into the house. We sat on benches that were about eight inches wide,
and sipped "tea" that could be called so only by courtesy; since,
having no tea leaves, they had instead just put a few slices of raw
sweet potato into the kettle when it went on the fire. Old Mrs. Woo
was up and around again, and feeling lively.
"I'm so glad you've come! I've been telling my neighbors all about the
Lord Jesus, and how they ought to believe in Him, but I'm afraid I
don't do it quite right. Now that you've come you can tell them! Here,
you, Kitten," speaking to one of the crowd of children that had
followed us into the house, "you run home and get your grandma to
come. And you, Girlie, your second great-aunt said that she wanted to
believe. Run fast and tell her that the teachers have come. All of you
youngsters, you scoot home as fast as you can and get your mothers and
grandmothers to come and listen to the doctrine!"
It took quite a lot of persuasion to get the children to go; and
perhaps the mothers and grandmothers were busy. We waited in vain for
quite awhile, but finally in came three or four women, one with a
cloth shoe sole she was quilting, and another carrying a baby. After
quite a bustle, they were all seated and given bowls of tea. Then out
came the poster that my sister always carried, and the Gospel was
explained to them in very simple words. With great effort I managed to
keep my mind on the message, and understood most of it. I
congratulated myself internally. At last I had successfully wrested my
mind from the absorbing but uncomfortable subject of all the things
that I had wanted to get done that day!
The preaching was finished. The women got up to go, assuring us that
they would come with Mrs. Woo to church the next Sunday. We got up
too, and started to say good-by.
"What! Go home!" said Mrs. Woo. "Who could think of such a thing! Of
course you'll stay for dinner with me! Why, it's almost ready!" (We
knew perfectly well that the only womenfolk in the family were herself
and her daughter-in-law, and that neither had left the room since the
tea had been brought in.)
My sister and Mrs. Ning protested, and even I managed to add a few
polite words. But my thoughts were not so courteous. Stay for dinner!
What an idea! Why, that would mean that we would not be home before
the middle of the afternoon at the earliest! And besides, the meal
would probably be some miserable stuff that I could hardly force down!
Oh, well, likely she was only asking us in order to be polite, and did
not really mean it!
With great difficulty we made our way toward the door. Mrs. Woo and
her daughter-in-law hung on us until we could hardly move, protesting
loudly that they would not think of letting us leave. My blood began
to boil. I guess we had the right to go home when we wanted to! They
were actually trying to force us to stay! Well, I would not stay in
any case now! This was just too much!
We had reached the open door, and just then caught sight of an old
woman hobbling rapidly across the yard toward us.
"Oh, Girlie's second great-aunt!" called Mrs. Woo. "Here you are at
last! Why didn't you come sooner?"
"Well, I had company, and I just couldn't get away. But finally my
daughter-in-law came back, and I left them with her and came as
quickly as I could. I was so afraid that the teachers would be gone.
But, oh, surely you're not leaving?"
"Oh, no, of course they're not leaving! You don't think that I would
let them come under my roof and not keep them to a meal! It will be
nothing like they're used to, of course; but still a meal is a meal!
Now, just sit down, teachers, please, and Mrs. Ning. Girlie's second
great-aunt has wanted to believe for some time, but her son is very
mean to her, and he won't let her go to church. Do you think that she
could believe at home?"
I could not believe my eyes. My sister and Mrs. Ning sat down
obediently and began to talk very sympathetically with the old woman
who had just come. What! Were they actually going to stay to dinner?
And not a word to me, just as if what I wanted did not matter at all!
_They_ could talk to this old lady, and tell her about the Lord, but
all _I_ could do was just sit! Of course I was supposed to listen; but
one could not put her brain to listening to this queer Chinese _all_
day long! And what about all those things that I had wanted to get
done?
The dinner was no better than I expected. In fact, it was worse.
Girlie's second great-aunt stayed too, upon urging, and they all
talked on and on. They were trying to teach her a little prayer, and
she was so stupid! Over and over and over, and still she could not say
it by herself.
Finally, when I had given up all hope--I had sat in stony silence all
the afternoon--we got up, made our farewells, and started home. The
sun was setting as we entered our front gate. I was tired (why, I did
not know; I had not done a thing all day), hungry (I had not been able
to eat much of the dinner, no matter how it had been urged upon me),
and disgusted. And the worst of it was that it did not seem to bother
my sister a particle. She took it all as a matter of course. Was this
what I was going to have to go through; what I had come to China for?
For I began slowly to realize that today's experience was not just one
isolated incident; it was likely to happen any day in the year.
Something was wrong somewhere. What?
Suddenly it came over me. It was only that I had had my day all
planned out, and did not want my plans interfered with. Because they
had been interfered with, I had done nothing but sulk. All the things
I might have enjoyed I had not enjoyed at all. I had made myself
miserable for a whole day, just because my time had been disposed of
by someone else, and not by me.
"Dear Lord," I said, "I'm not going to go through this again! I know
it was really You who disposed of my day when I wanted to do something
else with it! Give me an open mind, Lord, so that whenever I go to the
country, whenever I start a new day, I'll be able to accept whatever
comes, and rejoice in it!"
It is amazing how much difference a little thing like one's mental
attitude can make. After that, when I went to the country, I never
took with me any preconceived notions of what time I would return. I
might get back home for my noon meal, or I might get back by sunset,
or I might even stay overnight--what difference did it make? My time
belonged to the Lord, and it was up to Him to dispose of it. I found
that with this attitude of mind I could go anywhere, take advantage of
any opportunities offered, stay more time or less time than I had
expected, and still enjoy every moment, because God had planned it,
and had worked it out in the best possible way.[4]