FLIRTATIONS AND THEIR RESULTS
The greater social freedom of the present generation without adequate
preparation has resulted in an increasing tendency among young girls to
make chance acquaintances and perhaps clandestine engagements. That
these flirtations, entered into so innocently, may result in events that
will be the cause of lifelong regret is seldom realized by a young
girl. Yet very often such is the case!
One letter I received says, "I will give you a short outline of my life
since last April when my troubles began, for which I blame my parents
partly, because I was not allowed to have my friends at my home or go
out with young men, as the other girls do, with my parents' knowledge of
it and because I was kept ignorant of the things I think every girl
should know. I was nineteen last March. The men say I am the kind that
looks good to men, that they cannot resist. As to this I do not know,
but I do know that I always attract their attentions and I am sorry that
I do. And yet I crave them. I have for years and I am lonesome without
them. I want their friendship and company. I do not know why it is but I
am more satisfied with the boys than the girls. Last April a young man,
somewhere in the thirties, I think, though he looked much younger, came
to our little country town. He was handsome, well educated, finely
dressed and always seemed to have plenty of money. I was very unhappy
about this time over my troubles at home and because my boy friend, who
always had been a friend through all, had for some cause unknown to me
stopped writing to me. So I met the young man first in company with
friends a couple of times, then he wished to make an appointment to meet
me alone and, through the kindness of my friends, I met him out at night
several times. On the third night before I half realized what I was
doing I had let him ruin me. I had never been told that this was wrong
and yet I seemed to know that it was. It worried me, but there was no
one I could go to for advice and my friend said that since what was done
already could never be undone I might as well keep it up, etc. Having
no advice but his, I followed it and for several weeks met him out any
and every where and time I could. I knew of the trouble that might come
from these meetings and asked my friend about it but he said that
everything was all right, that he would tend to that and that nothing
would happen. But it did happen. He was going away in a few days and
gave me some medicine to take, telling me I was only held back on
account of it being the first time. But I didn't believe him and went to
a married lady whom I had known but a short time but whom I thought I
could trust and who would help me. She invited my friend and me there
one evening and talked the matter over with us or rather with him. He
stayed over and helped me out of my trouble. But my health has never
been the same since. Now, what I want to ask you is this, do you think
it would be right for me to marry any man, with him thinking that I am
good or innocent? Do men expect that of the women they marry? But I do
not wish to marry if I can help it, but I must do something. I will go
crazy if I stay here at home from worrying over what I have done and for
fear my parents will find it out. What I wish to do is to go away to
work, but I have no one to go to and am afraid I cannot resist the
temptations that they say come to every working girl. I have given in
twice since my trouble, both times shortly afterwards. The first because
I could not help it and the second because I was afraid of being told
on, he having been told by the first man. But when I found out I could
not resist the teasing I quit going out and it has been months since I
have been out with a man and I am trying to lead a decent life but it is
hard and at times it seems that I must give in. Now, please write and
tell me just exactly what you think of my case. Has my whole life been
ruined by this man?"
Unless this girl will "play soldier" and "right about face" she is in
danger of landing in a house of ill-fame. How common is her story! Girls
do not realize what are the possible results that may follow an innocent
flirtation. Young girls are not posted and they do not know men. They do
not realize the pressure that will be brought to bear upon them. Many
young girls grow to womanhood without any idea of the relations of the
sexes. To them, love is devoid of ideas of sex, practically the same as
their love for a brother or sister. It is not until they are thrown
alone in the company of some older man that they suddenly awaken to a
realization of what it all means.
The girls who like to be petted, to be kissed and hugged can see no harm
in that and do not realize what a sleeping force may be aroused. The
man, when he finds a girl will allow these attentions, thinks that she
knows what they may lead to and naturally assumes that she is willing,
but only wishes to be coaxed. It is a clear case of misunderstanding on
both sides. But that does not make the consequences any less harmful.
Girls do not realize what kind of an impression they make upon men by
their clothes, actions, etc. An eminent lawyer said to me recently, "Why
do you not tell girls what _real_ men think of them when they appear on
the streets with painted faces, peek-a-boo waists and thin, silk hose
worn with shoes more appropriate for the ball-room? If girls imitate the
demi-monde in their dress they must expect to be treated accordingly."
There is in every girl's nature a desire to appear attractive in the
eyes of those of the opposite sex and this desire leads them to extremes
of dressing. These extremes of dressing naturally attract the attention
of men, and the girls feel flattered and continue in their course, not
realizing what impression the men really get. Then, when the man makes
the advances that her manner of dressing has led him to believe he can
make, she feels insulted and resentful.
The fault lies in the fact that the girl has not been properly educated
and has received exaggerated and entirely wrong ideas of life.