advertisements are of great use to the vulgar: first of all, as they
are instruments of ambition. A man that is by no means big enough
for the _Gazette_, may easily creep into the advertisements; by
which means we often see an apothecary in the same paper of news
with a plenipotentiary, or a running-footman with an ambassador. An
advertisement from Piccadilly[88] goes down to posterity with an
article from Madrid; and John Bartlet[89] of Goodman's Fields is
celebrated in the same paper with the Emperor of Germany. Thus the
fable tells us, that the wren mounted as high as the eagle, by getting
upon his back.
A second use which this sort of writings have been turned to of late
years, has been the management of controversy, insomuch that above half
the advertisements one meets with nowadays are purely polemical. The
inventors of Strops for Razors[90] have written against one another
this way for several years, and that with great bitterness; as the
whole argument _pro_ and _con_ in the case of the Morning-gowns[91]
is still carried on after the same manner. I need not mention the
several proprietors of Dr. Anderson's pills;[92] nor take notice of the
many satirical works of this nature so frequently published by Dr.
Clark,[93] who has had the confidence to advertise upon that learned
knight, my very worthy friend, Sir William Read.[94] But I shall
not interpose in their quarrel; Sir William can give him his own in
advertisements, that, in the judgment of the impartial, are as well
penned as the doctor's.
The third and last use of these writings is, to inform the world where
they may be furnished with almost everything that is necessary for
life. If a man has pains in his head, colics in his bowels, or spots in
his clothes, he may here meet with proper cures and remedies. If a man
would recover a wife or a horse that is stolen or strayed; if he wants
new sermons, electuaries,[95] ass's milk,[96] or anything else, either
for his body or his mind, this is the place to look for them in.
The great art in writing advertisements, is the finding out a proper
method to catch the reader's eye; without which, a good thing may pass
over unobserved, or be lost among commissions of bankrupt. Asterisks
and hands were formerly of great use for this purpose. Of late years,
the _N.B._ has been much in fashion; as also little cuts and figures,
the invention of which we must ascribe to the author of Spring Trusses.
I must not here omit the blind Italian character, which being scarce
legible, always fixes and detains the eye, and gives the curious reader
something like the satisfaction of prying into a secret.
But the great skill in an advertiser is chiefly seen in the style which
he makes use of. He is to mention the universal esteem, or general
reputation, of things that were never heard of. If he is a physician
or astrologer, he must change his lodgings frequently, and (though he
never saw anybody in them besides his own family) give public notice
of it, for the information of the nobility and gentry. Since I am
thus usefully employed in writing criticisms on the works of these
diminutive authors, I must not pass over in silence an advertisement
which has lately made its appearance, and is written altogether in
a Ciceronian manner. It was sent to me, with five shillings, to be
inserted among my advertisements; but as it is a pattern of good
writing in this way, I shall give it a place in the body of my paper:
* * * * *
"The highest compounded spirit of lavender, the most glorious (if the
expression may be used) enlivening scent and flavour that can possibly
be, which so raptures the spirits, delights the gust, and gives such
airs to the countenance, as are not to be imagined but by those that
have tried it. The meanest sort of the thing is admired by most
gentlemen and ladies; but this far more, as by far it exceeds it, to
the gaining among all a more than common esteem. It is sold (in neat
flint bottles fit for the pocket) only at the Golden Key, in Warton's
Court, near Holborn Bars, for 3s. 6d. with directions."
At the same time that I recommend the several flowers in which this
spirit of lavender is wrapped up (if the expression may be used), I
cannot excuse my fellow-labourers for admitting into their papers
several uncleanly advertisements, not at all proper to appear in the
works of polite writers. Among these I must reckon the Carminative
Wind-expelling Pills.[97] If the doctor had called them only his
carminative pills, he had been as cleanly as one could have wished;
but the second word entirely destroys the decency of the first. There
are other absurdities of this nature so very gross, that I dare not
mention them; and shall therefore dismiss this subject, with a public
admonition to Michael Parrot,[98] that he do not presume any more to
mention a certain worm he knows of, which, by the way, has grown seven
foot in my memory; for, if I am not much mistaken, it is the same that
was but nine foot long about six months ago.
By the remarks I have here made, it plainly appears, that a collection
of advertisements is a kind of miscellany; the writers of which,
contrary to all authors, except men of quality, give money to the
booksellers who publish their copies. The genius of the bookseller
is chiefly shown in his method of ranging and digesting these little
tracts. The last paper I took up in my hands, places them in the
following order:
The True Spanish Blacking for Shoes, &c.[99]
The Beautifying Cream for the Face, &c.[100]
Pease and Plaisters, &c.
Nectar and Ambrosia, &c.[101]
Four Freehold Tenements of £15 per Annum, &c.[102]
⁂ "The Present State of England," &c.[103]
†‡† "Annotations upon the _Tatler_," &c.[104]
A Commission of Bankrupt being awarded against B. L., Bookseller,
&c.[105]
FOOTNOTES:
[87] Addison wrote again on advertisements, in the _Spectator_ (No.
547).
[88] "At the Golden Cupid, in Piccadilly, lives the widow Varick,
who is leaving off her trade, hath some statues and boys, and a
considerable parcel of flower-pots and vases second-hand, to be sold a
great pennyworth" (_Post-Man_, September 16-19, 1710).
[89] Bartlet, "at the Golden Ball, by the Ship Tavern, in Prescot
Street, in Goodman's Fields," advertised inventions for the cure of
ruptures; "also divers instruments to help the weak and crooked." "His
mother, the wife of the late Mr. Christopher Bartlet, lives at the
place above mentioned, who is very skilful in the business to those of
her own sex" (_Tatler_, No. 70). There was also an S. Bartlet, at the
Naked Boy, in Dean Street, Red Lion Square, who carried on a similar
business (_Post-Man_, September 2-5, 1710).
[90] "The so much-famed strops for setting razors, &c., are only to be
had at Jacob's Coffee-house, in Threadneedle Street, with directions.
Price 1s. each. Beware of counterfeits, for such are abroad. The trues
ones, which deservedly have gained so much commendation, are only to
be had as above. Golden snuff still to be had there, 6d. per paper"
(_Post-Man_, March 23, 1703). Steele alluded twice to the author of
"strops for razors" in the _Spectator_ (Nos. 428 and 509). In No. 423
of the _Spectator_ there was an advertisement of "the famous original
Venetian strops." Swift, referring to rival imitations of the _Tatler_
published in January 1711, says, "So there must be disputes which are
genuine, like the strops for razors."
[91] "Morning gowns of men and women, of silks, stuffs, and calicoes
(being the goods of persons that failed), which were to be disposed of
at the Olive Tree and Still, are now to be sold at the Golden Sugar
Loaf, up one pair of stairs, over against the Horse, at Charing Cross;
with a fresh parcel at very low rates, the price being set on each
gown" (_Tatler_, No. 222). A similar advertisement from "the Black
Lion, over against Foster Lane, Cheapside" (_Examiner_, December 7-14,
1710).
[92] See No. 9. "The Scots Pills first made by Dr. Patrick Anderson,
of the kingdom of Scotland, I John Gray do most faithfully and truly
prepare, according to the doctor's method in his lifetime, and sell
them as he sold them, that is, 5s. the whole box, 2s. 6d. the half box,
15d. the quarter box. Take notice, my pill has not that griping quality
that is in the pill of a perpetual vain-boaster, whose pretended
authority can never better the doctor's receipt who first invented
them; the true knowledge whereof is in myself, as by my receipt, and
further testimony of many famous doctors in this kingdom, it most
plainly appears.... These pills are sold at my house, the Golden Head,
between the Little Turnstile and the Bull Inn, in High Holborn. Signed,
John Gray"(_Post-Boy_, January 3, 1699). "Dr. Anderson's, or the famous
Scots Pills, are (by his Majesty's authority) faithfully prepared only
by J. Inglish, now living at the Golden Unicorn, over against the
Maypole, in the Strand; and to prevent counterfeits from Scotland, as
well as in and about London, you are desired to take notice, that the
true pills have their boxes sealed on the top (in black wax), with a
lion rampant and three mullets argent; Dr. Anderson's head betwixt J.
J., with his name round it, and Isabella Inglish underneath it in a
scroll" (_Post-Man_, January 9, 1700). "The right Scotch Pills, made by
the heirs of Dr. Anderson in Scotland, are to be had of Mrs. Man, at
Old Man's Coffee-house, Charing Cross" (_Post-Man_, October 23, 1703).
[93] Dr. Clark, "sworn physician and oculist to King Charles and King
James II.," advertised that his "ophthalmic secret" could be had from
his house in Old Southampton Buildings, Holborn (_Post-Man_, August
24-26, 1710).
[94] See No. 9.
[95] "A noble electuary, which ... makes the heart merry, restores,
strengthens, and adds life, courage, and vigour to either men or women,
to a miracle.... Is to be had only at Mr. Spooner's, at the Golden
Half Moon, in Lemon Street, in Goodman's Fields, at 5s. a pot, with
directions" (_Daily Courant_, September 15, 1710).
[96] "Ass's milk to be had at Richard Stout's, at the sign of the Ass,
at Knightsbridge, for three shillings and sixpence per quart; the ass
to be brought to the buyer's door" (_Post-Boy_, December 6, 1711).
[97] This and other similar advertisements appeared in the _Daily
Courant_ for September 6, 1710.
[98] "Whereas I, Michael Parrot, have had brought away a worm of
sixteen feet long, by taking the medicines of J. Moore, apothecary, in
Abchurch Lane, London; witness my hand, Michael Parrot. Witness, Anth.
Spyer" (_Post-Boy_, April 27-29, 1710).
[99] The True Spanish Blacking was advertised in opposition to "London
Fucus for Shoes."
[100] "An incomparable beautifying cream for the face, neck, and hands;
takes away all freckles, spots, pimples, wrinkles, roughness, scurf,
yellowness, sun-burning; renders the skin admirably clear, fair, and
beautiful; has an excellent pretty scent; is very safe and harmless,
and vastly transcends all other things; for it truly nourishes the
skin, making it instantly look plump, fresh, smooth, and delicately
fair, though before wrinkled and discoloured. Sold only at Mr.
Lawrence's Toy Shop at the Griffin, the corner of the Poultry near
Cheapside, at 2s. 6d. a gallipot, with directions" (_Tatler_, No. 140).
[101] "Nectar and Ambrosia, the highest cordial in the world, being
prepared from the richest spices, herbs, and flowers, and drawn from
right brandy, comforting the stomach, immediately digesting anything
that offends, cherishing the heart, fortifying the brain, and so cheers
the spirits, that it makes the whole body lively, brisk, and vigorous.
This is the cordial dram that the Czar of Muscovy so highly approved
of. Sold in 1s. and 2s. bottles by some one person in many cities
and county towns; and by wholesale by J. Hows, in Ram-head Innyard,
Fenchurch Street, London" (_Merlinus Liberatus_; Partridge's Almanac
for 1699).
[102] "Twenty freehold tenements to be sold, lying in Wapping....
Inquire at the Union Coffee-house, at King Edward's Stairs, in Wapping"
(_Tatler_, No. 215).
[103] "Anglia Notitia; or, The Present State of England," was begun by
Edward Chamberlayn in 1669, and was continued for a number of years by
his son, John Chamberlayn, who died in 1724.
[104] "This day is published, 'Learned Annotations on the _Tatler_,'
Part I. Printed for B. Lintott" (_Daily Courant_, August 31, 1710).
[105] I cannot find any notice in the _London Gazette_ or elsewhere of
the bankruptcy of Bernard Lintott, who is no doubt here referred to.
It almost seems as if Addison inserted the initials of the flourishing
bookseller in retaliation for the publication by Lintott of the
satirical "Annotations on the _Tatler_."
=No. 225.= [STEELE.
From _Thursday, Sept. 14_, to _Saturday, Sept. 16, 1710_.
----Si quid novisti rectius istis,
Candidus imperti; si non, his utere mecum.
HOR., 1 Ep. vi. 67.
_From my own Apartment, Sept. 15._
The hours which we spend in conversation are the most pleasing of
any which we enjoy; yet, methinks, there is very little care taken
to improve ourselves for the frequent repetition of them. The common
fault in this case, is that of growing too intimate, and falling into
displeasing familiarities: for it is a very ordinary thing for men to
make no other use of a close acquaintance with each other's affairs,
but to tease one another with unacceptable allusions. One would pass
over patiently such as converse like animals, and salute each other
with bangs on the shoulder, sly raps with canes, or other robust
pleasantries practised by the rural gentry of this nation: but even
among those who should have more polite ideas of things, you see a set
of people who invert the design of conversation, and make frequent
mention of ungrateful subjects; nay, mention them because they are
ungrateful; as if the perfection of society were in knowing how to
offend on the one part, and how to bear an offence on the other. In
all parts of this populous town you find the merry world made up of
an active and a passive companion; one who has good-nature enough to
suffer all his friend shall think fit to say, and one who is resolved
to make the most of his good-humour to show his parts. In the trading
part of mankind, I have ever observed the jest went by the weight of
purses, and the ridicule is made up by the gains which arise from it.
Thus the packer allows the clothier to say what he pleases, and the
broker has his countenance ready to laugh with the merchant, though the
abuse is to fall on himself, because he knows that, as a go-between,
he shall find his account in being in the good graces of a man of
wealth. Among these just and punctual people, the richest man is ever
the better jester; and they know no such thing as a person who shall
pretend to a superior laugh at a man, who does not make him amends
by opportunities of advantage in another kind: but among people of a
different way, where the pretended distinction in company is only what
is raised from sense and understanding, it is very absurd to carry on
a rough raillery so far, as that the whole discourse should turn upon
each other's infirmities, follies, or misfortunes.
I was this evening with a set of wags of this class. They appear
generally by two and two; and what is most extraordinary, is, that
those very persons who are most together, appear least of a mind
when joined by other company. This evil proceeds from an indiscreet
familiarity, whereby a man is allowed to say the most grating thing
imaginable to another, and it shall be accounted weakness to show
an impatience for the unkindness. But this and all other deviations
from the design of pleasing each other when we meet, are derived
from interlopers in society, who want capacity to put in a stock
among regular companions, and therefore supply their wants by stale
histories, sly observations, and rude hints, which relate to the
conduct of others. All cohabitants in general run into this unhappy
fault; men and their wives break into reflections which are like so
much Arabic to the rest of the company; sisters and brothers often
make the like figure from the same unjust sense of the art of being
intimate and familiar. It is often said, such a one cannot stand the
mention of such a circumstance: if he cannot, I am sure it is for want
of discourse, or a worse reason, that any companion of his touches upon
it.
Familiarity, among the truly well-bred, never gives authority to
trespass upon one another in the most minute circumstance, but it
allows to be kinder than we ought otherwise presume to be. Eusebius
has wit, humour, and spirit; but there never was a man in his company
who wished he had less, for he understands familiarity so well, that
he knows how to make use of it in a way that neither makes himself or
his friend contemptible; but if any one is lessened by his freedom,
it is he himself, who always likes the place, the diet, and the
reception, when he is in the company of his friends. Equality is the
life of conversation; and he is as much out who assumes to himself
any part above another, as he who considers himself below the rest
of the society. Familiarity in inferiors is sauciness; in superiors,
condescension; neither of which are to have being among companions,
the very word implying that they are to be equal. When therefore we
have abstracted the company from all considerations of their quality or
fortune, it will immediately appear, that to make it happy and polite,
there must nothing be started which shall discover that our thoughts
run upon any such distinctions. Hence it will arise, that benevolence
must become the rule of society, and he that is most obliging must be
most diverting.
This way of talking I am fallen into from the reflection that I am
wherever I go entertained with some absurdity, mistake, weakness, or
ill luck of some man or other, whom not only I, but the person who
makes me those relations has a value for. It would therefore be a
great benefit to the world, if it could be brought to pass that no
story should be a taking one, but what was to the advantage of the
person of whom it is related. By this means, he that is now a wit in
conversation, would be considered as a spreader of false news is in
business.
But above all, to make a familiar fit for a bosom friend, it is
absolutely necessary that we should always be inclined rather to hide
than rally each other's infirmities. To suffer for a fault is a sort
of atonement; and nobody is concerned for the offence for which he has
made reparation.
_P.S._--I have received the following letter, which rallies me
for being witty sooner than I designed; but I have now altered
my resolution, and intend to be facetious till the day in October
heretofore mentioned, instead of beginning for that day.[106]
* * * * *
_Sept. 6, 1710_.
"Mr. BICKERSTAFF,
"By your own reckoning, you came yesterday about a month before the
time you looked yourself, much to the satisfaction of
"Your most obliged
"Humble Servant,
"PLAIN ENGLISH."
_St. James's Coffee-house, Sept. 15._
Advices from Madrid of the 8th say, the Duke of Anjou, with his Court,
and all the Councils, were preparing to leave that place in a day or
two, in order to remove to Valladolid. They add, that the palace was
already unfurnished, and a declaration had been published, importing,
that it was absolutely necessary, in the present conjuncture of
affairs, that the Court were absent for some time from Madrid, but
would return thither in six weeks. This sudden departure is attributed
to the advice that the Portuguese army was in motion to enter Spain by
Braganza, and that his Catholic Majesty was on the march with a strong
detachment towards Castille. Two thousand horse were arrived at Agreda,
and it is reported they were to join the rest of the body, with the
King, and advance to Calatayud, on their way to Madrid, whilst General
Staremberg observed the enemy on the frontier of Navarre. They write
from Bayonne, that the Duke of Vendôme set forwards to Spain on the
14th.
FOOTNOTES:
[106] See No. 217.
=No. 226.= [ADDISON.
From _Saturday, Sept. 16_, to _Tuesday, Sept. 19, 1710_.
----Juvenis quondam, nunc femina, Cænis,
Rursus et in veterem fato revoluta figuram.
VIRG., Æn. vi. 448.
_From my own Apartment, Sept. 18._
It is one of the designs of this paper to transmit to posterity
an account of everything that is monstrous in my own times. For
this reason I shall here publish to the world the life of a person
who was neither man nor woman, as written by one of my ingenious
correspondents, who seems to have imitated Plutarch in that
multifarious erudition, and those occasional dissertations, which he
has wrought into the body of his history. The Life I am putting out,
is that of Margery, _alias_ John Young, commonly known by the name of
Dr. Young, who (as the town very well knows) was a woman that practised
physic in man's clothes, and after having had two wives and several
children, died about a month since.
* * * * *
"SIR,
"I here make bold to trouble you with a short account of the famous
Dr. Young's life, which you may call (if you please) a second part
of the farce of the 'Sham Doctor.' This perhaps will not seem so
strange to you, who (if I am not mistaken) have somewhere mentioned
with honour your sister Kirleus[107] as a practitioner both in physic
and astrology: but in the common opinion of mankind, a she-quack is
altogether as strange and astonishing a creature as the centaur
that practised physic in the days of Achilles, or as King Phys in
'The Rehearsal.'[108] Æsculapius, the great founder of your art,
was particularly famous for his beard, as we may conclude from the
behaviour of a tyrant who is branded by heathen historians as guilty
both of sacrilege and blasphemy, having robbed the statue of Æsculapius
of a thick bushy golden beard, and then alleged for his excuse, that
it was a shame the son should have a beard when his father Apollo had
none. This latter instance indeed seems something to favour a female
professor, since (as I have been told) the ancient statues of Apollo
are generally made with the head and face of a woman: nay, I have been
credibly informed by those who have seen them both, that the famous
Apollo in the Belvedere did very much resemble Dr. Young. Let that be
as it will, the doctor was a kind of Amazon in physic, that made as
great devastations and slaughters as any of our chief heroes in the
art, and was as fatal to the English in these our days, as the famous
Joan d'Arc was in those of our forefathers.
"I do not find anything remarkable in the Life I am about to write
till the year 1695, at which time the doctor, being about twenty-three
years old, was brought to bed of a bastard child. The scandal of such
a misfortune gave so great uneasiness to pretty Mrs. Peggy (for that
was the name by which the doctor was then called), that she left her
family, and followed her lover to London, with a fixed resolution some
way or other to recover her lost reputation: but instead of changing
her life, which one would have expected from so good a disposition of
mind, she took it in her head to change her sex. This was soon done by
the help of a sword and a pair of breeches. I have reason to believe,
that her first design was to turn man-midwife, having herself had some
experience in those affairs: but thinking this too narrow a foundation
for her future fortune, she at length bought her a gold button coat,
and set up for a physician. Thus we see the same fatal miscarriage in
her youth made Mrs. Young a doctor, that formerly made one of the same
sex a Pope.
"The doctor succeeded very well in his business at first, but very
often met with accidents that disquieted him. As he wanted that deep
magisterial voice which gives authority to a prescription, and is
absolutely necessary for the right pronouncing of those words, 'Take
these pills,' he unfortunately got the nickname of the Squeaking
Doctor. If this circumstance alarmed the doctor, there was another that
gave him no small disquiet, and very much diminished his gains. In
short, he found himself run down as a superficial prating quack in all
families that had at the head of them a cautious father or a jealous
husband. These would often complain among one another, that they did
not like such a smock-faced physician; though in truth had they known
how justly he deserved that name, they would rather have favoured his
practice than have apprehended anything from it.