BOARD AND RESIDENCE.--Here is a gem from the Bandon Quarter Sessions.
Their Medical Officer of Health, Dr. MAGNER, was suing the Guardians
of the Clonakilty Union for failing to erect a fence round the
Dispensary residence:--
Counsel argued that the true cause of all this was that Dr.
MAGNER happened to be a gentleman of independent mind, who had
not, like others in the same position, the _savoir faire_ to
cuddle guardians.
_His Honour._ Do you mean to say that any unfortunate medical
officer has to cuddle boards of guardians? A very unpleasant
duty certainly.
_Mr. Powell._ Well, they had to attend the meetings, and,
perhaps, stand drinks, and things of that kind. (_Laughter._)
Who would not be such a Medical Officer,
Practised in keeping his Board well in hand?
D'you think that he offers them cocoa or coffee, Sir?
No; but it's whisky he's called on to "stand."
Paupers fall ill, and his task is to cure 'em;
In fights with infection he comes up to time;
'Gainst bad sanitation he's paid to secure 'em;
His drains may be poor, but his "drinks" must be prime.
Is any Guardian cantankerous? He "cuddles" him
(So did a Counsel obscurely declare);
And should this fail, then his "Irish hot" fuddles him;
For what is a doctor without "_savoir faire_"?
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THE WATER-BANDITS AGAIN!--Not content with spoiling the Falls of
Foyers, the Aluminium Company now threatens an attack on the Falls of
Clyde. Oh, what a Fall is there, my countrymen! exclaims the patriotic
Scot. The Co. that dares to lay its hands on Clyde, save in the way
of kindness, is a willun, and should be wound up instanter. Says the
_North British Daily Mail_--
The times are distinctly utilitarian and prosaic, and yet we
have not all progressed up, or down, to the level of the
man who sees nothing in a grand cataract beyond so much
horse-power running to waste.
Neatly put, and even from a utilitarian standpoint it may be well to
remember that as much money may be brought into Scotland by a thousand
tourists wanting to view the Falls, as by a single company wanting to
ruin them.
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[Illustration: A THIN DISGUISE.
_The Russian Bear_ (_in Chinese costume, only more like himself than
ever, slily chuckles as he crosses Manchuria_). 'AHA! THEY WON'T KNOW
ME NOW!"
(_See Special Communication to "Times," October 25._)]
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