“What is the matter with the child to-day?” said Captain Rothesay to his
wife, with whom, oh rare circumstance! he was sitting _tête-à-tête_.
But this, and a few other alterations for the better had taken place
in consequence of his longer stay at home than usual, during which an
unseen influence had been busily at work. Poor Olive! Was it not well
for her, that, to temper the first shock of her bitter destiny, there
should arise, in the dreary blank of the future, duties so holy, that
they stood almost in the place of joys?
“How dull the girl seems!” again observed Captain Rothesay, looking
after his daughter, with a tenderness of which he afterwards appeared
rather ashamed.
“Dull, is she?” said the mother; “oh, very likely poor child! She is
grieving to lose her chief friend and companion, Miss Derwent. News came
to her this morning that Sara is about to be married.”
“Oh, indeed!” and Captain Rothesay made an attempt at departure. He
hated gossiping, even of the most harmless kind. But his wife, pleased
that he condescended to talk to her at all, tried to amuse him in her
own easy way.
“Poor Sara! I am glad that she is going to have a home of her
own--though she is young enough to marry. But I believe it was a very
sudden affair; and the gentleman fell so desperately in love with her.”
“More fool he!” muttered Captain Rothesay.
“Nay, he is not a fool at all; he is a very sensible, clever man, and a
clergyman too; Miss Derwent said so in her brief note to Olive. But she
did not mention where he lived; little indeed she told, but that his
name was Gwynne”----
Captain Rothesay turned round quickly.
--“And Sara speaks of his mother being a stiff old Scotswoman. Ah, you
are listening now, my dear. Let me see, I think Miss Derwent mentions
her maiden name. The silly girl makes quite a boast of her lover's
ancient family, on the maternal side.”
“There is no silliness in that, I hope, Mrs. Rothesay?”
“Certainly not--was I not always proud of yours?” said the wife, with a
meekness not newly learnt She hunted in her reticule for Sara's letter,
and read.
“Ah, here is the name--Alison Balfour: do you know it?”
“I did once, when I was a boy.”
“Stay! do not go away in that hasty manner. Pray, talk to me a little
more, Angus; it is so dull to be confined to this sick-room. Tell me of
this Alison Balfour; you know I should like to hear about your friends.”
“Should you?--that is something new. If it had been always so--if you
had indeed made my interests yours, Sybilla!” There was a touch of
regret and old tenderness in his voice. She thought he was kind on
account of her illness, and thanked him warmly. But the thanks sent
him back to his usual cold self; he did not like to have his weakness
noticed.
Mrs. Rothesay understood neither one state of feeling nor the other, so
she said, cheerfully, “Come, now for the story of Alison Balfour.”
“There is no story to tell. She was merely a young companion of my aunt
Flora. I knew her for some years--in fact, until she married Mr. Gwynne.
She was a noble woman.”
“Really, Angus, I shall grow jealous,” said Mrs. Rothesay, half in jest,
half in earnest. “She must have been an old love of yours.”
Her husband frowned. “Folly, Sybilla! She was a woman, and I a
schoolboy!”
And yet the words galled him, for they were not far off the truth. True,
Alison was old enough to have been his mother; but many a precocious lad
of sixteen conceives a similar romantic passion, and Angus Rothesay had
really been very much in love, as he thought, with Alison Balfour.
Even when he quitted the room, and walked out into the road, his
thoughts went backward many years; picturing the old dull mansion, whose
only brightness had come with her presence. He remembered how he used to
walk by her side, in lonely mountain rambles--he a young boy, and she a
grown woman; and how proud he was, when she stooped her tall stature to
lean upon his arm. Once, she kissed him; and he lay awake all night, and
many a night after, dreaming of the remembered bliss. And, as he grew a
youth, what delicious sweetness in these continued dreams! what pride to
think himself “in love”--and with such a woman! Folly it was--hopeless
folly--for she had been long betrothed to one she loved. But that was
not Owen Gwynne. Alas! Alison, like many another proud, passionate
woman, had married in sudden anger, thereby wrecking her whole life!
When she did so, Angus Rothesay lost his boyish dream. He had already
begun to find out that it was only a dream; though his first fancy's
idol never ceased to be to him a memory full of all that was noble and
beautiful in womanhood.
For many years this enchanted portion of Captain Rothesay's past life
had rarely crossed his mind; but when it did, it was always with a
half-unconscious thought, that he himself might have been a better and
a happier man, had his own beautiful Sybilla been more like Alison
Balfour.
This chance news of her awakened memories connected with other scenes
and characters, which had gradually melted away from Angus Rothesay's
life, or been enveloped in the mist of selfishness and worldliness which
had gathered over it and over him. He thought of the old uncle, Sir
Andrew Rothesay, whose pride he had been; of the sweet aunt Flora, whose
pale beauty had bent over his cradle with a love almost like a mother's,
save that it was so very very sad. One had died estranged; the other--he
would not let many weeks pass before he sought out Miss Flora Rothesay:
that he was determined on! And to do so, the best plan would be first to
go and see Alison--Mrs. Gwynne.
Captain Rothesay always kept his intentions to himself, and transacted
his matters alone. Therefore, without the aid of wife or daughter, he
soon discovered in what region lay Mr. Gwynne's curacy, and determined
to hasten his customary journey to London, that he might visit the place
on his way.
The night before his departure came. It was really a melancholy evening;
for he had stayed at home so long, and been most of the time what his
wife called “so good,” that she quite regretted his going. The more
so, as he was about to travel by the awful railway--then newly
established--which, in the opinion of poor Mrs. Rothesay, with her
delicate nerves and easily-roused terrors, entailed on him the certainty
of being killed. She pleaded so much and so anxiously--even to the
last--that when, in order to start at daybreak, he bade “good-bye”
to her and Olive overnight, Captain Rothesay was softened even to
tenderness.
“Do you really care so much about me, Sybilla?” said he, half
mournfully.
She did not spring to his arms, like the young wife at Stirling, but she
kissed his hand affectionately, and called him “Angus!”
“Olive!” said the father, when having embraced his wife, he now turned
to his daughter, “Olive, my child! take care of your mother! I shall be
at home soon, and we shall be very happy again--all three!”
As they ascended the staircase, they saw him watching them from below.
Olive so content, even though her father was going away. She kissed
her hand felt to him with a blithe gesture, and then saw him go in and
close the door. When the house sank into quietness, a curious feeling
oppressed Captain Rothesay. It seemed to take rise in his wife's
infectious fears.
“Women are always silly,” he argued to himself. “Why should I dread any
danger? The railway is safe as a coach--and yet, that affair of poor
Huskisson! Pooh! what a fool I am!”
But even while he mocked it, the vague presentiment appeared to take
form in his mind; and sitting, the only person awake in the slumbering
house, where no sound broke the stillness, except the falling of a
few cinders, and the occasional noise of a mouse behind the wainscot,
somewhat of the superstitions of his northern youth came over him. His
countenance became grave, and he sank into deep thought.
It is a trite saying, that every man has that in his heart, which, if
known, would make all his fellow-creatures hate him. Was it this evil
spirit which now struggled in Captain Rothesay's breast, and darkened
his face with storms of passion, remorse, or woe? He gave no utterance
to them in words. If any secret there were, he would not trust it even
to the air. But, at times, his mute lips writhed; his cheeks burned, and
grew ghastly. Sometimes, too, he wore a cowed and humble look, as on the
night when his daughter had stood like a pure angel to save him from the
abyss on the brink of which he trod.
She had saved him, apparently. That night's shame had never occurred
again. Slowly, his habits were changing, and his tastes becoming
home-like. But still his lonely hours betokened some secret hidden in
his soul--a secret which, if known, might have accounted for his having
plunged into uproarious excitement or drunken oblivion.
At length, as by a violent effort, Angus Rothesay sat down and began
to write. He wrote for several hours--though frequently his task was
interrupted by long reveries, and by fits of vehement emotion. When he
had finished, he carefully sealed up what he had written, and placed
it in a secret drawer of his desk. Then he threw himself on a sofa, to
sleep, during the brief time that intervened before daybreak.
In the grey of the morning, when he stood despatching a hasty breakfast,
he was startled by a light touch on his arm.
“Little Olive!--why, I thought you were fast asleep.”
“I could not sleep when papa was going away; so I rose and dressed. You
will not be angry?”
“Angry?--no!” He stooped down and kissed her, more affectionately even
than was his wont But he was hasty and fidgety, as most men are when
starting on a journey. They were both too busy for more words until the
few minutes during which he sat down to wait for the carriage. Then he
took his daughter on his knee--an act of fatherly tenderness rather rare
with him.
“I wish you were not going, or that I were going with you, papa,” Olive
whispered, nestling to him, in a sweet, childish way, though she was
almost a woman now. “How tired you look! You have not been in bed all
night.”
“No; I had writing to do.” As he spoke his countenance darkened.
“Olive,” he said, looking at her with sorrowful, questioning eyes.
“Well, dear papa.”
“Nothing--nothing. Is the carriage ready?”
“Not yet. You will have time just for one little thing--'twill take only
a minute,” said Olive, persuasively.
“What is it, little one?”
“Mamma is asleep--she was tired and ill; but if you would run up-stairs,
and kiss her once again before you go, it would make her so much
happier--I know it would.”
“Poor Sybilla!” he muttered, remorsefully, and quitted the room
slowly--not meeting his daughter's eyes; but when he came back, he took
her in his arms, very tenderly.
“Olive, my child in whom I trust, always remember I did love you--you
and your mother.”
These were the last words she heard him utter, ere he went away.