While refinement is a part of general culture, it is beyond doubt an
important phase of the problems for the larger sex-education.
Elsewhere I have referred to the need of better understanding and
better adjustment between men and women, especially in marriage.
Towards such a desideratum refinement of men will contribute immensely.
Many cultured women avoid marriage and many are unhappy in marriage
because men, sometimes even educated men, lack refinement in manners,
language, and personal habits. In fact, "lack of refinement" is
altogether too mild an expression, for many men are positively crude in
manners, coarse and vulgar in language, and disgusting in personal
habits.
[Sidenote: Manners and chivalry.]
In referring to manners, I am including not only the thousand and one
little customs of everyday life among refined people, but also
chivalric attitude towards all women. The world has changed vastly
since knighthood was in flower, but many men of to-day might well take
lessons in the art of courtesy to women as practiced by the famous
knights of the age of chivalry. This problem of manners will be an
increasingly important one, for here in America there is growing up a
generation of boys who are far from chivalrous even to their mothers
and sisters; and at the same time, the industrial competition and daily
association of the two sexes is making young men realize that women are
simply human beings and not super beings.
[Sidenote: Language.]
With regard to language, I am thinking not so much of the general need
of speech that is grammatically, rhetorically, and vocally polished,
which no doubt determines many a woman's estimate of a man, as I have
in mind the repelling effect upon sensitive women of language that is
coarse, vulgar, and profane. Hence, quite apart from the effect of low
language on character, I believe it worth while to work for refinement
of language of young men.
[Sidenote: Personal habits.]
And now with reference to personal habits, including cleanliness and
refinement of actions, the average women of all classes set splendid
examples for men of the same groups. It seems scarcely necessary to
explain in detail concerning unclean personal habits and vulgar
actions. It requires no keen observer to find plenty of examples. Those
who have the training of boys should lose no opportunity to impress
them with the importance of refinement, and especially in all phases of
their home life. It is in the most intimate life of the home that
refinement of personal habits of husbands may mean much to sensitive
wives.