All is in a hurry below-stairs. Betty is in and out like a spy.
Something is working, I know not what. I am really a good deal
disordered in body as well as in mind. Indeed I am quite heart-sick.
I will go down, though 'tis almost dark, on pretence of getting a little
air and composure. Robert has my two former, I hope, before now: and
I will deposit this, with Lovelace's enclosed, if I can, for fear of
another search.
I know not what I shall do!--All is so strangely busy!--Doors clapt
to--going out of one apartment, hurryingly, as I may say, into another.
Betty in her alarming way, staring, as if of frighted importance; twice
with me in half an hour; called down in haste by Shorey the last time;
leaving me with still more meaning in her looks and gestures--yet
possibly nothing in all this worthy of my apprehensions--
Here again comes the creature, with her deep-drawn affected sighs, and
her O dear's! O dear's!
*****
More dark hints thrown out by the saucy creature. But she will not
explain herself. 'Suppose this pretty business ends in murder! she says.
I may rue my opposition as long as I live, for aught she knows. Parents
will not be baffled out of their children by imprudent gentlemen; nor is
it fit they should. It may come home to me when I least expect it.'
These are the gloomy and perplexing hints this impertinent throws
out. Probably they arose from the information Mr. Lovelace says he has
secretly permitted them to have (from this vile double-faced agent, I
suppose!) of his resolution to prevent my being carried to my uncle's.
How justly, if so, may this exasperate them!--How am I driven to and
fro, like a feather in the wind, at the pleasure of the rash, the
selfish, the headstrong! and when I am as averse to the proceedings of
the one, as I am to those of the other! For although I was induced to
carry on this unhappy correspondence, as I think I ought to call it, in
hopes to prevent mischief; yet indiscreet measures are fallen upon by
the rash man, before I, who am so much concerned in the event of the
present contentions, can be consulted: and between his violence on one
hand, and that of my relations on the other, I find myself in danger
from both.
O my dear! what is worldly wisdom but the height of folly!--I, the
meanest, at least youngest, of my father's family, to thrust myself
in the gap between such uncontroulable spirits!--To the intercepting
perhaps of the designs of Providence, which may intend to make those
hostile spirits their own punishers.--If so, what presumption!--Indeed,
my dear friend, I am afraid I have thought myself of too much
consequence. But, however this be, it is good, when calamities befal us,
that we should look into ourselves, and fear.
If I am prevented depositing this and the enclosed, (as I intend to try
to do, late as it is,) I will add to it as occasion shall offer. Mean
time, believe me to be
Your ever-affectionate and grateful CL. HARLOWE.
Under the superscription, written with a pencil, after she went down.
'My two former are not yet taken away--I am surprised--I hope you are
well--I hope all is right betwixt your mother and you.'