I have already made up my parcel of linen. My heart ached all the time
I was employed about it; and still aches, at the thoughts of its being a
necessary precaution.
When the parcel comes to your hands, as I hope it safely will, you will
be pleased to open it. You will find in it two parcels sealed up; one
of which contains the letters you have not yet seen; being those written
since I left you: in the other are all the letters and copies of letters
that have passed between you and me since I was last with you; with some
other papers on subjects so much above me, that I cannot wish them to be
seen by any body whose indulgence I am not so sure of, as I am of yours.
If my judgment ripen with my years, perhaps I may review them.
Mrs. Norton used to say, from her reverend father, that youth was the
time of life for imagination and fancy to work in: then, were a writer
to lay by his works till riper years and experience should direct the
fire rather to glow, than to flame out; something between both might
perhaps be produced that would not displease a judicious eye.
In a third division, folded up separately, are all Mr. Lovelace's
letters written to me since he was forbidden this house, and copies
of my answers to them. I expect that you will break the seals of this
parcel, and when you have perused them all, give me your free opinion of
my conduct.
By the way, not a line from that man!--Not one line! Wednesday I
deposited mine. It remained there on Wednesday night. What time it was
taken away yesterday I cannot tell: for I did not concern myself about
it, till towards night; and then it was not there. No return at ten this
day. I suppose he is as much out of humour as I.--With all my heart.
He may be mean enough perhaps, if ever I should put it into his power,
to avenge himself for the trouble he has had with me.--But that now, I
dare say, I never shall.
I see what sort of a man the encroacher is. And I hope we are equally
sick of one another.--My heart is vexedly easy, if I may so describe
it.--Vexedly--because of the apprehended interview with Solmes, and the
consequences it may be attended with: or else I should be quite easy;
for why? I have not deserved the usage I receive: and could I be rid of
Solmes, as I presume I am of Lovelace, their influence over my father,
mother, and uncles, against me, could not hold.
The five guineas tied up in one corner of a handkerchief under the
linen, I beg you will let pass as an acknowledgement for the trouble
I give your trusty servant. You must not chide me for this. You know I
cannot be easy unless I have my way in these little matters.
I was going to put up what little money I have, and some of my
ornaments; but they are portable, and I cannot forget them. Besides,
should they (suspecting me) desire to see any of the jewels, and were
I not able to produce them, it would amount to a demonstration of an
intention which would have a guilty appearance to them.