Forgive me, Madam!--I know not what I write!
Yet, I must, I do, insist upon your promise--or that you will condescend
to find better excuses for the failure--or convince me, that stronger
reasons are imposed upon you, than those you offer.--A promise once
given (upon deliberation given,) the promised only can dispense with;
except in cases of a very apparent necessity imposed upon the promiser,
which leaves no power to perform it.
The first promise you ever made me! Life and death perhaps depending
upon it--my heart desponding from the barbarous methods resolved to be
taken with you in malice to me!
You would sooner choose death than Solmes. (How my soul spurns the
competition!) O my beloved creature, what are these but words?--Whose
words?--Sweet and ever adorable--What?--Promise breaker--must I call
you?--How shall I believe the asseveration, (your supposed duty in the
question! Persecution so flaming!--Hatred to me so strongly avowed!)
after this instance of you so lightly dispensing with your promise?
If, my dearest life! you would prevent my distraction, or, at least,
distracted consequences, renew the promised hope!--My fate is indeed
upon its crisis.
Forgive me, dearest creature, forgive me!--I know I have written in too
much anguish of mind!--Writing this, in the same moment that the just
dawning light has imparted to me the heavy disappointment.
I dare not re-peruse what I have written. I must deposit it. It may
serve to shew you my distracted apprehension that this disappointment is
but a prelude to the greatest of all.--Nor, having here any other paper,
am I able to write again, if I would, on this gloomy spot. (Gloomy is
my soul; and all Nature around me partakes of my gloom!)--I trust it
therefore to your goodness--if its fervour excite your displeasure
rather than your pity, you wrong my passion; and I shall be ready to
apprehend, that I am intended to be the sacrifice of more miscreants
than one! [Have patience with me, dearest creature!--I mean Solmes and
your brother only.] But if, exerting your usual generosity, you will
excuse and re appoint, may that God, whom you profess to serve, and who
is the God of truth and of promises, protect and bless you, for both;
and for restoring to himself, and to hope,
Your ever-adoring, yet almost desponding, LOVELACE!
Ivy Cavern, in the Coppice--Day but just breaking.
*****
This is the answer I shall return: