The follow-up retreat at Pendle Hill was much more than a reunion or
season of rejoicing. We undertook together an intensive evaluation of
what had been experienced. One couple, for example, had had to cope with
a marriage in serious conflict so we set up a role-playing re-enactment
of the situation to serve as a learning experience for the whole group.
We also tried to pool our ideas about the best way to plan and lead
marriage enrichment retreats. Our agenda covered the following areas:
_Organizing the Retreat._ Time, place, cost, recruitment of
couples, size of group, preparatory materials.
_Methods and Techniques._ Introductions, agenda, directing
discussion, dividing up, special exercises, crisis situations,
evaluation.
_Leadership Roles._ Qualifications, goals, training, couple
teamwork, preparation, vulnerability, follow-up.
_Future Plans._ Further retreats, training new leaders,
cooperation with other groups, books and materials.
_Other Areas for Enrichment._ Retreats for youth, premarital
couples, parents and teen-agers, solo parents, senior citizens,
Meeting members.
A number of issues of particular concern to the group were extensively
discussed. One was the distinction between our retreats and group
marriage counseling on the one hand, sensitivity training and encounter
groups on the other. Another issue concerned our emphasis on positive
interaction, and the discouragement, though not avoidance, of overt
expression of negative feelings between members of the group. We also
discussed what causes marriages to get "stuck" so that they cease to
grow. This led us naturally to consider the limitations of lay leaders
without training in marriage counseling, and how to make effective
referrals to professionals when this seems to be indicated. We also
talked about the use of silence, so natural to Friends, and how far
non-Quakers could accept this.
In all our discussions we were looking forward. There was a confident
assurance that we had found something of great importance that must be
communicated to others--to the Society of Friends generally, but to the
wider world as well.