_WHAT IS A GOO?_
[Illustration]
“LET’S have some Questions and Answers now,” suggested somebody, when
they had all settled down into their places again.
“All right,” said the Husher. “Who has any questions to ask?” he
continued.
Several animals held up their paws.
“Let’s have yours first,” he said, turning to a large black French
poodle.
The Poodle at once got up and made a very polite bow. “It’s a ‘Question
of Etiquette,’” he said, “and I’ve taken the liberty of putting it into
verse.”
“No one should be allowed to write poetry but me,” said the King’s
Minstrel sulkily.
“Silence,” called out the Husher, frowning severely at him. “Go on with
your question, Poodle.”
The Poodle bowed again, and placing his feet in the first position for
dancing, read the following lines:—
“The people of Japan, I’ve heard,
Are really _most_ polite;
To compliment all sorts of things
Is daily their delight;
They speak in terms of courtesy
Of an ‘_Honourable_ table,’
And flatter other household things
Whenever they are able.
“Determined not to be outdone
In manners so genteel,
I now express to all _my_ goods
The deep respect I feel.
The system I’ve adopted, though,
Is really most confusing,
And circumstances oft arise
More serious than amusing.
“An instance recently occurred
Which leaves me much distressed,
For I fear I used expressions
Which I ought to have suppressed.
On my ‘_most distinguished table_,’
Was a ‘_well connected_ dish,’
And reposing gently on it
Was an ‘_influential_ fish.’
“My ‘_honourable_ cat’ (a-hem)
Was unfortunately there,
And she very quickly got up
On my ‘_educated_ chair.’
* * * *
When seeking somewhat later
For that ‘_influential_ fish,’
I discovered not a particle
On my ‘_well connected_ dish.’
“The question now arises,
And I think I ought to know,
How far this fulsome flattery
Expects a dog to go.
Am I compelled by Etiquette,
Now please to tell me that,
To call a cat that steals my fish
An ‘honourable cat?’”
“Family Coach,” called out the Husher when the Poodle had finished, and
every one immediately rushed across the room and changed places with the
one sitting opposite to him.
“What’s that for?” asked Girlie breathlessly, so soon as she reached the
other side.
“So that we can hear _both_ sides of the question,” replied the Penguin,
waddling awkwardly to her seat.
[Illustration:
“‘IT CERTAINLY DOES LOOK RATHER SILLY,’ SAID THE HUSHER.”
]
“Silence,” called the Husher. “Now repeat the question,” he added,
turning to the Poodle.
The Poodle repeated the last verse.
“Now then, what’s the verdict?” asked the Husher, looking all around the
room.
A small Guineapig at the further end held up his paw.
“Well?” said the Husher.
[Illustration:
“‘I SHOULD LIKE TO PUT A FEW QUESTIONS.’”
]
“I should like to put a few questions to the Poodle before replying,”
squeaked the Guineapig.
“Certainly,” said the Poodle politely.
“First of all,” said the Guineapig, referring to some notes that he had
made, “you said you had _heard_ that the people of Japan were most
polite; now where did you hear it?”
“I _read_ it in a book,” explained the Poodle.
“Then you didn’t _hear_ it at all, so you are not telling the truth,”
said the Guineapig severely.
“It’s the same thing,” argued the Poodle.
“It’s not!” said the Guineapig decidedly. “Now attend to me,” he
continued; “has your cat _left_?”
“No,” said the Poodle, “she returned after she had eaten the fish.”
“Then,” said the Guineapig triumphantly, “if she’s not _left_ she must
be _right_, so you see you must call her ‘_Right honourable_’ in
future.”
This answer seemed to give general satisfaction, and there was some
attempt at applause, but the Husher called out severely, “Silence: next
question,” and the Schoolmistress stood up.
“Mine’s French,” she said importantly. “Does any one here understand
French?”
“I do, a little,” said Girlie, feeling quite proud of her knowledge.
Several animals on the same side of the room as herself leaned forward
and stared at her curiously.
“Bah! down with the foreigners!” screamed the Cockatoo.
“Silence,” called out the Husher, and every one listened attentively
while the Schoolmistress asked the following question.
“Has the son of the miller the mustard of the daughter of the gardener?”
“_That’s_ not French,” said Girlie contemptuously.
“I’m _sure_ it is,” said the Schoolmistress; “isn’t it?” she asked,
turning to the Husher.
“I’ve seen questions very much like it in my French lesson book,” he
replied.
“Then, of course, it’s French,” said the Schoolmistress, while the
Cockatoo screamed out, “Yah! who said she knew French and didn’t! _laugh
at her, laugh at her_!” Before Girlie, who felt very indignant, could
reply, the Husher had called out “Family Coach” again, and they all had
to change places once more.
“Now does any one know the answer?” asked the Husher, after the
Schoolmistress had repeated the question.
“Please, sir, I do,” said a meek-looking Donkey. “I work for the son of
the miller, you know.”
“Well, has he the mustard of the gardener’s daughter?” asked the Husher.
“Please, sir, yes,” said the Donkey.
“How do you know?” queried the Husher.
“Because he is so hot-tempered, sir,” replied the Donkey ruefully.
“Ah! then I expect he _has_ got it,” said the Husher reflectively.
“What’s the next question?”
[Illustration:
“‘OH! I HAVE A QUESTION, IF YOU PLEASE.’”
]
Girlie suddenly remembered about the Goo, and jumped up, excitedly
saying, “Oh! I have a question, if you please.”
“Well, let’s have it,” said the Husher.
“Could you kindly tell me what is a Goo?” asked Girlie.
“A what?” said the Husher, frowning.
“A Goo,” replied Girlie.
“How do you spell it?” he asked.
“G-o-o, I think,” said Girlie.
The Husher looked perplexed. “Family Coach,” he called at last, and they
all scrambled across the room again.
“Now then, what’s a Goo?” he asked anxiously.
No one spoke.
“I don’t believe she knows herself,” at last called out the Cockatoo.
“Of course I don’t,” answered Girlie, “or I shouldn’t have asked the
question.”
“It’s no use whatever asking questions,” said the Husher crossly, “if
you can’t tell us whether we give you the correct answer or not; and how
can you do that if you don’t know yourself? Well, you’ll _all_ have to
know by next week,” he continued, “or I shall send you all to sea.”
“What good will that do?” asked Girlie of the Penguin, who was still
sitting next to her.
“Oh! we always have to go to sea, if we don’t know things,” replied the
Penguin dolefully.
Girlie was just going to ask a further question about this, when she
looked up and saw that the Wallypug was wriggling nervously about on the
throne, and that the Husher was glaring fiercely at him.
“Don’t jiffle,” said the Husher, “you make me giddy; what’s the matter
with you?”
“I’m afraid, your Majesty,” said the Wallypug, standing up and speaking
in a frightened voice, “that I shall have to present another petition.”
“Good gracious!” said the Husher, “what do you want now? you’re always
wanting something or other; last week it was to have your boots mended,
and the week before you wanted your hair cut, and now you want something
else.”
“No, your Majesty,” said the Wallypug meekly, “it’s the same thing. If
you remember, you know, you couldn’t all agree as to whether I might
have it cut or not, so I had to have _part_ of it cut, and now it really
looks so very ridiculous, that I humbly beg that you will allow me to
have the rest taken off.”
There was a murmuring in the room, and then some one called out, “Take
your crown off.”
The Wallypug did so, and showed that on one side of his head his hair
hung over his ear, while, on the other, it was quite short.
“Well, it certainly does look rather silly,” said the Husher. “How much
will it cost to have it cut?”
“Threepence, your Majesty,” replied the Wallypug meekly.
“Too much! too much!” screamed the Cockatoo angrily. “Down with the
Wallypug, down with the barbers, down with everybody and everything.”
“Hold your tongue,” shouted the Husher. “Well, what shall we say to the
Wallypug’s petition,” he continued, addressing the meeting.
There was a great argument in which everybody seemed to take part at
once, and, at last, it was decided that the Wallypug should wait until
the _short hair_ grew the _same length as the other_, and then he might
have it all cut together.
Girlie thought this did not seem a very satisfactory arrangement for the
Wallypug, and she felt quite sorry for him when, sighing disconsolately,
and pulling his crown over his head, he sat meekly down on the throne
again, looking very unhappy.
“Now,” said the Husher briskly, “I beg to propose that the Wallypug
invites us all to dinner.”
“Hear, hear!” shouted all the animals.
“Oh! please, no,” said the Wallypug nervously. “My cook would be so
_very_ angry with me; he can’t bear me to bring a lot of people home
unexpectedly.”
However, the animals would take no denial, so the poor Wallypug left the
hall to make arrangements with his cook while the rest of the company
went home to dress for dinner, leaving Girlie alone in the room.
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