_GIRLIE SEES THE WALLYPUG._
[Illustration]
“LATE again!” called out the Hall Porter when Girlie hurried up the
broad stone steps leading to a great building opposite to the little
green gate.
“How can I be late _again_,” asked Girlie angrily, “when I’ve never been
here at all before?”
“If you’ve not been here _before_, then you must have been _behind_,”
said the Hall Porter; “and, if one is behind, they are late, don’t you
know? You are fined sixpence,” he added, taking sixpence from his pocket
and handing it to Girlie.
“What is this?” she asked.
“The sixpence that I fined you, of course,” replied the Hall Porter.
“But what am I to do with it?” asked Girlie in surprise.
“Oh! findings’, keepings,” muttered the Hall Porter, walking away. “Put
it in your pocket; you’ll want it soon.”
And, sure enough, before she had gone many steps along the stone
corridor, Girlie came to a great door with the words “Admission,
sixpence” written on it.
After knocking timidly, she waited awhile, till it was, at last, opened
by a policeman, who, silently taking the sixpence which she offered him,
motioned her to a seat near the door.
“Well, it’s a good thing that I _was_ fined, or I should never have got
in here,” thought Girlie; and she sat down and looked about her
curiously.
[Illustration:
“‘DON’T TAKE ANY NOTICE OF THEM, DEAR.’”
]
She found herself in a long Gothic hall with low seats against the wall
on each side. At one end was a raised dais, on which was a throne with a
canopy over it. The centre of the room was quite bare. On the seats
against the wall were sitting a number of animals, and Girlie could see
that the Fish with a cold and his companion the Calf were sitting near
the throne. The Fish had his tail in a tub of hot mustard-and-water; and
by his side was a small table, on which were a basin of gruel, some
cough mixture and a packet of lozenges. And near him, at a low desk, sat
a Lobster writing rapidly; Girlie afterwards discovered that he was a
Reporter. None of the animals had taken the slightest notice of her on
her entrance except an old white Cockatoo in a Paisley shawl, carrying a
huge market-basket, and who, as soon as Girlie sat down, made some
remark to two Monkeys who were sitting near her. The Monkeys laughed,
and one of them, leaning forward so that he could see Girlie more
distinctly, made a grimace at her.
“Don’t take any notice of them, dear,” said a motherly-looking Penguin,
who sat next to her knitting a very curiously-shaped stocking. “They are
always rude to strangers; and I think you have not been here before,
have you?” she asked smilingly.
“No, never,” replied Girlie, smiling back again, for she quite took to
this kindly-looking creature.
“You’re what they call a Proper Noun, aren’t you?” asked the Penguin
after a pause.
Girlie thought the matter over, and then replied that she supposed she
was, although usually spoken of as a little girl.
“It’s all the same, my dear,” said the Penguin. “All girls are nouns,
you know, although all nouns are not girls, which is very funny when you
come to think of it, because——”
Before she could finish the sentence, there was a stir amongst the
animals, when a severe-looking gentleman in black velvet and steel
buckles and buttons entered, carrying a long wand.
“Silence!” he cried in a loud voice, and the talking, which had been
going on all over the room, immediately ceased.
“The Husher,” whispered the Penguin, hastily putting away her knitting.
“Silence!” again called out the Husher, glaring fiercely at Girlie.
“I didn’t speak, sir,” said Girlie nervously.
“Yes, she did! yes, she did!” screamed the Cockatoo. “She’s been talking
ever since she came in,” she went on noisily.
“Silence, both of you!” said the Husher, frowning severely first at
Girlie and then at the Cockatoo, and then walking to the other end of
the room, as a door at the top of some steps near the throne opened, and
two Heralds entered, blowing a blast on their trumpets.
[Illustration:
“TWO HERALDS ENTERED.”
]
“Here comes the Wallypug!” said the Penguin, and everybody stood up as a
kind of procession filed into the room.
Girlie and the Penguin moved a little nearer the door, in order to see
more distinctly.
First in the procession came the Doctor-in-law, smiling blandly; then
the King’s Minstrel came strutting in, looking more conceited than ever,
and carrying a large roll of music under his arm. He was followed by an
elderly gentleman carrying a microscope.
“The Royal Microscopist,” said the Penguin in answer to an inquiring
glance that Girlie gave her.
“What is the microscope for?” asked Girlie in a whisper.
“To see the jokes with,” replied the Penguin. “Some of them cannot be
seen at all without it.”
Following the Royal Microscopist came an old lady in a poke bonnet and
black lace shawl, who turned out to be the Head Mistress of the High
School at Why. She was a very sharp-featured person and wore blue
glasses.
There was a slight pause, and then the Wallypug entered. He was a
meek-looking little creature, splendidly dressed in royal robes, which,
however, fitted him very badly, and his crown was so much too big that
it came quite over his head and just rested on the tip of his nose. He
carried an orb in one hand and a sceptre in the other. His long velvet
cloak, lined with ermine, was held by two pages, who were giggling and
occasionally giving the cloak a tug which nearly upset the poor
Wallypug, who seemed to have great difficulty in getting along as it
was. (_See Frontispiece._)
“Now then, Wallypug, sparkle up!” called out the Husher, giving him a
poke with his wand as soon as he entered the door.
Girlie was greatly surprised to see him treated so disrespectfully, and
was quite indignant when, the Wallypug having reached the steps of the
dais, the pages gave an extra hard pull at his cloak and caused him to
fall awkwardly forward on to his hands and knees, dropping his orb and
sceptre and knocking his crown further over his face than ever.
Everybody else, however, seemed to think it a great joke, and even the
Wallypug smiled apologetically while he scrambled nervously up to the
throne.
During the time that the animals were settling into their places, Girlie
found out from the Penguin that the Wallypug was a _kind of King_,
governed by the people instead of governing them. He was obliged to
spend his money as _they_ decided, and was not allowed to do _anything_
without their permission. He had to address every one as “Your Majesty,”
and had even to wear such clothes as the people directed. The state
robes he now wore had belonged to the previous Wallypug, who had been a
much larger man, and that was why they fitted him so badly.
So soon as the room was quiet, the Husher announced in a loud voice,
“The Speech from the Throne”; and the Wallypug immediately stood up,
nervously fumbling at a sheet of parchment which he held in his hand.
His crown being quite over his eyes, he had to hold the parchment nearly
up to his nose in order to see what was written on it. However, he soon
began in a feeble voice,—
“May it please your Majesties——” when he was immediately interrupted by
the Cockatoo, who screamed out,—
“We don’t want to hear all that rubbish! Let’s get to business.”
“Yes, yes,” cried several voices; “business first.”
The Husher called out “Silence! silence!” in a dignified way. “I think
you _had_ better sit down, though,” he added, turning to the Wallypug.
“Very well, your Majesty,” said the Wallypug, looking greatly relieved
and sitting down immediately.
The Husher then walked over to the Fish and seemed to be asking him some
question, to which the Fish evidently replied in the affirmative, for
the Husher looked very pleased and immediately announced,—
“Ladies and gentlemen——”
“What about us?” screamed the Cockatoo.
“And others,” continued the Husher, giving a glance in her direction.
“You will be pleased to hear that the Lecture to-day will be given by A.
Fish, Esq., and the subject is one which will no doubt interest you all.
It is ‘_The Whichness of the What as compared to the Thatness of the
Thus._’”
A storm of applause followed this announcement, in the midst of which
the Fish arose, assisted by his friend the Calf, who, so soon as he had
helped him to stand, ran hurriedly out of the room, returning almost
immediately with a large kettle of boiling water and some more mustard.
These he poured hastily into the tub, stirring it round and round and
gazing up anxiously into the Fish’s face.
[Illustration:
“THE FISH GASPED ONCE OR TWICE.”
]
The Fish gasped once or twice, and then, after swallowing a little
gruel, he began in a very choky voice:
“O-o-o-b, o-o-o-b, o-o-o-b, Ladles ad Geddlebed——”
The Reporter looked up with a puzzled air. “May I trouble you to repeat
that?” he asked, putting his claw to his head. “I didn’t quite catch the
last part of the sentence.”
“O-o-o-b, o-o-o-b, I said, Ladles ad Geddlebed,” repeated the Fish,
looking rather put out.
“Latin quotation?” asked the Reporter of the Doctor-in-law, who stood
near him.
“Partly,” replied the Doctor-in-law. “‘Ladles’ is English, ‘ad’ is
Latin, and ‘Geddlebed’ is Dutch, I think. It’s a very clever remark,” he
continued.
The Reporter looked greatly impressed, and made a note of what the
Doctor-in-law had said, and then waited for the Fish to go on.
The Fish, however, was taking some more gruel, and saying “O-o-o-b”
between every spoonful. Presently he choked dreadfully, and, amidst
great excitement, had to be helped from the room by the Calf and the
Doctor-in-law, who kept thumping him violently on the back all the way
to the door.
So soon as they had gone out, the King’s Minstrel jumped up and rapidly
began undoing his roll of music.
“I will now oblige you with one of my charming songs,” he said.
There was immediately a great commotion in all parts of the room.
“No, you won’t!” “Turn him out!” “We don’t want to hear it,” was heard
on all sides, while the old Cockatoo got positively frantic, jumping
madly up and down, and screaming out as loudly as she could, “Down with
him! _Down with him!_ DOWN WITH HIM!”
The Husher rushed wildly about calling out “Silence! silence!” and it
was not until the King’s Minstrel had sulkily rolled up his music and
sat down again that order was restored.
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