I saw him on his throne, far in the north,
Him ye call Winter, picturing him ever
An aged man, whose frame, with palsied shiver,
Bends o'er the fiery element, his foe.
But him I saw was a young god, whose brow
Was crown'd with jagged icicles, and forth
From his keen spirit-like eyes there shone a light,
Broad, glaring, and intensely cold and bright.
His breath, like sharp-edged arrows, pierced the air;
The naked earth crouch'd shuddering at his feet;
His finger on all murmuring waters sweet
Lay icily,--motion nor sound was there;
Nature seem'd frozen--dead; and still and slow
A winding-sheet fell o'er her features fair,
Flaky and white, from his wide wings of snow.
I am sorry to find that I must skip Friday and Saturday, thereby
omitting an account of an interesting ball at Mrs. ----'s, where the
floors were duly chalked, the music very good, the women very lovely,
and where I fell in again with my dear kinsman, whom I love devotedly,
and whom I jumped half across a quadrille to greet with extended hands,
which must greatly have edified the whole assembly. Likewise I must skip
a most interesting account of a second polemical conversation with ----;
in the course of which, to my great amazement, he managed to introduce a
most vehement abuse of Dr. ----, whose admiration of my singing appears
to have troubled him fully as much as the doctrine of original
sin,--together with many other things worthy of note, which shall now
die in oblivion, and the times return unenlightened to their graves.
_Sunday, 23d._
Was only dressed in time to swallow two mouthfuls of breakfast, and get
ready for church. ---- came to know at what time we would ride, and
walked with us to the church door.
* * * * *
* * * * *
After church, came home,--habited; went and sat with Mrs. ---- till
half-past one. The villanous servants did not think fit to announce the
horses till they had been at the door full half an hour, so that when we
started it was near two o'clock. D---- seemed quite at her ease upon her
gangling charger, and I had gotten up upon Mr. ----'s big horse, to see
what I could make of him. The day was beautifully bright and clear, with
a warm blessed sunshine causing the wintry world to smile. We had
proceeded more than halfway to Laurel Hill without event, when, driving
my heavy-shouldered brute at a bank, instead of lifting up his feet, he
thought fit to stumble, fall, and fling me very comfortably off upon the
mound. I sprang up neither hurt nor frightened, shook my habit,
tightened my girths, and mounted again; when we set off, much refreshed
by this little incident, which occasioned a world of mirth and many
saucy speeches from my companions to me. At Laurel Hill the master of
the house came bowing forth with the utmost courteousness to meet me,
expressing his profound sense of the honour I did him in deigning to
inhale the air around his abode, and his unspeakable anguish at having
been absent when I had so far condescended before. He was a
foreigner,--French or Italian, or _such like_,--which accounts for his
civility. Had the horses taken to the stable, and their girths
slackened. D---- kept the heights, and ---- and I ran, slipped, slid,
and scrambled down to the water's edge. The river was frozen over, not,
however, strongly enough to bear much, and every jutting rock was hung
with pure glittering icicles that shone like jewels in the bright
sunshine. Far down the river all was still and lonely, and bright, yet
wintry-looking. The flow of the water and its plashing music were still;
there was no breath of wind stirring the leafless boughs; the sunlight
came down, warm and dazzling upon the silent sparkling world, all clad
in its shimmering ice robe: the air was transparent and clear, and the
whole scene was perfectly lovely. Taming to re-ascend the rocks, I
called aloud to D----, and the distinctest loudest echo answered me. So
perfect was the reflection of the sound, that at first I thought some
one was mocking me. I ran up a scale as loud, and high, and rapid as I
could; and, from among the sunny fields, a voice repeated the threaded
notes as clearly, as rapidly, only more softly, with a distinctness that
was startling. I never heard an echo that repeated so much of what was
sung or said. I stood in perfect enchantment, exercising my voice, and
provoking the hidden voice of the air, who answered me with a far-off
tone, that seemed as though the mocking spirit fled along the hill tops,
repeating my notes with a sweet gleeful tone that filled me with
delight. Oh, what must savages think an echo is? How many many lovely
and wild imaginations are suggested by that which natural philosophers
analyse into mere conformations of earth and undulations of air! At
length we joined D----, and walked to the house, where presently
appeared the master of the mansion, with cakes, wine, cordial,
preserves, or, as Comus hath it, "a table covered with all manner of
deliciousness." I was at first a little puzzled by the epithet _cordial_
applied to three goodly-looking _decanters_ full of rosy and golden
liquor, and which ---- informed me is the invariable refreshment
presented to visiters of both sexes who ride or drive up to Laurel Hill.
To satisfy my curiosity, I put my lips to some of it, which proved to be
no other than liqueur, an indifferent sort of noyau--that which soberest
folks in England take but a thimble-full of after dinner, by way of
_chasse-café_, and drunkenest folk would be ashamed to touch in the
morning. It seems that it is otherwise here; and, indeed, generally
speaking, Americans swallow much more of all sorts of spirituous
nauseousness than we do in our country. The men take brandy, in a way
that would astound people of any respectability in England, and in this,
as well as many other ways, contribute to assist the enervating effects
of their climate.[76] Our host waited himself most attentively upon us,
and refused all species of remuneration save thanks, which, indeed, he
said he owed me for so far honouring him as to stuff his cakes and
drink his wine. We mounted again, being refreshed, and, taking leave of
this pearl of innkeepers, continued our ride along the banks of the
Schuylkill, until we came to Manayunk, a manufacturing place, where they
create cottons, and which has the additional advantage of being most
lovelily situated upon the banks of the river, backed by rocky heights,
where the cedar bushes, with their rich dark tufts, and the fine bold
masses of grey granite, together with a hundred little water-courses now
hanging from every ridge they used to flow over in brilliant ice
pendants, had a most beautiful effect. It was getting late, however, and
we pushed on to the bridge; but, lo! when we reached it, it was under
repair and impassable. What was to be done? the sun had withdrawn his
warm rays from the heavens,--the lower earth was shadowy and dark,--a
rich orange light hung over the brow of the ridge of hills on the
opposite side of the river, whose current, rapid and strong, flowed
darkly between beautiful slabs of granite which lay in its path, and
round which the water hurried angrily. What was to be done? To turn back
was disheartening,--to go on for the chance of a bridge was also to run
the chance of being utterly benighted in paths we knew nothing of, and
on horses which were any thing but safe. However, my evident inclination
to the latter course prevailed with my companions. We crossed a narrow
bridge, and pursued a sort of tow-path between the canal and the river.
The glimmering daylight was fading fast from the sky, and the opposite
shores of the river were losing their distinctness of outline, when,
from between two beautiful bold masses of rock which overhung its
entrance, the wooden bridge appeared. I should like to have lingered in
this spot till nightfall, but this was by no means the bargain either
with my fellow-travellers or my horse. So on we went over the bridge,
and, turning to the left, pursued the river's side,--now close down to
its gushing fretful waters, hurrying from between the rocky impediments
of their path,--now high above its course, in the midst of woods growing
to the very edge of the precipitous bank, with rocky ridges rising again
above us, crowned with the black-looking tufts of the cedar, jagged with
icicles, and from which descended, at every ten yards, a trickling rill,
which, smoothed over by the glassy ice, rendered our horses' footing,
particularly in the twilight, very insecure. We were _in for it_; and
when that is the case, 'tis vain making lamentations or piteous
retrospections: I therefore pushed on, with as much care as I could of
Mr. ----'s tumble-down charger, whose headlong motion kept me in
agonies, leaving ---- to take care of dear D----, whose bones I feared
would ach for this adventure most bitterly. The road was perfectly
beautiful. Broad masses of shadowy clouds hung in the sky, and were
reflected in the waters, together with the pale delicate grey of
evening, and the last amber tinge of sunset. We did not reach
Philadelphia till it was perfectly dark. To add to my consternation,
too, when we asked ---- to dine with us, he said that he had an
engagement, for which I began to fear this ill-starred ride would have
kept him too late.
* * * * *
* * * * *
I came up to my own room, changed my clothes, and went in to see Mrs.
----.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
She was completely overpowered with laudanum. Her head was declined upon
a chair.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
She looked very lovely, with her beautiful head bowed, and her dark
eyelashes lying on her wan cheeks. Her features were contracted with
suffering. I sat watching her with much heartfelt sadness and interest.
I was summoned away, however, to see some gentlemen who were in the
drawing-room, whither I adjourned, and where I found Mr. ---- and Dr.
----. I was stupid and sleepy, and the gentlemen had the charity not to
keep me up, or make me sing.
_Monday, 24th, Christmas-eve._
After breakfast, put out clothes for to-night. When I came down, found
---- in the drawing-room with my father: paid him his bill, and pottered
an immensity. Went to rehearsal,--afterwards paid all manner of cards
with poor dear D----, who puffed and panted through the streets in order
not to freeze me, which, however, she did not escape.
* * * * *
* * * * *
After dinner, went and sat with my poor invalid, whom, in spite of her
republicanism, I am greatly inclined to like and admire. Remained with
her till coffee-time. Went to the theatre: the play was the Merchant of
Venice,--my favourite part, Portia. The house was very full: I played
so-soish.
* * * * *
* * * * *
_Tuesday, 25th, Christmas-day._
I wish you a merry Christmas, poor child! away from home and friends.
Truly, the curse of the old Scriptures has come upon me; my lovers and
my acquaintance are far off from me. After breakfast, practised for and
hour; went and saw Mrs. ----; drove out shopping; saw ---- walking with
my father. Came home and wrote journal: went out with D----; bought a
rocking-horse for Mrs. ----'s chicks, whose merry voices I shall miss
most horribly by and by. Dragged it in to them in the midst of their
dinner. Dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with her till
coffee-time. When I came into the drawing-room, found a beautiful
work-box sent me by that very youthful admirer of mine, Mr. ----. I was
a little annoyed at this, but still more so at my father's desiring me
to return it to him, which I know will be a terrible mortification to
him. Went to the theatre: the house was crammed with men, and very
noisy,--a Christmas audience. Play, Macbeth: I only played so-so. Oh,
me! these marks in the stream of time, over which it breaks as over a
dam, drawing our attention, which without them would even less often
note its rapid, rapid current! They do but become halting-posts for our
souls, round which gather the memories of days and hours escaped and
gone from us for ever.[77]
* * * * *
* * * * *
_Wednesday, 26th._
After breakfast, put out things for theatre. When I came down to the
drawing-room, I found a middle-aged gentleman of very respectable
appearance sitting with my father. He rose on my coming in, and, after
bowing to me, continued his discourse to my father thus:--"Yes, sir,
yes; you will find as I tell you, sir, the winter is our profitable
theatrical season, sir; so that if any thing should take you to England,
you can return again at the beginning of next fall." I modestly withdrew
to another end of the room, supposing they were engaged upon business.
But my curiosity was presently attracted by the continuation of his
discourse. "And recollect, sir, and this lady, your daughter, too, if
you please, that what I have said must not on any account be repeated
out of this room. I am myself going immediately to England, and from
thence direct to _Jerusalem_!" I stared. "There, sir, is my real name,
----: the card I sent up to you is not my real name. You see, sir, I am
an Irishman, that is to say, in fact, I am really a Jew. _I am one of
those of the tribe of Ephraim who refused to cross the Red Sea: we were
not to be humbugged by that damned fellow, Moses,--no, sir, we were
not!_" Here my heart jumped into my throat, and my eyes nearly out of my
head with fright and amazement. "Well," continued the poor madman, "I
suppose I may deliver this to the young lady herself;" giving me a small
parcel, which I took from him as if I thought it would explode and blow
me up. "And now, sir, farewell. Remember remember, my words,--in three
years, perhaps, but _certainly_ in ten, _He_ that will come _will come_,
and it's all up with the world, and the children of men!" This most
awful announcement was accompanied with a snap of his fingers, and a
demi-pirouette. He was then rushing out of the room, leaving his cloak
behind him. My father called him back to give it him. He bundled himself
into it, exclaimed, "God bless you both! God bless you both!--remember,
what I have said requires the profoundest secrecy, as you perceive," and
darted out of the room, leaving my father and myself with eyes and mouth
wide open, gaping in speechless astonishment. At last I bethought me of
opening the little packet the madman had left me. It was a small box, on
the cover of which was written, To Miss Kemble, with the compliments of
St. George. I then recollected, that some time past I had received some
verses, in which love and religion were very crazily blended, signed St.
George. But, as I am abundantly furnished with epistles of this sort, I
had flung them aside, merely concluding the writer to be gone a short
way from his wits. The box contained a most beautiful and curious
ornament, something like a Sévigné, highly wrought in gold and enamel,
and evidently very costly. I was more confounded than ever, and did not
recover from my amazement and fright for a long time. I went in to Mrs.
---- to tell her the event. Thence we began talking about young ----'s
box; and, upon her advice, I again spoke to my father and obtained his
leave not to send it back; so I indited him a thankful epistle.
Practised for a short time, and then went to the riding-school. It was
quite empty: I put on my cap and skirt, and was sitting, thinking of
many things, in the little dressing-room, when I heard the school-door
open, and Mr. ---- walked straight up to me.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
Dr. ---- called to-day. I was quite glad to see him: he gave me all the
New York news, and brought with him a gentleman, a friend of his, who
nearly made me sick by very deliberately spitting upon the carpet. Mercy
on me! I thought I should have jumped off my chair, I was so disgusted.
Mr. ----, too, does this constantly.
* * * * *
* * * * *
After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ----; was called away to see Mr.
----, whom I thanked for his present.
* * * * *
* * * * *
Went to the theatre at half-past five. The house was very fair,
considering the weather, which was very foul. Play, School for Scandal.
They none of them knew their parts, or remembered their
business--delightful people, indeed! I played only so-so. ---- supped
with us. He is a very gentlemanly nice person, and I am told he is
extremely amiable.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
He told me sundry steam-boat stories that made my blood curdle; such as,
a public brush, a public comb, and a public _tooth-brush_. Also, of a
gentleman who was using his own tooth-brush,--a man who was standing
near him said, "I'll trouble you for that article when you've done with
it." When he had done with it, the gentleman presented it to him, and on
receiving it again, immediately threw it into the river, to the infinite
amazement of the borrower, who only exclaimed, "Well, however, you're a
queer fellow."[78]
_Thursday, 27th._
After breakfast, went to rehearsal. Katharine and Petruchio. After
rehearsal, went to the riding-school. It was quite empty, except of Mr.
----, and Mr. ----.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
Came home: found a letter to me from that strange madman. On opening it,
it proved a mere envelope, containing a visiting-card with the name St.
George upon it. After dinner, wrote journal; went and sat with Mrs. ----
till coffee-time. I have had a most dreadful side-ach all day.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
At half-past five, went to the theatre. Play, Much Ado about Nothing;
farce, Katharine and Petruchio.
* * * * *
At the end I was so tired, and so overcome with the side-ach, that I lay
down on the floor perfectly done up.
_Friday, 28th._
After breakfast, ---- called. Settled to ride, if possible, to-morrow. I
would give the world for a good shaking. I'm dying of the blue devils: I
have no power to rouse myself.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
When ---- was gone, sat down to practise. Tried Mrs. Hemans's Messenger
Bird, but the words were too solemn and too sad: I sobbed instead of
singing, and was a little relieved. Went in to see Mrs. ----. She seemed
better; she was _en toilette_, in a delicate white wrapper, with her
fine hair twisted up round her classical head. She is a beautiful
person; she is better--an amiable, a sensible, and a pious one; I am
very deeply interested by her; I like her extremely. At half-past one,
went to the riding-school. I met there a daughter of old Lady ----'s,
who introduced herself to me, and asked leave to stay and see me ride,
which leave I gave her. The bay pony is, however, fairly ruined. A
little wretch not twelve years old had just been riding it: it had
fallen from all its paces, and went so lame that I gave up riding, and
sat disconsolately enough in the little dressing-closet, looking through
a window six inches square, at the blessed mild blue heavens, and
longing for wings, till my soul was like to faint.
* * * * *
* * * * *
After dinner, wrote journal. Went in and sat with Mrs. ----. By the by,
that worthy youth, Mr. ----, dined with us. I got rid of some of my
vapours by sundry hearty laughs at him. I am sorry to leave Philadelphia
on Mrs. ----'s account. I am growing to her. Oh, Lord! how soon, how
soon we do this!--how we do cling to every thing in spite of the
pitiless wrenches of time and chance! Her dear babies are delightful to
me; their laughing voices have power to excite and make me happy,--and
when they come dancing to meet me, my heart warms very fondly towards
them.
* * * * *
* * * * *
She amuses me much by her intense anxiety that I should be married.
First, she wishes ---- would propose to me; then she thinks Mr. ----'s
estates in Cuba would be highly acceptable; in short, my single
blessedness seems greatly to annoy her, and I believe she attributes
every thing evil in life to that same. She seemed surprised, and a
little shocked, when I said I would accept death most thankfully in
preference to the happiest lot in life,--and so I would--I would. Yet
death----. 'Tis strange, that Messenger Bird threw more than a passing
gloom over me. If the dead do indeed behold those whom they have loved,
with loving eyes and fond remembrance, do not the sorrows, the
weariness, the toiling, the despairing of those dear ones rise even into
the abodes of peace, and wring the souls of those who thence look down
upon the earth, and see the woe and anguish suffered here? Or, if they
do not feel,--if, freed from this mortal coil, they forget all they have
suffered, all that we yet endure, oh! then what fourfold trash is human
love! what vain and miserable straws are all the deep, the dear, the
grasping affections twined in our hearts' fibres,--mingled with our
blood! How poor are all things,--how beggarly is life! Oh! to think that
while we yet are bowed in agony, and mourning over the dead,--while our
bereaved hearts are aching, and our straining eyes looking to that
heaven, beyond which we think they yet may hear our cries, they yet may
see our anguish, the dead, the loved, the mourned, nor see, nor hear; or
if they do, look down with cold and careless gaze upon the love that
lifts our very souls in desperate yearning towards them. Yet one of the
two must surely be: either the other life is like this, a life of pain,
though not like this, perhaps, a life of selfishness; or this earth, and
time, and all they hold, are a more hollow mockery than even I sometimes
dream they are. I will not think any more of it. We went to the theatre
at half-past five. Play, Hunchback; after it, Katharine and Petruchio. I
thought I should have died of the side-ach,--I was in perfect agony. The
people here are more civil and considerate than can be imagined. I sent,
yesterday evening, for some water-ice: the confectioner had none; when,
lo! to-night he brings me some he has made on purpose for me, which he
entreats my acceptance of. I admired a very pretty fan Mrs. ---- had in
her hand; and at the end of the play she had it sent to my
dressing-room;--and these sort of things are done by me, not once, but
ten times every day. Nothing can exceed the kindness and attention which
has encountered us every where since we have been in this country. I am
sure I am bound to remember America and Americans thankfully; for,
whatever I may think of their ways, manners, or peculiarities, to me
they have shown unmingled good will, and cordial real kindness. Remained
up, packing, till two o'clock.