MONDAY EVENING, July 6th.
You grieve! dearest of all beings! I have just heard that the letters
must be sent off very early. Mondays and Thursdays are the only days
when the post goes to K---- from here. You grieve! Ah! where I am, there
you are ever with me: how earnestly shall I strive to pass my life with
you, and what a life will it be!!! Whereas now!! without you!! and
persecuted by the kindness of others, which I neither deserve nor try
to deserve! The servility of man towards his fellow-man pains me, and
when I regard myself as a component part of the universe, what am I,
what is he who is called the greatest?--and yet herein are displayed the
godlike feelings of humanity!--I weep in thinking that you will receive
no intelligence from me till probably Saturday. However dearly you may
love me, I love you more fondly still. Never conceal your feelings from
me. Good-night! As a patient at these baths, I must now go to rest. [A
few words are here effaced by Beethoven himself.] Oh, heavens! so near,
and yet so far! Is not our love a truly celestial mansion, but firm as
the vault of heaven itself?
JULY 7th.
Good morning!
Even before I rise, my thoughts throng to you, my immortal
beloved!--sometimes full of joy, and yet again sad, waiting to see
whether Fate will hear us. I must live either wholly with you, or not at
all. Indeed, I have resolved to wander far from you till the moment
arrives when I can fly into your arms, and feel that they are my home,
and send forth my soul in unison with yours into the realm of spirits.
Alas! it must be so! You will take courage, for you know my fidelity.
Never can another possess my heart--never, never! Oh, heavens! Why must
I fly from her I so fondly love? and yet my existence in W--was as
miserable as here. Your love made me the most happy and yet the most
unhappy of men. At my age, life requires a uniform equality; can this be
found in our mutual relations? My angel! I have this moment heard that
the post goes every day, so I must conclude that you may get this letter
the sooner. Be calm! for we can only attain our object of living
together by the calm contemplation of our existence. Continue to love
me. Yesterday, to-day, what longings for you, what tears for you! for
you! for you! my life! my all! Farewell! Oh, love me for ever, and never
doubt the faithful heart of your lover, L.
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever each other's.