CHOICE OF SOCIETY, AND FORMATION OF FRIENDSHIPS.
CHARACTER is formed under a great variety of influences. Sometimes a
very trifling circumstance gives direction to the whole course of one’s
life. And every incident that occurs, from day to day, is exerting a
silent, gradual influence, in the formation of your character. Among
these influences, none are more direct and powerful than that exerted
upon us by the companions with whom we associate; for we insensibly
fall into their habits. This is especially true in childhood and youth,
when the character is plastic, like soft wax,--easily impressed.
But we cannot avoid associating, to some extent, with those whose
influence is injurious. It is necessary, then, for us to distinguish
society into _general_ and _particular_. General society is that with
which we are _compelled to associate_. Particular society is that which
we _choose for ourselves_. In school, and in all public places, you are
under the necessity of associating somewhat with all. But those whom
you meet, in such circumstances, you are not compelled to make intimate
friends. You may be courteous and polite to all, wherever and whenever
you meet them, and yet maintain such a prudent reserve, and cautious
deportment, as not to be much exposed to contamination, if they should
not prove suitable companions.
But every one needs _intimate friends_; and it is necessary that these
should be well chosen. A bad friend may prove your ruin. You should
therefore be slow and cautious in the formation of intimacies and
friendships. Do not be suddenly taken with any one, and so enter into
a hasty friendship; for you may be mistaken, and soon repent of it.
There is much force in the old adage, “All is not gold that shines.”
A pleasing exterior often conceals a corrupt heart. Before you enter
into close intimacies or friendships, study the characters of the
persons whom you propose to choose for companions. Watch their behavior
and conversation; and if you discover any bad habits indulged, or any
thing that indicates a want of principle, let them not become your
companions. If you discover that they disregard any of the commandments
of God, set them down as unsafe associates. They will not only be
sure to lead you astray, but you can place no dependence upon their
fidelity. If they will break one of God’s commands, they will another;
and you can put no confidence in them. But even where you discover no
such thing, ask the opinion of your parents respecting them before you
choose them as your friends. Yet, while you are in suspense about the
matter, treat them courteously and kindly. But when you have determined
to seek their friendship, do not impose your friendship on them against
their will. Remember that they have the same right as yourself to
the choice of their friends; and they may see some objection to the
formation of a friendship with yourself. Be delicate, therefore, in
your advances, and give them an opportunity to _come half way_. A
friendship cautiously and slowly formed will be much more likely to
last than one that is formed in haste.
But let the number of your intimate and confidential friends be small.
It is better to have a few select, choice, and warm friends, than to
have a great number, less carefully chosen, whose attachment is less
warm and ardent. But you must not refuse to associate at all with the
mass of the society where you belong; especially, if you live in the
country. You must meet them kindly and courteously, on all occasions
where the society in general in which you move is called together. You
must not affect exclusiveness, nor confine yourself to the company of
your particular friends, at such times. But be careful that you do not
expose yourself to evil influences.
You ought not, at present, to form any intimate friendships with the
other sex. Such friendships, at your age, are dangerous; and if not
productive of any serious present evils, they will probably be subjects
of regret when you come to years of maturity; for attachments may be
formed that your judgment will then disapprove.