TREATMENT OF BROTHERS AND SISTERS, AND OTHERS IN THE FAMILY.
The family is a little kingdom in miniature. The father and mother are
king and queen; and children, and others residing in the family, are
the subjects. I have treated at large, in the last chapter, on your
duties to your parents; but I must not pass over your behavior towards
the other members of the family. And here, I wish you to keep in mind
all I have said about the _formation of character_. Remember, that the
character you form in the family will, in all probability, follow you
through life. As you are regarded by your own brothers and sisters
at home, so, in a great measure, will you be regarded by others,
when you leave your father’s house. If you are manly, amiable, kind,
and courteous, at home, so you will continue to be; and these traits
of character will always make you beloved. But if you are peevish,
ill-natured, harsh, uncourteous, or overbearing, at home, among your
own brothers and sisters, so will you be abroad; and, instead of being
beloved, you will be disliked and shunned.
The best general direction that I can give is, that you carry out the
golden rule in your behavior toward your brothers and sisters, and
all other persons who reside in the family. If you do to them as you
would wish them to do to you, all will be well. But I must be a little
more particular. Boys are often disposed to assume a dictatorial,
domineering air toward their sisters, as though they thought themselves
born to rule, and were determined to exercise their dominion over their
sisters, because they have not strength to resist their tyranny. But
I can hardly think of any thing more unmanly. It shows a very mean
spirit, destitute of noble and generous feelings, to take advantage
of the weakness of others to tyrannize over them. But to do this to
those who, by the relation they bear to you, are entitled to your love
and protection, is base beyond description. The same is true, though
perhaps in a less degree, in regard to the conduct of an elder toward a
younger brother.
A brother should be kind, tender, courteous, and delicate, in his
behavior toward his sisters, never treating them with rudeness or
neglect, and standing ready always to protect them from the rudeness of
other boys. He should never speak gruffly to them, nor in a lordly,
domineering, or contemptuous manner. Such conduct toward other misses
or young ladies would be esteemed very unhandsome and ungentlemanly;
and why should it not be so esteemed at home? Are your own sisters
entitled to less respect than strangers?
Accustom yourself to make confidants of your sisters. Let them
understand your feelings, and know your designs; and pay a suitable
regard to their advice. By this means you may be saved from many a
snare, and you will secure their affection and sympathy. Never form any
design, or engage in any enterprise, which you are ashamed to divulge
to them. If you do, you may be sure it will not end well.
One rule, well observed at home, among brothers and sisters, would go
far towards making them accomplished gentlemen and ladies, in their
manners:--BE COURTEOUS TO EACH OTHER. Never allow yourself to treat
your brothers or sisters in a manner that would be considered rude or
ungentlemanly, if done to other young persons visiting in the family.
Especially, never allow yourself to play tricks upon them, to teaze
them, or, in a coarse, rough manner, to criticize or ridicule their
conduct, especially in the presence of others. But if you see any thing
that you think needs reforming, kindly remind them of it in private.
This will have a much better effect than if you mortify them, by
exposing their faults before company. Be careful of their feelings, and
never needlessly injure them.
Boys sometimes take delight in crossing the feelings of their brothers
and sisters, interfering with their plans, and vexing them, out of
sheer mischief. Such conduct is especially unamiable, and it will
tend to promote ill-will and contention in the family. Be not fond of
informing against them. If they do any thing very much amiss, it will
be your duty to acquaint your parents with it. But in little things, of
small moment, it is better for you kindly to remonstrate with them, but
not to appeal to your parents. In some families, when the children are
at home, your ears are continually ringing with the unwelcome sounds,
“Mother, John”--“Father, Susan”--“Mother, George,” &c.--a perpetual
string of complaints, which makes the place more like a bedlam than a
quiet, sweet home. There is no sight more unlovely than a quarrelsome
family,--no place on earth more undesirable than a family of brothers
and sisters who are perpetually contending with each other. But I know
of no place, this side heaven, so sweet and attractive as the home of
a family of brothers and sisters, always smiling and happy, full of
kindness and love, delighting in each other’s happiness, and striving
how much each can oblige the other. If you would have your home such a
place, you must not be selfish; you must not be too particular about
maintaining your own rights; but be ready always to yield rather than
to contend. This will generally have the effect to produce the same
disposition in your brothers and sisters; and then the strife will be,
which can be most generous.
Be noble and generous in your treatment of domestics. Never be so mean
as to domineer over the hired men or women employed about the house,
or in the field. Keep out of the kitchen as much as possible. But
if you are obliged to go there, remember that you are on the cook’s
premises. Keep out of her way, and be careful not to put things out
of their place, or make litter. Nothing is more annoying to her than
such conduct, because it interferes with her efforts to keep things
in order, and increases her labor. Never ask servants to help you,
when you are able to help yourself. It is very provoking to them to
be called to wait on the little _gentlemen_ about house. Cultivate
independence of character, and help yourself. You will never be fit
for any business, if you always depend on others to help you in little
every-day affairs.
Young men and boys should cultivate a _love of home_ as a defence
against the temptations to frequent bad company and places of resort
dangerous to their morals. A boy or a young man, who is deeply and
warmly attached to his mother and sisters, will prefer their society
to that of the depraved and worthless; and he will not be tempted to
go abroad in search of pleasure, when he finds so much at home. It is
a delusive idea, that any greater pleasure can be found abroad than
is to be enjoyed at home; and that boy or young man is in a dangerous
way, to whom the society of his mother and sisters has become insipid
and uninteresting. When you feel any inclination to go abroad in search
of forbidden pleasure, I advise you to sit down with your sisters, and
sing, “_Home, sweet home_.” And here I may say that the cultivation
of music will add much to the attractions of home. It is a delightful
recreation. It soothes the feelings, sweetens the temper, and refines
the taste. In addition to the cultivation of the voice, and the
practice of vocal music, you will find great satisfaction in learning
to play on some instrument of music, to be able to carry your part on
the flute or viol. This will greatly diminish the temptation to go
abroad for amusement; and in proportion as you find your pleasure at
home, will you be safe from those evil influences which have proved
the destruction of so many boys.
But perhaps you are an _only child_. Then you will enjoy the exclusive
affections and attention of your parents, without a rival. But you
will lose the advantage of the society of brothers and sisters. The
former will be no benefit; for parents do not abate their love to their
first-born, when others are added to their number. But the exclusive
love to an only child often degenerates into excessive indulgence. The
society of brothers and sisters, though it often tries the temper,
yet contributes greatly to the happiness of a child. It provides a
wholesome discipline, and affords the means of learning how to behave
among equals; which an only child cannot learn at home. You will be
likely to think too much of yourself, because you will receive the
exclusive attentions of your parents, and will not have before you the
daily example of your equals. These things you must guard against; and
endeavor to make up the deficiency, by carrying out the hints I have
given, in the society of other children, wherever you meet them.
In conclusion, I will give you one little _family rule_. You may think
it a _very little_ one; but it is able to do wonders. If you will
try it one week, and never deviate from it, I will promise you the
happiest week you ever enjoyed. And, more than this, you will diffuse
such a sunshine about you as to make others happy also. My little rule
is this: NEVER BE CROSS.