Marriage among the Bagobo takes place much later than is common among
most Philippine tribes, the couple often being eighteen or twenty years
of age. As a rule the parents of the boy select the girl and negotiate
the match. Going to the house of the girl they casually broach the
subject and if her parents are favorable, a day is set to discuss the
details. This meeting is attended by the friends and relatives of both
families, and two head-men or _datu_ must also be present to represent
the contracting parties. The price the girl should bring varies
according to the wealth of the interested parties and the
accomplishments of the bride. Whatever the sum paid, the father of the
girl must make a return present equal to one-half the value of the
marriage gift "so that he does not sell his daughter like a slave."
Usually marriage does not take place until a year or more after this
settlement, and during the interval the boy must serve his father-in-law
to be. When the time for the final ceremony arrives the relatives and
friends assemble and for two or three days they feast and make merry. A
_mabalian_ spreads a mat on the floor, places on it many valuable
articles and then offers all to the spirits, in order that they may be
pleased to give the couple a long and prosperous life together. Finally,
she puts a dish of rice on the mat and, after offering it to the
spirits, places it between the boy and the girl as they sit on the
floor. The girl takes a handful of the rice and feeds it to the boy who,
in turn, feeds her, and the ceremony is complete. The couple may then go
to their new home, but for several years the girl's family will exact a
certain amount of service from the groom.
A slight variation of the usual order occurred recently at the marriage
of one of Datu Tongkaling's sons. At that time all the details were
arranged by the _datu_, who, accompanied by his son and a number of
relatives, went to the girl's house and proposed the union. After the
girl had brought wine, betel nut, and food, and had placed them before
the visitors, she was directed by her mother to make a carrying bag for
her lover. Had she objected to the union and refused to make this gift,
her decision would probably have been accepted as final and all
negotiations abandoned. However, it is not customary for the young
people to refuse to carry out the wishes of their elders. As the girl
offered no objections, the party fell to discussing the price the groom
should pay, and finally, after several hours of bargaining, decided that
he should furnish her father with one _agong_,[37] one horse, and a
double betel box.[38] Five days later, when he paid this sum, he
received a return gift of one _agong_ and ten skirts from the bride's
mother. About one-half the value of the groom's gift was distributed
among the girl's relatives, who were at the same time admonished that,
in case a separation should occur, they would be expected to return an
equal amount. In the presence of about a hundred friends, the pair drank
wine from the same dish, then submitted to having a little hair cut from
their heads, and were pronounced man and wife. Before they retired for
the night the _mabalian_ combed their hair, then, having directed the
groom to precede his bride to their sleeping place, she secured a child
and placed it on the mat between the pair. This, she explained, was an
old custom, and was done so that the girl might not be ashamed, for she
was not the first to sleep there. Having finished this duty, she
returned to the center of the room and placed a number of plates and a
knife on the _tambara_, where they were allowed to remain for four days
as offerings to the _anito_, Manama, Toglai and the _tigyama_.[39] At
the end of that period the plates were attached to the outside walls of
the house, and the knife returned to its former owner. This completed
the duties of the _mabalian_ who returned home carrying an _agong_, the
payment for her services.
[37] Large copper gong.
[38] Much more is often given. One girl in Cibolan brought six horses,
five agongs, and several spears and knives.
[39] See p. 107. [Transcriber's note: 5 pages after this.]
A man may have as many wives as he desires and can afford, but he may
not take a second mate until a child has been born to the first union,
or the wife has been proved beyond doubt to be barren. The groom renders
no services to the father of the second wife, but instead of this pays a
double price for the girl, for he not only pays her parents but is
forced also to give a like sum to his first wife, who, in turn, presents
it to her father. Should a third wife be added to the family a sum equal
to her cost is divided among the earlier wives. The first wife is
generally the lady of the house and does not particularly object to
having other girls added to the family, provided they are willing to
obey her. Datu Tongkaling has had four wives, three of whom are still
living.
If a couple cannot agree, a separation can be arranged by applying to
the local head-man, who, after listening to their troubles, decides
which one is at fault, and whether or no the marriage gifts must be
returned. When a couple parts, plates, bowls, and jars are sometimes
broken as a sign that they will never live together again and the
spirits are thus called to witness. A divorced woman may remarry, but
unless the sum originally paid for her has been returned, the new groom
must pay such an amount to the first husband.