I sat there without shadow and without money, but a heavy weight was
taken from my bosom. I was calm. Had I not also lost my love, or had I
in that loss felt myself free from blame, I believe that I should have
been happy; but I knew not what I should do. I examined my pockets; I
found yet several gold pieces there; I counted them and laughed. I
had my horses below at the inn; I was ashamed of returning thither; I
must, at least, wait till the sun was gone down; it stood yet high in
the heavens. I laid myself down in the shade of the nearest trees, and
calmly fell asleep.
Lovely shapes blended themselves before me in charming dance into a
pleasing dream. Mina with a flower-wreath in her hair floated by me,
and smiled kindly upon me. The noble Bendel also was crowned with
flowers, and went past with a friendly greeting. I saw many besides,
and I believe thee too, Chamisso, in the distant throng. A bright
light appeared, but no one had a shadow, and, what was stranger, it
had by no means a bad effect. Flowers and songs, love and joy, under
groves of palm! I could neither hold fast nor interpret the moving,
lightly floating, lovable forms; but I knew that I dreamed such a
dream with joy, and was careful to avoid waking. I was already awake,
but still kept my eyes closed in order to retain the fading apparition
longer before my soul.
I finally opened my eyes; the sun stood still high in the heavens, but
in the east; I had slept through the night. I took it for a sign that
I should not return to the inn. I gave up readily as lost what I yet
possessed there, and determined to strike on foot into a branch road,
which led along the wood-grown feet of the mountains, leaving it to
fate to fulfil what it had yet in store for me. I looked not behind
me, and thought not even of applying to Bendel, whom I left rich
behind me, and which I could readily have done. I considered the
new character which I should support in the world. My dress was very
modest. I had on an old black polonaise, which I had already worn in
Berlin, and which, I know not how, had first come again into my hands
for this journey. I had also a traveling cap on my head, a pair of old
boots on my feet. I arose, and cut me on the spot a knotty stick as a
memorial, and pursued my wandering.
I met in the wood an old peasant who, friendly, greeted me, and with
whom I entered into conversation. I inquired, like an inquisitive
traveler, first the way, then about the country and its inhabitants,
the productions of the mountains, and many such things. He answered my
questions sensibly and loquaciously. We came to the bed of a mountain
torrent, which had spread its devastations over a wide tract of the
forest. I shuddered involuntarily at the sun-bright space, and allowed
the countryman to go first; but in the midst of this dangerous
spot, he stood still, and turned to relate to me the history of this
desolation. He saw immediately my defect, and paused in the midst of
his discourse.
"But how does that happen--the gentleman has actually no shadow!"
"Alas! alas!" replied I, sighing, "during a long and severe illness,
my hair, nails, and shadow fell off. See, father, at my age, my hair,
which is renewed again, is quite white, the nails very short, and the
shadow--that will not grow again."
"Ay! ay!" responded the old man, shaking his head--"no shadow, that
is bad! That was a bad illness that the gentleman had." But he did
not continue his narrative, and at the next cross-way which presented
itself left me without saying a word. Bitter tears trembled anew upon
my cheeks, and my cheerfulness was gone.
I pursued my way with a sorrowful heart, and sought no further the
society of men. I kept myself in the darkest wood, and was many a time
compelled, in order to pass over a space where the sun shone, to wait
for whole hours, lest some human eye should forbid me the transit. In
the evening I sought shelter in the villages. I went particularly in
quest of a mine in the mountains where I hoped to get work under the
earth; since, besides that my present situation made it imperative
that I should provide for my support, I had discovered that the most
active labor alone could protect me from my own annihilating thoughts.
A few rainy days advanced me well on the way, but at the expense of
my boots, whose soles had been calculated for Count Peter, and not for
the pedestrian laborer. I was already barefoot and had to procure a
pair of new boots. The next morning I transacted this business with
much gravity in a village where a wake was being held, and where in
a booth old and new boots were sold. I selected and bargained long. I
was forced to deny myself a new pair, which I would gladly have had,
for the extravagant price frightened me. I therefore contented myself
with an old pair, which were yet good and strong, and which the
handsome, blond-haired boy who kept the stall, for present cash
payment handed to me with a friendly smile and wished me good luck on
my journey. I put them on at once, and left the place by the northern
gate.
I was deeply absorbed in my thoughts and scarcely saw where I set
my feet, for I was pondering on the mine which I hoped to reach by
evening, and where I hardly knew how I should introduce myself. I had
not advanced two hundred strides when I observed that I had gone out
of the way. I therefore looked round me, and found myself in a wild
and ancient forest, where the axe appeared never to have been wielded.
I still pressed forward a few steps, and beheld myself in the midst
of desert rocks which were overgrown only with moss and lichens, and
between which lay fields of snow and ice. The air was intensely cold;
I looked round--the wood had vanished behind me. I took a few strides
more--and around me reigned the silence of death; the ice whereon I
stood boundlessly extended itself, and on it rested a thick, heavy
fog. The sun stood blood-red on the edge of the horizon. The cold was
insupportable.
I knew not what had happened to me. The benumbing frost compelled me
to hasten my steps; I heard only the roar of distant waters; a step,
and I was on the icy margin of an ocean. Innumerable herds of seals
plunged rushing before me in the flood. I pursued this shore; I saw
naked rocks, land, birch and pine forests; I now advanced for a few
minutes right onward. It became stifling hot. I looked around--I
stood amongst beautifully cultivated rice-fields, and beneath
mulberry-trees. I seated myself in their shade; I looked at my watch;
I had left the market town only a quarter of an hour before. I fancied
that I dreamed; I bit my tongue to awake myself, but I was really
awake. I closed my eyes in order to collect my thoughts. I heard
before me singular accents pronounced through the nose. I looked up.
Two Chinese, unmistakable from their Asiatic physiognomy, if indeed
I would have given no credit to their costume, addressed me in their
speech with the accustomed salutations of their country. I arose and
stepped two paces backward; I saw them no more. The landscape
was totally changed--trees and forests instead of rice-fields. I
contemplated these trees and the plants which bloomed around me, which
I recognized as the growth of southeastern Asia. I wished to approach
one of these trees--one step, and again all was changed. I marched
now like a recruit who is drilled, and strode slowly and with measured
steps. Wonderfully diversified lands, rivers, meadows, mountain
chains, steppes, deserts of sand, unrolled themselves before my
astonished eyes. There was no doubt of it--I had seven-league boots on
my feet.