I have had many rides in the cabs of Newport, and have always found
the cabbies very good drivers, prepared to go the pace according to
the fare they expected at the end of the journey.
_Cabmen's Dinner, Newport,
November 8th, 1889._
[Illustration: "_Prepared to go the pace according to the fare they
expected at the end of the journey._"]
[Illustration: "_You try to blow me up on my way to Tredegar House._"]
I wish you had chosen some other Patron Saint than Guy Fawkes, for Guy
Fawkes tried to blow up the House of Lords, and on each anniversary
you try to blow me up on my way to Tredegar House. Some persons may
think that one Conservative Peer more or less does not matter, but I
prefer that the experiment of blowing up should be tried upon the body
of a Radical Peer.
_Cabmen's Dinner, Newport,
Nov 5th, 1896._
[Illustration: "_Look here, cut it short guv'nor! I've got the cab by
the hour._"]
There are very odd traditions about cabmen, and I am certain that
sometimes they are not deserved. I have been told it is something of a
tradition that it is the pride of a cabman to be able to whistle
louder, to hit his horse harder, and to tell a bigger lie than anybody
else. I believe that to be absolutely untrue, though some of you may
know better than I do. One of you is supposed to have nearly upset a
wedding. That was a dreadful thing to do. The bride and bridegroom
were both at the Altar and just about to have the knot tied nicely.
The clergyman began to deliver his address, but the bridegroom
appeared to be in a great hurry, and said to the clergyman, "Look
here, cut it short, guv'nor! I've got the cab by the hour." That was
rather natural on the part of the bridegroom but the clergyman became
very angry, and very nearly threw up the case....
[Illustration: "_Look here, Mr. Huddleston, I call you a thief, a
blackguard, a scoundrel, and a villain._"]
Cabmen are limited in the language they may use. Judge Huddleston,
when a barrister, was defending a client against a cabman, who had
been using very bad language. The advocacy of Huddleston won the case.
The next day the cabman called upon him and said: "Look here, Mr.
Huddleston, you told me yesterday that I must not call people so and
so. What are your charges for telling me what I can call anyone
without getting into trouble?" Mr. Huddleston named his fee, cabby
paid the money, and inquired what names he might call a man with
impunity. Mr. Huddleston referred to his law books, and replied: "This
is what you may call a man without being had up for libel or
defamation of character. You may call him a villain, a scoundrel, a
blackguard, and a thief, always supposing you don't accuse him of
having stolen anything." The cabby took up his hat and said: "Look
here, Mr. Huddleston, I call you a thief, a blackguard, a scoundrel
and a villain; not that I mean to say you ever stole anything. Good
morning." So you know now exactly what you can call a man if you do
not like the fare he gives you. At the same time, I do not believe you
would say such things.
[Illustration: "_That's where Lord Tredegar buried his charger; he
made that mound himself._"]
Then, again, a cabman is always supposed to be a driving encyclopedia.
When Newport cabmen are driving along Caerleon Road or Chepstow Road,
credulous individuals ask them the name of every house and place they
pass, what it means and what it is. Strangers want to know, and you
must tell them something. There is an extraordinary tradition about a
cabman driving along a road, when a lady fare asked him what "that
mountain was with the tump on the top." "But what is the tump for?"
persisted the lady. "Oh, that's where Lord Tredegar buried his
charger; he made that mound himself," was the reply. Such stories are
very interesting and amusing, but they spoil history, and that is why
I think we are indebted to cabmen for the extraordinary traditions
that go about the country.
_Cabmen's Dinner, Newport,
November 5th, 1898._
Cabmen have traditionally bad characters, and are supposed to possess
a vocabulary which is not taught in the Intermediate Schools. They are
also supposed to have a special method of calculating distances and
coin. All those ideas are exploded like nursery rhymes, such as
"Whittington and his Cat." Cabmen are well looked after. There is the
Excise Officer and the Cruelty to Animals Society, and, if these are
not enough, there is the Watch Committee.
_Cabmen's Dinner, Newport,
November 6th, 1899._
[Illustration:
"_But the top of a 'bus
Is the place for us
To see the coves go by._"]
You have to compete with tramcars, motor cars, and all kinds of
horrible conveyances. Having been interested in nursery rhymes since I
was very young, I have been looking through some children's books
during the last few days to see what is provided for the children of
these days, and I came across the following lines in a book for
children:--
The hansom takes you quickest,
The growler keeps you dry,
But the top of the 'bus
Is the place for us
To see the coves go by.
I advise you not to give that little book to your children, as it will
induce them to ride on the top of a 'bus instead of taking a cab.
_Cabmen's Dinner, Newport,
November 8th, 1902._
[Illustration: "_Fast women and slow horses._"]
I have never been able to find out exactly why the cabmen's dinner is
fixed for Guy Fawkes' Day. I have looked up Guy Fawkes' pedigree, and
I cannot find that he ever drove a growler or even a hansom cab. Then
I thought it might have something to do with Inkerman Day, which is
all upset nowadays, as you know. Inkerman was always called a
soldiers' battle, because it was so foggy that the generals could not
see what they were doing. I have an idea that it must have been a
cabmen's battle, and that it was cabmen who fought at Inkerman or
commanded at Inkerman. Speaking of cabmen, I think that they are like
Lord Rosebery's Dukes--poor, but honest. This is not an epoch-making
dinner; it is not even a record dinner. "Epoch-making" and
"record-making" are terms which are frequently used now-a-days, and I
wish people would give them a rest for a time. I remember a young
gentleman who came into a fortune and very soon got through it because
his company was very indifferent, he being very fond of racecourses
and other iniquities of that sort. He went through the Bankruptcy
Court, and when asked how he accounted for getting rid of his fortune
so quickly, he replied, "Fast women and slow horses." Now I think
cabmen would probably make a profit out of fast women and slow horses.
One of you will take a very fine lady to Caerleon Racecourse next
week, and, having a slow horse, will take two hours to do the journey,
and charge a two hours' price. But I always like this society for one
particular reason, namely, it has no small societies belonging to it.
There is no Cabmen's Football Club to write and ask you for a
subscription. So far as I know, there is no cabmen's band, or other
small institutions of which we have so many in every other circle of
society. There is no cabmen's congress, and no cabmen's conferences
and that is a great merit in the society, because I know that when I
have done one thing, I have done all that I shall be required to do.
_Cabmen's Dinner,
November 5th, 1909._