Departure from Coppet.
I passed eight months in a state I cannot describe, every day making
a trial of my courage, and every day shrinking at the idea of a
prison. All the world certainly fears it; but my imagination has
such a dread of solitude, my friends are so necessary to me, to
support and animate me, and to turn my attention to a new
perspective when I sink under the intensity of painful sensations,
that never has death presented itself to me under such terrible
features as a prisoner a dungeon, where I might remain for years
without ever hearing a friendly voice. I have been told that one of
the Spaniards who defended Saragossa with the most astonishing
intrepidity, utters the most dreadful shrieks in the tower at
Vincennes, where he is kept confined; so much does this frightful
solitude affect even the most energetic minds! Besides, I could not
disguise from myself that I was not courageous; I have a bold
imagination, but a timid character, and all kinds of perils appear
to me like phantoms. The species of talent which I possess brings
images to me with such living freshness, that if the beauties of
nature are improved by it, dangers are made more dreadful. Sometimes
I was afraid of a prison, sometimes of robbers, if I was obliged to
go through Turkey, in the event of Russia being shut against me by
political combinations: sometimes also the immense sea which I must
cross between Constantinople and London, filled me with terror for
my daughter and myself. Nevertheless I had always the wish to
depart; an inward feeling of boldness excited me to it; but I might
say, like a well known Frenchman, "I tremble at the dangers to which
my courage is about to expose me." In truth, what adds to the
horrible barbarity of persecuting females, is, that their nature is
both irritable and weak; they suffer more acutely from trouble, and
are less capable of the strength required to escape from it.
I was also affected by another kind of terror: I was afraid that the
moment the emperor knew of my departure, he would insert in the
newspapers one of those articles which he knows so well how to
dictate, when he wishes to commit moral assassination. A senator
told me one day, that Napoleon was the best journalist he ever knew;
and certainly if this expression meant to designate the art of
defaming individuals and nations, he possesses it in the highest
degree. Nations are not affected by it; but he has acquired in the
revolutionary times he has passed through, a certain tact in
calumnies suitable to vulgar comprehension, which makes him find the
expressions best adapted for circulation among those whose wit is
confined to repeating the phrases published by the government for
their use. If the Moniteur accused any one of robbing on the
highway, no French, German, or Italian journal could admit his
justification. It is almost impossible to represent to one's self
what a man is, at the head of a million of soldiers, and possessed
of ten millions of revenue, having all the prisons of Europe at his
disposal, with the kings for his gaolers, and using the press as his
mouth-piece, at a time when people have hardly the intimacy of
friendship to make a reply; finally, with the ability of turning
misfortune into ridicule: execrable power, whose ironical enjoyment
is the last insult which the infernal genii can make the human race
endure!
Whatever independence of character one had, I believe that no one
could refrain from shuddering at the idea of having such power
directed against one's self; at least I confess having felt this
movement very strongly; and in spite of the melancholy of my
situation, I frequently said to myself, that a roof for shelter, a
table for sustenance, and a garden for exercise, formed a lot with
which one must learn to be contented; but even this lot, such as it
was, no one could be certain of retaining in peace; a word might
escape, a word might be repeated, and this man, whose power was
continually on the increase, to what a point might he not at last be
irritated? When the sun shone brightly, my courage returned; but
when the sky was covered with clouds, travelling terrified me, and I
discovered in myself a taste for indolent pursuits, foreign to my
nature, but which fear had given birth to; physical happiness
appeared to me then greater than I had previously regarded it, and
every sort of exertion alarmed me. My health also, cruelly affected
by so many troubles, weakened the energy of my character, so that
during this period I put the patience of my friends to a most severe
test, by an eternal discussion of the plans in deliberation, and
overwhelming them with my uncertainties.
I tried a second time to obtain a passport for America; they made me
wait till the middle of winter before they gave me the answer I
required, which terminated in a refusal. I then offered to enter
into an engagement never to print any thing upon any subject, not
even a bouquet to Iris, provided I was allowed to live at Rome; I
had the vanity to remind them that it was the author of Corinna who
asked permission to go and live in Italy. Doubtless the minister of
police had never found a similar motive inscribed upon his
registers, and the air of the south, which was so necessary to my
health, was mercilessly refused me.
They never ceased declaring to me that my whole life should be spent
in the circle of two leagues, which separates Coppet from Geneva. If
I remained, I must separate myself from my sons, who were of an age
to seek a profession; and if my daughter shared my fortune, I
imposed upon her the most melancholy perspective. The city of
Geneva, which has preserved such noble traces of liberty, was,
notwithstanding, gradually allowing herself to be gained over by the
interests which connected her with the distributors of places in
France. Every day the number of persons with whom I could be in
intelligence diminished; and all my feelings became a weight upon my
soul, in place of being a source of life. There was an end of my
talents, of my happiness, of my existence, for it is frightful to be
of no service to one's children, and to be the cause of injuring
one's friends. Finally, the news I received, announced to me from
all quarters the formidable preparations of the emperor: it was
evident that he wished first to make himself master of the ports of
the Baltic by the destruction of Russia, and that afterwards he
reckoned on making use of the wrecks of that power to lead them
against Constantinople: and his subsequent intention was to make
that the point of starting for the conquest of Asia and Africa. A
short time before he left Paris, he had said, "I am tired of this
old Europe." And in truth she is no longer sufficient for the
activity of her master. The last outlets of the Continent might be
closed from one moment to another, and I was about to find myself in
Europe as in a garrisoned town, where all the gates are guarded by
military.
I determined therefore on going off, while there yet remained one
means of getting to England, and that means the tour of the whole of
Europe. I fixed the 15th of May for my departure, the preparations
for which had been arranged long before-hand in the most profound
secrecy. On the eve of that day, my strength abandoned me entirely,
and for a moment I almost persuaded myself that such a degree of
terror as I felt could only proceed from the consciousness of
meditating a bad action. Sometimes I consulted all sort of presages
in the most foolish manner; at others, which was much wiser, I
interrogated my friends and myself on the morality of my resolution.
It appears to me that the part of resignation in all things may be
the most religious, and I am not surprised that pious men should
have gone so far as to feel a sort of scruple about resolutions
proceeding from free will. Necessity appears to bear a sort of
divine character, while man's resolution may be connected with his
pride. It is certain, however, that none of our faculties have been
given us in vain, and that of deciding for one's self has also its
use. On another side, all persons of mediocre intellect are
continually astonished that talent has different desires from
theirs. When it is successful, all the world might do the same; but
when it is productive of trouble, when it excites to stepping out of
the common track, these same people regard it no longer but as a
disease, and almost as a crime. I heard continually buzzing about me
the commonplaces with which the world suffers itself to be led: "Has
not she plenty of money? Can she not live well and sleep well in a
good house?" Some persons of a higher cast felt that I had not even
the certainty of my sad situation, and that it might get worse,
without ever getting better. But the atmosphere which surrounded me
counselled repose, because, for the last six months I had not been
assailed by any new persecution, and because men always believe that
what is, is what will be. It was in the midst of all these
dispiriting circumstances that I was called upon to take one of the
strongest resolutions which can occur in the private life of a
female. My servants, with the exception of two confidential persons,
were entirely ignorant of my secret; the greatest part of those who
visited me had not the least idea of it, and by a single action, I
was going to make an entire change in my own life and that of my
family. Torn to pieces by uncertainty, I wandered over the park of
Coppet; I seated myself in all the places where my father had been
accustomed to repose himself and contemplate nature; I regarded once
more these same beauties of water and verdure which we had so often
admired together. I bid them adieu, and recommended myself to their
sweet influence. The monument which encloses the ashes of my father
and my mother, and in which, if the good God permits, mine also will
be deposited, was one of the principal causes of the regret I felt
at banishing myself from the place of my residence; but I found
almost always on approaching it, a sort of strength which appeared
to me to come from on high. I passed an hour in prayer before that
iron gate which inclosed the mortal remains of the noblest of human
beings, and there, my soul was convinced of the necessity of
departure. I recalled the famous verses of Claudian*, in which he
expresses the kind of doubt which arises in the most religious minds
when they see the earth abandoned to the wicked, and the destiny of
mortals as it were floating at the mercy of chance. I felt that I
had no longer the strength necessary to feed the enthusiasm which
developed in me whatever good qualities I possessed, and that I must
listen to the voice of those of similar sentiments with myself, for
the purpose of strengthening my confidence in my own resources, and
preserving that self-respect which my father had instilled into me.
In this state of anxiety, I invoked several times the memory of my
father, of that man, the Fenelon of politics, whose genius was in
every thing opposed to that of Bonaparte; and genius he certainly
had, for it requires at least as much of that to put one's self in
harmony with heaven, as to invoke to one's aid all the instruments
which are let loose by the absence of laws divine and human. I went
once more to look at my father's study, where his easy chair, his
table, and his papers, still remained in their old situation; I
embraced each venerated mark, I took his cloak which till then I had
ordered to be left upon his chair, and carried it away with me, that
I might wrap myself in it, if the messenger of death approached me.
When these adieus were terminated, I avoided as much as I could any
other leave-takings, which affected me too much, and wrote to the
friends whom I quitted, taking care that my letters should not reach
them until several days after my departure.
* Saepe mihi dubiam traxitisententia mentem,
Curarent Superi terras, an nullus inesset
Rector, et incerto fluerent mortalia casu.
Abstulit hunc tandem Rufini poena tumultum,
Absolvitque Deos. Jam non ad culmina rerum
Injustos crevisse queror; tolluntur in altum
Ut lapsu graviore raent.
The next day, Saturday the 23rd of May,
1812, at two o'clock in the afternoon, I got into my carriage,
saying that I should return to dinner. I took no packet whatever
with me; I had my fan in my hand, and my daughter hers; only my son
and Mr. Rocca carried in their pockets what was necessary for some
days journey. In descending the avenue of Coppet, in thus quitting
that chateau which had become to me like an old and valued friend, I
was ready to faint: my son took my hand, and said, "My dear mother,
think that you are setting out for England*." That word revived my
spirits: I was still, however, at nearly two thousand leagues
distance from that goal, to which the usual road would have so
speedily conducted me: but every step brought me at least something
nearer to it. When I had proceeded a few leagues, I sent back one of
my servants to apprize my establishment that I should not return
until the next day, and I continued travelling night and day as far
as a farmhouse beyond Berne, where I had fixed to meet Mr. Schlegel,
who was so good as to offer to accompany me; there also I had to
leave my eldest son, who had been educated, up to the age of
fourteen, by the example of my father, whose features he reminds one
of. A second time all my courage abandoned me; that Switzerland,
still so tranquil and always so beautiful, her inhabitants, who know
how to be free by their virtues, even though they have lost their
political independence: the whole country detained me: it seemed to
tell me not to quit it. It was still time to return: I had not yet
made an irreparable step. Although the prefect had thought proper to
interdict me from travelling in Switzerland, I saw clearly that it
was only from the fear of my going beyond it. Finally, I had not yet
crossed the barrier which left me no possibility of returning; the
imagination feels a difficulty in supporting this idea. On the other
hand, there was also something irreparable in the resolution of
remaining; for after that moment, I felt, and the event has proved
the feeling correct, that I could no longer escape. Besides, there
is an indescribable sort of shame in recommencing such solemn
farewells, and one can scarcely resuscitate for one's friends more
than once. I know not what would have become of me, if this
uncertainty, even at the very moment of action, had lasted much
longer; for my head was quite confused with it. My children decided
me, and especially my daughter, then scarcely fourteen years old. I
committed myself, in a manner, to her, as if the voice of God had
made itself be heard by the mouth of a child*.
* England was then the hope of all who suffered for the cause of
liberty; how comes it, that after the victory, her ministers have so
cruelly deceived the expectation of Europe?
(Note by the Editor.)
My son took his leave, and after he was out of my sight, I could
say, like Lord Russel: the bitterness of death is past. I got into
my carriage with my daughter: uncertainty once terminated, I
collected all my strength within myself, and I found sufficient of
that for action which had altogether failed me for deliberation.
Note by the Editor:
* It was but a trifle to have succeeded in quitting Coppet, by
deceiving* the vigilance of the prefect of Geneva; it was also
necessary to obtain passports for the purpose of going through
Austria, and that these passports should be under a name which
would attract no attention from the different polices which then
divided Germany. My mother entrusted me with this commission, and
the emotion which I experienced from it will never cease to be
present to my thoughts. It was undoubtedly a decisive step; if
the passports were refused, my mother sunk again into a much more
cruel situation; her plans were known; flight was thenceforward
become impracticable, and the rigors of her exile would have
every day been more intolerable. I thought I could not do better
than to address myself directly to the Austrian minister, with
that confidence in the feelings of his equals which is the first
movement of every honest man. M. de Schraut made no hesitation in
granting me the so much desired passports, and I hope he will
allow me to express in this place the gratitude which I still
retain to him for them. At a period when Europe was still bending
under the yoke of Napoleon, during which the persecution directed
against my mother estranged from her persons who probably owed to
her courageous friendship the preservation of their fortunes, or
their lives, I was not surprised, but I was most sensibly
affected by the generous proceeding of the Austrian minister.
I left my mother to return to Coppet, to which the interests of her
fortune recalled me; and some days afterwards, my brother, of whom a
cruel death has deprived us almost at the moment of entrance into
his career set off to rejoin my mother at Vienna with her servants
and travelling carriage. It was only this second departure which
gave the hint to the police of the prefect of the Leman: so true it
is, that to the other qualities of espionnage we must still add
stupidity. Fortunately my mother was already far beyond the reach of
the gendarmes, and she could continue the journey of which the
narrative follows. (En of Note by the Editor).