encouraged. At the prayer-meeting Mr. R. requested me to speak to a
person, whom he believed to be seeking the Lord. With some reluctance
I did so. When I addressed him, he said, 'O I am miserable, there is
no mercy for me.' I bid him pray; immediately he began to cry aloud,
and obtained some comfort, but not confidence.--Had a very profitable
interview with Mrs. C., and from thence went to the chapel. There
the glorious Lord was as 'broad rivers and streams' to us. I felt the
overwhelming power of saving grace. About _half-past ten_ I retired to
rest; and while engaged in prayer, was drawn out on behalf of
several friends, and especially for the young man, who was so deeply
distressed on Friday evening. Thus the Lord puts us in mind of our
fellow-pilgrims, and teaches us to care for each other.--This morning
the young man sent for Mr. R., wishing to see him, and to inform him
of the happy change wrought in his heart by the Spirit of God. Mr. R.
being out, an interview was fixed for the afternoon. He came, and the
rapture he was in exceeded anything I ever witnessed. He stated, that
on the preceding night he retired to his own room about _ten o'clock_;
took his Bible, and on his knees at his bedside, was praying till
about _eleven_. When he came to the last verse, 'He that believeth
on the Son of God hath life,' &c., he resolved within himself, I will
believe: and immediately the power was given him. He rose from his
knees 'rejoicing with a joy unspeakable, and full of glory;' and went
down stairs to tell his fellow-servants, that he had found the pearl
of great price, and how easy it was to believe: wishing them to share
in the blessedness he felt. He added, 'O praise the Lord, O my soul!'
'My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit rejoiceth In God my
Saviour!'--After meeting my class in the city, I started home, not
intending to visit the absent members: but being deeply pressed in
spirit I returned, and calling upon one and another, found one in deep
sorrow. I feel thankful I obeyed the inward impulse.--Saw old Fanny,
laid on the bed of affliction, and surrounded with poverty; but
praising the Lord. She said, 'Praise the Lord, I feel Him precious!
Glory be to God, my prospect is as clear as noonday! I can meditate
upon His goodness, when I am by myself, in the night season: yet the
enemy tempts me sometimes.'--During the last week family duties
have been privileges. While hearing the word read, and addressing my
heavenly Father in prayer, the streams flowing from the Rock Christ,
have refreshed my spirit.--Prevented from meeting with the dear
people, I betook myself to prayer. Here I felt humbled, and melted
down while pleading for them, myself, and mine. Thus to be shut in
with God is sweet; but what must it be to enjoy the unclouded glories
of His presence?--being 'changed from glory to glory.'--O my God,
give me a fuller discovery of Thyself; and though outwardly dull of
hearing, let me hear Thy inward voice continually whisper in my heart,
'I am Thy God, Thy shield, and Thy exceeding great reward.' I have
twice to-day joined with His worshipping people, but in neither case
experienced what I have felt to-night, while pouring out my soul
before the Lord. Stripped of every plea, I hang upon Jesus. Through
Him alone my succour comes.--Though weak in body, the morning damp,
and the roads dirty, I got to chapel, where I was amply repaid by a
discovery of my obligations to the Lord, for having been taken to the
house of God from the earliest period of my life; the privilege being
continued, with, a few intervals of necessary correction, until now.
I felt myself more indebted to God, and more culpable than any present
for the little improvement I have made of my privileges; but my heart
was melted down in gratitude and love.--On the verge of the old, and
the threshold of the new year. Solemn thought! perhaps I now stand on
the verge of eternity! How stands my case in the sight of God? On what
do I build my hope, and what is my confidence? After close examination
I can say, I rest on nothing but the atoning merits of Jesus. I feel
His mercy now."
"1833. Again from sickness raised, to Thee
Afresh my vows I plight;
While God in everything I see,
Sickness or health is right.
Thou canst not err; 'Thy will be done,'
Be full submission mine;
Subjected to Thy will alone,
My will be lost in Thine.
These kind corrections from Thy hand,
Shall blessed ordeals prove;
To bow me to Thy mild command,
And melt me into love.
My soul shall bless Thee for the past,
And rest upon Thee now;
The future--on Thy promise cast,
And wait Thy will to know."
"I have been kept at home to-day through indisposition; but have
endeavoured to improve my time to the Lord by prayer, the exercise
of my memory, writing,--reading the Word, and also 'Bickersteth's
Student's Guide:' but imperfection is stamped upon all I do.--The last
night was very tempestuous, and awoke me from sleep. I got upon
my knees and found my security in Him, who holds the, winds in His
fists.--I have received letters from my three sons. How pleasant are
such communications! How my heart would embrace them all! and would
not God embrace _us_ all? Yea, how much more? O my slowness of heart
to believe! A friend from the village called; and conversing on the
low state of spiritual feeling among us, we agreed to make the case
known to God every forenoon at half-past ten.--At the appointed hour I
felt the throne accessible, and my soul was revived and stirred up:
as to the village, I know not what to say.--Praise God, my soul is
happy--happy still. My appointment was brought to my recollection very
near the moment: my own soul was refreshed, but I experienced little
feeling for my neighbours.--Half-past ten: a blessed softening season;
felt the village laid as a burden upon me, for which I had power to
plead. [These memoranda are continued, and the voice of intercession
was not in vain; for within a short time, thirty new members were
added to the little village society]."
TO MY MARY.
Why does my Mary look so sad,
And wear a pensive air?
Where can the antidote be had
To banish gloomy care?
Say, why your spirits sink and droop;
Will Jesus not return?
Arise, He calleth you, look up;
O'er you His bowels yearn.
No sorrow can the bosom feel,
But Jesus' love can cure;
The wounded spirit He can heal,
The fainting heart assure.
The humble, contrite sinner shares
His kind, observing eye;
He sees your tears, He hears your prayers,
And will regard your cry.
Arise, and shake you from the dust,
Arise, 'He calleth _you_;'
With filial boldness dare to trust,
And find His promise true.
So gloom and sadness shall retreat,
And peace and joy return;
For while you sit at Jesus' feet,
Your heart with love will burn.
"Saw a letter from dear little John, informing his sister that he,
with others of his school-fellows, has entered the Methodist Society.
He is just about the same age I was, when I received my first ticket;
and from connexion with this people my name has never been erased,
though hundreds of times I have not deserved the privilege of
membership; but the people have borne with me, and more than this,
God has borne with me, even till now. Glory be to God for ever!--Some
struggle through life, and through successive years, are tossed on
stormy seas; others more calmly pass their appointed time; but such as
die in infancy, fly as a bird to its rest, and are privileged with an
early entrance into glory. So happy was James R., who careless of all
below, smiled, and bid the world adieu.--Had an interview with Mrs.
B.A. We found it good to be at the feet of Jesus. I told her that I
thought of resigning my Sabbath class, that I might turn my attention
more fully to the village. We agreed to bring it before the Lord for
a fortnight, to ask his direction.--I have written eight copies of
Mr. Stoner's 'Rules for Prayer-Meetings.' and given them to our
prayer-leaders. At the time of distribution, a circumstance occurred,
which, though distinct from them, yet happening at the same time,
will possibly be connected with them in my future recollections, and
occasion mingled feelings.--Delivered my Sabbath class-book to Mrs.
A., who, in connexion with Mrs. C., has kindly relieved me, for the
present, of a responsibility, which, under existing circumstances, I
feel it right to decline.
"Acomb.--Accompanied Mrs. E----n to see several of the friends, who
were sick. Called upon Mr. M., whose housekeeper died suddenly the
night I came; he seemed pleased with, our visit, and promised to join
the people of God. Lord, help him to perform his promise, by taking
possession of his heart.--I got to the morning prayer-meeting, and was
unusually drawn out in prayer as I went, that the Lord would he with
us and bless us; and not in vain. It was a blessed season, and I
believe others felt it also. O that the Spirit from on high may
be poured out, that Satan's kingdom may have a mighty shake this
Whitsuntide!--I felt it my duty to call upon a neighbour or two,
who, as I am informed, think themselves insulted by some, who wished
faithfully to discharge their duty, in a matter of church discipline.
I went in the character of a peacemaker, and after conversing with
them on the necessity of seeking a higher state of feeling, we prayed
together, and felt liberty. O that in good earnest, they may begin
to seek the Lord! I told them that, in my poor way, I should remember
them. Lord, lay them upon my heart, that I may not forget. To-night
my soul is truly happy in God. I feel much drawn out in prayer that
Satan's kingdom may fall, and the religion of Jesus prevail in this
village.--I felt it unusually sweet to bow before the Lord in secret,
and bear up my neighbours at His throne, I felt
'The speechless awe that dares not move,
And all the silent heaven of love.'
"My best seasons have been in retirement. Called upon some of my sick
neighbours, and aimed to please God in all my visits. O Lord, follow
with Thy blessing my weak efforts! Quicken the lukewarm, and
pardon the guilty. I was glad to see some new faces at the evening
preaching.--Met with my friends in band, and proposed meeting every
day at two clock, to entreat the Lord to deepen His work in our souls;
and especially, to hear us on behalf of our friends.--My soul was
blessed, while bowed before the Lord with my little John. Surely the
Spirit of prayer was poured upon us.--Went to J.S. to tell him of his
faults, which, I am sorry to find by his own confession, supply just
ground for censure, though exaggerated by report. Yet I did not feel
that sweet Christian pity, which I have felt to others in similar
circumstances. O for that yearning charity, that endeavours to draw
out of Satan's snare the souls entangled by him!--Called to see my
much esteemed friend, Miss C., who is sinking through decay of nature.
She says, 'I look for the accomplishment of the promise _now_;'
and speaking of the Lord's Supper, she said, 'I do not think any
particular preparation is necessary; because, if we do not always live
ready to communicate, we are not living as we ought.' When prayer was
proposed, she said, 'Pray that I may have increase of faith, patience,
and resignation.'--I addressed a note to Richard on the subject of
salvation, and placed it where he might find it accidentally. Asked
Mrs. R. to let me have a prayer-meeting in her house on Sabbath
afternoon; she readily consented. O that God would meet us
there!--With a feeble body, I set forward to the prayer-meeting;
inviting as I went some, who seldom attend. Met with one whom I had
never seen before, who seems desirous of salvation, and was glad to
accompany me. There the Lord met with us. One soul was made truly
happy, and another rejoiced in the Lord, having received good the week
before. It was indeed a blessed season; but my poor body was pressed
down with pain, which rendered it necessary for me to lie in bed till
Monday evening.--The two who have lately found peace, came to our
house; we conversed, prayed with them, read the rules, and gave them
each a copy. O bless my feeble efforts!--In answer to prayer, I awoke
at five o'clock and arose, and though my body is weak, my spirit is
alive.--I am this day going to attempt the formation of a new class,
having secured a place in the village to meet in. I leave the result
with the Lord, who knows my heart, and the hearts of the people. Empty
me of self, and if Thou canst, use me for Thy glory, and give me a
proof that I am not going a warfare at my own charge. Visiting some
of the villagers, I felt that I was on the Lord's errand, and think
I lost sight of self. O might it never more steal in! At half-past
three, I went to friends R., who have kindly offered a room to meet
in, and have also given in their names to meet with us. The two young
women, who have lately witnessed a good confession, also joined with
us, making four in all. O write each name in heaven!--This evening
thirty new members were admitted on trial. What a privilege to be
numbered with God's people! But when I remember that the Lord is
a wall of fire round about them, I wonder that I am not more in
earnest.--I found the throne easy of access. I believe the influence
in our little meeting was general. What enjoyment has the world to
equal communion with God?--Increased communion with God. I was at
the prayer-meeting in the morning, and afterwards called upon several
persons, to whom I endeavoured to speak faithfully; but who regards
it? Lord, I leave my feeble efforts with Thee. I write, and why?
because the review of God's mercies proves a stimulus; and often,
while committing to paper the Lord's dealings with me, His love flames
brighter on my heart."
ALL SHALL BE WELL.
If Jesus be with me, when sorrows assail,
And floods of affliction against me prevail;
His countenance lifted, my passions shall still,
And all shall be well, while I suffer His will.
If crosses perplex me, and perils surround,
Repose in my Saviour, my foes shall confound;
No weapon shall prosper, or cause me to fear,
But all shall be well, while His presence is here.
I repaired to Mrs. R.'s to meet the dear people; every part of my way
seemed doubtful, but the Lord was graciously with me. We were eight
assembled, and a blessed influence rested on us. Some were earnestly
seeking pardon.--Had a deeply interesting interview with Mrs. B., who
is depressed on account of worldly circumstances, and wants confidence
in Him, who has commanded us to cast 'all our care upon Him.' I felt a
spirit of sympathy, and the Lord poured upon us the spirit of prayer;
our hearts melted, and our months were filled with arguments.--Prayer
has been very sweet to me; I have increased power to rest upon the
promises, and through Christ to claim them. Yet in myself, I discover
such a depth of vileness, that, when I think of the amazing love of
God to me, my soul is humbled and adores. Tears of gratitude overflow
my eyes, that God--the God of Gods, should condescend to such a worm
as I.--By a letter from my Richard to his father, I am encouraged to
believe the Lord is again working upon his mind. It caused tears of
joy to run down my cheeks, and on our knees we united together to
thank the Lord. May the good be permanent.--At my own bedside the
spirit of prayer was so abundantly given, that I could scarcely cease
pleading for my children, _especially Richard_,--I welcome the return
of the Sabbath. Nature, even at this advanced season of the year,
exhibits an unusual degree of verdure; and invites me to adore the
Ruler of times and seasons, who confers such rich and ceaseless
blessings on rebellious man,--even upon me, the most undeserving;
for by divine light I see that everything I do is defective; yet, by
simply venturing upon Christ in prayer and faith, I receive peace and
power. I have received a very pleasing communication from _Richard_,
describing the anguish of mind through which he has passed on account
of sin; and informing me, that he has come to the cross and obtained
deliverance through believing. He says, 'Whereas I was once blind, now
I see.' On this account my soul rejoices. 'O for a heart to praise my
God.' Our removal to York is now fixed to take place in three months
(God willing). So uncertain is everything upon earth. Fix Thou the
bounds of our habitation, and encamp round about our abode, and all
shall be well.
XV.
THE RETURN.
"TO SEE THY POWER AND THY GLORY, SO AS I HAVE SEEN
THEE IN THE SANCTUARY."--Psalm lxiii. 2.
Of all deprivations, none is so great, or as painfully felt by a
truly devout soul, as the loss of religious ordinances. With what
deep pathos does the Psalmist lament his long exile from the scene of
solemn rites and holy sacrifice!
'How amiable are Thy tabernacles,
O Lord of Hosts!
My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth
For the courts of the Lord;
My heart and my flesh crieth out
For the living God.'
He envies the birds of the air, that free and unfettered, build their
nests hard by the temple of his God, while he, a banished man, must
seek a refuge in the wilderness.
'Yea the sparrow hath found an house,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may lay her young;
Even thine altars, O Lord of Hosts,
My King and my God.'
Mrs. Lyth loved the habitation of the Lord's house, and deprecated
the prospect of separation from its privileges, which was rendered
extremely probable by her increasing weakness. Eastfield House was
about a mile from the village, and between three and four from York.
In case of decided failure of health, she would not only have been
cut off from active usefulness in which she delighted, but entirely
excluded from christian ordinances. With the view of a little relief,
she had already relinquished one of her classes in the city, and
turned her attention more exclusively to the village; but now there
was every likelihood that she must soon give up the other. These
circumstances, with some others of less moment, determined the
propriety of a removal back to York. Shortly before this took place,
in one of her walks thither, for the purpose of meeting her class, a
circumstance transpired which is worth relating. She met on the road
an odd old man, whose extraordinary appearance made him, at that time,
well known in York and its vicinity. At one time above the average
stature, he was now bent nearly double with age, and hobbled along
with two sticks. A huge bunch of the old fashioned matches, attached
by a string to his neck, hung down before him, and was sufficient sign
of his occupation; while a long white beard, reaching well nigh to
the ground, completed the singularity of his appearance. This latter
appendage was, however, conveniently made to take off and on at
pleasure. He was fabulously reported to be a hundred and twenty
years old; and there was little doubt that he, and also his wife
who sometimes accompanied him, were on the eve of celebrating their
centenary, if they had not already done so. When Mrs. Lyth met him,
she was strongly impelled to speak to him on the subject of religion;
but being alone, and a little timid, she passed on. When she had
proceeded about a hundred yards, she felt so much pained with
the omission of her duty, that she hastened back, and faithfully
discharged her conscience. We need only add, that the old man and his
wife began to attend the chapel, and ultimately became members of Mr.
Lyth's class. The old man got rid of his beard and his sins together,
and, about two or three years later, both died in the hope of eternal
life.
"1834.--Able to go to the village. Called to see Mrs. B., who seems to
have a desire to be saved, but has to contend with great affliction.
Another proof of the importance of seeking the Lord in health. Poor
old Mrs. L. is much altered, and did not recollect me. So mutable and
perishing is man. On reviewing the day, I think I have been aiming
to please God; but my performances are so poor, that I have need to
humble myself before God.--I got to see Mrs. R., most probably for
the last time. She is apparently near the close of life, and patiently
waiting the will of God. From thence I went to visit M.H. in the
county hospital, but as dinner came in, I left her to see Mrs. W., who
is in a precarious state, and much encumbered with worldly care. Here
the Lord gave me power of utterance, and the spirit of prayer.--After
six days spent at Acomb, I returned home much out of love with myself.
My visit on the whole has been pleasant. With and without my friends,
I have visited many of the inhabitants. In some cases I have derived
profit; but in others, I have had to take up my cross: yet I have had
but one aim--to do, and get good.--I went to meet the dear people,
but I was so overwhelmed by a dull pain in my head--accompanied with
drowsiness, that I thought, how shall I speak to them? but the Lord
graciously removed the indisposition, and blest my soul.--The Rev.
Daniel Isaac departed this life, after a lingering illness. He
preached his last sermon in Haxby, and paid his last visit to our
house; but the place that knew him shall know him no more for ever. So
will it soon be said of me.--Jesus hath broke the bars of death,
and opened paradise. In visiting, I was much refreshed. Tears of
contrition rolled down the face of Mrs. L. and Mrs. E. One was added
to the little class. All were present, and I felt loath to take leave
of them; but so it must be. Thos. Y. will now take charge of them.
Thus ends my career in Haxby. And after the toil and trouble of
removing, I am now comfortably seated at Grove Terrace. To Thee, the
blessed Donor of all I enjoy, would I render thanks. I have written
an address to my Haxby members.--The division of my little class seems
now to be working well. O Lord behold and come, visit this vine; let
its young and tender branches twine round about Thee; yea, let the
whole be baptized with the Holy Ghost!--The last moments of this
beautiful month (May) will soon have past for ever; but the record
will remain, when the angel shall stand, 'one foot on the sea and the
other on the land, and swear that time shall be no longer.' Solemn
thought! I feel the importance of it, and the necessity of being
clothed upon, with the righteousness of Christ. Well, I have got into
the stripping-room. O for a full abandonment of self, a full giving
up! Praise God, my heart yields, and distrusting itself, lays hold
of Jesus by faith. I feel solicitous for the spiritual and temporal
welfare of my family, especially my two eldest sons. My resolve is to
cast my care upon God. I feel power to leave them in His hands, and
believe He will work on their behalf.--I opened my Bible, and my eye
was caught by the words, 'Can God furnish a table in the wilderness?
Behold He smote the rock, that the waters gushed out, and the streams
overflowed. Can He give bread? Can He provide flesh for His people?'
It appeared a broad answer to a conversation we had the night
preceding. I was encouraged to lay hold on it.--Only indisposed, but
made myself worse by going to the leaders' meeting, as it came on
rain. In this, O Lord, forgive my rashness, for such it was, another
having kindly offered to go for me.--Quite laid aside with sickness
and pain, yet saved from murmuring, and just patience enough. The Lord
is wise, and long-suffering in all His dealings with me. I have to-day
reached my fifty-second year, and though in the school of affliction,
am patiently watched over by the kindest of instructors. Oh! the
unbounded love of my unwearied, though oft offended God!
"Sinnington. It is a week since my husband brought me from Scarbro'
to this place, where my health is improving, and my opportunities
of retirement are less interrupted. My mind has been more stayed and
recollected, and I enjoy greater peace. I am learning to come direct
to Jesus, who is ready to hear the cry of those, who need His help.
Being secluded from the world, I want to secure some advantage, that
will appear in after time. I am reading Mr. Watson's Life, some parts
of which I find profitable.--In consequence of pain in my head, it has
been thought advisable to call in a physician; but I would not trust
in man, nor make flesh my arm; nevertheless it is right to use
the means, and God can give His blessing. Since my return from the
country, many cares and exercises have been my portion; but, knowing
they are the appointments of my heavenly Father, it is in my heart to
pray, 'Thy will be done.'--My two friends, B. and R., who enjoy great
nearness to God, came to join with me in interceding for my dear
family, three of whom are about to leave home, and go into the world.
They were in a blessed frame of mind.--My Mary gave her hand to Mr.
Jackson. The night previous, pressed with the solicitude of a mother,
my sleep departed from me. I was deeply prayerful; my spiritual
feeling increased, and I was truly blessed, while I frequently
repeated with my heart the following lines:--
Jesus, Saviour, condescend
At this marriage to attend;
For Thyself each heart prepare,
Grant that all Thy love may share.
Come, thou great expected guest,
Come, and enter every breast;
Lest the subtle foe steal in,
Screen us with Thy guardian wing.