I find I need everywhere the blood of sprinkling. I am Thine, save me.
I feel Christ is precious _now_. He has my whole heart, yet I want an
increase of every grace, especially of patience, and meekness.--I feel
my own poverty is great; be it so, let me only receive more largely
out of Thy fulness. Humble, O humble me to the dust, but let Thy image
shine in me. While I write I am awed by the presence of Deity. Oh let
it continually surround me. Jonathan Saville met my dear little flock;
I felt my own littleness, while he spoke to us.--I accompanied my
husband to Barnbow, to invite Mr. Dawson to come and preach Dr.
McAllum's funeral sermon; which he consented to do. To me it was a
day of rich enjoyment, for my soul was happy in God. I recognized
His presence in the heavens above, and the earth beneath; indeed
everything spoke of Him. I took tea with Mrs. R----n, who desired me
to pay a little attention to the moral and religious character of her
son, resident for a time in York. O what a responsibility! I write
it here that I may remember.--Mrs. R----n has come to stay a few days
with us. On Tuesday, we breakfasted with a few praying friends at Mrs.
F.'s. While pleading with God a blessed influence rested upon all.
I felt as if let into God. What will it be when prayer is turned to
praise? To-day we had another baptism at Miss C.'s. The same friends
were present. Surely Christian friendship is one soul in many bodies;
who can express the unity?--'Jesus is bringing lost sinners to God;'
Glory be to God! I feel it my duty to pay more attention to my boys;
praying for them is not enough. I must warn, and daily inculcate their
duty and privilege. Lord help me.--I visited Mrs. F., and found it
profitable to converse with an aged saint; we were comforted together.
She said the Lord had sent me. It is true I prayed for direction,
and the promise is, if we acknowledge Him, He will direct our steps.
Evermore guide me.--Mr. Mortimer and his brother breakfasted with us.
While at family-prayer the latter, who had backslidden, began to cry
aloud for mercy; the Lord speedily came to his deliverence, and prayer
was turned to praise.--I went to the Sabbath School tea-meeting; but
doubted whether I was in my proper place. However, I resolved to send
William and John to the School, simply with the hope that their minds
might be impressed with divine truth.--Thursday. A day devoted to
works of mercy, both to the bodies and souls of men; in which I
prayed to be saved from self, and directed aright; but how feeble and
imperfect my efforts! I feel myself a poor nothing.--While visiting
Mr. S., who is in a dying state, I was much encouraged. He has
long been a hearer, but neglected to embrace salvation. While I was
pleading for him, he exclaimed, 'I believe, I believe.' I saw him
again the next day, and on asking him if he felt Christ precious, he
said, after a short pause, 'Precious, quite precious.'--I was much
affected by a circumstance related by the Rev. Robert Wood, of an
eminently pious man in ----; who has not been seen to smile for four
years, and when asked the reason, uniformly replies, 'The word of God
is true; the wages of sin is death; my son died in his sins, and is
now in hell. How can I be cheerful?' May this make me more than ever
in earnest in pleading for my sons.--I am aiming to have a conscience
void of offence in the sight of God and man; but, on examining my
doings, I am ashamed of them. I might have used greater diligence,
evidenced more love, spoken with greater propriety, cultivated a
more affable spirit. I might have been more pointed in address,
more constant, more humble, and in many ways have acted with greater
Christian consistency; but Jesus is my refuge. Praised be His name,
I love Him!--At the lovefeast Mr. W. stated, that a man in L---- had
five sons, for whose salvation he had importunately prayed, from
the time of their birth until he died; but without success. They all
followed his remains to the grave; and, as they were taking their last
look at the coffin after the usual service, one of them clasped his
hands and exclaimed:--'I once had a praying father; but there he lies;
and now I must pray for myself.' From that moment he commenced a new
life, and was soon brought to the knowledge of the truth. Within two
years the rest were all truly converted to God: encouragement for
parents.--I prayed that the Lord would direct my steps in visiting the
poor, and in this He answered me: for quite unexpectedly I was
sent for to the bedside of a woman apparently dying, and who,
being awakened to her lost condition, lamented the neglect of past
opportunities. While a friend was praying she began to pray for
herself, faith instantly sprang up in her heart, and she cried out, 'I
will believe, Lord help me, I never felt it so with me before.'--Glory
be to God, I am still a witness of His saving grace; though buffeted
by the enemy within, and exposed to temptation from without. I see the
path lies straight before me,--'looking unto Jesus,' who is yet alive.
If I proceed, I feel confident of conquest over all my enemies.--Mr.
Barnabas Shaw met my Sunday class and said, that once when preaching
in Africa, he exclaimed:--'What is it makes the Gospel so sweet?' One
of the natives instantly arose and said, 'Jesus.' Truly it is so. My
soul tangs on Jesus; here I find rest. The last few days I have been
endeavouring to live in the will of God, with some power to do it. To
God be all the glory for the work He has wrought. Yesterday I took
the sacrament with poor Mary F., who is praising God for the grace
manifested to her on a death-bed. How quickly time flies! Well, let it
go--
If Jesus my companion be,
My words and actions shall agree,
The index of my soul;
Meekness, benevolence, and love,
Shall every secret purpose move.
And sanctify the whole.
[The following letter was sent, with the articles specified, to some
unknown person in Nottingham; and the subject of it remained a secret
in her own bosom, until the copy was found among her papers.]
"Dear Sir,--Having a little matter to put into your hands
in aid of the Methodist Missions, I take the liberty of addressing
a few lines to you.
"The approach of your Annual Meeting at Nottingham
reminds me of what I have seen and heard on such occasions;
viz., that small donations, and comparatively trivial incidents,
in the hands of your ingenious and able speakers, have often
been turned to good account, and produced a very happy impression.
This consideration induces me to mention a few
particulars relative to myself, which otherwise would be impertinent.
"When very young, a kind friend of mine, for whom I had
a great affection, gave me a piece of silver newly coined, with
which I was so well pleased, that I was resolved to keep it for
the sake of the giver; or, as the common phrase is, to make a
keepsake of it: and this resolution I held so sacred, that
neither childish toy, or youthful pleasure, could wrest the treasure
from me.
"When in my twentieth year, it pleased God to bring me
to the knowledge of His salvation; which so rejoiced my heart,
that the natural consequence was a readiness on all occasions to
contribute my mite to promote the cause of the Redeemer,
through whom I had experienced such unspeakable happiness.
"On one occasion it happened, that I had no money
about me but this piece, which I had so long and sacredly kept
in remembrance of my friend. As the collectors were handing
the boxes round to the different pews, I began to argue in my
mind the propriety of giving away my piece, as the best way
of keeping it. The thought of laying it out upon myself I
could not entertain for a moment; and was aware there would
come a time when I could no longer retain it. At length, to
test the propriety of giving it, I supposed I had done so; and
afterwards met my much-loved friend in the world of spirits.
I imagined she was well acquainted with what I had done; but,
on consulting her countenance, I could not perceive the least
mark of displeasure: on the contrary, I thought she gave me
a smile of approbation. This determined me; accordingly,
when the box was presented to me, I dropped my piece into it;
and from that moment to the present, whenever the circumstance
has occurred to me, I have always felt perfectly satisfied
with my decision.
"At the present I have a few choice things, bequeathed to
me by a dear friend, now, I trust, in heaven; and I wish, as in
the former instance, to keep them for the sake of the giver;
but I can think of no means so satisfactory as that to which I
have adverted. I therefore send them as specified in the margin;
[Footnote: The articles were--a silver coffee-pot and stand, a
silver plated tea-pot, a silver cream-jug, do. fish-knife, and
half-a-dozen do. dessert spoons.] and request they may be
appropriated to the furtherance of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus
Christ.
"Perhaps some may be disposed to question
the propriety of such a mode of preserving their treasure; but, I think,
I cannot do better than put the precious things to those which are
most precious.
"With most fervent prayer for the prosperity of Zion,
"I remain, Dear Sir,
"Yours most respectfully.
"My mother continues very ill; how it will terminate I know not. Her
affliction bows her down to the dust; and though she casts herself
upon the Lord, she seems to have no joyous feeling. I have been with
her night and day. Sometimes sorrow overcomes me; but the promise,
which I received some months since, when I was praying for her,
follows me daily: _'At evening time it shall be light,'_--At the
Watch-night service Mr. Wood desired us, on our return home, to take
pen and paper, and testify whom we would serve. To Thee, O Lord, I
plight my vows; in the strength of Thy grace, I WILL SERVE THEE. Thou,
who seest me, ratify the decision in heaven. Help me to perform what
Thou requirest of me. My talents, my time, my body, my soul; be wholly
Thine. Amen, and amen.
MARY LYTH.
Here with the closing year,
I would my vows renew;
Humbly before Thy throne appear;
In mercy do Thou deign to hear,
Descend, and bless me now."
"1828.--When I awoke, this blessed admonition was given me for a
morning repast; 'Abide ye in My love;' and sweet it was to my taste."
A BIRTHDAY THOUGHT.
No cold wish do I express,--
Many birthday's happiness;
But in heart sincerely pray,
God may dwell in you each day;
Every day, a birthday prove,
Born anew in Jesus' love.
"I was sent for to visit L.G., but she did not come to see me. Oh!
what a deplorable case! without God! without hope! and without desire!
Her friends, who had come for me, seemed concerned on her account.
Lord, lay to Thy mighty hand; the work is Thine. Praised be Thy name,
for opening my eyes, once equally blind, though at a much earlier
period. I am a much greater debtor to grace, because of its long
continuance, great forbearance, and incessant efforts to win my
worthless heart."
MY WEDDING DAY. LINES ADDRESSED TO MY HUSBAND.
Full thrice seven years I've shared your home and name,
Nor yet extinguished is affection's flame:
By reason tempered, now with steady heat,
It brighter glows, fed by endearments sweet.
Hail then the day, that made us one on earth,
Yet not with pipe, and song, and foolish mirth;
Bather to God let us our vows repay
With hearts united;--at His footstool say
"We will be Thine; call us Thy love, Thy bride,
And let us shelter in Thy bleeding side."
So when dissolved the matrimonial chain,
We die, to live; and live, to meet again.
Transporting thought! through our Redeemer's love,
We have the promise of a house above;
Death disappears, with all his sable train,
And light, and life, and love for ever reign.
Come then, my love, let us together rise,
Forget the things behind, and seek the prize;
By fervency of spirit daily show
We pilgrims are, and sojourners below:
And should some storm of fierce affliction come,
Portending shipwreck in the sight of home;
In Jesus anchored, strength shall be supplied,
Till we the fury of the storm outride;
And reach the haven of serene repose,
Where all our sorrows shall for ever close.
Amen, so be it, let our hearts reply,--
In Christ made one,--in Him to live and die;
In life, our happiness united be,
In death, divided not,--eternally.
"I have given my husband a copy of these lines this morning, proposing
that we devote one hour for the special purpose of dedicating
ourselves to the Lord. May we do it with unfeigned hearts. I
feel humbled on account of the past; resolved at the present; and
encouraged for the future.--Having occasion to administer reproof, I
spoke with greater severity than the circumstances required. O when
shall I possess that self-government, which tempers every word and
action. Though suffering from indisposition, my mind is kept in peace.
Unworthy as I am, Christ is precious."
ADDRESSED TO MY LITTLE JOHN, THIS DAY SEVEN YEARS OLD.
Linked with the memories of the day,
Your name the first appears;
"A little stranger," did they say,
"A transient visit comes to pay,"
And still we hail your longer stay
Though now 'tis full seven years.
My lovely boy, your sojourn here,
Awakens anxious care;
Your tender mind aright to rear;
Your steps to guard from danger near;
Oh! might the God of mercy hear,
And bless a mother's prayer.
Know then, my child, God speaks to-day,
"My son, give me thy heart."
Oh! will you not without delay,
In secret go to God and pray,
That he would take your sins away,
And His pure love impart?
I'm sure He loves to hear you pray;
To-day then, do begin;
He'll hearken unto what you say,
And never turn His ear away,
But answer you from day to day,
If you will give up sin.
I love you, John, you know I do;
God loves you more than I;
As once on Samuel, now on you
He calls, O may you answer too;
"Speak, Lord," Thy servant's heart renew,
For at Thy feet I lie.
Good children ever are inclined
Obediently to live;
Humble, and teachable, and kind,
They wish to know the Saviour's mind,
And often seek that they may find,
What God alone can give.
"As I went to meet my class it was suggested, as it was also the last
time, 'Who hath reaquired this at your hands?' Is it from an enemy?
or am I in a wrong position? The people seem to prosper, and the Lord
gives me liberty among them; but often has a cloud gathered over my
spirit when I have been going to meet them. O Lord, remove my doubts,
and guide me by Thy counsel. I wish to sink into Thy will; use me or
lay me aside; only let Thy will be done.--The last week has been to
many a season of high enjoyment; but for myself, although I rejoice in
the success of missions, my soul has not yet learned to preserve its
centre in the midst of the excitement, which on such occasions often
falls to my lot. Mr. and Mrs. Isaac were with us from Monday till
Wednesday; and on Friday afternoon, the Yorkshire bard, James
Montgomery, Esq., with several other friends, was with us at tea.
My mind was kept in peace, and during singing and prayer I found it
profitable. Mr. Montgomery presided at the Missionary Meeting, which
by some is pronounced the best they ever attended. Surely it was the
presence of the Great Head of the Church, which made it so.--We had
a blessed season at the class. Afterwards I went to Albion Street
School. A class of girls retired with me into the little room, for
the purpose of conversation and prayer: while they listened the tears
started in their eyes. I feel deeply concerned for their salvation.
The work is Thine; these souls are Thine; help me, Lord, to do Thy
work faithfully; that success may follow. This morning I was much
exercised."
Afflictions sanctified
Are blessings kindly given;
They, who the fiery test abide,
Receive an inward heaven.
That Kingdom, Lord, be mine,
Just as Thy goodness wills;
A heart renewed, a will resigned,
A soul, that Jesus fills.
Then, every grace shall grow;
Its fruits in beauty shine;
From love shall every action flow,
And all the praise be Thine.
"I have been to see after two of my members, over whom I fear I have
cause to mourn. One was gone out, yet could not come to class! The
other was in bed! I fear there is a dearth of spiritual feeling. Lord,
give me wisdom and faithfulness.--After collecting for the Missions,
I visited a member of mine in the hospital, and prayed with several
of the afflicted in the ward. The person, whom I went to see some time
ago, is recovering, and wishes to join with us.
"Kirkby. I arrived here yesterday about ten o'clock, after a
delightful journey; and am resolved, that change of scene shall make
no difference in my religious feelings; unless, by the opportunity of
retirement, I get closer to the Lord. My hearing is a little dull,
but my prayer is, that this affliction may be sanctified; and removed,
when the Lord pleases. Christ in me is the source of my happiness. I
hunger after righteousness; more faith--humility--meekness--love.
O how beautiful are the fruits of grace! The rich clusters of
the heavenly vine, invite my longing taste.--Spent two nights at
Follifoot, with Miss B. I went with the resolution of conversing with
her on the necessity of a change of heart; and on reflection have no
ground of condemnation; only, I might have used greater earnestness.
My time has passed more pleasantly than I anticipated. We took a walk
through the park to the late residence of a gentleman, who has been
obliged to leave the country, in consequence of his own extravagance,
and imprudence. His beautiful mansion is sinking in ruins; and
loathsome reptiles are its only occupants. Such is earthly grandeur;
and such the man, that makes not God his refuge. The grounds are
delightful; but for want of proper cultivation, begin to show evident
marks of the curse:--thorns and thistles springing up in abundance.
Molly accompanied me back with the grey pony; and, as she walked by my
side, I warned her to flee from the wrath to come.--Walked to Pannal;
here I found need of watchfulness, and courage; all--in nature's
night; blessed with earthly good; but destitute of heavenly peace. I
prayed with the family each evening; and spoke to each member, with
the exception of Mr. ----, on the need of preparation for another
world; but my efforts were feeble. My happiest hours have been
spent in retirement, and solitary walks; one of which, was extremely
delightful. The picturesqueness of the scenery, combined with smiling
heavens, conspired to raise my mind to Him, whose forming hand has
adorned all nature, and has raised my soul from death to life. The
scene vividly called to remembrance my beloved cousin Ann; with whom
on this very spot, I had passed some of the happiest moments of my
life. I felt what I cannot put into words. On my return to York, I
found Eliza, bathing her face after the application of leeches; and
Mary, putting John to bed, in the measles. Such is life! It is the
Lord, and to His will, I would patiently submit."
XI.
A DYING SCENE.
"PRECIOUS IN THE SIGHT OF THE LORD IS THE DEATH OF HIS
SAINTS."--Psalm cxvi. 15.
How solemn, and instructive, is the scene of death! What a satire upon
the pride, pomp, and vanity of the world! and yet, when relieved by
the cheering experience of divine truth, what a blessed confirmation
of all that the Bible tells us! The utterances of the dying Saint,
come home to our hearts with peculiar force. It is as if the spirit of
the departing, having reached the boundary of time, and looking forth
on the unclouded scene beyond, shouted back to its companions yet
enveloped with the mists and gloom of earth: "It is all true, you have
only to follow on a little further, and the glorious prospect will
burst upon you." Mrs. Lyth seems to have carefully treasured the last
words of those, who, within the circle of her acquaintance, died
in the Lord; and in the case of particular friends, these notices
sometimes extend to several pages: as if she delighted to linger on
the borders of another world, and to catch a momentary glimpse of its
happiness, and the distant sound of the harpers, harping with their
harps. An example occurs in the course of the following extracts.
"At the two o'clock class, many were in tears; while others testified
of the Lord's goodness. We were, as one of the little hills of Zion,
refreshed by the dew from above. In the evening I remained at home,
intending, if the way opened, to go and see my cousin Elizabeth, who
is very ill. John is recovering; Eliza is still unwell, but I will
leave them in the Lord's hands.--A little before six, I left my cousin
Elizabeth much better, and happy in God. She told me that in the night
she could scarcely refrain from singing:--
'Here we raise our voices higher,
Shout in the refiner's fire,
Clap our hands amid the flame,
Glory give to Jesus' name.'
"On analysing the feelings of my heart, I find a disposition to
brood over trifling grievances; this robs my peace, and encourages an
unfavourable opinion of those who occasion them. This is surely some
of the filthiness of the spirit from which I must be cleansed: I feel
ashamed of it; Lord, deliver me.--Have been to see Fanny McD. She is
very ill in body, but when asked respecting her soul, she said, 'I
have had a feast to-day while alone with Jesus, my Redeemer.' She is
one of the Lord's jewels, like Lazarus, enclosed in a casket of
rags. After hearing Mr. Vevers preach from 'we must all appear at
the judgment-seat of Christ,' I dreamt I saw the heavens melting with
fervent heat. I felt no condemnation, but began to pray earnestly.
The impression, which this has made on my mind, has awakened increased
earnestness--A stranger came into the class, who was much affected;
gladly would I have travelled in birth for her, until Christ was
formed in her heart; but our time was limited, and she went mourning
away. From thence I went to Albion Street School, to converse with
some of the children; several of them wept. In the evening I attended
St. John's Church. I can enjoy a Gospel ministry in the church, as
well as the chapel: true religion destroys every wall of partition.--I
received a very affecting letter from cousin Penelope. Elizabeth is
in a very afflicted, but happy state. During the night I have been
wakeful, and much drawn out in prayer; but felt reproved for having
purchased something which I could have done without. I acknowledge my
weakness. May the Lord give me a deeper sense of my responsibility,
as the steward of His manifold gifts.--Retired from the bustle of the
city to Eastfield House. I took a walk to the village, and called
to see Miss H. on my way to the class-meeting. We joined in social
prayer, when my friend exclaimed, 'I will believe, I do believe.' It
was a blessed season;--a time of the breaking of bonds.--Cousin Samuel
came with a gig, to convey me to Sinnington. I found my dear cousin
ready to take her flight to a better world; or as she herself says:
'Gladly would I flee away,
Loosed from earth, no longer stay.'
She has given up all, and is now patiently waiting her dismissal. It
is a privilege to sit by the bedside of one thus fully prepared,
and sanctified through the merits of Christ. 'Glory be to God,' she
exclaimed, 'though it has cost me many tears for my unfaithfulness,
the Lord has forgiven me: yet I believe it will lesson that eternal
weight of glory I might have had.' Being asked if she had no wish for
earth, she replied, 'O no, not one: I have but one wish, and that is,
to be fully ripe for glory:' and added, 'I should like to talk to you
of the preciousness of Jesus, but I cannot.' While we were alone, she
stretched out her withered arms, and drew me to her side; then holding
me fast, she said, 'Let me request of you, my dear cousin, that you
will stay a little with my sisters when I am gone: it is my dying
request.' I promised I would, if possible. Could I do less? She added,
'they have no one to comfort them, and, when they are low, they are
very low indeed: it will relieve my mind if you will.' O Thou, whose I
am, and whom I serve, direct my way. I have said, place me where
Thou wilt, only let Thy providence guide my steps.--I left my
William poorly, and am hoping soon to hear from home: meanwhile, I am
encouraged while bringing them to the throne of grace. Thank God, for
the privilege of casting my care upon Him! I feel He cares for me.
Prayer by the side of my afflicted cousin has been a blessing to my
soul. Surely I am privileged:--
'The chamber, where the good man meets his fate,
Is privileged beyond the common walk
Of virtuous life, quite on the verge of heaven.'
This morning, when asked how she was, she replied, 'This has been a
precious night; the Lord has promised me, He will be with me to
the end.' Her cough was very troublesome, but she said, 'I feel no
disposition to murmur, but I cannot help moaning. The Lord is very
precious.' Part of the day she lay greatly composed, with her hands
clasped. On entering the room she accosted me with: 'I am hard toiling
to make the blest shore. I have been much harassed by the enemy,
who tells me I shall be cast away; but I rest on the blood and
righteousness of Christ: I have nothing else to trust in.' After
a severe fit of coughing she said, 'The toil of life will there be
o'er:' and again, 'Thankful I take the cup from Thee,' &c. In the
afternoon I visited old Martha H., whom I found in a happy, and
thankful frame of mind; all her cry is, 'Bless the Lord! bless the
Lord!' So, at both ends of the village, God is fitting up His jewels.
I walked on to the churchyard, and there found as many of my old
acquaintances, as are now living in the village. I felt the solemn
influence of association with the dead.--Hearing of a poor afflicted
sinner, I went to see him; he appeared to welcome my visit, but
insensible to his condition. During the night I could not sleep, but
got upon my knees, and earnestly besought the Lord to give me a clear
witness of His sanctifying power. He blessed me with a humble, settled
confidence, and sweet peace.--Cousin had a restless night; the enemy
was again permitted to try her sorely; but during the day, she was
enabled to tread him down under her feet. 'I'll trust Him with
my all,' she said, 'I'll trust Him with my all.'--The poor man
above-mentioned, sent for me, apparently in an agony for the salvation
of his soul; but whether it is the fear of death and its consequences,
or sorrow for his sin, how difficult to determine! I endeavoured to
show him that he was a helpless, undone sinner; and that all his hope
was in the merits of Christ: staid with him nearly two hours, during
which he seemed earnestly seeking mercy. I saw him again in the
afternoon, but he was not in such agony. He thinks the Lord will not
cast him off. The thought of the dying thief, alone, gives me room to
hope.
Oh! would'st Thou, Lord, the veil remove,
And manifest Thy pardoning love.
But how? Only through Christ, wilt Thou exalt the riches of Thy mercy
by preparing this poor sinner's heart, and snatching him as a brand
from the burning.--Visited the poor man again, and came home thankful,
that I had the opportunity to do it. He now resolves on the side of
virtue. Oh! that his decision may be sustained by the strength of the
Lord!--Cousin was oppressed with sickness during the night, but her
cry was; 'Help me to suffer as a Christian.'--When I asked how she
was, she said, 'I have had a sweet night-so many precious promises
brought to my mind. Praise the Lord; 'to them that believe, He is
precious.'--Much worse, able to say little. In the evening she desired
me to pray; it was truly a blessed season. When I rose, she exclaimed:
'We'll shout by turns the bursting joy,
And all eternity employ
In songs around the throne!'
'Glory be to God, cousin, we shall; yes, we shall.'--This morning I
awoke a little before three, and got upon my knees. He, who slumbers
not, was present to bless me. At ten I accompanied my friends to
chapel: a blessed sermon! I was so much affected while Mr. C. was
speaking of the Lord's ability to deliver us from our spiritual
foes, that I could do nothing but weep for joy. My enemies seemed all
vanquished, by the revelation which my faith realized of the power of
God.
'Faith, mighty faith, the promise' _saw_.