adds:--"Praise God, the seizure of my own body, though by far the most
painful of these occurrences, has been the greatest blessing. On the
first attack I was stupified--but the Lord liberated me and supplied
grace in the hour of need. Thus have I experienced how suddenly
the Lord can take away the choicest of all blessings, health. Being
through mercy again restored, my soul derives its happiness from God.
I see before me broad rivers and streams springing from that
fountain, whence all solid comfort flows; but great weakness, much
unfaithfulness, many omissions and errors in myself. Lord increase my
faith, that I may enter the holiest by the blood of Jesus. For some
time I have met in band with Mrs. W. We have had many precious seasons
together.--A circumstance occurring which was misconstrued, put me
suddenly out of temper, and caused me much pain of mind, besides
displeasing others together with my dear partner. O my God, but for
Thy blood, I should lose all hope of eternal happiness; yet blot not,
I beseech Thee, my name out of the book of life; but if ever my heart
went with my words, I entreat Thee,--
"Chase this self-will through all my heart,
Through all its latent mazes there."
"1814.--Reflecting on the past--my mercies and ingratitude, my
warnings and neglect, my privileges and non-improvements, my
affliction and restoration to health, Thy love, O God, in ten thousand
instances, and my small affection, I wonder why I am still the object
of Thy care, but I see the cause in Jesus' blood. There the reason
lies. O might I here my nature lose, and gain the Infinite."
Musing on the loss of her children, three of whom had died in infancy,
she writes:--
Blest mother! thus to yield to God
The gifts so lately given;
Blest babes I for you have cross'd the flood,
And safely 'scaped to heaven.
I have been very much harassed with temptation of an awful kind,--to
blaspheme the blessed Spirit. My God, preserve me. I shudder at the
thought, and have necessarily been driven to God in prayer.--I have
to praise God for temptation; for seeking refuge in Jesus, my only
defence against my enemy, I have a firmer confidence in Him as my
Saviour.
Whither, O whither, should I go?
To Thy blest wounds I flee;
No refuge can I find below,
My help is all in Thee.
"The illumination! a crowded city! many devices! The face of the
people seems to speak peace, but Thou, Lord, seest the heart. Set my
heart right.--As the clock struck three I was awoke with the words;
'Put on the helmet of salvation and the weapon of all prayer.' For a
time fear crept over me, lest my husband and child, both from home,
should return ill; but as I meditated, the passage occurred; 'All
things work together for good to them that love God.' I was instantly
delivered; and all I could titter was, Glory be to God. As I lay
praising and praying, these lines arose in my mind.
If time is so precious, and death on the wing,
Oh! shelter me, Jesus, secure from his sting;
Now open the fountain, and wash out my stain,
That to live may be Christ, and to die may be gain.
This, this is the honour to which I aspire,
The grace to attain it is all I desire;
Oh! fill me with heaven, through faith in Thy blood,
Then crown me with glory, and lift me to God.
I have had a precious morning--arose a little before five, and spent
an hour alone. God was with me. Glory! Glory!"
"How time hurries on! Another year has almost stolen away. Where am I?
What am I? Thus much of time is gone; how much fitter am I for heaven?
I pause,--am alone,--but 'Thou God seest me.' On my knees, I ask Thy
mercy, and implore Thee to be mine for ever. Precious Jesus! I feel
Thee willing to save me, and a sweet confidence Thou wilt save me.
O! the sweetness of union with God!--My mind is troubled about the
future. Sensible of my own weakness, my children's welfare awakens my
concern. O my God, take charge of my little ones. While attempting to
instruct them to-day, my two little girls seemed affected. O let this
be the beginning of Thy fear in their hearts, that shall never, never,
depart."
Her anxiety on behalf of the salvation of her children was intense.
Her efforts were commenced with the first dawn of intelligence,
and continued with unremitting ardour until they were rewarded
with success. By timely instruction and caution, by counsel and
expostulation, by warning and reproof, by a godly discipline, by
frequent letters in which the "one thing" was never forgotten; by
prayers and supplications mingled with tears, as they knelt alone at
her side; by intercessions offered day and night in secret on their
behalf; by enforcing the punctual observance of religious duties, such
as reading the word, family devotion, and public worship; and by her
own pure example, she never ceased to train them in the way that
they should go. But her chief strength lay in ceaseless and effectual
prayer, which was urged in the spirit of him who said, "I will not let
Thee go, except Thou bless me." Is it wonderful, if her children and
grandchildren are found walking in the truth? For many successive
years, she was accustomed to address to each a few lines on the
anniversary of their birth. These were always replete with godly
counsels, and wisely suited to the age and circumstances of the
individual. The periodical effusion was anxiously looked for, and
highly prized. To our young imaginations, the productions of her pen
glowed with all the fire of Milton, and flowed with all the softness
and melody of Spenser; and if a riper judgement has robbed us of
the pleasing fancy, it has been at least replaced by the grateful
conviction that they were the overflowings of a mother's heart, and by
the blessing of God, contributed in a great measure to give an early
bias in favour of religious truth. A specimen written at this time is
here inserted.
TO MY RICHARD.
Unuttered feelings glow within my heart,
Ah! in what language can I paint them best?
That you, my darling boy, may know a part,
Unconscious of what fills a mother's breast.
Childlike and innocent your actions are,
No thought of guile as yet within your breast;
Alas! the wily foe, not lurking far,
May soon corrupt and desecrate your rest.
Might I unveil the snares, that scattered round,
Beset your path from childhood to old age;
But Love allwise, in mystery profound,
Has hid in darkness all the varied page.
Be it sufficient, grace is ever nigh;
If in the path of rectitude you tread,
No ill shall harm you; you will soon descry
The tempter's snare, however deeply laid.
Choose virtue, Richard, shun the path of vice,
Let not ungodly youth your mind ensnare;
Take this wise caution, "If they would entice,
Consent thou not;" be sure that sin is there.
Walk with the wise, that you may wiser grow;
Let age teach wisdom, hear it with respect;
It can in time forwarn, and danger show,
Where you no secret mischief may suspect.
In useful learning all your youth engage;
From simple knowledge of your mother tongue,
Proceed to figures; then, from stage to stage
Pursue each science, though the way be long.
By knowledge learn your ignorance to know,
Nor dream you have the height of wisdom gained;
No greater proof of ignorance below,
Than loud to boast of what we have attained.
Read useful books--the Bible most prefer,
In it your Maker's will is clearly shown;
Then bend your humble knee in secret prayer,
That faith may make its precious truths your own.
If tales of fiction should themselves present,
Too oft injurious to the mind of youth,
Throw them aside; and sacredly intent
On your improvement, follow after truth.
When you require relief, be history true
Of your own land, and other lands perused;
This will instruct, give entertainment too,
While neither time nor talents are abused.
Thus, in your youth, redeem the fleeting hour,
That you in future life may useful be;
By word and deed as far as in your power,
To stem the torrent of impiety.
Remember, as your present life is spent,
Future reward or punishment is due;
Oh! then improve the precious moments lent,
And everlasting life shall wait on you.
"Praise God, I have a partner desirous of joining heartily in the
Christian warfare; often are we blest while we pour out our souls
together before the Lord, O for a closer walk with God."
V.
SHOWER AND SUNSHINE.
"NOW MEN SEE NOT THE BRIGHT LIGHT WHICH IS IN THE CLOUDS;
BUT THE WIND PASSETH, AND CLEANSETH THEM." Job xxxvii. 21.
That stage of life which immediately precedes a ripe age, when man is
in the full vigour of his strength, is not unfrequently like an April
day mingled with sunshine and shower. The care of a rising family,
and the accumulating interests of business and society, bring constant
alternations of joy and sorrow; designed by God to soften and
fructify the heart, which might otherwise become too callous under the
scorching blaze of the world. Happy is it, when these kindly workings
of a sublimer providence, cause the graces of his spirit to shoot
forth like "the tender grass springing up out of the earth by clear
shining after rain;" and when the experience acquired in seasons of
vicissitude, is treasured up in the heart for future use. Mrs. Lyth
had her April weather preparatory to the summer of her usefulness, as
will appear by further extracts from her journal.
"1815--My father Lyth left us to join the disembodied throng. The last
fortnight of his life was chiefly spent in prayer. I believe he died
penitent. Thou best of Beings! prepare me for the approaching trial.
In the fire may I lose nothing but sin. Fortify my mind, and let
patience have its perfect work, that by no pain I may fall from Thee.
Here I call to mind, that Thou hast brought me through six troubles; O
leave me not in the seventh. Let me again prove Thy faithfulness.
"I scarcely know how the last fortnight has escaped. O the rapidity of
time! well might one say, 'O time than gold more precious, more a load
than lead to fools.' I am thankful, all my solid happiness is derived
from God; and though I have many earthly comforts I can say, 'All
my springs are in Thee.' I long to drink more freely of those living
fountains, and to draw constant supplies from the inexhaustible
fulness of the ever-blessed and adorable Jesus. Oh! it is sweet to
meditate on this loved theme. Rising into God we lose ourselves, and
seemed wrapped up in Deity.--Having met with a little disappointment,
my mind is in some degree unhinged; I have been begging of God to
undertake the matter, and overrule all for the best, which I hope has
been the case; yet I find it hard to give up my own will. Lord, help
me. I accompanied my father and mother to see cousin Hannah, who is
apparently declining. Her prospects in life were exceedingly bright,
but happiness is not in them, as there can be no enjoyment without
health. What a mercy, afflictions spring not out of the dust: I am
again called to experience it. Our apprentice, servant maid, and
Eliza, are all in the scarlet fever. Better than I could expect
considering the pressure upon me, I am constrained to say, judgment is
mixed with love. May we lose nothing but dross, and shine brighter for
being in the furnace.--I am informed by letter that cousin Hannah
is no more,--it says nothing how she left this world. I long to
know--will to-morrow inform me? I purpose to be at her funeral, if
God give leave. O Thou, who wast to the Israelites both a pillar and
a cloud, if Thou go not up with us, suffer us not to journey; for Thou
knowest my heart, I wish to please Thee.--We went to Kirkby to the
interment of my late Cousin, who, I am informed, died happily. Nearly
her last intelligible words were, 'Blessed are the pure in heart, for
they shall see God.' So she closed this mortal scene, and left her
blooming prospects, fair estates, and all the bright anticipations of
youth, for the lone silence of the tomb.--I feel more endeared than
ever to the invisible world, being warned as I believe, by some
departed friend, to give diligence. I am also reminded by the death of
my cousin how vain are all things here below. Perhaps it was her kind
spirit--who can tell?"
A QUESTION ASKED.
Does marriage, like the features of a fair and lovely face,
Lose all its sweet attractions, when age comes on apace?
Do soothing acts of kindness and words of comfort go,
When troubles are assailing, and pleasure's cup is low?
No, surely heav'n design'd it more to ameliorate
The _lonely_ state of humankind, when first He form'd a mate.
"1816.--I went to the School-room; and never did my eyes behold a
scene so pleasing:--boys and girls in different parts of the room
crying for mercy; while others were rejoicing in God. 'Out of the
mouth of babes and sucklings Thou hast ordained praise.' I longed for
the salvation of my three children who were all there, but I had no
power to take any active part; my mind seemed paralized.--In the
midst of our afflictions God has not forgotten us. Our Waller [an
apprentice] has obtained mercy, and Eliza's heart is touched. O
that God would save all our family. I have had some 'seasons of
refreshing;' but not enjoying the sanctifying influences of God's
Spirit, I have felt a disposition to be discontented with the
arrangements of Providence respecting the health of my children. I
daily mourn this inbred corruption but not sufficiently, or I should
be more in earnest to get rid of it. At present I feel a longing for
the blessed liberty which many express. O may I share in the baptism
which is now so gloriously shed upon this city.--The fifth day I have
spent in my new habitation; all is confusion, and must remain so for
some time to come. This would be a matter of little moment, if my mind
were not distressed by the affliction of my Eliza. So I find every joy
has its sorrow. Lord, as Thou knowest what is best for me and mine,
give me patience, and let every dispensation of Thy providence be
sanctified.--We opened our new shop. The first customer demanded
credit, and the second took up her money with her goods, and went
away with both. Providentially it was restored. We have now made
a fortnight's trial, and have great cause of thankfulness for the
prospect of success. The last few months have been full of toil and
anxiety, but thank God, I can say:
'While blest with a sense of His love
A palace a toy would appear;
And prisons would palaces prove,
If Jesus but dwelt with me there.'
I have been aiming, though feebly, to give God my heart. It is good
to come to the Lord in private; it is there I find my greatest
enjoyment.--For several nights I have suffered much pain; as much
I think, as my patience could endure. In one of the paroxysms, the
passage was continually in my mind, 'The wise shall inherit glory.'
Throughout yesterday found it very sweet. I am in part deprived of the
public ordinances, but find solid happiness in breathing my wishes to
the Throne, and derive sweet solace from Him, whose smile creates my
day.--Find in private with my God, I gain the most substantial peace;
at least I have not learned the noble art of being ''midst busy
multitudes alone.'--Our servant was taken dangerously ill. I think I
did not feel any disposition to murmur; but want firmer reliance on
the power of God, whose promise never fails. Have lately had some
blessed meetings with my God, perhaps preparatory to this trial."
"1817. To-morrow, two criminals are to suffer death for the crime of
murder. How awful from an earthly judge to receive the last sentence
of the law! but how much more so to hear from Thee that final
sentence, 'Depart ye cursed!' O, my God, let the cry of the prisoners
come up before Thee.
In pity bow Thy gracious ear,
Incline the sinner's heart to prayer,
And draw him to Thy Son,
Through whom, though vile he is, Thou wilt
Remove the blackness of his guilt;
Oh! let it now be done.
Thou Friend of sinners, if I may
Approach, O give a heart to pray,
And let Thy Spirit plead.
But few the hours _he_ has to live,
O give repentance and forgive,
Forgive the bloody deed.
At intervals have found it good, yea very good, while upon my knees;
indeed I must say my happiest moments have been there. Why am I ever
remiss in this duty, which brings me more solid peace than anything
beside? There, I converse with God; there, behold His glory; there,
forget self; there, get love to cover faults; there, assimilate to the
image of God. This week has been marked by the affliction of my two
youngest children. How painful to a mother to see them suffer! yet
Lord, Thou knowest, I would rather see them droop and even die, than
that they should live to rebel against Thee, and shut themselves out
of Thy kingdom. O my God, on my knees, I present them all to Thee.
Bless them with grace and understanding, and save them for ever.--I
have had to grapple with rheumatism. It is painful, but what in
duration, when compared with eternity? Nothing. May my soul, evermore
fly upward. What need in health to prepare for sickness! There is then
plenty to do to hold fast whereunto we have attained.--Cousin John
Stables has exchanged life for immortality. His last words were, 'I am
going to heaven, I know I am.' Blest knowledge in the hour of death!
but more exalted, they who daily live with the assurance 'I am Thine',
centering in God their hope and wish,--My dear little Hannah died,
aged twenty weeks. A sweet smile rested upon her countenance. O
Death! how art thou robbed of thy terrors, when infancy smiles in thy
presence! Have not been at my class for a long time in consequence of
ill-health: to-day I might have gone, but with shame confess, I forgot
the time. O Lord lay not this sin to my charge. My heart would not
displease Thee; my soul delights in Thee, and derives its happiness
and peace from God my Saviour: no merit in myself, but Christ is all
in all.--I would this evening offer Thee my heart; give me sincerity
O God, and let me know the sacrifice is accepted. I am under deep
obligation to Thee for having so far removed the pain from which I
suffered May ease be gratefully acknowledged by me, and let my life
show forth Thy praise. I bless the Lord for all the good I possess,
and am constrained to say, it is all divine. Have begun to read Locke
on the Understanding. Lord enlarge my capacity.--Enjoy better health
than for several months; for this may my soul be truly thankful. It
is good for me that I have been afflicted; I have learned to value
my mercies as the gift of heaven. My anchor is in Jesus; from him my
peace perpetually springs. I now feel he is my God. Yet the secret
motions of my heart concur with the enemy of my soul to bring me into
bondage, I long for victory. When will the happy moment arrive? Have
lately thought the Lord has something for me to do; I would not
bury my talents in the earth; but do Thou Lord, who knowest my
insufficiency, direct my way. Glory be to God, I am blest while
calling to mind his innumerable mercies. It is like lifting up the lid
of a casket to expose the jewels contained therein to the
light of the sun, whose radiance they reflect, and whose heat
they attract.--How sweet to be at the throne of grace! Have had great
freedom with the Lord while interceding for a fallen friend, over whom
I lament. O that God would reclaim the wanderer. My soul is sweetly
drawn out after more of the image of God, for to the present I have
but little imitated my Lord. God help me in my life to display every
feature of his character. My dear cousin Ann is, I fear, sinking, so
true is it, 'Man cometh up as a flower,' and is cut down; but she is
happy in God. This is cause of thanksgiving. Many of the excellent of
the earth are retreating behind the veil. May I work while it is day.
What a poor slothful soul I have been, when heaven shines so bright
above me. Now I feel resolved to work. Jesus, Thou seest my heart, aid
me that I loiter no more. A full salvation is what my soul aims at;
but ah! how grovelling and low are my desires! language is too poor
to express my poverty, when seen in the light of the Sun of
righteousness.
O! when shall I from sin set free,
Bask in the light of Deity?
Expand my heart and fill the wide expanse.--While Mr. Haswell was
preaching, a woman cried out, 'Bless the Lord; bless the Lord O
my soul.' I trust she was under divine influence. Mr. H. gave out;
'Praise God from whom,' &c. I began to suspect the power of God was
more eminently present than I imagined: this led me to seek after
it in my own breast, and to long for a more powerful manifestation.
Praise God, I could say,
'Lo! God is here, let us adore.'