like herself were seeking, the experience of divine truth. Among other
early acquaintance was Miss Nodes of Skelton Hall, afterwards the wife
of the Rev. Dr. Newton. This lady had recently become a Methodist,
and burning with all the fervour of first love frequently came to Mr.
Burdsall for counsel and encouragement: Her first interview with
Mr. Newton occurred at Mr. Burdsall's house in the following manner.
During the sittings of the District-meeting, Mr. B. had invited the
Revds. Messrs. Needham and Newton, with some others, to dinner; and
sent an invitation to Miss Nodes to come and join them: to this Mrs.
Nodes objected; but promised to call the next day and apologize. She
did so in company with her daughter, just as the party were about to
kneel down to prayer, and they were consequently invited in. After
prayer a hymn was proposed, which was sung by Mr. Newton and Miss
Burdsall, who had a clear and melodious voice of considerable compass.
Miss Nodes then remarked, that at Skelton they had to live by begging,
as they only had preaching occasionally; and if one of them would
go over and give them a sermon, it would be a great charity. Mr. N.
immediately promised to accompany Mr. Burdsall the following day;
and from that time commenced an acquaintance which resulted in their
union.
In many cases, and very commonly in the case of young persons, who
have been religiously trained, the process by which the mind reaches
the assurance of faith is very slow. "The going forth" of the Spirit
"is prepared as the morning." The first streaks of dawn bring a degree
of comfort, for there is promise of day; but the clear and unclouded
light of the Divine favour is yet distant. The doubtful twilight,
however, continues to expand and brighten, until at length the sun
peeps above the distant hills, or bursts through the morning cloud,
and all uncertainty is banished in a moment. It was thus with Mary
Burdsall. Two years later we find her still seeking the indubitable
witness of the Spirit. The work of grace was slow and deep. She
writes:--
"Father met our class; when he spoke to me I could not forbear
weeping. O that I could weep my sins away. J.T. and B.M. prayed and
mentioned me by name. This touched my pride. Oh! for simplicity!--In
the forenoon I went to Pavement church to hear dear Mr. Emmington. His
text was, 'Sirs, what must I do to be saved?'--A searching discourse.
O Lord, revive Thy work in my soul; probe me to the bottom.--I feel
a very hard heart; but, Lord, a touch, a look from Thee, can break
my heart of stone. O melt me into love.--Alas for me! I seem quite
barren, but is there not a cause? Yes. Lightness of spirit, love of
the creature, pride, and dislike, are sins that so easily beset me. I
am overcome by them. But, O God, Thou hast all power, now resume Thy
right. Let the powers of hell no more prevail.--In the class father
asked me, if I ever went to pray; I answered in the affirmative; but,
Lord, Thou knowest I am not so much in earnest as I was some weeks
ago.--Father called upon me to pray; I did not refuse, but have since
been tempted to believe I should be a greater hypocrite. Lord, make me
a Christian indeed in whom there is no guile.--Lord give me to enjoy
the reality of Christianity, I want to be thine. God help me to give
up my own will. Bless him whom I have given up with a very great
growth in grace."
[This entry refers to an attachment which met with the disapproval of
her parents and was relinquished in the spirit of filial obedience.]
"Just before tea, Mr. Spence asked me if my heart was right; I could
not forbear weeping. 'God be merciful to me a sinner.' What an
enemy is a light and trifling spirit!--I was grieved because I had
disobliged my mother. O for a meek and quiet spirit."
The particulars of the next two or three years are only to be gathered
from a few scanty notes attached to a small pocket Bible, in which she
had carefully noted the sermons she heard with the impressions made on
her own mind. The greater part of these are written in short-hand, and
consequently useless. But such as are intelligible prove that she was
in the habit of weighing the words of the preacher and applying them
to her own heart. Some expressions seem to indicate that the clouds
which had so long overshadowed her spirit were beginning to disperse
and give place to a serene and sunny sky. We quote a few examples.
"Oh! how happy was I!--I did not hear to profit, I was troubled in
mind. I felt it.--I long to find my all in God.--I felt the love of
Jesus precious.--I am answered.--Blessed, heart searching doctrine!--A
telling sermon but I was unmoved; how hard am I.--He like some of
his brethren harps at the gown and cassock.--I felt much
softened.--Memorable!--Alas! I profit little by all I hear; surely it
is because my faith is small. Ah. me! how long? how long?--A precious
discourse to me. He preached my experience.--The solution of the text
was a gratification, while I heard profitably. He made a very droll
remark when describing those 'who make their belly their God;' he said
'they make their kitchen their temple, their cook and butcher their
priests, and their belly their God.'--I felt my soul blessed and
encouraged while hearing of sin being destroyed, with an earnest
longing for its accomplishment. I felt the burden of indwelling sin
very heavy; O when shall the happy period commence that God shall be
all in all.--I staid the communion for the first time; how solemn!
I was humbled and melted down exceedingly.--O how infinitely short I
fall of walking with God! The love-feast was immediately after; the
master of the feast was there: I felt his presence and spoke.--Mr.
Sutcliffe's farewell sermon; may the Lord bless and reward his labours
in this place."
The most important memorandum is a collection of rules for the
regulation of her own conduct, adopted about the year 1805; and these,
we do not hesitate to add, were written not merely with pen and ink,
but impressed by the Spirit of God upon her memory and heart, for
those who knew her will be able to recognize in them the key of her
after life. They are as follow:--
"1. Let me rise early.
2. Never let me trifle with a book with which I have no present
concern; in applying myself to any book, let me endeavour to recollect
what I may learn by it, and then beg suitable assistance from God.
3. Never let me lose one minute of time, nor incur any unnecessary
expense, that I may have the more to spend for God. When I am abroad
let me be desirous of doing good; let me have in readiness some
subject of contemplation and endeavour to improve my time as I go
along.
4. Let me endeavour to render myself agreeable and useful to all
around me; by a tender compassionate friendly behaviour; avoiding all
trifling and impertinent stories; remembering that imprudence is sin.
5. Never let me delay anything, unless I can prove that another time
will be more fit than the present; or that some more important duty
requires my immediate attention.
6. O may I never enter into any long schemes about future events, but
in general refer myself to God's care.
Direct me virtue's happy course to run,
And let me be instructed by thy Son,
In every station say "thy will be done."
7. O that I may be delivered from the least inclination to judge my
neighbours; and that henceforth I may find fault with none so much as
myself."
To these are added several extracts from the general rules of the
Methodist Societies; particularly those which refer to the use of
time, the government of the tongue, reading the Scriptures, private
prayer, and abstinence.
The standard of Christian character at which she aimed was high;
and perhaps this very circumstance contributed to delay the happy
experience she sought. She looked at herself instead of looking
directly to Christ. She contrasted her own deficiencies with the exact
obedience required by a perfect law, instead of simply casting herself
upon the blood which justifieth not the righteous but the sinner,
which believeth in Jesus. The simplicity of salvation by faith was
long overlooked, but at last the snare was broken; and about the
close of the year 1805 she obtained the deliverance she so earnestly
desired. We here quote her own words.
"While alone at Mrs. T.'s, the Lord was graciously pleased to visit
me with a manifestation of his love; increasing my faith, and applying
these words with power to my mind; 'The word is nigh thee, even in
thy mouth and in thy heart.' I had such a view of the willingness
of Christ to save by faith as I never had before. Notwithstanding, I
think, if I had been better acquainted with the way of salvation,
I should e'er now have been able to claim the blessing through the
merits of Christ. But it is so simple I overlooked it; and thought
myself wiser than I was. Now I begin to see with the Psalmist how
ignorant I am, even 'as a beast' before the Lord; but blessed be His
glorious name, I feel my confidence is in His mercy: yet I feel myself
the most unprofitable of all His hands have made, and wonder why to me
this boundless love."
IV.
THE HOLY ESTATE.
"AND THEY TWAIN SHALL BE ONE FLESH." Matt. xix. 5.
Wedded life, perhaps more than any other, is a test of character; but
when entered upon "reverently, discreetly, soberly, advisedly, and in
the fear of God," contributes in a higher degree not merely to
earthly enjoyment, but to that which is the great end of life, human
salvation. The constant action of two wills, thus intimately brought
into contact with each other, must either inflame or mould the spirit,
just in the degree in which it is subjected or not to the influence
of divine grace; and where both parties are _governed_ by Christian
principle, the effect is mutual happiness and advantage. Nature is
subdued, and grace brought into full play. The sorrows, difficulties,
and temptations of life are lightened by reciprocal help and
affection; the inheritance in heaven is pursued with greater zest
because of united effort and encouragement; while the constant
discharge of the respective duties of husband and wife serves for the
development of the mind that was in Christ. Hence the Apostle Paul
speaks of the marriage state as a great mystery, representing the
union of Christ and his church. But marriage has reference to another
and not less important object, the training of a "holy seed." The
union of parents is intended to secure blessings upon, their children,
and where the divine requirement is prayerfully attended to, there may
be expected to be a fulfilment of the gracious promise,--"I will pour
my Spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring."
In the prospect of assuming the responsible relation of wife, Miss
Burdsall thought and felt deeply. Her first anxiety was, that she
might find in her husband one who would help her in the way to heaven;
and the next that she might be able to discharge the duties of her new
station with efficiency and fidelity. The predominating desire of her
heart was to find her happiness in God, and to be conformed in all
things to his will. Two days before marriage she writes:--
"I feel this day my soul aspires heavenward, and my greatest bliss is
derived from Emanuel's side. Glory be to God, I feel I love him, but
long for more conformity to his will."
Mr. Lyth, who had solicited and won her affections, was the son of a
respectable farmer residing in the neighbourhood of York. Originally
designed for agricultural life, he had forsaken the plough to
undertake a flourishing business, which had been commenced by an elder
brother lately deceased: and being early converted to God, under the
ministry of the venerable Sutcliffe, the proposed union was every way
propitious.
The marriage was solemnized on the 18th of February, 1806, in the
parish church of Holy Trinity, York; and so far as the principal
parties were concerned with intensely religious feelings. Indeed Mr.
Burdsall's loud and hearty responses to the prayers superseded the
functions of the clerk, and somewhat astonished the officiating
minister. The wedding dinner was spiced with the presence of the
Rev. Samuel Bardsley, whose portly person, and beautiful simplicity
contributed not a little to the amusement of the younger guests: and
the same evening, the good old man preached an appropriate sermon,
selecting for his subject, the marriage feast in Cana of Galilee. Mrs.
Lyth's own feelings in relation, to this event, and during the first
few years of wedded life, are best expressed by herself.
"Memorable day! I gave my hand to John Lyth at Hymen's sacred altar.
I endeavoured to do it _by faith_, as well as I could; but felt
extremely stupified. We went to spend the day at Newton upon Derwent.
With me it passed more pleasantly towards the close, indeed, while we
were conversing about God on our way home, I found it truly good;
but when we came in sight of lay new habitation, the sensations that
seized my mind are better felt than I can describe. It is now six
weeks since I began to wear the matrimonial chain. I have clasped it
without one thought of regret, and through grace I hope I ever shall;
yet am conscious of my own incompetency to fill up the sphere I have
entered. Oh! my God, help me, help me. I bless God my mind is drawn
to seek my heaven in Jesus, although my earthly comforts are ready
to ensnare me: yet having been taught to know the uncertainty of all
transitory things, and that
'The fairest things below the sky
Give but a flattering light,'
I would, through grace strengthening me, give God my undivided heart.
Lord, here I am, take me, and possess me wholly.--Glory be to God my
soul lives. I feel 'drawn by the lure of strong desire' to choose
God for my portion. The last week has been one of trial, but I am
constrained to believe the Lord doeth all things well.--We arrived in
Scarbro' after being much favoured during a showery day; but praise
belongs to our heavenly Benefactor.--We took a walk to the church
and castle; where my dear John unfortunately lost his watch. After
searching for it in vain for nearly an hour, and thinking of returning
home, providence led him to the place where he had dropped it. Surely
it can be esteemed no other than the gift of heaven, since it had lain
an hour exposed to the public crowds that resorted thither.--The day
was fine, and we spent it in sitting a little in the house, and in
walking upon the sands and among the rocks, seeking for shells, the
beauty of which, with the wide ocean, and surrounding prospect, made
me wish for the pen of a scribe and the imagination of a poet; but I
found wishing to be a vain employment.
"About a quarter past eight in the morning my Eliza was born. Blessed
be God he graciously supported me in the trial. O that mother and
child may be devoted to Thee, thou God of infinite compassion. Give me
more grace that I may walk unblameable in thy sight, and before
those over whom thy providence has place me. Teach me to order my
conversation aright, and to keep myself unspotted from the world. O my
God, I have nothing to offer for all the blessings asked; but help me
to be thy devoted servant from this moment.
"1807. My dear husband has made a purchase, which is to me a source
of anxiety; but Lord, Thou knowest,--Thou rulest over all, help and
direct. O let us in all our ways acknowledge Thee, that thou mayest
direct our steps. Keep, O keep us from being a discredit to Thy cause;
and in this particular set us right.--I am left alone with my infant,
who begins to steal my affections more than I ever thought of. O
God, take my poor heart, lost a creaturely attachment be too strongly
rooted within my breast. Lord, Thou knowest me altogether, and the
secret springs of my affection, cleanse me from all defilement; purify
me from all my sins, and let me this moment yield myself entirely to
Thee; and as Thou deignest to visit dust, visit me.--Time glides away;
eternity approaches; and yet, alas! my mind fluctuates as the wind. O
my God, shall I never be firmly grounded upon Thyself. Come, 'Desire
of nations,' save me from anxiety respecting worldly things; let all
our temporal affairs be under Thy management, and our happiness centre
in doing thy will.
How vainly have I sought in things beneath
To place a confidence, which faithless earth
Can never recompence! O firmly fix
My soul on joys above the smiling skies;
Let Jesus' love inspire, and fill my heart.
God bless my dear companion. Settle and fix his affections on
Thyself,--the supreme good. Let every faculty of his mind be at Thy
command.
"1808. Twelve o'clock at night. Lord, my mind aspires heavenward. Let
heaven, I beseech Thee, come into my soul. Let the radiance of Thy
love fill me with light and life divine. Give me sensibly to feel and
know, that Thou art reconciled to me, without Thy grace, effectually
undone. I feel something within my heart, is it the effect of Thy
love? If it is, let it more powerfully affect my soul, that I may live
in constant readiness to take my flight to yon bright realms above.
But is that bliss prepared for me? O let me feel it. This afternoon my
brother Richard died. Alas! how uncertain are all sublunary things!
He was just entering life, and lo! he is snatched away. Surely the
all-wise 'I AM' saw evil gathering, and kindly removed him to a
happier clime, safe from impending danger. Well, my Richard is gone;
while I, four years older, am yet alive. Mercy, that took him, spares
me with the same gracious design; 'not willing that any should perish,
but that all might have everlasting life.' May that blessed end be
answered in my poor soul, which without Thy enlivening presence feels
an 'aching void' which the whole world cannot fill.
"This day has been a day of affliction, but it drives me to the Lord.
My dear husband and children are entwined about my heart. Lord, help
me to give them freely up, and do Thou take, and possess me whole."
The following lines were addressed to a valued friend:--
Whitehead, awake! and sweep the lyre again
With touch seraphic to a Saviour slain;
A Saviour, worthy of sublimest verse,
A Saviour's love too mighty to rehearse;
The purest theme that ever fired the tongue,
Gave life to genius,--harmony to song;
Fill thy enraptured soul with thought divine,
And pour its fulness on the glowing line.
"1809.--Have had a tooth drawn. O that the dire root of sin were as
effectually taken away, never more to disturb my happiness; and that
pure perennial peace might succeed,--I have been visiting the sick:
but oh! how inadequate to the responsible task! O my God awake my
drowsy powers, and fit me for every sphere I have to fill in life.--I
feel more heartfelt joy in leaning upon Christ than anything else;
yet it is hard work to keep the mind disentangled from worldly cares.
Things needful to me, seem the most dangerous, and what I am most
liable to be ensnared by. In visiting some infirm people my soul was
deeply affected, when I considered their age, and ignorance, and my
own inability to instruct them. How great is the ignorance of mankind!
O that God would apply some word spoken by his poor dust."
During the time the Rev. A.E. Farrar was stationed in York, her
aspirations after purity of heart reached a crisis, and she was
enabled by faith to claim the promise; "Faithful is he that calleth
you, who also will do it." For some time her convictions were so clear
and distinct, that to use her own words she "durst not say she had
not received the blessing." But this happy experience--the Christian's
highest privilege on earth--was soon interrupted by doubtful
reasonings; still her conscience was
"Quick, as the apple of an eye,
The slightest touch of sin to feel."
As an instance of her conscientiousness we mention a circumstance
which took place somewhere about this time. A farmer, who owed my
father a considerable sum of money, had been repeatedly importuned for
payment, but without effect; and it was at length given up, as a
bad debt. One Sabbath morning, while she was sitting alone, he
unexpectedly called to settle his account. She said, "We have nothing
to do with receiving money on a Sunday; it is the Lord's day, and we
do not think it right." "Well," replied the man, holding the money in
his hand, "you might as well take it while you have the chance of it."
But neither argument, nor expostulation, could induce her to touch the
forbidden notes. The man therefore pocketed the money, and went away;
but not without an admonition on keeping holy the Sabbath day. No one
eventually loses anything by the maintenance of principle, and the
debt was honestly discharged the following week.
The solitary record of the year 1810, is contained in the following
lines, which may be regarded as expressive of her own feelings.
Jesus, Thy glorious name shall still
My musing thought and tongue employ;
Whose presence doth creation fill.
Be Thou my portion and my joy.
Jesus! blest source of all my hope,
In whom my spirit finds its rest;
Whose precious blood, inspiring thought!
Hath purchased heaven to make me blest.
Where can a mortal language find,
To tell such love when angels fail?
"God did so love the world," and died,
That love by justice might prevail.
Drawn by this love, a witness I,
That God to all the Saviour gave;
Who willing are, may testify,
He can unto the utmost save.
"1811.--I thank God for the blessed privilege of hearing the ministers
of righteousness, but lament their word makes so little impression
upon my heart. I seem a forgetful hearer, or as one that hears the
word with joy, but little fruit appears to perfection. Yesterday,
irritated by some frivolous cause, I was thrown off my guard, and
grieved the spirit of God. This occasioned a sense of condemnation,
and though now the Lord blesses me, I cannot forgive myself. O that
I again enjoyed the sanctifying influences of His Holy Spirit! Until
this is the case, I shall be whirled about by my enemies within. Lord
make me more in earnest, that I may never rest till again the sweet
power of sovereign love has possession of my heart.--I rose early to
attend the prayer-meeting, and receiving grace from Him whose birth
we commemorated, I fancied my hill stood strong; and that I should
be able to rise above everything I might have to try me: but alas! I
again proved my own weakness. My little charge were some of them sick,
others cross, all wanted me; so that all my graces were put to the
test. O that I had more patience, that I might sit 'calm on tumult's
wheel.' Lord, Thou knowest me altogether, I would not be a hypocrite,
neither wound Thy cause by impatience; Thou hast promised strength for
the day, and I am determined to cast my whole soul on Thee;--to have
Thee for my Saviour. At the lovefeast much was said respecting family
prayer. I bless God. This duty is my delight."
To a friend slighted in love, she writes--
Alas my friend! what can I say to cheer?
What sound is sweet to a distracted ear?
Turn from the creature, disappointed, turn:
Lament your folly,--deeply humbled mourn,
Your disregard of Him, who died to gain
Your worthless heart, and bid you love again.
O! turn to him, who gave himself for you,
Your love, your heart, your life, are all his due;
No fickleness or change in him is known,
_He_ loves and will for ever love his own;
Here place your treasure, and here find your rest,
Make God your all, and be for ever blest.
"1812.--Through grace I am resolved on the side of virtue. I have
peace in God, and a growing desire to imitate him in my daily walk;
but no marvel if all my best actions need purging from their dross. I
seem all pollution; yet my soul lays hold upon the Saviour, who alone
is able to purify my nature. On February 3rd, my sister Anna died,
eleven years old. I was called to witness the pleasing, painful, awful
scene. While kneeling by her bed, after a paroxysm of extreme agony,
as she had a moment's respite, my mother said; 'Ask her if she is
happy to lift up her hand.' She did instantly and said, 'A kiss,' and
so turned recollectedly to each, with a smiling countenance, while
her dying lips were but just sensible of the impression; then after
another short struggle she sweetly fell asleep in Jesus. So I alone am
left to tell it."