Instead of going toward the Bay, which was that I desired, I must go
with them five or six miles down the river into a mighty thicket of
brush; where we abode almost a fortnight. Here one asked me to make a
shirt for her papoose, for which she gave me a mess of broth, which
was thickened with meal made of the bark of a tree, and to make it the
better, she had put into it about a handful of peas, and a few roasted
ground nuts. I had not seen my son a pretty while, and here was an
Indian of whom I made inquiry after him, and asked him when he saw him.
He answered me that such a time his master roasted him, and that himself
did eat a piece of him, as big as his two fingers, and that he was very
good meat. But the Lord upheld my Spirit, under this discouragement; and
I considered their horrible addictedness to lying, and that there is
not one of them that makes the least conscience of speaking of truth.
In this place, on a cold night, as I lay by the fire, I removed a stick
that kept the heat from me. A squaw moved it down again, at which I
looked up, and she threw a handful of ashes in mine eyes. I thought
I should have been quite blinded, and have never seen more, but lying
down, the water run out of my eyes, and carried the dirt with it, that
by the morning I recovered my sight again. Yet upon this, and the like
occasions, I hope it is not too much to say with Job, "Have pity upon
me, O ye my Friends, for the Hand of the Lord has touched me." And
here I cannot but remember how many times sitting in their wigwams, and
musing on things past, I should suddenly leap up and run out, as if I
had been at home, forgetting where I was, and what my condition was;
but when I was without, and saw nothing but wilderness, and woods, and
a company of barbarous heathens, my mind quickly returned to me, which
made me think of that, spoken concerning Sampson, who said, "I will go
out and shake myself as at other times, but he wist not that the Lord
was departed from him." About this time I began to think that all my
hopes of restoration would come to nothing. I thought of the English
army, and hoped for their coming, and being taken by them, but that
failed. I hoped to be carried to Albany, as the Indians had discoursed
before, but that failed also. I thought of being sold to my husband, as
my master spake, but instead of that, my master himself was gone, and I
left behind, so that my spirit was now quite ready to sink. I asked them
to let me go out and pick up some sticks, that I might get alone, and
pour out my heart unto the Lord. Then also I took my Bible to read, but
I found no comfort here neither, which many times I was wont to find. So
easy a thing it is with God to dry up the streams of Scripture comfort
from us. Yet I can say, that in all my sorrows and afflictions, God did
not leave me to have my impatience work towards Himself, as if His ways
were unrighteous. But I knew that He laid upon me less than I deserved.
Afterward, before this doleful time ended with me, I was turning the
leaves of my Bible, and the Lord brought to me some Scriptures, which
did a little revive me, as that [in] Isaiah 55.8: "For my thoughts are
not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." And
also that [in] Psalm 37.5: "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in
him; and he shall bring it to pass." About this time they came yelping
from Hadley, where they had killed three Englishmen, and brought one
captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all gathered about the poor
man, asking him many questions. I desired also to go and see him; and
when I came, he was crying bitterly, supposing they would quickly kill
him. Whereupon I asked one of them, whether they intended to kill him;
he answered me, they would not. He being a little cheered with that, I
asked him about the welfare of my husband. He told me he saw him such
a time in the Bay, and he was well, but very melancholy. By which I
certainly understood (though I suspected it before) that whatsoever the
Indians told me respecting him was vanity and lies. Some of them told
me he was dead, and they had killed him; some said he was married again,
and that the Governor wished him to marry; and told him he should
have his choice, and that all persuaded I was dead. So like were these
barbarous creatures to him who was a liar from the beginning.
As I was sitting once in the wigwam here, Philip's maid came in with the
child in her arms, and asked me to give her a piece of my apron, to make
a flap for it. I told her I would not. Then my mistress bade me give it,
but still I said no. The maid told me if I would not give her a piece,
she would tear a piece off it. I told her I would tear her coat then.
With that my mistress rises up, and take up a stick big enough to have
killed me, and struck at me with it. But I stepped out, and she struck
the stick into the mat of the wigwam. But while she was pulling of it
out I ran to the maid and gave her all my apron, and so that storm went
over.
Hearing that my son was come to this place, I went to see him, and
told him his father was well, but melancholy. He told me he was as much
grieved for his father as for himself. I wondered at his speech, for I
thought I had enough upon my spirit in reference to myself, to make me
mindless of my husband and everyone else; they being safe among their
friends. He told me also, that awhile before, his master (together with
other Indians) were going to the French for powder; but by the way the
Mohawks met with them, and killed four of their company, which made the
rest turn back again, for it might have been worse with him, had he
been sold to the French, than it proved to be in his remaining with the
Indians.
I went to see an English youth in this place, one John Gilbert of
Springfield. I found him lying without doors, upon the ground. I asked
him how he did? He told me he was very sick of a flux, with eating
so much blood. They had turned him out of the wigwam, and with him an
Indian papoose, almost dead (whose parents had been killed), in a bitter
cold day, without fire or clothes. The young man himself had nothing on
but his shirt and waistcoat. This sight was enough to melt a heart of
flint. There they lay quivering in the cold, the youth round like a dog,
the papoose stretched out with his eyes and nose and mouth full of dirt,
and yet alive, and groaning. I advised John to go and get to some fire.
He told me he could not stand, but I persuaded him still, lest he should
lie there and die. And with much ado I got him to a fire, and went
myself home. As soon as I was got home his master's daughter came after
me, to know what I had done with the Englishman. I told her I had got
him to a fire in such a place. Now had I need to pray Paul's Prayer
"That we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men" (2
Thessalonians 3.2). For her satisfaction I went along with her, and
brought her to him; but before I got home again it was noised about that
I was running away and getting the English youth, along with me; that as
soon as I came in they began to rant and domineer, asking me where I had
been, and what I had been doing? and saying they would knock him on the
head. I told them I had been seeing the English youth, and that I would
not run away. They told me I lied, and taking up a hatchet, they came
to me, and said they would knock me down if I stirred out again, and so
confined me to the wigwam. Now may I say with David, "I am in a great
strait" (2 Samuel 24.14). If I keep in, I must die with hunger, and if
I go out, I must be knocked in head. This distressed condition held that
day, and half the next. And then the Lord remembered me, whose mercies
are great. Then came an Indian to me with a pair of stockings that were
too big for him, and he would have me ravel them out, and knit them fit
for him. I showed myself willing, and bid him ask my mistress if I might
go along with him a little way; she said yes, I might, but I was not
a little refreshed with that news, that I had my liberty again. Then I
went along with him, and he gave me some roasted ground nuts, which did
again revive my feeble stomach.
Being got out of her sight, I had time and liberty again to look into
my Bible; which was my guide by day, and my pillow by night. Now that
comfortable Scripture presented itself to me, "For a small moment have I
forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee" (Isaiah 54.7).
Thus the Lord carried me along from one time to another, and made good
to me this precious promise, and many others. Then my son came to see
me, and I asked his master to let him stay awhile with me, that I might
comb his head, and look over him, for he was almost overcome with lice.
He told me, when I had done, that he was very hungry, but I had nothing
to relieve him, but bid him go into the wigwams as he went along, and
see if he could get any thing among them. Which he did, and it seems
tarried a little too long; for his master was angry with him, and beat
him, and then sold him. Then he came running to tell me he had a new
master, and that he had given him some ground nuts already. Then I went
along with him to his new master who told me he loved him, and he should
not want. So his master carried him away, and I never saw him afterward,
till I saw him at Piscataqua in Portsmouth.
That night they bade me go out of the wigwam again. My mistress's
papoose was sick, and it died that night, and there was one benefit in
it--that there was more room. I went to a wigwam, and they bade me come
in, and gave me a skin to lie upon, and a mess of venison and ground
nuts, which was a choice dish among them. On the morrow they buried the
papoose, and afterward, both morning and evening, there came a company
to mourn and howl with her; though I confess I could not much condole
with them. Many sorrowful days I had in this place, often getting alone.
"Like a crane, or a swallow, so did I chatter; I did mourn as a dove,
mine eyes ail with looking upward. Oh, Lord, I am oppressed; undertake
for me" (Isaiah 38.14). I could tell the Lord, as Hezekiah, "Remember
now O Lord, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth." Now
had I time to examine all my ways: my conscience did not accuse me of
unrighteousness toward one or other; yet I saw how in my walk with God,
I had been a careless creature. As David said, "Against thee, thee only
have I sinned": and I might say with the poor publican, "God be merciful
unto me a sinner." On the Sabbath days, I could look upon the sun and
think how people were going to the house of God, to have their souls
refreshed; and then home, and their bodies also; but I was destitute of
both; and might say as the poor prodigal, "He would fain have filled his
belly with the husks that the swine did eat, and no man gave unto him"
(Luke 15.16). For I must say with him, "Father, I have sinned against
Heaven and in thy sight." I remembered how on the night before and after
the Sabbath, when my family was about me, and relations and neighbors
with us, we could pray and sing, and then refresh our bodies with the
good creatures of God; and then have a comfortable bed to lie down on;
but instead of all this, I had only a little swill for the body and
then, like a swine, must lie down on the ground. I cannot express to
man the sorrow that lay upon my spirit; the Lord knows it. Yet that
comfortable Scripture would often come to mind, "For a small moment have
I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee."