MR. BELFORD
[IN CONTINUATION.]
You will imagine how affecting her noble speech and behaviour were to me,
at the time when the bare recollecting and transcribing them obliged me
to drop my pen. The women had tears in their eyes. I was silent for a
few moments.--At last, Matchless excellence! Inimitable goodness! I
called her, with a voice so accented, that I was half-ashamed of myself,
as it was before the women--but who could stand such sublime generosity
of soul in so young a creature, her loveliness giving grace to all she
said? Methinks, said I, [and I really, in a manner, involuntarily bent
my knee,] I have before me an angel indeed. I can hardly forbear
prostration, and to beg your influence to draw me after you to the world
you are aspiring to!--Yet--but what shall I say--Only, dearest
excellence, make me, in some small instances, serviceable to you, that I
may (if I survive you) have the glory to think I was able to contribute
to your satisfaction, while among us.
Here I stopt. She was silent. I proceeded--Have you no commission to
employ me in; deserted as you are by all your friends; among strangers,
though I doubt not, worthy people? Cannot I be serviceable by message,
by letter-writing, by attending personally, with either message or
letter, your father, your uncles, your brother, your sister, Miss Howe,
Lord M., or the Ladies his sisters?--any office to be employed to serve
you, absolutely independent of my friend's wishes, or of my own wishes
to oblige him?--Think, Madam, if I cannot?
I thank you, Sir: very heartily I thank you: but in nothing that I can at
present think of, or at least resolve upon, can you do me service. I
will see what return the letter I have written will bring me.--Till then
----
My life and my fortune, interrupted I, are devoted to your service.
Permit me to observe, that here you are, without one natural friend; and
(so much do I know of your unhappy case) that you must be in a manner
destitute of the means to make friends----
She was going to interrupt me, with a prohibitory kind of earnestness in
her manner.
I beg leave to proceed, Madam: I have cast about twenty ways how to
mention this before, but never dared till now. Suffer me now, that I
have broken the ice, to tender myself--as your banker only.--I know you
will not be obliged: you need not. You have sufficient of your own, if
it were in your hands; and from that, whether you live or die, will I
consent to be reimbursed. I do assure you, that the unhappy man shall
never know either my offer, or your acceptance--Only permit me this small
----
And down behind her chair dropt a bank note of 100£. which I had brought
with me, intending some how or other to leave it behind me: nor shouldst
thou ever have known it, had she favoured me with the acceptance of it;
as I told her.
You give me great pain, Mr. Belford, said she, by these instances of your
humanity. And yet, considering the company I have seen you in, I am not
sorry to find you capable of such. Methinks I am glad, for the sake of
human nature, that there could be but one such man in the world, as he
you and I know. But as to your kind offer, whatever it be, if you take
it not up, you will greatly disturb me. I have no need of your kindness.
I have effects enough, which I never can want, to supply my present
occasion: and, if needful, can have recourse to Miss Howe. I have
promised that I would--So, pray, Sir, urge not upon me this favour.--Take
it up yourself.--If you mean me peace and ease of mind, urge not this
favour.--And she spoke with impatience.