I continued in a very careless and listless state of mind during the
passage to England. We landed at Dover, and marched to Barham downs,
where we were encamped. About ten thousand troops were assembled at this
place in a few days, and Sir Ralph Abercrombie was appointed to command
them. Our regiment was put into a brigade under the command of Sir John
Moore. Lord Huntly went upon the expedition as Colonel of the regiment,
for he was not yet a General upon the English staff. We marched to
Ramsgate, and embarked on board of transports, on the 5th of August, and
sailed next day for Holland, under convoy of a fleet of war ships,
commanded by Admiral Mitchell. A short time after we sailed, the wind
became contrary and stormy, and continued so for about three weeks,
which was an uncommon circumstance at this season of the year; so that,
although the distance was short, the voyage was tedious. This delay
allowed time for reflection, but I did not improve it, for whatever were
the passing thoughts of my mind, I was not seriously impressed until a
few days before we landed. The wind becoming favourable and moderate, we
stood in for the coast of Holland, and anchored on the evening of the
24th, near the entrance to the Helder, and began to prepare to land. The
Dutch fleet, of eight sail of the line and three frigates, lay in our
sight in the outer road of the Helder; and the fleet of Admiral Duncan,
of about an equal number, lay at anchor a few miles from them. The fleet
under Admiral Mitchell had an imposing appearance; for it consisted of
fifteen sail of the line, and about fifty frigates, sloops of war,
cutters, and gun vessels, with about 130 transports. The wind, however,
became stormy again on the 25th, and the fleet, under Admiral Mitchell,
put to sea; but it moderated during the night, and we returned and
anchored nearer the shore than before, on the 26th, and prepared to land
next morning. The ships of war hoisted the English and Dutch flags
together, because the object of our intended invasion was to expel the
French and restore the former government. The troops on board of the
ships nearest the shore (of which the ship I was in was one) were
ordered to land first. Our danger was now more imminent than ever it had
been before; the probability of being suddenly called from time to
eternity, was more than ever apparent; and I began again to pray and to
meditate. We cooked three days' provisions, to carry with us, and were
served out with ammunition on the evening previous to our landing; we
did not go to rest that night, but kept on our accoutrements, to be
ready to go into the boats when a signal should be made. Such a period
is one of great agitation and anxiety. The prospect of landing in the
twilight of the morning, on an enemy's coast, ignorant of the nature and
extent of the danger, where one can not tell whether we may reach the
shore, or be driven back as soon as we land, or suddenly overpowered
before we can get assistance. These, and the like, are serious
considerations at a time like this. During the night I was often praying
in my mind for mercy, that the Lord would spare me: and I put on fresh
resolutions, that if I was spared, I would serve God with fidelity and
diligence. All my prayers were for the preservation of life: I durst not
resign myself to death, because I was conscious I was not prepared for
judgment. All my hopes for eternity, were founded in reformation of
character, and that I had yet to begin; for had I been cut off, at that
time, I had no hope of heaven.
The province of North Holland is a peninsula, formed by the German ocean
on the west, and the Zuyder-sea on the east. The town of Helder stands
at the northern extremity, where the Zuyder-sea communicates with the
German ocean, between the Helder point and the Texel island, distant
about six miles. The city of Amsterdam stands on the south side of the
Zuyder-sea, the common passage to which is by the Helder. A range of
sand-hills runs along the coast of the German ocean, close to the beach,
and the country between them and the Zuyder-sea is nearly a perfect
flat. Large dykes, or mounds of earth, run along the shores of the
Zuyder-sea to protect the tide from overflowing the country, which is
below the level of high water. The sand-hills serve for an embankment on
the side of the German ocean. The principal arsenal for equipping and
repairing the Dutch fleet is near the town of Helder, the greater part
of which rendezvouses there; but they are built at Amsterdam and other
places in the interior, and floated down the Zuyder-sea, on account of
the shallowness of its water, and are fitted out for sea at Helder.
We embarked in the boats early in the morning, and collected at the
stern of a gun vessel that lay nearest the shore, where we waited until
daylight began to make the coast visible; I continued at intervals
offering up ejaculatory prayers to God, for preservation and
deliverance. As soon as the coast was discernible, the gun vessel began
to fire her guns upon the shore, and the boats rowed off, giving three
loud cheers. The fire of the different vessels of war that lay along the
shore was dreadful: but as the shot and shells were all thrown at
random, the enemy not being visible, it did little damage; but it
probably prevented the enemy from appearing on the open beach, by which
means we got safely landed. The enemy's troops were posted among the
sand-hills at the different points opposite to our extended anchorage,
that were most favourable for landing. These points were chiefly at some
distance to the right of the place we landed at, where the beach, not
being so favourable, was not so strongly guarded. A part of his force
was also to our left, near the Fort at the entrance to the Helder, where
they had a camp. We formed on the beach as we landed, and began to
advance into the sand-hills. Our regiment was near the left of the line;
there were only a few of the enemy's picquets that appeared in _our_
front, who retired as we advanced: but the troops on the right had not
proceeded far before they fell in with a division of the enemy, when a
smart action began. The enemy were quickly driven farther to the right,
but fresh columns soon arriving, the action became increasingly warm,
but our troops continued to press upon the enemy, and took up a position
across the sand-hills, to cover the right of the debarkation. Sir John
Moore's brigade, in which our regiment was, penetrated also across them
as soon as possible, and took up a position to cover the left.
The sand-hills at this place are not of great breadth; the road from
Helder to the interior runs along the interior side of them, the
peninsula at this place is narrow, and the ground between the sand-hills
and the Zuyder-sea is a flat, in many parts swampy. As soon as the first
party of our regiment had reached the further side of the sand-hills,
they descried that part of the enemy's force that had been posted on our
left, passing along the Helder road to join their forces that were
engaged with our right. They were composed of horse artillery, cavalry,
and infantry. As soon as they observed our advance picquets, they left
the road, and made a circuit through the flat ground to their left: and
when they were out of the reach of musketry they made a pause, and fired
two field pieces at us, which did us no hurt, and then passed on and
joined their own troops. The fire of the ships of war that were anchored
to the right and left of the point of debarkation, prevented the enemy
from attempting to march along the beach to disturb the landing. They
also protected the right flank of the troops that were engaged with the
enemy, but he attacked their front with his infantry, and their left
flank with his artillery; which he kept upon the flat ground, on the
inside of the sand-hills, protected by his cavalry. Indeed infantry were
the only troops that were capable of fighting among the sand-hills.
Fresh columns continuing to arrive during the course of the day, to the
support of the enemy, he maintained the contest and renewed his efforts
to dislodge our troops, but as they also were reinforced by those that
continued to land, they repulsed all his attacks and gained ground; but,
as we had neither artillery nor cavalry, we dared not to attack his that
were posted in the plain, nor was it expedient to advance far until the
army should all be landed. The enemy continued his efforts from five
o'clock in the morning till four o'clock in the afternoon, when the army
was nearly all landed, and some pieces of artillery were brought to bear
upon the enemy's cavalry and artillery. The troops then charged his
infantry, and drove them beyond Challantes Ogg, a place where an
inundation of water from the Zuyder-sea contracts the peninsula nearly
to the breadth of the sand-hills. The enemy then retreated into the
interior, and left us in possession of our position, which separated him
from the Helder. Another fleet of transports, with five thousand
additional troops from England, appeared at sea in the afternoon, and
anchored in the evening. Our regiment was not engaged through this day;
but Sir John Moore's brigade was destined to attack the batteries and
town of Helder next morning, if the enemy's garrison still remained in
them. The loss of the army during this day's conflict was about a
thousand men killed and wounded. Our regiment lost sixteen men, who were
drowned in the act of landing, the boat having struck on a bank at some
distance from the shore; the men got out of the boat, but got into deep
water before they reached the beach, and the swell having increased at
the time they were landing, they, along with several seamen belonging to
the boat, were drowned. I knew most of them; one of them was a
particular acquaintance, whose death made a strong impression on my
mind.
As soon as it was fully dark our brigade marched away for the Helder.
There is something impressive in a march under the cloud of night, in a
strange land, where we can not tell the danger we are in, and have to
move forward in solemn silence. It was ordered, that no man was to speak
above his breath during the march; and all orders to halt, or move
forward, were given the same way. We had frequent stops, which made us,
who were not in the front, often wonder what was the matter. Such a
march is a service in which the mind undergoes much harassing anxiety,
and the body much fatigue. Having come near to the Helder, we halted,
and lay under arms, in a state of great anxiety, until daylight; several
of their ships of war were then seen at anchor near the town, but they
got quickly under weigh, and their whole fleet anchored in the
Zuyder-sea, about 12 miles from the Helder; which was the farthest
distance they could go to on account of the shallowness of the water.
After waiting some time we obtained information that the enemy had
evacuated the various forts and batteries about the place. We sent out
small detachments, who found that it was so, and we then entered the
place, and put guards in the different works. When I reflected on the
dangers we had escaped, I was filled with wonder; but I soon forgot them
all; and during the few days that we lay in the town of Helder, my
conduct, in place of being better, was worse than ordinary.
The transports, and a number of our frigates, came into the Helder next
day, and the artillery, cavalry, and stores, were landed in the harbour.
The day following the ships of the line came in, and admiral Mitchel
went forward to the Dutch fleet, with a squadron of nine sail of the
line, and five frigates. The Dutch fleet then surrendered without firing
a shot, and hoisted the orange flag. Their crews were in a state of
mutiny at the time, partly out of disaffection to the new republican
government, but more particularly for want of pay. When they were
ordered to prepare for action they refused to fight, and threw the balls
and cartridges into the sea. It would, indeed, have been a useless waste
of blood for them to have resisted, for if the squadron that went to
them had not been sufficient to have reduced them, there were more than
enough of war ships, of all descriptions, at hand to have completely
overwhelmed them; for after the batteries of the Helder were in our
possession, they had no way of saving their ships to their country but
by taking out their guns and masts to lighten them, and towing them
through the shallow water to some of the ports in the interior, out of
our reach. And why they did not do so is not easily accounted for.
Besides this fleet of eight sail of the line, three frigates, and a
sloop, there were two sail of the line, eleven frigates and smaller
vessels of war, and three East India ships lying in the harbour, in
various conditions. A large quantity of ammunition and stores, and a
great number of cannon for the equipment of ships, were found in the
arsenal, exclusive of the guns and mortars that were on the batteries,
many of which were brass.
The army lay among the sand-hills, where it had fought on the day of
landing, until the 1st September, when the artillery and cavalry being
landed, it moved forward into the interior of the country. Our regiment
left the Helder, another occupying it, and joined the army, which took
up a position in the afternoon, upon one of those huge dykes that are in
Holland, which extended from the German Ocean, where we posted our
right, to the Zuyder-sea, where we posted our left, a distance of about
eight miles. We occupied it, at all the parts that were passable, and
threw up works upon it, particularly at the extremities. It formed a
most excellent position of defence in such a flat country, on account of
its thickness and height. The top of it was so broad that any carriages
had full liberty to pass, and was one of the best roads in the country;
and it was not made in a straight line, but bent in curves, like the
bastions of a garrison line wall. A large ditch runs the whole length in
front of it, with large reservoirs of water in the curves. The use of
this dyke was to prevent the rain that falls in the winter, on the south
side of it, from flooding the country on the north side, where the level
is lower. The reservoirs in the curves of the dyke receive the water,
and there are sluices that are opened to allow it to pass by degrees,
under the dyke, into a large canal, a little in the rear of it, from
whence it is let out into the sea, when the tide is low. We had no
tents, but were lodged in the farm houses, which, in Holland, are large,
and of a peculiar construction, having the byre, stable, hayloft, and
barn, under one large oblong square roof, made of thatch. A great number
of these houses were ranged at such regular distances, along the banks
of the canals, in the rear of the dyke, that they formed convenient
cantonments; and each house contained from one to two hundred, who slept
in a loft among the hay, without any other covering than their great
coats and the hay. The fields are all divided by broad and deep ditches,
in place of hedges, which are only to be seen upon parts of the road
sides, and round the orchards at the farm houses and gentlemen's seats.
All the ditches have communications with the large canals that
communicate with the sea. A great number of wind-mills are employed in
forcing the water up into the canals, which are above the level of the
ground in the winter time, and in forcing the water into the ditches
whose elevation is highest, from whence it flows over locks into the
lower ditches in the summer season, so that the ditches are always full.
The apparatus of the wind-mills is simple: a number of long broad
paddles are fixed in an axle, the lower ends of which dip into a box of
little more than their own breadth, into which the water of the lower
level flows, and the rapidity with which the paddles are driven makes
them throw the water off their flat sides, to all the height that is
needed. The country being below the level of the sea, there are no
spring-wells of fresh water in it. The rain that falls on the roofs of
their houses is conveyed into a cistern, built of brick, sunk in the
ground at the side of the door, or under one of the corners of the
house, and some of them have an opening into the cistern both within and
on the outside of the house. The Dutch are proverbial for their
cleanliness and ingenious industry. I admired, among other things, their
way of churning their butter. A large wheel, with a broad rim, the
spokes of which were fastened to the one side of the rim, was fixed upon
a nave in the wall, at one of the corners of the house, with the spokes
next to the wall; small pieces of wood were nailed across the inside of
the rim; a belt that was upon the rim turned a crank that was above it;
the churn stood on the floor under the crank which lifted the churn
staff up and down; there was a close lid upon the churn, with a slit in
the centre, in which the churn staff moved, so much of which was flat as
allowed it to move in the slit. The wheel was turned round by a dog, who
was put into the inside of the rim upon the open side; he catched the
small cross pieces of wood, that were on the inside of the fore part of
the rim, at some height, with his feet, and the weight of his body
turned the wheel. The poor dog was tied by a cord round his neck at such
a height, to an upright post at the side of the fore part of the wheel,
that if he did not work he would be hanged. There were generally two
dogs employed, the one relieving the other.
The Dutchmen wear large small-clothes and cocked hats; the women wear
stays and hoops in their petticoats, and low crowned broad brimmed straw
hats; but I did not see any that were gaudy, or ragged, in any part of
the country I was in.
On the 10th of September, 1799, the enemy, having received accessions to
their number, attacked us in our position. It was known to them, that we
were shortly to receive large reinforcements; and they determined to
attack us before these arrived. A strong party attacked the position
entrusted to our regiment, which was the first time that we were in
actual action with an enemy. The dyke sheltered us from their shot; for
when they drew near, we stood on the top of it and fired a volley or
two, which drove them back, and then we sheltered ourselves from the
fire of their artillery by sitting down on the near side of it. The shot
whistled over our heads, and fell, when its strength was spent, on the
ground in our rear. The enemy was repulsed at all points with loss. Our
regiment's loss was small; one man killed, and the captain of the
grenadiers, and three men wounded. General Moore was also slightly
wounded. When the main body of the enemy retreated, a number of their
riflemen remained behind them, under the cover of a house that was near
the dyke; one of them came from under the cover, and ran to join the
main body; he was instantly fired at I dare say by twenty; yet he got
clear off, without any appearance of being hurt. The risk that he ran
deterred the remainder from following him, and they surrendered
themselves prisoners of war, in number about one hundred.
Shortly after the action of the 10th, a number of troops arrived from
England, along with the Duke of York, who took the chief command of the
army. A large body of Russian troops also joined us, which increased our
number to about thirty-five thousand. And on the 19th September the
whole moved forward to attack the enemy. Sir Ralph Abercrombie, with
about eight or ten thousand men, of which our brigade was a part,
marched the preceding night past the right flank of the enemy, and took
the town of Hoorn by surprise. We were now a good way in the rear of the
enemy's right, and it was intended that the Duke of York, with the main
body of the army, should dislodge the enemy from his positions, and that
we should then attack them on their flank and rear, and cut off their
retreat.
The Duke was successful at the outset of the action, but the Russians
under his command falling into disorder, the enemy rallied upon them,
repulsed them, and took a great number of them prisoners, which
compelled the Duke to retreat. We heard the firing of the cannon while
we lay on our arms, waiting for orders to move, but, when word was
brought that the Duke of York had been driven back, we retired the same
way that we came, and were not engaged in this action. We began now to
say that we were a lucky regiment; various expressions were used by the
soldiers, when speaking of our good luck, (as it was called) some of
them very foolish, which I do not mention. Some said, that there were
too many old women in Scotland, praying for their children and friends,
to allow us to be exposed to great danger. I began to reflect seriously
upon our past preservation, and the bad improvement that we were making
of it; and the thought made me tremble: I thought, "It _may be_, that
God has been more favourable to us than to others, on account of the
prayers of godly relatives at home; but his kindness has a claim upon
_our gratitude_, and if it does not produce gratitude from _us to him_,
he may be provoked to punish us severely, and make his punishment in
proportion to his past kindness; and the longer that he bears with us,
the stroke may be the heavier when it comes; and although we have as yet
escaped more than other regiments, in the next battle it may be, that
for hardening ourselves in sin, and flattering ourselves with security,
on account of the prayers of godly relatives, we may suffer more
severely than any others:"--and my fears were not groundless.
The sand-hills which run along the sea coast from Helder, terminated a
little in the rear of Patten, where our right was posted, and commenced
again about three miles farther south, in our front. An embankment of
sand fills up this breach, and prevents the sea from flowing over the
flat country. Tufts of strong straw are set in the sand in regular rows,
like plants in a garden, the whole breadth and length of the embankment.
The tops of the tufts rise upwards of a foot above the surface of the
sand, and the sand that is washed up by the tide or blown by the wind,
lodges about their roots, and as the tufts are regularly renewed, they
not only preserve this bank of light sand from diminishing, but also
increase its size and solidity. The left of the enemy's army was posted
at the commencement of the sand-hills. It was determined that Sir Ralph
Abercrombie, with a division of British troops, should attack the enemy
posted there, while the Duke of York, with the other division of the
army, should attack their positions in the flat country. We left our
cantonments before one o'clock of the morning of the 2d October, and
assembled before day-break on the beach in front of the enemy's lines.
At day-break we began to drive in their outposts; and continued to
advance along the sea-side, while another part of the army advanced
along the inland side of the sand-hills, with a line of communication
across them. The breadth of the beach along which we advanced was
various: (the attack had been several days delayed, on account of stormy
weather, which drove the sea so far upon the beach, as to leave no
passage betwixt the sand-hills and the water:) it admitted sometimes of
two or three companies to march abreast, and sometimes scarcely of one.
We had four pieces of cannon in front, which fired upon the enemy, who
retired along the beach as we advanced. I passed close by a man who had
been struck with a cannon ball upon the knee joint; the ball had carried
away the joint, and left a ligament of skin on each side of it, which
held the leg suspended to the thigh. A little farther, I passed near a
man who lay stretched upon his back, dead;--his eyes and countenance had
something in them peculiarly dreadful; yet he appeared to be only shot
through the thigh with a musket ball:--but it was the centre of it, and
it had proved instantly mortal. I was so struck with this man's ghastly
appearance, that I thought with myself, "Were I a poet, I would choose,
as my subject, the horrors of war, that I might persuade mankind not to
engage in it."--As we continued to advance, the sand-hills increased in
breadth, which required additional troops to fill up the line of
communication across them; we who remained upon the beach, saw nothing
that was doing in the interior of the sand-hills; and as the firing
there was only musketry, the roar of the sea upon the beach prevented us
from hearing it, except when it was close to us. We had frequent and
long pauses, waiting for the movement of others. There was a great deal
of bloodshed in the interior of the sand-hills, by the continued
skirmishing, and detached attacks upon particular points.--These
sand-hills were admirably adapted for this mode of warfare; the enemy
would have been much more easily driven out of trenches;--for the
sand-hills were the same as a succession of trenches, so that when the
enemy saw our troops advancing, they continued to fire upon us until
they saw that we were just near enough to allow them time safely to
retire to the next range of hills. The sand-hills are not much unlike
snow blown into wreaths, by a strong wind: they are various in their
heights and shapes; some being conical and steep, and others running in
winding ridges; and the sand is so light, as to be carried about with
the wind. It is extremely difficult to walk amongst it, being like dry
snow, a little hard on the surface, which when once broken, is almost
impassable: here and there, there are chasms, and hollow flats of
various extents among them.
Towards the afternoon we drew near a place called Egmont, a small
fishing town among the sand-hills, near to where the battle of
Camperdown was fought. Here the enemy had drawn a number of fishing
sloops and schuyts upon the beach, in two lines, leaving intervals
between them, for their troops to pass. These formed a cover to their
columns from our shot, and concealed their cavalry from our view. During
the action they had received a reinforcement, which they pushed along
the sand-hills close to the beach. The line across these, owing to their
increased breadth, now occupied all the regiments of our division but
ourselves. The enemy began to press hard upon the troops that were near
us, and so posted themselves as to annoy us who were standing upon the
beach; we were a considerable time exposed to this, and had a number
both of officers and men wounded, amongst which was Lord Huntly, our
Colonel, and a son of Sir Ralph Abercrombie, who was at that time an
ensign in the regiment. A situation of this kind is the most irksome for
a soldier to be in; for when actively engaged, the fury and bustle of
action, to a considerable degree, banishes the dread of danger from the
mind.
During the march along the beach, and the frequent pauses we made, my
mind had time for serious reflection; I was alive to a sense of present
danger; and having no well grounded hope for eternity should death be
the issue, was led to pray earnestly to God for mercy. While standing
exposed to the fire of the enemy, and the balls whistling over us and
amongst us, my former sins came into my mind, with all my broken vows
and resolutions; my past ingratitude stared me in the face, and made me
tremble, but a sense of present danger made me pray earnestly for mercy
to pardon my sins, and to preserve my life; I confessed that I did not
deserve what I sought, but I cast myself on the mercy of God, and with
increasing fortitude, as I thought, resolved once more to forsake every
sin, and live only to him.--The enemy having increased in numbers, the
troops in the sand-hills next to the beach began to give way. Four
companies detached from our regiment, with Sir John Moore at their head,
went to reinforce them; but they were also soon overpowered; and Sir
John was wounded in three parts of the body, and with difficulty escaped
being taken prisoner; the remaining six companies were then ordered to
form in three divisions, and march forward along the beach, and then to
wheel to our left, and charge the enemy. I was in the front division. We
marched forward, and passed a number of the enemy's troops, and came to
a place where there was a more than ordinary opening, and the sand rose
pretty high, in the form of a semicircle; into this opening we wheeled,
and were instantly exposed to a fire upon both our flanks and front.
This staggered us, and we began to fire upon the enemy, in place of
pushing instantly forward to that part of the height that was on our
right, driving the enemy from it, and taking up a position there, from
which we could have done them more harm, and not have been so much
exposed ourselves. We continued to stand still and fire for a few
seconds, and then began to move forward, firing as we advanced; the
other two divisions had wheeled into various openings in the sand-hills
in our rear, at the same time that we did. They were strongly opposed by
the enemy, who were very superior in number; but hearing the firing of
our division in their rear, the enemy who opposed them began to retreat
into the interior of the sand-hills; those who opposed us did the same,
and we continued to pursue them; but the action soon became on both
sides quite irregular; for the sand-hills separated us into parties, so
that the one party frequently did not see what the other was doing, and,
in some instances, parties of our troops came suddenly upon parties of
the enemy. In one instance, one of our parties having climbed to the top
of a sand ridge, found that a party of the enemy was just beneath, and
instantly rushed down the ridge upon them; but the side of the ridge was
so steep and soft, that the effort to keep themselves from falling
prevented them from making regular use of their arms. They were
involuntarily precipitated amongst the enemy, and the bottom of the
ridge was so narrow, and the footing on all sides so soft, that neither
party were able, for want of room, to make use of the bayonet; but they
struck at each other with the butts of their firelocks, and some
individuals were fighting with their fists.--For three quarters of an
hour we maintained a furious action, and drove the enemy to a
considerable distance; but so many had been killed, and wounded, and
scattered, that the officers could no longer collect any great number
into one body. We then began to retreat: the enemy turned upon us, and
we lost a number of men by their fire during the retreat. Our previous
advance had exhausted our bodily strength, and we were much in want of
water. I was very thirsty, and began to grow very weak. In the course of
the retreat we came to a pretty steep rise of sand. I felt myself unable
to go over it in a straight line, so had to make a circuit, to get over
it where it was lower; although it was almost a matter of life and death
with me, for a party of the enemy was close behind us. As I was making
this circuit, a party, I think in number about six or seven, fired at me
all at once; (I was their only object;) and I distinctly observed
several balls strike the sand ridge, both before and behind me, about
breast high. I really believe that had I been a span-breadth farther
forward or backwards from the spot where I at the moment was, there
would have been several balls through my body. Before any more fired at
me, I got over the ridge, which then secured me; and I joined the
regiment, which was near, and had taken up a position in the interior of
the sand-hills; and some fresh troops arriving, the enemy was repulsed.
I no doubt had many hair-breadth escapes during the action, of which I
was insensible; but the one I have mentioned, appeared to me as a
wonderful mercy of Providence, and I looked upon it as laying me under
an additional obligation to devote my whole life to the service of God.
If I was bound to serve him, because he was my Creator, I was now doubly
bound to serve him, for my wonderful preservation; and I thought that
the ties by which I was now bound, would undoubtedly have this effect. I
thought I should never indulge in any thing that was sinful; but I was
still blind to my own weakness; I had thought the same thing, and had
promised accordingly, in prayer to God, at the outset of the action; yet
the action was scarcely begun, before I joined my comrades in furious,
opprobrious, and profane language against the enemy. Many sins were thus
unobserved by me, and did not affect my conscience at the time.
During the time that we were engaged in the interior of the sand-hills,
the enemy, seeing no infantry on the beach to protect our guns, sent out
his cavalry, from their covert at Egmont, to seize them. Our cavalry had
gone into the chasms of the sand-hills, that were next the beach, a
little in the rear, to shelter themselves from the fire of the enemy's
cannon. They formed upon the beach, and sprang forward to meet the
enemy, who had, by this time, reached the guns. They charged the enemy
briskly, and drove them back with considerable loss, and pursued them
close to Egmont. But, what is something singular, the infantry parties
of French and British, that were on the sand-hills next the beach,
suspended, as it were by mutual consent, their firing, to become
spectators of the cavalry, and did not commence again until the contest
of the cavalry was decided.
The firing ceased sometime before sunset; I was much in want of water,
and went along with another to search for it. We found it at last, in
the hollow of the opening of the sand-hills, into which we had wheeled
when we left the beach and engaged the enemy. There had been a good deal
of rain some days before: and the trampling of our feet upon the surface
of the sand had brought water to it, which being observed by some who
came to the place afterwards, they dug a small hole in the sand, and put
into it the sides of an empty broken ammunition box, which served for
cradling; and the hole was soon filled with good water. A number more of
such kind of wells were presently made, and plenty of water got, which
supplied both horse and foot. We filled our canteens; and then went to
look among the dead and wounded, for a comrade, of whom we could get no
certain account. The spectacle of the dead, the dying, and the wounded,
greatly affected me. The dead were lying stiff on the ground, in various
postures; but death had so altered their countenances, that of all that
I saw, belonging to the regiment, with many of whom I had been familiar,
I knew only two; and it was by peculiar marks, such as death could not
alter, that we distinguished even them. The groaning of the wounded was
very afflicting; for they were mostly bad cases, all that were able to
walk or crawl having removed farther to the rear; and all the assistance
that could be given to those who were unable to move, was to carry them
from the spot where they were lying, to a place of greater shelter. This
had been in part already done, and the wounded were lying in groupes, in
the best sheltered hollows adjacent to the beach. The universal cry of
these poor men was for water. I supplied them as far as I was able, both
enemies and friends, and amongst the rest one of our own officers, who
was most severely wounded. I had to hold him up and put the canteen to
his mouth, for he was unable to help himself; he died during the night.
We did not find the object of our search; but we got afterwards certain
account of his having been wounded, and probable accounts of his death;
and we never heard more of him.
I returned to join the regiment, ruminating on the affecting sight I had
seen, and grieved for the loss of comrades and acquaintances. When the
regiment was mustered in the evening, about one half were amissing; but
about thirty joined in a day or two after, who had lost the regiment. We
were upwards of 600 strong; and our loss in killed, wounded and
prisoners (of whom there were 40), was 288. The company to which I
belonged, entered the field with 59 rank and file, and three serjeants,
out of which 5 were killed on the field, and 24 were wounded, 5 of whom
died in a few days, and three shortly after. Of the rest, few recovered,
so as to be fit for service. The regiment had suffered this severe loss
in about three quarters of an hour. There was a universal gloom upon
every countenance, when we looked to the smallness of our number, when
we were mustered; and there was no one, but what had lost comrades and
associates, and some had lost relatives. After it was dark, we planted
our picquets, and the remainder of us lay down among the sand. I
reflected upon my own escape--upon the great number who had already been
launched into eternity, and others whom I had seen groaning under the
pain of wounds, which would soon prove mortal to many of them. I thanked
God for his kindness to me, and promised to keep his commandments in
future.
We lay three days among the sand hills: the weather was cold; the nights
stormy and wet.--We were waiting for the movements of the other
divisions of the army, in the interior of the country. The day after the
battle, we buried such of our dead as were adjacent to us. One man
belonging to the company I was in, was found dead, without any mark of
violence on his body. He was lying on the ascent of a sand-ridge, and
had fallen on the retreat. We conjectured, that fatigue and want of
water had occasioned his death. I was informed of another singular case:
A Frenchman and a Highlander had charged upon each other; the Frenchman
had parried the thrust of the Highlander, and run him through the body;
the Highlander had then let go his hold of the butt end of his piece
with his right hand, and seized, with a death-grasp, the throat of the
Frenchman; who, to extricate himself, had also let go the hold which he
had of his firelock with his right hand, and seized the wrist of the
Highlander, to pull it away from his throat; but he had been
unable:--the Frenchman had then staggered backwards, and had fallen on
his back; and the Highlander above him, still retaining hold of his
throat; and, in the struggle that had then taken place, the head of the
Highlander had projected so far over the head of the Frenchman, as to
bring that part of the body of the former in which the bayonet was, over
the mouth of the latter; and in this posture both had expired. Those who
saw it, said, the sight was truly shocking. The Frenchman was fairly
strangled; his eyes were out of their sockets; his tongue was greatly
swelled, and thrust far out of his mouth, into which the blood from the
wound of the Highlander was running. Each still held a firm hold of his
firelock with his left hand; and when the Highlander was removed from
the Frenchman, and laid along-side of him, he still kept such a firm
grasp of his throat, that he raised the body of the Frenchman from the
ground, and it was with difficulty it was extricated from the hold.
The result of the battle of the 2d October compelled the enemy to
abandon his positions, and evacuate the town of Alkmaar, which was his
head quarters, and fall back nearer to Amsterdam.--Alkmaar was occupied
by our troops on the 3d, and as our brigade had been much reduced in
number, we were ordered to go there to form a part of its intended
garrison. The peninsula is here of considerable breadth, and the country
much superior to that on the north side of the long dyke, but it is
still intersected with deep broad ditches and canals, which greatly
impede military operations. The rain that had lately fallen had filled
the canals and ditches so full of water, that the edges and lower parts
of the roads were beginning to be covered, as we passed from Egmont to
Alkmaar; and as the roads, for want of stone, were made of earth, or a
slight layer of sand upon earth or clay, they were beginning to be deep.
There are narrow foot-paths laid with brick, between some of the towns.
Alkmaar is a town of considerable size, surrounded with a high mound of
earth and a canal; all the entrances to it are over drawbridges and
through gates, the principal of which have cannon mounted on them. The
streets are paved with whinstone in the centre, and on the sides with
brick or flags, and a number of large canals run through the centre of
the principal of them.
We entered the town on the 5th, and next day, which was Sunday, the
garrison was taken to the church, to attend divine service. The Dutch
congregation had been dismissed; but their minister, and a number of
others, remained, to be a witness of our service. The church was large,
and of Gothic structure, and had the largest and most highly ornamented
organ I ever saw. The enemy had received reinforcements the day before,
and he commenced an attack upon the positions of the army, at the time
we were in the church. The prayers of the liturgy had been read, and the
minister had begun his sermon, when we began to hear the noise of cannon
at a distance; by the time the sermon was ended, the firing of cannon
had approached nearer the town and was beginning to be heavy, and the
musketry was heard to mingle in the roar; and the large organ played
Malbrouk as we left the church, to repair to our alarm posts. The action
continued to be warmly contested, until after it was dark; but the enemy
was repulsed, and fell back to his position, and one hundred and
eighty-eight prisoners were taken, and brought into Alkmaar on the
morning of the 7th.
About two o'clock in the afternoon the prisoners were assembled, and a
captain and forty men, of whom I was one, were appointed to escort them
to our former head-quarters, on the north side of the long dyke. Only
thirty of the prisoners were French; the others were Dutchmen, and had
put up the orange cockade after they were made prisoners. Numbers of
them had money, with which they procured gin before we left the town;
and they drank and sung songs (which we believed were in praise of their
former government), as we went along the road. The Frenchmen, who were
enthusiastic republicans, scorned the Dutch for putting up the orange
cockade, and kept by themselves, on the front of the party. We kept them
all in good humour, and until the fatigue of travelling had exhausted
our strength, the march of the prisoners resembled more the merry air of
a wedding procession, than of that gloom which the thought of their
being under an escort of their enemies, and on the way to a prison in a
foreign land, might naturally be expected to produce. It continued to
rain upon us the greater part of the way, this, with the deepness of the
roads and the length of the journey, fatigued us exceedingly, and
scattered us into parties; yet, notwithstanding of this, and although a
great part of the journey was performed after it was dark, and although
the prisoners were in their own country, none of them attempted to
escape. When we had delivered them over to another guard, to watch them
through the night, we retired to rest in the expectation of returning to
Alkmaar next day, but we were surprised to hear in the morning, that the
army was retreating; and in a few hours, the various divisions arrived
and resumed the positions they had occupied previous to the battle of
the 2d.
The reasons of this retrograde movement were the badness of the roads
from Helder to the interior. The army received its bread from the fleet,
and all the ammunition and military stores; the roads were becoming
impassable, and the farther we advanced, the difficulties of fetching
our supplies from the Helder were increasing. The French armies in
Switzerland, and on the Rhine, had gained decisive victories, which
enabled them to detach large bodies of troops, which were on their way,
to reinforce their army in Holland, which would then become so strong as
to be able to overpower us. It had, therefore, been determined to
retreat while the roads were passable, lest our retreat might be cut
off. The army retired from all its positions early in the morning, and
the rear guard left Alkmaar early in the day.--The enemy, after being
repulsed on the 6th, was apprehensive that we might attack him, and was
prepared, in that case, to retire to Haarlem; our retreating was not
expected by him, and it was about 10 o'clock in the forenoon before his
advanced cavalry picquets discerned that Alkmaar was evacuated, when
they entered and found a few drunken women and soldiers, whose
intoxication prevented them from knowing that the army had retreated. In
a few days after the retreat of the army, an armistice was agreed upon,
the conditions of which were, that we should evacuate Holland by the end
of November, and release eight thousand prisoners without exchange, as a
boon for our being allowed quietly to re-embark. This agreement put an
end to hostilities, and preparations were made to send home the troops
with all possible expedition; but, before we left the country, I caught
the ague, and after we had arrived in England, in the beginning of
November, 1799, I was put into the hospital in Chelmsford, twenty-six
miles from London. I was greatly reduced in body before I recovered,
which was not until the beginning of the next year, 1800.--God's mercy
in granting me a recovery from the ague, impressed my mind with the
additional obligations I was now laid under to serve him:--but, as
formerly, my resolutions of mind were soon broken; conscience soon found
matter of accusation against me; I was at times careless and listless,
and at other times thoughtful and pensive. The barracks in which we lay,
were about a mile from the town of Chelmsford. There was a tabernacle in
the town, where there was a sermon once a fortnight in the evening. I
went several times to it; and the sermons served to awaken my religious
impressions. One evening, the preacher described a case of conscience;
which I thought not unlike my own; and among other directions, he
exhorted the person who might be in such a case, to lay it before God in
prayer. After the service was over, I shunned my companions; returned to
the barracks alone, and prayed to God for light and direction as I went
along the road; and I set about reforming my conduct once more. But I
soon fell through it, and was thrown as far back as ever.--There were no
religious meetings in the regiment, from the time we left Ireland until
a good while after this.