No man can be a hero in his own kitchen. No man with the slightest
regard for domestic peace will ever permit his wife to see him cook
without having outsiders present. The psychology of this is obvious.
Impatient though a woman may be of her husband’s attempts to show that
he is a real sport and skilled in all the arts of social entertaining,
before guests she is likely to manifest a modest degree of pride in his
performances. Or even if slightly contemptuous she is moved to assume a
chaffing attitude that adds to the general good feeling. I beg not to
be confused with the type of bachelor club man who is a perfect wizard
with the chafing dish. I have always viewed those birds with suspicion.
Their tricks are few and easy of accomplishment—stunts with mushrooms,
or chicken à la king done nonchalantly in a dinner coat. I sing my
fiercest hymn of hate of those persons.
My own method is to assume full charge of an orderly kitchen, removing
coat and waistcoat, donning an apron and attacking the job without
apology or simper or the silly pretense that I’m not sure of the
result. Not sure! Except in the case of colored women cooks, who trust
to inspiration and achieve miracles without, seemingly, knowing how
they do ’em—except, I say, in such instances, cookery is an exact
science. If you follow a good rule and know how to regulate the range
and have a true eye and acute nose, failure is obliterated from the
lexicon.
And now for my scenario, which I stole from a lady, who in turn
stole it, I dare say, from some cook book. I might pretend that I
invented it, but I didn’t. All I claim is that it offers an Olympian
feast—particularly if you can accompany it with hot biscuits, which I
admit are beyond my powers.
_The Recipe_
Take a round steak cut two inches thick; and beat a cup of flour into
it. Heat a large skillet till it is piping hot with lard covering the
bottom about one inch. Put in the steak, cover immediately, and allow
it to cook about five minutes, turning once.
Then cover it with a sauce composed in this wise:
Four large tomatoes
Four onions
Four green mango peppers
Four ripe pimentoes
Put through a grinder or better still chop thoroughly with a chopper in
a wooden bowl. Don’t skimp on this labor; the chopping must be done
conscientiously. Season with salt and pour over the steak; cook slowly
for two hours. When done turn into a large platter and serve piping
hot.