_Old Job:_ "The best way to get the most out of life is to fall in love
with a great problem or a beautiful woman!"
_Old Steve:_ "Why not choose the latter and get both?"
* * *
_He_ (_just introduced_): What a very homely person that gentleman near
the piano is, Mrs. Black!
_She:_ Isn't he? That is Mr. Black.
_He:_ How true it is, Mrs. Black, that the homely men always get the
prettiest wives!
* * *
A customer entered the small-town barber shop. "How soon can you cut my
hair?" he asked of the proprietor, who was seated in an easy chair,
perusing the pages of a novel.
"Bill," said the barber, addressing his errand boy, "run over and tell
the editor if he's done editin' the paper I'd like my scissors."
* * *
_Pompous Publisher_ (_to aspiring novice in literature_): I have been
reading your manuscript, my dear lady, and there is much in it, I
think--ahem!--very good. But there are parts somewhat vague. Now, you
should always write so that the most ignorant can understand.
_Youthful Authoress_ (_wishing to show herself most ready to accept
advice_): Oh, yes, I'm sure. But, tell me, which are the parts that have
given you trouble?
* * *